Ghost of Doors (City of Doors) (18 page)

She feigned bewilderment. He would not be forgiven that easily. “With the joke?”

“With us.”

“About that.” She took the opportunity to break away, to push back and stand on her own two feet while she rehashed the reasons things didn’t work out in the first place. Where to begin? “I would really love to, but there is this problem of you working for MOON, even though I work for SUN. I think you can see where this is going.”

“That was not planned, Marie.”

“Obviously.”

“No, you don’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“It’s complicated.”

She took a few steps down the hallway and shook her head as if telling herself to disagree. “You wanted to be a vampire. And vampires go against SUN’s moral code. That was your choice. You chose that life over me. It’s actually quite simple.“

“No…” He reached out a hand to her as if he could draw her back into his arms with the gesture. She ignored it. “I could have still been a vampire without joining MOON. But it’s not easy to go alone.”

Marie didn’t think any more needed to be said. There were legions of choices made, all of them bad. Marie had always believed her path to be clear. She’d never hid anything from him. She refused to chastise him for his decisions. “What’s done is done,” she said.

“It doesn’t have to be that way. Things have changed for me. I have more power now than I did then.”

“Things have changed for me, too. Things have changed for all of us.” She took a step away. “And if you think your power impresses me, you don’t know me that well at all.”

“That’s not what I meant. I meant I have more freedom now than I did then.”

“Well, I don’t. I can’t just change what I stand for as easily as you can. I have things I want to accomplish. People depend on me.” She looked down the hall. “Not to mention, Wolfgang.”

Raphael put a hand to his forehead as if she’d punched him there. “Speaking of complicated,” he said.

“He needs me.” Her eyes met his. “I won’t let him down. I would never forgive myself—”

“I know Wolfgang. He can’t forgive me for becoming a vampire. He could never trust you, Marie. He could never get past what you are.”

“You’re wrong. He trusts me. I’m probably the only person left for him to trust.”

“I think you’re forgetting that he and I were like brothers. If I’m a monster to him, then you’re a monster, too.” He let his voice get so soft that she could hear her own breathing over it. “He doesn’t love you, Marie.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve telling me who loves me and who doesn’t.” Her sultry voice turned deep, angry; rolling waves breaking the sea during a storm. “Especially when you can’t even decide that for yourself.”

His slumped shoulders and averted eyes told her that he regretted going too far. “I…I’m sorry.”

“Tell it to someone who cares.” She disappeared then and wandered slowly back to the kitchenette where Wolfgang and Leonie were probably already eating. Raphael didn’t follow. He returned to the room he had snuck into and that was the last she saw of him that night. In the heat of anger, she had forgotten to grill him about MOON and their plans; she had let emotion manipulate her instead of the other way around and that made her even madder. Their past had been a perfect wedge to pry him with, and she let him wield its power instead.
Actually, no
, she thought. Looking back, what had gotten her was her one weakness: Wolfgang. Raphael had gone for her weak spot, no matter how unintentionally, and it floored her, shut her completely down. She didn’t know how Raphael could do that to her so easily, but it didn’t matter. Maybe some part of her still trusted his judgment, and his observations hurt. Wolfgang never returned her love. He was a friend to her right up until she showed him real affection, and then he shut down. She had always taken that for shyness, even though she knew about his prejudice against the fae. Maybe Raphael was right. She wasn’t human. She was a monster. Maybe he found her disgusting. Wiping the tears that unexpectedly ran down her face, she rounded the corner to the kitchenette in a daze. It was only after witnessing Wolfgang and Leonie about kiss that she appeared behind him, interrupting them, and whispered to him in the same dulcet tones as a lover, keeping all hint of the shame she felt out of her voice and projected it away, into the room, and out of her thoughts.

Chapter 13

W
OLFGANG WOKE TO ORANGE RAYS
of morning sunlight stretching through the window. For a moment, he had forgotten where he was until memories came to him bit by bit, each waking up in their own time.

