Gate Wide Open (21 page)

I was looking in his eyes pleading my case. He got himself together with the gun still in his hand.

“Seriously?” he said, pulling me up slowly. He turned me around again and started rubbing my face gently with his hand again. “So you still love daddy?”

“I never stopped,” I said, nuzzling his hand back. I was getting the feeling he was falling for it. “You were my first love. My only one.”

He started to kiss me passionately, and I kissed him back, knowing he had a change of heart. I had hope.

Suddenly, he pulled back with a hateful scowl on his face and aimed the gun at me. “It's too late, Jerry. You hurt me too bad, and now you have to pay with your life.”

“No! Tyrone, please, please, please,” was all I could get out before he fired the gun, shooting me in the head.

Unfortunately, the shot to the head wasn't fatal. My body had involuntarily slid off the couch and hit the floor with a thud.

I watched Tyrone walk away like the job was done. He ranted off a prayer to God with the gun to his head, and was crying and blubbering like he didn't want to do it. Then suddenly the gun went off.

Pop!

And his blood splattered the wall and carpet, and his heavy frame hit the ground with a loud thud.

I was drifting in and out of consciousness. My life flashed before me like I was watching a movie. I'd always thought that this sort of thing was fictional, until now. Flashes of me as a child blinked in and out.

One minute I was riding my bike in the park, the next, I was in my bed being molested by my uncle. Pictures of my mom and I eating dinner together at the dinning room table also played.

Tears flowed freely as my head was resting on the carpet facing the wall.

The brick through Tyrone's window, the look on his wife's face as I peeled off from in front of their home played. She was hurt too.

The hurt and pain on my face as I took a break from laughing on the plane to Baltimore, going to the bathroom to sob and cry.

All the bad things I did to the Black family.

The tormenting and the schemes played out again, only it was in fast-forward mode.

My jail time whizzed by.

Then my mother flashed into my head again. She'd made a trip to prison once, against my will. I cried hard at the visual of her walking through the prison gate. The look on her face was a proud one. She was always proud of me.

Here I was, lying on the floor, one family member and one ex-lover dead in the same room. All of this could have been avoided if I'd just walked away from Tyrone and moved on with my life.

I was looking for the love that I already had. My mother was the one that was appointed to love me, but I wanted more. I was greedy. My greed for love was my downfall. I had enough, but I wasn't satisfied.

I was sorry for my mistakes and the pain I'd caused others, but it was too late. I felt my feet getting cold, and coldness creeping up my legs. It was my time. I was dying.

“I'm sorry, God,” I sobbed, my breathing labored. “Forgive me for my sins. Tell my momma I love her, God.” The coldness was now at my ribcage. I squeezed out another plea. “Forgive me, God.”

Full Custody
January 11
^th
, 2019, 5:13
P.M.

I pulled up to Sherry's apartment building to drop Li'l Shawn off. I was a little reluctant about dropping him off. I was getting attached to him, and I wanted him in a home with a mother and a father. I couldn't continue this charade with Mona any longer. The only thing holding this back was, I didn't think Sherry was going to give him up without a fight or a large sum of money. I was willing to pay to get her to give me full custody of him, but I didn't think she was going to make it that easy. She was a relative of James, so I knew she would continue to try and milk me for all I was worth.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed her phone, letting her know I was outside, dropping off Li'l Shawn. The phone just rang and rang. I hung up and decided to knock on the door because she was probably sleeping or something. I was paying her enough child support that she didn't need to work.

I knocked on the door with Li'l Shawn next to me. I knocked a little harder. Still there was no answer. I began to get frustrated because I needed to get home before Mona started calling my phone.

I picked up my cell phone, ready to call her phone again.

“Daddy, I have a key.” Li'l Shawn smiled.

I was glad that I didn't have to take him home just yet. I still hadn't the slightest idea how I was going to tell Mona about him.

I put the key in the lock and opened the door. As I walked in, we both got hit with a foul odor that almost made my knees buckle.

“Stay right here,” I said to my son as I continued to slowly walk through the house.

“Sherry!” I yelled out.

No answer.

I heard the television on, so I assumed she was 'sleep. I walked to the back bedroom, where I heard the television going. What I saw sent my stomach into convulsions. I had to hold my hand over my mouth just to keep everything down.

