Gator Bait (18 page)

“It was a thing of beauty.”

“It’s a shame they aren’t still trapped in the car. Anyway, Walter took Tiny to his house until Carter can get the fence fixed. The last thing he needs is Tiny running around Sinful, terrifying the residents. Aunt Celia would have more ammo for her ‘fire the entire sheriff’s department’ campaign.”

“You heard about that?”

“Hard to miss when she was carrying on with a microphone and speaker right down from the café. And residents kept coming in and talking about it.”

“What are they saying?”

“Most people think she’s being foolish. Unless there’s widespread corruption, you don’t just clean out experienced law enforcement.”

“And the people who don’t think she’s being foolish?”

Ally sighed. “They’re worried about everything that’s been happening in Sinful, and frustrated at what they perceive as inefficiency on the part of the sheriff’s department. But even then, they’re not suggesting everyone be replaced. I think most would be happy if Sheriff Lee would retire and let Carter step in, then replace Carter with another young man, maybe one more capable than Deputy Breaux.”

“I can’t really say that I blame them, but if they want a younger crew protecting the town, then why do they keep reelecting Sheriff Lee?”

“No one runs against him. Carter has already said he won’t run until Sheriff Lee retires. He’d see running against him as disrespectful, even though that’s exactly what needs to happen.”

“Maybe some of you could talk to Sheriff Lee about retiring. Make an argument that he’s paid his dues and deserves a break.”

“Ida Belle and Gertie have been trying for years, but Sheriff Lee is from the old school where real men dropped dead while working. He’s not about to have it any other way.”

“How old is he, anyway?”

“Heck if I know. I can remember Old Lady Crandal, who lived next door to me, calling him an old codger before she passed. I was only five years old then, and Old Lady Crandal seemed ancient. I guess that makes Sheriff Lee walking dust.”

I laughed.

“I do know that his wife was the one exception in membership the Sinful Ladies Society ever made.”

“Really?”

Ally nodded. “Gertie said that Sheriff Lee was so stubborn he would outlive Milly just to ensure she didn’t get to be a member. So Ida Belle decided that Sheriff Lee hadn’t influenced Milly since transistor radios were the rage and let her join. She passed away several years back.”

My cell phone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the display. “Speak of the devil.” It was a text from Ida Belle.

Get downtown. We have a situation.

I jumped up from my chair, grabbing a piece of French bread on my way.

“What’s wrong?” Ally asked.

“Something’s going on downtown.”

Ally jumped up and grabbed her purse. “I’m going with you.”

I gave her a nod and hurried out to my Jeep. It was easier to let her tag along than argue; besides, it was still broad daylight. It was probably more of Celia’s election nonsense. At least, I hoped it was that simple.

The scene downtown was both confusing and somewhat frightening. A huge cluster of people gathered at the end of Main Street, surrounding the area where Celia had been speaking earlier. Parking was nonexistent so I just stopped in the middle of the road as close as I could get to the fray, and Ally and I jumped out and hurried toward the mob.
 

I caught sight of Ida Belle waving at us from about five feet up the town flagpole. She shinnied down as we approached. “What the heck is going on?” I asked.

“Those idiots with the ATF decided Deputy Breaux couldn’t control the town and called in the state police. They’ve been arresting people left and right and shoving them on a bus for transport to New Orleans.”
 

“I bet Celia’s loving this mess,” I said.

“Not at the moment,” Ida Belle said. “I tried to stop her but Gertie came down here full of piss and vinegar and ready to take Celia down a peg or two.”

Ally’s hand flew over her mouth. “Oh no!”

“Oh yeah,” Ida Belle said. “They’re just yelling right now, but if we don’t break this up fast, they’ll both be on that bus with the rest of Sinful’s miscreants.”

Ida Belle shot me a hard look. I knew exactly what she was trying to convey. Gertie could prove to be a liability at times, but for what we had planned tonight, we needed lookout. The risk of breaking into that storage facility with just Ida Belle and me was too high. We needed Gertie. She was the eyes in the back of our head.

I pushed through the crowd toward the park bench Celia had been standing on earlier, Ida Belle and Ally close on my heels. As I drew closer, I could make out Celia’s voice and then Gertie’s, and it sounded as though things were escalating. The first slap echoed through the crowd like a gunshot and I shoved the last of the crowd out of the way and burst into the tiny open area surrounding the two fighting women.

I had wondered at first who threw the first punch, but the red mark on Gertie’s cheek and Celia’s open hand, reared back for a second blow, was a dead giveaway.

“You think that hurt, you old hag?” Gertie yelled. “I’ve been hit by mosquitoes that hurt worse.”

“I could do it again,” Celia yelled back.
 

“You could try. But I’m warning you, I’m a lot harder to hit when my back’s not turned.”

“Ladies,” I yelled, waving my hands at both of them. “This is not the avenue you want to take.”

“Who the hell are you calling a lady?” Celia asked. “Because I only see one standing here.”

“I’m glad you recognize,” Gertie said. “That’s probably the only honest thing you’ve said all day today.”

Celia’s face turned a shade of red that I didn’t think was even possible. I could practically see the steam coming off her head.
 

She pointed her finger at Gertie. “You are a disgrace to the women in this town. It’s bad enough that you show your butt with your shenanigans, but today, you’re quite literally showing it to the entire town.”

“You think this is showing my butt?” Gertie shot back. “Heck, I’m barely giving you a peek, but I can fix that.” She spun around and leaned over, flipping what remained of her tattered skirt up over her hips, giving Celia a clear view of the camo underwear.

“That does it,” Celia shouted. She rushed over and grabbed Gertie’s skirt with both hands and gave it a hard tug, apparently attempting to cover Gertie’s butt.
 

