Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (32 page)

If you’re the one deciding to date your friend’s ex, certainly approach her about it before making a decision. If you’ve decided you’re going to go for him, understand you’re taking a risk whether she consents or not. You must determine if the risk is truly worth it. Also, try your best to ensure that the ex isn’t only interested in dating you simply to spite your friend and stir up drama. If your friend asks your permission to date your ex, it’s up to you to be completely honest with yourself and her. You have no right to be upset if she asked and you said you don’t care. On the contrary, if she does mind, it would be commendable of you to honor her feelings. Sacrificing your free will for the love of another is the greatest act of love. Recycling is rewarded in most environments, but sometimes going green isn’t the healthiest option.

Interlude
Problems + Solutions

Problems:
Solutions

Problem
: When the handle lock on the gas pump is broken. Ugh!

Solution
: Position the gas cap in place of the lock in an effort to hold the pump in place and you’re good to go. NOTE: Any woman accompanied by a gentleman should never have to pump her own gas.

Problem:
Running out of money at a restaurant.

Solution:
This should never happen. No, really, if this does happen to you, use your credit card, but you should always carry enough cash to pay for two dinners. If you’re alone and it happens, phone a friend who can electronically transfer money into your account, or even meet you at the restaurant to bail you out. Just know that you owe that friend a favor...and the cost of the meal!

If it happens in the company of a guest and you intentionally arrived broke, you should be ashamed of yourself. You have no class like a student on the weekend. But like a dropout, you aren’t concerned with class. Read this book again and study the lessons carefully. Good try. Come back soon!

If it was an honest mistake, don’t be embarrassed. Ask if your guest will graciously cover you and offer to pay that person back upon departure.

If your date is the one who happens to give you a run for your money…erase his number! I’m only kidding. Treat him as, or better than you’d want to be treated in the same scenario. A gentlewoman should have access to an emergency fund at all times.

Problem:
Your friend’s husband or significant other flirts with you.

Solution:
Well, well, well. Isn’t this a common occurrence? Harmless flirting is harmless. Aggressive flirting is dangerous, and an obvious sign that this guy is shady and not to be trusted. It’s a sensitive issue and sometimes difficult to make your friend aware of her man’s transgressions. Some women are immediately defensive and might even look at you as the perpetrator. Only mention it to her if you really think it’s something she needs to know. Don’t cause a marriage to be ruined over something that might not be as serious as you think it is. Use discernment and stop being a hater…I’m only kidding! Friends first.

Problem:
Declining an invitation to be a bridesmaid.

Solution:
Weddings are expensive. Being in one is expensive as well. But you can’t put a price tag on friendship. However, you can put a price tag on strangers. It’s not uncommon to be invited to a bridal party of someone you just met, hardly even know or simply don’t like. Etiquette has its limits. You don’t always have to sacrifice yourself for the comfort of people. Here’s what you do:

• Be honest. Let the bride know whatever your issue is. Speak in love and with compassion, but tell your truth…in person.
  
• Ask for a smaller role in the wedding. Maybe you’re just not prepared for the responsibilities. Suggest being included in a smaller capacity.
  
• You don’t have time. Weddings are important, but sometimes other priorities take precedence. You might be taking care of an ill family member, or your own health could be failing. Whatever your reason, just let her know.
  

Oh Sit!

Oh Sit:
The Power of Class

One minute they love you, the next second they curse you. It takes years to build a great reputation and seconds to crumble it. People will look forward to tearing the new you down.

Some fools can’t function without chaos – if it isn’t wrong, then it isn’t right. And the same people who frantically cheer you on from the sidelines will be the same ones anticipating your fall from grace. They were comfortable when you were struggling together, but they hate to see you grow. They’ll tell you you’ve changed and gossip about you to others while maintaining a smile in your face.

Expect to be met with resistance. You’ll be a greater person after the final page is turned. Not everyone will be happy for you because they’re not yet happy for themselves. Lazy men will complain about your “unrealistic” standards. Unfulfilled women will be the first to let you know that you think you’re
all that
, when in reality they think you’re
all that
. Some discouragement will even be courtesy of family and “friends.”

You’ve got a lot to celebrate! But it’ll be difficult to smile surrounded by glares. It’s like being driven in a limo through a recession–it’s considered bad taste. Not many people enjoy seeing success through someone else’s view. When others cry, they want you to cry with them. Misery doesn’t do well alone. It desires your company. This idea can challenge your humility and leave you conflicted.

As a result, you’ll hold back. You won’t share all of your victories or speak of the details. You’ll even withhold wins from your friends. Your completed checklist looks like a lot of other’s to-do lists. You might begin to get uncomfortable when you begin to receive more and more attention. When you get praise, you’ll pass it right back. There will be an urge to downplay everything. It’ll be your way of keeping level and staying humble.

It’s not wise to throw success in people’s faces while society suffers. But life throws difficulty at everyone. No one is exempt. Sometimes getting through life’s challenges and coming out on top deserves a round of applause. Sometimes champagne is necessary and a pat on the back is earned, even if there’s a war is going on outside.
It’s not selfish to be happy!
Let others know when you display your joy, it’s not arrogance–it’s you giving glory to God. Sorry that upsets you.

People who constantly put you on guilt trips are mad that they can never take trips. Stop feeling guilty for living the life you worked so hard for. Let your light shine! Adjust to the hate. Have empathy for the envious. For they know not what they do. Some people’s security is their insecurity. They don’t feel good about themselves unless they feel bad about others. Scandal is in style. Gossip is therapy for the insecure.

The goal isn’t for everyone to love you – the goal is for you to love everyone.

While others hurl insults, just love them. Keep being the best version of you. No one can
drive
you crazy unless you give up the
keys
. You’re responsible for what you allow. Who are you allowing to matter in your life and why? Figure it out. No one said this would be easy, but it’ll all be worth it.

When someone dies, a baby is born. There is life after death. Yell, shout and scream–celebrate in between. And when they say women are best kept quiet, ask who the hell “they” are. You always hear about “they,” but never see them! Your voice is in your actions. Your words are more powerful when your deeds match them. People will
run
their mouths–but you’re
runnin
g an empire. Go ahead and have a seat…on your throne.

You were once afraid of people saying, “Who does she think she is?” Now is your time to show them.

Crown.

Still a Lady

Still a Lady:
Flaws and All

At the end of it all…

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get mad and you’ll mess up. You’re still going to swear. If your hand gets jammed in the door, you’re not going to yell, “Ah shucks!” just because you read this book. When you close this book, you’ll forget to compliment a stranger or tell somebody, “Thank you.” You’re going to date a few more of the wrong people before getting it right, and you just might get married…and divorced. Insecurity can still seep in. You’re human. You’re a gentlewoman. You’re not perfect, and you won’t ever be. If you were flawless, people would complain about how perfect you are. Perfection won’t prevent patronizing. But you’re someone’s perfect fit and deserve to be treated as such. A diamond uncut, unset and unclean is still a diamond.

The focus isn’t always avoiding wrong. Everyone has done wrong and will continue to mess up. The focus is how to recover from that wrong and make better choices in the future. People often focus on the problem, but they neglect the solutions and the recovery. Figure it out. After every storm, the sun has no choice but to shine. Tough times amplify awareness of God’s presence – embrace them. You’ve got a good soul. Defend it. Cherish it. Live in such a way that if anyone spoke badly of you, no one would believe them.

Reading this book and consuming its invaluable scribing is your step toward beauty. You’ve received the information, now what are you going to do about it?

Die an old Lady with no regrets while wearing your crown.

The Beginning

The Beginning:
Crown