I immediately turned and headed back in the direction of the front door. Just as I got up to Li'l Shawn, my stomach emptied itself all over the carpet and floor.

“Daddy, what's wrong?” Li'l Shawn said looking at me with confusion and concern all over his face.

“Nothing. I need to go outside and make a phone call, okay.” I looked at him with sorrow in my eyes.
How in the hell am I supposed to explain to him that his mother is dead?

I walked outside and put him in my car and stood outside the car as I made the call to the police.

“Nine-one-one. What is the nature of your emergency?”

“Three people dead,” was all I could get out before I threw up once again.

“Are you okay, sir? I need for you to calm down and tell me what is going on, so I can get you the help you need.”

“Ma'am, I'm at Dunhill Village Apartments on Liberty Road. I was dropping my son off at his mom's house. When I walked in, I found three people dead.”

“Okay, sir, where are you now?” the operator asked.

“I'm standing outside in the parking lot with my son in the car.”

“Okay, sir, stay where you are. I am dispatching the appropriate authorities within minutes.

“Okay, okay. Thank you.”

I was a nervous wreck, and I wasn't prepared to explain to Li'l Shawn the details.

Within about five minutes, three police cars and an ambulance pulled up and approached me. I gave them the apartment number, and they raced in with guns drawn.

After about twenty minutes, the police came back out to question me. I told them I was a lawyer, that I knew two of the three people murdered in the apartment. I hadn't the slightest clue of who the third one was, and that could stay that way, for all I cared. My real problem was explaining to my family how I had an addition to the family waiting to meet them.

The police gave me permission to leave the premises after they took down my info. As I pulled off, I was thinking of a way to tell Mona about Li'l Shawn.

Li'l Shawn asked me about his mom as we drove up Liberty Road. I lied and told him she wasn't in the apartment and had left a note saying that she would be back later. I told him that I was going to take him to see someone special in the meantime.

 

I pulled up in front of the house and exited the car with Li'l Shawn in tow. I didn't know how she was going to react. It was all or nothing, so I put my key in the door and made my way in.

“Hey, son.” My mom greeted me with a tight hug. She was still a vision of loveliness, even with her graying hair. She looked amazing and was the epitome of the phrase “black don't crack.” She looked over at Li'l Shawn. “And who is this young man?”

I just looked at her, trying to gather my thoughts.

“This is my son.”

“Son?” she said with raised eyebrows. “Boy, get in the living room and sit down so you can tell me what mess you have gotten yourself into now.” She pointed toward the living room.

Li'l Shawn and I made our way to the living room as instructed and sat down. I purposely asked for something to drink for Li'l Shawn so I could get my thoughts together quickly. I didn't want to do this to my mother, I had no choice.

She made her way back in with a soda in hand. “Here you go, baby,” she said, handing the drink to Li'l Shawn.

I instructed my son to go into the kitchen to drink his soda because I didn't want him to hear what I was about to say to my mom.

“Now back to you,” she said, looking at me intently. “Spill it!”

“Okay.” I breathed hard. “I have a son I didn't know about by the paralegal I slept with to drop the charges when Mona beat her up in front of my office building.”

“So why are you here?”

“I need you to keep Li'l Shawn until I find the right time to tell Mona.”

“Are you serious?” She looked at me with a smirk. “I have raised my children and I don't plan on raising any more. I'm an old woman, and I don't plan on chasing after any more children, Shawn.”

“Look, Mom, I need this favor. All I am asking for is another couple of weeks to get Mona ready, okay. Besides, you owe me this.”

“Owe you?” she said, looking puzzled and offended.

“Yeah, Mom. It's the least you can do for not stopping Daddy from putting his hands on me.”

She looked at me in shock, a single tear sliding down her face.

I couldn't believe I'd said it myself. How could I say such a thing to my mother?

Before I knew it, she had hauled off and smacked me so hard, I was seeing stars. My mom had never hit me before. Even as a child, she would just send me to my room.

I sat there as I rubbed my cheeks and took in the shock of the blow, mentally and physically.

“How dare you come into my house and tell me what I owe you?”

Her voice was a little above a whisper, but I could still hear the hurt loud and clear.