The hall was silent. Wolfgang found the bathroom and prepared for the day, removing the t-shirt he had slept in to wash his face and run some water through his hair. The gold chain given to him by False Markus had tried to come off with the shirt but he put it back in place, the eerie dark stone like a hole against his chest. Finished, he put his shirt back on over it and returned to the hall to see Leonie in her street clothes, the first shreds of light crossing her face like makeup of the fae, smoothing her pale, glowing cheeks and breaking the rainbow of colors in her dark hair free. Forgetting that he was dressed only in his underwear, he stopped to admire her. He didn't know what he had done to convince her to join him, but he was grateful for it. She reminded him of Raphael, so eager to change, to take the form of a monster and give up everything that made her human. It was power that Raphael had sought. Too skinny, too awkward as a human, becoming a vampire gave him a divine grace and a strength he could only dream about before. Doors had made all his dreams come true, even as it fueled Wolfgang's nightmares. He wondered what it was about the transformation that appealed to Leonie. What was she so desperate to have that she would sacrifice herself and all she knew to get it?

Blinking in the strengthening sunlight, she looked up to meet his gaze, her deep blue eyes meeting his shards of ice. Glasses found and drawn to her face, she looked as beautiful as when they had first met, and no amount of sleep or dirt or magic could change that. Wolfgang wondered why she would ever want any of that to change. Eternal youth? Was that what she was after? He understood the desire to never grow old, to never decline, only as well as any teenager living among the eternally young could. His father was one of the few people he could see aging before his eyes and he didn't like it (and neither, apparently, did his father), but it was so distant for him. A father was supposed to be older and wiser. And, yes, Wolfgang would age, too, and that didn't make him happy either, even though it didn't yet seem entirely real to him. His thoughts began to make his stomach churn—his "father" wasn't really his father, everything about that was a lie. Who was he? How many people knew? Marie hadn't known. Did SUN? Did his wife? Would any of them be honest with Wolfgang about it if he asked?

As he watched Leonie come to him in the morning light, his heart cried out for something that he could not hold on to no matter how desperately he wanted it to stay. She, too, like Raphael, would be gone. It was the destiny of all who came to Doors to have the fate that they deserved one way or another. Leonie would be gone, and another who called herself Leonie would take her place, but it wouldn't be Leonie anymore. It would be a thing, a monster. A lie.

"Good morning," she said. The summer sun had begun to make its heat as well as light felt; she shed the hooded sweatshirt Wolfgang had loaned her and pulled down the T-shirt which had worked its way up as she did so. She handed over the sweatshirt, but he didn't need it. He had always slept too warm, heat radiated from him as if a furnace burned too hot inside, ready to burst at the seams and set the world on fire. If, in fact, during the night, his body exploded and set Doors on fire, he would not be sorry to see it burn.

"Morning," he replied. Outside, a bird mimicked its own version of their greeting in chirps and twitters. Wolfgang imagined their words being translated into the bird language by this unseen eavesdropper, as if it was spying on them. And maybe it was. He held the sweatshirt in front of himself awkwardly and didn’t speak again for a long moment. It felt strange to talk too loudly, their voices breaking the silence only reluctantly, as if it was precious. “Been outside already?”

“No, not yet. I was just taking a look around, then I heard you in the hall. This house is kind of creepy.”

This whole city is kind of creepy
, he thought. “Did you sleep okay?”

She shook her head, loose tendrils caressing her face. Wolfgang envied them. “Not really,” she whispered.

“That’s awful. Did anything happen?” He had been so tired and slept so soundly that the night was gone a second after closing his eyes.

“No, it’s just…” She looked away, to the window, but it was high up and only treetops could be seen. “I did a lot of thinking.” She paused until the silence felt awkward. Wolfgang figured she was trying to get her words right. Their eyes met. “You’re not really joining MOON, are you? You don’t even want to stay in Doors. I’m guessing you’re up so early because you’re planning on sneaking away before Raf gets up. Right?”

