Garden of Eden (9 page)

"No
please. You're lunching with us."

David
stood up uncertainly. There were more people at the bar now. Looking down at
the table he saw that he had drunk Catherine's drink as well as his own. He did
not remember drinking either of them.

It
was the siesta time and they lay on the bed and David was reading by the light
that came in the window on the left of the bed where he had pulled up one of
the slatted curtains about a third of its length. The light was reflected from
the building across the street. The curtain was not pulled high enough to show
the sky.

"The
Colonel liked me being so dark," Catherine said. "We must get to the
sea again. I have to keep it."

"We'll
go there whenever you want."

"That
will be wonderful. Can I tell you something? I have to."

"What?"

"I
didn't change back to be a girl for lunch. Did I behave all right?"

"You
didn't?"

"No.
Do you mind? But now I'm your boy and I'll do anything for you."

David
continued reading.

"Are
you angry?"

"No."
Sobered, he thought.

"It's
simpler now."

"I
don't think so."

"Then
I'll be careful. This morning everything I did felt so right and happy, so
clean and good in the daylight. Couldn't I try now and we see?"

"I'd
rather you didn't."

"Can
I kiss you and try?"

"Not
if you're a boy and I'm a boy."

His
chest felt as though there were an iron bar inside it from one side to the
other. "I wish you hadn't told the Colonel."

"But
he saw me, David. He brought it up and he knew all about it and understood. It
wasn't stupid to tell him. It was better. He's our friend. If I told him he
wouldn't talk. If I didn't tell him he had a right to."

"You
can't trust all people like that."

"I
don't care about people. I only care about you. I'd never make scandals with
other people."

"My
chest feels like it is locked in iron.

"I'm
sorry. Mine feels so happy."

"My
dearest Catherine."

"That's
good. You call me Catherine always when you want. I am your Catherine too. I'm
always Catherine when you need her. We'd better go to sleep or should we start
and see what happens?"

"Let's
first lie very quiet in the dark," David said and lowered the latticed
shade and they lay side by side on the bed in the big room in The Palace in
Madrid where Catherine had walked in the Museo del Prado in the light of day as
a boy and now she would show the dark things in the light and there would, it
seemed to him, be no end to the change.

IN
THE BUEN RETIRO in the morning it was as fresh as though it was a forest. It
was green and the trunks of the trees were dark and the distances were all new.
The lake was not where it had been and when they saw it through the trees it
was quite changed. "You walk ahead," she said. "I want to look
at you. So he turned away from her and walked to where there was a bench and
sat down. He could see a lake at a long distance and knew it was too far to
ever walk to. He sat there on the bench and she sat down beside him and said,
"It's all right." But remorse had been there to meet him in the
Retiro and now it was so bad he told Catherine that he would meet her at the
cafe of The Palace. "Are you all right? Do you want me to come with
you?" "No. I'm all right. I just have to go. "I'll see you
there," she said. She looked particularly beautiful that morning and she
smiled at their secret and he smiled at her and then took his remorse to the
cafe. He did not think he would make it but he did and later when Catherine came
he was finishing his second absinthe and the remorse was gone. "How are
you, Devil?" he said. "I'm your devil," she said. "Could I
have one of those too?" The waiter went away pleased to see her looking so
handsome and so happy and she said, "What was it?" "I just felt
rotten but I feel fine now." "Was it that bad?" "No,"
he lied. She shook her head. "I'm so sorry. I hoped there wouldn't be any
bad at all." "It went away. "That's good. Isn't it lovely to be
here in the summer and no one here? I thought of something."
"Already?" "We can stay on and not go to the sea. This is ours
now. The town and here. We could stay here and then drive back straight through
to la Napoule." "There aren't many more moves to make."
"Don't. We've only just started." "Yes… we can always go back
where we started." "Of course we can and we will." "Let's
not talk about it," he said. He had felt it start to come back and he took
a long sip of his drink. "It's a very strange thing," he said.
"This drink tastes exactly like remorse. It has the true taste of it and
yet it takes it away." "I don't like you to have to take it for that.
We aren't like that. We mustn't be." "Maybe I am." "You
mustn't be." She took a long sip out of her glass and another long sip and
looked around and then at him. "I can do it. Look at me and watch it
happen. Here in the outdoor cafe of The Palace in Madrid and you can see the
Prado and the street and the sprinklers under the trees so it's real. It's
awfully brusque. But I can do it. You can see. Look. The lips are your girl
again and I'm all the things you really want. Haven't I done it? Tell me.

"You
didn't have to."

"Do
you like me as a girl," she said very seriously and then smiled.

"Yes,"
he said.

"That's
good," she said. "I'm glad someone likes it because it's a god damned
bore."

"Don't
do it then."

"Didn't
you hear me say I did it? Didn't you watch me do it? Do you want me to wrench
myself around and tear myself in two because you can't make up your mind?
Because you won't stay with anything?"

"Would
you hold it down?"