“I made my mistakes and done asked the Lord for forgiveness, and it was given so easily. Why can't you?”

“I didn't mean it like that, Momma.” The tears welling up in my eyes flowed freely down my face. I was so ashamed of who I'd become at this moment, but I still pressed on with my plan. “I just need your help right now, and you're the only one that can help me.” I got up out of my seat and made my way over to my mother and hugged and kissed her sagging cheeks. Tears still flowed from the pain of my past mistakes that were still fresh in my mind.

“Shawn, I know you're sorry, and I know that it was just the desperation talking. Just remember what happened the last time you let issues go unresolved in your life.” She rubbed my face with her hands. “Shawn, I will do this for you, but don't let history repeat itself, because life is too short to do re-dos.”

“Yes, ma'am,” I said getting up and wiping my face at the same time.

She got up as well, and we embraced in a tight hug. I needed this hug. I savored this hug. It was the hug that only a mother could give. The one that says it's going to be okay, even when you feel like you're at your wits' end.

“Li'l Shawn!” I called out for my son, so I could formally introduce him to his grandmother.

He walked in and stood at my side, as if afraid I was going to leave him with a stranger.

“This is your grandmother. You will be staying with her for a little while, until I get things ready for you to come and live with me.”

Still looking a little apprehensive, he nodded his head.

“Go on and hug her. She's not going to bite.”

He did as instructed and embraced my mother.

I was so elated to see my son and my mom bond just for the short bit of time that they had met. “Okay, you guys, I have to go, but I will be back tomorrow.” I hugged my mom and whispered another word of apology into her ear.

Li'l Shawn grabbed and hugged me and hung on for dear life. After a couple of minutes of reassuring him, I made my exit to my car.

As I drove home, I thought about what my mom said to me and how it rang in my ear over and over again. She was right, and I knew it. I just needed to follow through with it. I also had no clue how I was going to explain to Li'l Shawn that his mom was dead. The only plus was, James was finally out of my hair.

Say What!
February 1
^st
, 2019, 9:03
A.M
.

Shawn was acting very sneaky lately, but I couldn't pinpoint what was wrong. I knew he was up to something. I was hoping and praying that he wasn't messing around with James again. I didn't know what I was going to do if it turned out that way.

I was in the house this Monday morning after I'd just dropped all the kids off and was about to start cleaning the house, like I normally did. Scrub this, polish that, you know, the usual. I was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in my hand and looking over the seating arrangement for the reception after our renewal vows. I decided I was going to do it up, since this was going to be the second time around.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

I was expecting no one, so I was a little hesitant. My mind instantly flashed to James. I paused at the door, trying to gain my composure. I wasn't ready for this.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Oh, shit! What do I do?”

I wasn't afraid of him. I was afraid that I could be weak and give in to his charm and end up on the floor again with his dick in me.

I threw caution to the wind and reluctantly opened the door. It was FedEx delivering a certified package. I wondered what it was.

“Hello, ma'am. I have a package for a Mona and Shawn Black.” The Caucasian man smiled a bright smile as he handed me his hand-held computer to sign for the package.

I had on some raggedy sweat shirt and pants, and my hair was slightly messy. I was a little ashamed. “Thank you, sir.” I handed him back his portable computer, grabbed the package, and went back into the house.

I walked back slowly from the door to the kitchen, reading the envelope. “Sun Trust Insurance,” I read aloud to myself. I sat down and opened the letter.

My mouth was wide open. I was in complete shock.
Say what! James is dead.
I was relieved, but not happy. I wasn't heartless. I even felt a tear slide out of my left eye. I quickly wiped it away. I looked in the envelope, and sure enough, there were checks made out to all of the kids. I still couldn't believe James was dead. Gone. Forever.

I shook my head in disbelief. I sat back in the chair and absorbed it all. I noticed another piece of paper sticking out. I opened it. It was a letter from James addressed to his children.

I folded the letter and placed it back inside the original envelope. Tears poured out of my eyes as I thought about what I had read. James had a heart. I didn't believe it until just now. He was secretly watching them and all.
He gave the impression that he could have cared less, and here it is in black and white.
He loved his children, but from a distance.

I sat in the chair for at least an hour pondering how I was going to tell Shawn that James was dead.