Getting Gabriel (16 page)

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "What are you expecting? Happy ever after? I can’t promise you that. Alice, you’re... I don’t want to hurt you."

She smiled. "You won’t. Don’t worry about my expectations. My expectations are my problem, not yours. You think too much."

He grabbed her upper arms to keep her away just as she was about to try one of her seductive poses. "Nuh uh, Alice. You’re not thinking at all."

She was grinning. "You have that effect on me," she said cheerfully.

"You want romance," he groaned. "I know what you want. You want love. You want forever after. Hell, you want eternity. I told you, I don’t do that. I can’t promise that." He stepped away. "I could hurt you."

Alice shook her head. "You don’t have violent impulses, Gabriel. I know you. And I know that hitting me is so abhorrent to you that you’ve been doing everything you can to keep me away. You’d rather sacrifice your own happiness than risk getting close to someone because you’re afraid you might hurt them. Doesn’t that tell you something about yourself?"

"I can’t be sure..."

"You’re not your father, Gabriel. You’re you. And you’re wonderful and I want you so badly I can’t even concentrate on making small talk with any other man. It’s not like I haven’t tried. See the problem?"

Her lips touched his chin. It was unexpected and he jerked away, but she followed, pushing him against the kitchen counter and stepped on a handy paint can to get closer to him, linking her hands together at the back of his head. He tried to keep talking, but the words got rather indistinct with her lips pressing against his mouth.

He grabbed her upper arms, intending to push her away, but somehow he found himself answering her kisses instead. And it happened again, that urgency and heat, that incredible need to make her his, and at the back of his mind he knew this was trouble, so much trouble, and there was nothing to protect her from him but his own self-control.

Self-control that was badly slipping.

She kept touching him and his hands were itching to touch her back, but he kept them clenched on her upper arms. He would not give in. This was Alice. She deserved better than him. She might be right – that he was nothing like his father, but it was hard to let go of the fear.

Was she right? Was he different enough from his father. He couldn’t imagine ever hurting her. He’d rather die.

Her hands didn’t have any reservations and were doing a good job distracting him from his agonizing thoughts. She’d opened his shirt, and he hadn’t even noticed until her hands were on his skin.

She started kissing him again, but by now he had better control of himself. He grabbed her shoulders and held her at arm’s length. "No. no, no, no, no, no. No! This is not happening."

She crossed her arms on her chest. "Gabriel, I don’t like rejection. In large doses, it gets humiliating. I do like you – although sometimes I wonder why. So, this is your last chance. I’m leaving. Feel free to stop me. If you don’t, that kiss was the last one you’ll ever get from me, and I’ll do what you want, leave you alone and find another guy to obsess about."

She paused for a minute, then started inching away from him.

Was she bluffing?

He closed his eyes and pictured the path she would take. Past him into the hall, through the front door and out to the car. Down the street...

Out of his life.

And why? Why was he sacrificing this? Because of another man’s difficulty with keeping his anger in check?

His hand shot out and grabbed her wrist in a familiar hold. The small bones were fragile as ever under his fingers, and as always, he enjoyed the feeling of her pulse pounding.

"Gabriel?" She was smiling widely as she turned to him, and he was an idiot. But the thought of not getting another kiss from her, not ever, was just unbearable.

He let go of her wrist and trailed his fingers up her arm. He grabbed her chin and leaned closer, making sure she met his eyes. "Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Alice?"

"I hope I know what you’re doing. You do want me, after all, don’t you?"

"I do," he said in a strangled voice. "I always did. I just didn’t want to want you. I don’t want to hurt you."

She looped her arms around his neck and pressed her entire body against him. It was hell. It was heaven. It was purgatory and paradise. All rolled up in one glorious five foot, half an inch, package.

"Alice..." he groaned once more. "Are you sure...?"

Her answer was a brilliant smile and a kiss that reached into him and stole his soul away.

"No," he groaned a few minutes later, and captured her hands as she tried to slip the shirt off his shoulders. "Not here, Alice. The floor is cold and dirty. There aren’t any curtains, anyone can look in. You don’t deserve this."

She deserved flowers and candlelight and silk sheets, all the romantic clichés. She deserved a man who could tell her he loved her, someone who wouldn’t break her heart.

She didn’t deserve a quickie on a filthy kitchen floor with someone like him.

"Then take me to bed." She moved away from him and took his hand. "Better yet, I’ll take you to bed." Smiling, she pulled until he took the first reluctant step towards doom.

Alice dragged him upstairs and fell into his bed, pulling him on top of her and hugging him so hard he thought they might never be able to separate again. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. She was his.

"Oh, Gabriel." She caressed his cheek and he opened his eyes to look into hers. They were moist, and a fat tear was edging outwards. He kissed it away.

"What’s wrong?" he whispered, bracing himself on his elbows to take his weight off her. "Am I too heavy?"

Another tear. Then she pulled at him, so he collapsed back on top of her. "No. You’re wonderful. You’re perfect."

He rested his forehead on hers and smiled at her, refusing to let regret and self-loathing ruin the moment. He couldn’t make any guarantees about the future, but he could at least make this night beautiful for her. "Hey, Alice, you’re not going all romantic on me again, are you?"

She giggled, shifting her legs and wrapping herself around him, smoothing her hands down his back. "I’d never do that to you, Gabriel. But this feels so right. Doesn’t it?"

He nodded. He wasn’t getting all choked up. That wasn’t the reason he didn’t want to talk anymore. Not at all. He wouldn’t get all emotional over sex. And he’d never felt like this before, wanting to stay with her forever, because all of a sudden being alone was unthinkable.

She laughed so hard she almost bucked him off, and he ended up kissing her until the giggles died down from sheer lack of oxygen. "Idiot," she said affectionately, when she could speak again.

He flipped them over so that she was on top. "There. My brain obviously isn’t functioning well enough for the management position. You do the work."

"That’s hardly gentlemanly," she protested.

"I told you, honey -- I’m not a gentleman."

She leaned over him and kissed him. Her curls caressed his face, and he tangled his fingers in them and kissed her back. Alice pulled away and grinned at him. "You also told me you weren’t romantic, but you are."

"It was sweet." She trailed kisses along his collarbone and started hunting down the few remaining buttons. "But what do you say we cut the chit-chat, and work on that blazing passion we had going so nicely a few minutes ago?"

"Sleep," he said, pulling her against him so that her back was warming his front. "Now we sleep. No thinking, no hysteria. Plenty of time for all that in the morning. Now we’ll just sleep. And Alice?"

He drew her closer and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. Rather to his own surprise, he was feeling fine. In fact, he was feeling fantastic. "Remember what I said about early morning sex?"