Unfortunately, no one accounted for the fact that the dress was older than the planet and probably dry-rotted. I heard the fabric rip and cringed, praying that it was just a hem that pulled loose.
 

No such luck.
 

The entire dress split right down the middle. A stunned Celia backed up, jaw dropped and clutching one piece of the dress in each hand.

Gertie popped up and swung around. “You ruined my homecoming dress!” She reached into her purse and I said a silent prayer that she wouldn’t start slinging those Chinese stars. I felt only a speck of relief when I saw her clutching a white tube, mistakenly thinking it was breath spray. Then that second of incorrect identification passed and I realized Gertie was about to blast Celia with Mace.

No way that could end well.

I jumped toward Gertie, attempting to grab the Mace from her hand, but as I leaped, she moved forward and my aim was off. Instead of grabbing her hand, I got the handle of her purse. Already off-balance, I lurched forward, pulling the handle with me and spinning Gertie around. She cried out and involuntarily clenched the Mace, sending a shot of it directly in my face.

I released the purse, flinging my hands over my eyes, but it was too late. The burning mist coated one of my pupils and I fell to the ground, yelling for water. With my good eye, I saw Gertie spin around as I released the purse strap, still depressing the canister.

Directly in the face of a state policeman.

The policeman screamed—a less than manly response—and grabbed Gertie by the arm. Another cop, this one much younger, came running up to see what was wrong and slid to a stop, clearly confused by what he saw.
 

“Sir?” the younger cop asked. “What happened?”

“She sprayed me with Mace. Arrest her and the other one in the pink suit.”

“Wait!” Ida Belle shouted at the young cop as he handcuffed Gertie and motioned for another officer to do the same with Celia. “It was an accident.”

“They can work that out with the judge down in New Orleans,” the young cop said. “My orders are clear.”
 

He tugged on Gertie’s arm and she shot us a wide-eyed stare before stumbling through the crowd toward a school bus where the state police were apparently loading up offenders for transport to New Orleans. Celia wailed as the other officer cuffed her, and part of the crowd cheered. A couple of people booed.
 

Ally stared in dismay. “I’ll go find Deputy Breaux,” she said and dashed off into the crowd.

Ida Belle crouched down beside me and dumped a bottle of water in my eye. I sputtered and jumped up from the ground, flinging water as I went. “You could have warned me before you did that.”

She grabbed my arm and tugged me toward the bus. “No time. If they put Gertie on that bus, we got bigger problems than we can fix.”

I stumbled along behind her, my blurry eye making hurrying a bit of a challenge. When we arrived at the bus, the younger officer who had Gertie in custody was arguing with the older one she’d sprayed with Mace.

“The bus is full, sir,” the young officer said. “I can’t, in good conscience, force two old ladies to stand all the way to New Orleans in the middle of a bunch of redneck men. Especially when this one doesn’t have on clothes. Our legal department would have my badge.”

“Then get them over to the sheriff’s department,” the Maced officer yelled, “but do not release them. If you do,
I’ll
have your badge.”

Ida Belle and I followed behind as the policemen escorted Gertie and Celia into the sheriff’s department. “At least they’re not on the bus to New Orleans,” Ida Belle said. “Maybe we can get them to release Gertie.”

Myrtle was still at the front desk and looked as if she would drop from exhaustion at any minute. Her mascara trailed down her face, adding to the dark spots under her eyes. Her silver hair was mashed completely against her scalp in some places and standing straight on end in others. “I tried to stop them,” she said, “but they weren’t having any of it.”

“Where did they take Gertie?” Ida Belle asked.

“To the drunk tank. With only two cells back there, we run out of space quick. The state police brought in the bus and started loading everyone up to carry to New Orleans. I’ve never seen such a mess in all my years living here, and I don’t know how much more of it I can take.”
 

Ida Belle gave her a sympathetic look. “You’re overwrought and overtired. I’m going to call for some help.” She pulled out her phone and called Marie. “I need you to come help Myrtle down at the sheriff’s department.”

A couple seconds later, Ida Belle slipped her phone back into her purse. “Marie will be here in five minutes.”

I took a moment to marvel over Ida Belle’s command over her minions. Talk about respect and trust. No one except Gertie ever questioned her. The SLS women just jumped into action, automatically assuming that whatever Ida Belle asked for was necessary.
 

“Thank you,” Myrtle said. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I can’t even keep up with the paperwork, and New Orleans will be expecting a list of those arrested and what they’re being charged with.”

She lifted a stack of assorted paper clumped on her desktop. “This is what I have to go on. Some of the arrest information is literally written on bubble gum wrappers.”

“Don’t worry about all that,” Ida Belle said. “Marie is in her element with paperwork.”

“That’s true,” Myrtle agreed, looking a tiny bit hopeful.

“Can we head back to the drunk tank?” Ida Belle asked. “We need to see about springing Gertie.”

“Fine with me,” Myrtle said. “Hell, tell them I sent you. Bunch of commies, rolling in here and taking over like it’s a police state.”

I grinned as we headed back to the drunk tank. The two cops who had hauled Gertie and Celia in passed us in the hallway without even giving us a second glance. They looked as exasperated as we did.
 

Another state policeman, this one tall and with gray hair, stood in front of the two cells. Gertie occupied one and Celia the other. It was a good thing both cells were empty. Separated by bars was probably best for everyone concerned. The state policeman glanced at Gertie and cringed, his expression a mixture of horror and “why me?”

We stepped up behind him and Ida Belle started to speak, but then the arguing started.

“I can’t believe you’re just sitting there like that,” Celia said.

“You mean on my butt?” Gertie asked. “That’s pretty much the accepted method of sitting for those of us that don’t have a stick up it.”

“I mean without clothes.”