Get Even (11 page)

He lay there with his arms behind his head; he knew that sleep wouldn’t be coming to him any time soon. But he couldn’t stop pictures forming in his mind – pictures of Lenny naked, of kissing him, feeling the sheer strength of him, his hardness.

Over the other side of the estate, Lenny Scott was lying with his wife asleep in his arms, thinking the exact same things, and hating himself because of it. The baby cried and Lenny got up to see to his son, glad of the distraction. As he quietened him down and felt the love he had for his child, he wondered again at what kind of man he really was. He was an unnatural bastard, and that frightened him. What other weaknesses had he lurking inside him? He sat in his son’s bedroom holding him tight, and he cried bitter tears.

Lenny Scott was waiting outside Reggie’s house and he watched warily as Reggie climbed into the passenger seat of his BMW. He noticed that the house was already looking better – tidier at least. Janey Dornan waved in a friendly manner but Lenny didn’t bother to acknowledge her. She wasn’t in the least put out and that made him stifle a smile. She really was a piece of work. He drove away quickly. Reggie didn’t even say a good morning, just sat beside him quietly, waiting to see his reaction to the events of the night before. Lenny felt that was a good move.

He glanced at the man beside him quickly. He was good-looking, with thick, dark hair and piercing eyes. They had a look of each other in some ways. Both were big, muscular and dark. He could smell Reggie’s aftershave and underneath that was the smell of his fresh sweat. It was heady stuff for him suddenly. It was as if now Lenny was acknowledging this other nature he had, his eyes had opened to everything about Reggie Dornan he felt attracted to.

Lenny took a deep breath before saying, ‘So, come on then. Explain what all that was about last night.’

Reggie laughed quietly. Then, lighting up two cigarettes, he passed one to Lenny.

It was the intimacy of the act that threw Lenny. A part of him knew he should be putting the cigarette out on Reggie’s face, not accepting it without a second’s thought. But he pulled on it deeply as he waited for Reggie to explain to him. He was in a quandary because this was so far away from his usual behaviour – he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, how he was supposed to act, to be.

‘Look, Lenny, you know as well as I do what was happening last night. And I think somewhere inside you have known since we first met what was going to happen at some point.’

Lenny didn’t answer; he manoeuvred the car on to the A13 and drove out towards Essex.

‘Where are we going?’

Reggie sounded nervous. And so he should; he had no idea what Lenny might think, say or even do in the cold light of day.

‘Southend. I have to see a bloke about a debt that Jack needs pulled in. As I told you, Jason Prior has opened the floodgates. Debts that were once liable to be written off are now seen as viable again. That is good news for Jack, ergo, that is good news for us.’

Reggie nodded. He liked the ‘us’ in that sentence, and he relaxed a little. He looked out of the car window, but he could feel the pull of the man beside him and hated that he was this way. It was so difficult in the world they inhabited. It was seen as a weakness, as an aberration of sorts. He should never have tried it on with Lenny, even though he believed it was something they both wanted. He had guessed that Lenny Scott had never acted on his impulses. People like Lenny lived a life of normality as a matter of form. Now Reggie had stirred him up, and this could go either way. Lenny was quite capable of killing him over this, so great would his fear be about anyone finding out the truth.

Reggie had been celled-up with a lag from North London; the old boy was doing a lump and a half. They had some good times, and he had made Reggie see that it wasn’t unnatural. How could it be, if they were both quite happy to indulge? But he had also warned him that in their world it was a definite no-no. Men had been scalped for less, and he made sure that Reggie understood that fact. Reggie had also learned that some men were only queer in prison and, once they stepped back out through the gates, they were as straight as an arrow once again. With him it had just been sex though – he had liked the fellow, but he had not felt like he did now about Lenny Scott, who had filled his mind day and night since they had first crossed paths. And Reggie was sure that Lenny reciprocated those feelings, whatever he might try to tell himself.

‘I’ve been there you know, Lenny. Denying what I really was. What I felt. I have been fighting these feelings since I was fourteen. God knows, in our world, our environment doesn’t exactly make it easy for us—’

Lenny interrupted him angrily. ‘What are you fucking on about? We were pissed. That is all it can be. I have a wife I love, and a little boy I fucking adore. This cannot ever be a part of my life. Think about it – I have a family and responsibilities, for fuck’s sake! If my Sharon ever even thought . . . That’s without Jack Johnson and the others . . .’

Reggie was quiet for a few seconds before he said gently, ‘Who are you trying to convince, Lenny? Me or you?’

Lenny sighed heavily. This was so far out of his remit it was almost impossible to believe. That he was even considering it . . . But there were no two ways about it – considering it, he was.