"Why
should I hold it down? You want a girl don't you? Don't you want everything
that goes with it? Scenes, hysteria, false accusations, temperament isn't that
it? I'm holding it down. I won't make you uncomfortable in front of the waiter.
I won't make the waiter uncomfortable. I'll read my damned mail. Can we send up
and get my mail?"

"I'll
go up and get it."

"No.
I shouldn't be here by myself."

"That's
right," he said.

"You
see? That was why I said to send for it."

"They
wouldn't give a botones the key to the room. That was why I said I'd go."

"I'm
over it," Catherine said. "I'm not going to act that way. Why should
I act that way to you? It was ludicrous and un dignified. It was so silly I
won't even ask you to forgive me. Besides I have to go up to the room anyway.
"Now?" "Because I'm a god damned woman. I thought if I'd be a
girl and stay a girl I'd have a baby at least. Not even that." 'That could
be my fault." "Don't let's ever talk about faults. You stay here and
I'll bring back the mail. We'll read our mail and be nice good intelligent
American tourists who are disappointed because they came to Madrid at the wrong
time of year." At lunch Catherine said, "We'll go back to la Napoule.
There is no one there and we'll be quiet and good and work and take care of
each other. We can drive to Aix too and see all the Cezanne country. We didn't
stay there long enough before." "We'll have a lovely time."
"It isn't too soon for you to start to work again is it?" "No.
It would be good to start now. I'm sure. "That will be wonderful and I'll
study Spanish really for when we come back. And I have so much I have to
read." "We have lots to do." 'We'll do it too."

THE
NEW PLAN lasted a little more than a month. They had three rooms at the end of
the long low rose-colored Provencal house where they had stayed before. It was
in the pines on the Estérel side of la Napoule. Out of the windows there was
the sea and from the garden in front of the long house where they ate under the
trees they could see the empty beaches, the high papyrus grass at the delta of
the small river and across the bay was the white curve of Cannes with the hills
and the far mountains behind. There was no one staying at the long house now in
summer and the proprietor and his wife were pleased to have them back.

Their
bedroom was the big room at the end. It had windows on three sides and was cool
that summer. At night they smelled the pines and the sea. David worked in a
room at the further end. He started early each morning and when he was finished
he would find Catherine and they would go to a cove in the rocks where there
was a sand beach to sun and to swim. Sometimes Catherine was gone with the car
and he would wait for her and have a drink out on the terrace after his work.
It was impossible to drink pastis after absinthe and he had taken to drinking
whiskey and Perrier water. This pleased the proprietor, who was now doing a
good defensive summer business with the presence of the two Bournes in the dead
summer season. He had not hired a cook and his wife was doing the cooking. One
maid servant looked after the rooms and a nephew, who was an apprentice waiter,
served at table.

Catherine
enjoyed driving the small car and went on buying and collecting trips to Cannes
and to Nice. The big winter season shops were closed but she found
extravagances to eat and solid values to drink and located the places where she
could buy books and magazines.

David
had worked very hard for four days. They had spent all the afternoon in the sun
on the sand of a new cove they had found and they had been in the water until
they were both tired and then come home in the evening with salt dried on their
backs and in their hair to have a drink and take showers and change.

In
bed the breeze came in from the sea. It was cool and they lay side by side in
the dark with the sheet over them and Catherine said, "You said I was to
tell you."

"I
know."

She
leaned over him and held his head in her hands and kissed him. "I want to
so much. Can I? May I?"

"Sure."

"I'm
so happy. I've made a lot of plans," she said. "And this time I'm not
going to start so bad and wild."

"V/hat
sort of plans?"

"I
can tell but it would be better to show it. We could do it tomorrow. Will you
go in with me?"

"Where?"

"To
Cannes where I went when we were here before. He's a very good coiffeur. We're
friends and he's better than the one in Biarritz because he understood right
away. 'What have you been doing?" "I went to see him this morning
while you were working and I explained and he studied it and understood and
thought it would be fine. I told him I hadn't decided but that if I did I'd try
to get you to have yours cut the same way. "How is it cut?"
"You'll see. We'll go together. It's sort of bevelled back from the
natural line. He's very enthusiastic. I think it's because he's crazy about the
Bugatti. Are you afraid?"

"I
can't wait. He wants to lighten it really but we were afraid you might not like
it." "The sun and the salt water lighten it." "This would
be much fairer. He said he could make it as fair as Scandinavian. Think how
that would be with our dark skin. And we could make yours lighter too."
"No. I'd feel funny." "Who do you know here that makes any
difference? You'd get lighter swimming all summer anyway." He did not say
anything and she said, "You won't have to. We'll just do mine and maybe
you'll want to. We can see. "Don't make plans, Devil. Tomorrow I'll get up
very early and work and you sleep as late as you can. "Then write for me
too," she said. "No matter if it's where I've been bad put in how
much I love you. "I'm nearly up to now. "Can you publish it or would
it be bad to?" "I've only tried to write it." "Can I ever
read it?" "If I ever get it right." "I'm so proud of it
already and we won't have any copies for