Wolfgang didn’t know where to begin, or if he should begin. Would she hate him for leaving? Did Marie tell her why they came back? Jut how loyal was Leonie to him? After all, he barely knew her. Would she go tell Raf if he told her the truth? Still uncertain, he used a skill he had learned from his monster friends: The art of not answering. It would buy him some time. “You were talking to Marie.” It was not accusatory, just the most logical conclusion he could come to.

“Would have been strange not to, since we slept in the same room. But, yeah. I did. We did. Talked.”

He nodded. “Well, I don’t want to be rude, but it might be better if I answered your questions with my pants on.”

It worked. Her pale cheeks grew pinker, flushed with shame. No wonder the fae’s trickery relied so much on human social skills—those strings were so easy to pull. It just made him all the more eager to see the human world for himself. “Oh! Please, excuse me. I wasn’t thinking.”

He went back to his room and dressed, taking his time so he could mull over his options. Telling her the truth was probably best so he could judge upfront where her loyalties lie. His first test would be to explain that he had to leave to find his father, and see what kind of reaction she gave. That should tell him how much Marie had revealed about his motives, or at the very least, give him a hint as to what she believed. If she was really just spying for Raf, then she was an extremely good spy, and better at covering up her opinions than the poker-faced fae ever were, and he didn’t believe that was the case. Her naivete was not fake. It was too real, too visceral.

Her found her at the kitchenette table at the end of the hall. “You must be starving,” he said, and dug into the cabinets looking for breakfast foods.

“Yeah. I already looked. Not much that isn’t canned.”

He closed the cabinet and sat down next to her. “I’ll get us something in town,” he began, holding her gaze with his eyes. “I have to go to my father’s lab. It’s very important that I meet up with him.” His teeth clenched as his thoughts flashed back to the Hindernis. “You’ll come too, right?”

“To your dad’s lab? Sure.” She didn’t mention Raf or MOON again, so he took that as a good sign, and her willingness to join him seemed genuine. He hoped she would infer that he wasn’t joining MOON by the way he avoided the topic, and he did not bring it up again.

“We should go soon. Where’s Marie?”

Leonie shrugged. “She was gone when I woke up.” Wolfgang nodded. It was not unusual in the least for Marie to do her own thing. Like a cat, she often showed up later, whenever he needed her. Maybe she went out to find Pilgrim. Maybe she was here, watching them, invisible. Leonie’s words brought him out of his thoughts and back into the present. "So...where to?"

"Ah…Let’s head out to
Mitte
. We can probably get some food there. I really need to get back to my...dad's." He lost the slight smile she had brought to his lips. He wished he could just forget yesterday ever happened. But this was for his dad...his real dad. He owed this to him. Someone had to know what happened.

"Cool. Can I meet him?"

"Of course you can. But I have to talk with him privately. It's kind of important."

"Sure," she said gently, picking up on the nervousness he'd wanted to hide. "I understand."

There was so much he wanted to know about the human world, but now, all the questions bottlenecked inside himself and couldn't come out. What could he ask? Would anything help him with his problems now? Maybe he should show her his father's Ausweis. Would she know anything about it? Could she tell him if it was real?

They went outside and the bright sunlight cast long shadows from the trees and fences in this neighborhood. The gates and ornate buildings made Wolfgang think that, in the real Berlin, this must be a wealthy neighborhood, while here in Doors it was for the strongest, those who had much to hide and the means to keep it hidden.

Wolfgang picked up a stone, and held it to Leonie so she could see. "Look. This is what I meant before. This once had more life than any of them will ever have. Look at it now." Leonie became horrified, cringed away from the stone with the look of a mother witnessing the torture of her son. Wolfgang didn't have to look at the other side to know what was there. A face. A human face, now scarred and broken with time. A face in agony. "Pick up any of them. You'll see. It's true."