Geek Tragedy (32 page)

‘Following on from that suicide note… Is there anything that you look back on now and think, “Oh, I should have picked up on that…”?’

‘Oh, loads of things,’ said Mervyn cheerfully. ‘The whole fancy dress competition for example. It was themed the “Sheldon Ellis Memorial Fancy Dress Contest”. The whole thing was designed so Simon could communicate to Nicholas and me that he knew Sheldon had died in mysterious circumstances, and he was ready to meet with us both. Unfortunately, I had no idea I was about to be blackmailed for something I knew nothing about!’

Laughter.

‘There’s just time for one last question… Anybody?’

A final hand glided up.

‘About William Smurfett…’

‘Yes?’

‘I think we can all agree it’s a sad loss…’

There was a low rumble of agreement from the audience.

‘Yes?’

‘Um… I wondered whether, did he mention if he’d recorded any more DVD commentaries?’

‘Um, what? I don’t know. You’ll have to ask the people who organise the DVD commentaries that.’

‘Because there are several stories that haven’t been released yet, and he did have a lot of anecdotes that were pertinent to those stories, and I was thinking—there were rumours. Did he give any hint before he got exploded that…’

‘No. No he didn’t mention that.’

The air seemed to escape out of the room. Mervyn knew murder and carnage was all very well, but it would always take a dimly lit backseat to what was really important; which was that the conveyor belt of merchandise thundered on.

The interviewer chipped in. ‘The DVD production team have a panel tomorrow morning. You can ask Robert Mulberry then.’

Slightly reassured, the audience filed out of the hall.

*

He was back in his room, folding his black corduroy jacket and putting it in his suitcase beside his other black corduroy jacket, when he heard a click—which seemed to come from his door.

He barely looked up when the door opened and Minnie slid through it. She was wearing a bright orange sweatshirt with Cultfest ‘09 stamped across it. Keeping her back to the door, she pushed it closed with her bottom, all the while keeping her eyes fixed on him. She tapped her nose knowingly with a piece of square plastic.

‘I wondered where my spare pass key had gone,’ said Mervyn.

‘You are so careless, Mr Stone Ranger; you have to keep an eye on your jacket at all times. There’s no telling what dangerously unbalanced fans are about…’

‘You don’t have to tell me that.’

She sashayed towards him, pulling her jumper over her head.

‘I think you owe me, Mr Stone, for saving your life.’

‘So I do.’

Her head disappeared inside her T-shirt and her breasts and belly button popped out the other end.

‘I see you got your bra back.’

‘Yes, Mum did give it back. Of course, she wouldn’t speak to me for a week after…’

Mervyn smiled. ‘You save me from being shot, I organise it that your mum doesn’t speak to you for a week. I think that’s quits, isn’t it?’

She laughed, and unfastened her bra, unleashing her breasts like attack dogs. ‘Sorry I blanked you in the hall earlier today, but I had to pretend I was cross at you, for Mum’s sake.’

‘I see.’

‘I knew she wouldn’t approve of me seeing you after all that’s happened, so I had to convince her I never wanted to see you again.’

‘Very convincing.’

‘That’s not the least of my talents.’

‘I am packing to go.’

‘You’ve still got half an hour left on your room. I checked.’

‘My taxi is due any moment.’

‘I cancelled it.’

‘Oh. Well there’s no reason why I can’t hang out for a bit…’

‘Yes, you “hang out”. They have paid for the room, after all.’ She walked towards him. ‘Did you know that this convention was set up using the money they got selling Simon Josh’s memorabilia?’

‘I didn’t know that.’

‘Then I’m definitely sure he’d want you to get his money’s worth. Here.’ She pulled his shirt out of his trousers and started to unbuckle his belt. ‘Let me help you unpack.’

His trousers were settling around his knees when his hotel phone rang. He skipped out of his trousers and answered it while Minnie slipped into bed and removed her jeans.

‘Hello, Merv darling. What did you think of my performance?’

‘Vanity?’

‘Sorry I had to attack you so hard at ConVix, and sorry I’ve not spoken to you since, but I had to make it look good in front of darling daughter. She’d go crazy ga-ga if I even contemplated crawling back under you after all that’s happened. Had to allay her suspicions before I went behind her back, darling.’

‘Vanity…’

‘We’ve still got a half hour left on our rooms, darling, and my meter’s running…’

‘Vanity—’

‘I’ll be up in five minutes.’

Mervyn looked helplessly at the receiver, and then at Minnie, who gave him a saucy wink.

He could only imagine what was going to happen any minute now.

But that’s another story.