Sharon was happy. As she busied herself with sorting out the small betting office, she wondered at just how fantastic her life was. Her mum loved having the baby while Sharon worked and she actually appreciated her time away from her little boy. She enjoyed being back in the real world, and being a productive member of the family. It felt good to earn money, and it was all for their benefit, so they could buy a decent place. They had discussed it over and over: they would wait and buy a house that they could do up and stay in as a family until the kids – and they wanted more kids – grew up.

It was a dream come true and sometimes she had to pinch herself at just how lucky they were, her and her Lenny. Then, last night, that amazing sex had proved to her once again that they were meant to be. God, but she did love her Lenny, no matter what her mum tried to insinuate. Ever since that misunderstanding with Keith Smith, not to mention Billy Mason, her mum had had a hard-on for Lenny. In fact, at times Sharon almost felt that her mum was a bit jealous of her, even though she would never admit it.

She had her dad working with her in the betting shop now – that had been Lenny’s idea. He worried about her there alone and she understood that. They did brisk business, and it was all cash, so she knew the dangers that presented themselves in the world they inhabited. But, as her dad said, ‘Who would be cunt enough to rob Lenny Scott? They would have to be on a death wish’, which made her laugh, but also pleased her. She felt safe being Sharon Scott. People treated her well, and even the hard women on the estate were pleasant to her. It felt good to be so looked after, so taken care of in every aspect of her life. Unlike her mother, she didn’t think that luck had to be paid for at some point. She didn’t feel that every time something good happened to her she should look over her shoulder.

Her mum really pissed her off at times. Her dad said because her mum was a pessimist she always felt that something bad might happen, but Sharon felt that it went deeper than that. She could almost sense the resentment in her mother every time they purchased something for the house or they talked about their plans for the future. They had plans – big plans – and they would work together as hard as they needed to see them come to fruition. Unlike her mum, Sharon was a working partner in her marriage – and she had a knack for the betting shop. She had been taught well by old Isaac, and he was pleased to see the young couple have the opportunity to better themselves. Unlike her mother, of course, who seemed to think this was all a precursor to a mighty fall. It hurt Sharon to think that her mum wasn’t thrilled to see her only child doing so well, and at such a young age too.

She sighed heavily. She knew she had to forget about it. That was her mum, a prophet of doom. Her dad said she was always the glass-half-empty sort, his old woman, never half-full. It was her nature, and there was no changing her. Fuck knows, he had tried over the years. Catholic guilt, that was what was behind it apparently. But it still hurt and, though she loved her mum, Sharon had to be honest and say she was starting to get on her nerves. She wondered why, when everything was going so well, there was always something to bring you back down to earth. Without realising it, Sharon was echoing her mother’s thoughts entirely.

Southend was empty. It was the end of the season and in the dim daylight it looked scruffy and unkempt. The seafront only ever really looked good when the night fell, and all the flashing lights and glamorous colours attracted the eye.

‘We’re early, Reggie. Let’s go to the cockle sheds and get something to eat in the Crooked Billet. They do a handsome fish and chips in there. Sharon and me used to come here a lot when we was courting.’

Reggie stifled a smile; it was such an old-fashioned word, ‘courting’, but then he knew that Lenny had an old-fashioned streak. As they drove back towards Leigh-on-Sea, the North Sea looked grey and ominous in the darkness of the day. It was going to storm, and a few drops of rain started to hit the windscreen. When they got to Marine Parade, the heavens opened and a flash of lightning lit up the sky. The thunder was rumbling and they knew that soon the storm would be overhead.

‘You and Sharon have been together a long time, haven’t you? I mean, considering your ages.’

Lenny nodded, not at all sure he was happy discussing his wife with this man who was his . . . His what? Potential friend? Boyfriend? Lover?

Reggie understood his predicament and changed the subject. ‘Look, Lenny, I apologise if I was out of order last night. If I got the wrong signals.’

He was offering Lenny an out and they both knew it.

Just then a tremendous clap of thunder crashed overhead and they both laughed as it had made them jump.

‘Right fucking pair of hard men we are, leaping out of our skins over a thunderbolt!’

Reggie laughed with him; the atmosphere between them was changing, getting lighter. Lenny pulled up in a narrow back street and they got out of the car. They went up a small pathway and Lenny opened the front door of the ground-floor flat with a key. It took him a while to do it, the rain was so heavy. They both stepped inside quickly. The place was a wreck, and Reggie looked around him in wonder. He felt a stab of fear suddenly. Was Lenny going to take him out here over what had happened, in case Reggie told anyone?

Lenny could almost see the thoughts as they flashed through Reggie’s mind. Peeling off his wet jacket, he threw it over the arm of a dilapidated armchair, and then slowly he started to take his clothes off.

Reggie, realising what was going on, went to him and held his huge hands either side of Lenny’s head. Then he pulled him towards him and kissed him deeply.

Lenny kissed him back, amazed at the strength of feeling washing over him. It was done now; he had burned his boats. And, by Christ, it felt fucking good.