Gift of Desire (10 page)

“Lord Mansell?”

He redirected his attention to his dining companion. “Yes, Miss Pattison.”

* * *

After dinner, when the men were finally released from drinking port and discussing politics, he made his way back to the drawing room.

“Uncle Jasper?”

“Yes, Tommy?” His gaze slid past his nephew and alighted on Caro, who was about to sit down at the pianoforte.

“Miss Alice won’t speak to me.”

“What did you do?”

His young nephew colored up. “I teased her about something in front of Breton and she wasn’t amused.”

“Then get her alone for a moment and apologize.”

“I suppose I could do that. Girls are the devil, aren’t they?”

Jasper gave him a hard stare. “If you truly feel like that, you’re probably not ready to marry one yet.”

Tommy slouched off and Jasper was finally free to follow Caroline. She was busy arranging sheets of music on the top of the piano and didn’t hear his approach. It gave him time to appreciate her trim figure, chestnut brown hair and decidedly patrician nose. She’d never been as beautiful as her much older sister, Maud, but she had a charm and vivacity that attracted many men’s attention and held it—including his. By the time he’d realized how he felt, she’d married George and he’d been off fighting Napoleon.

It was difficult to watch her avoiding eye contact and hiding away from the other guests. If his sources were correct, George had died two years ago and she’d hardly been seen in society since.

“May I help you, ma’am?”

She jumped as his shoulder brushed hers and glanced up at him. “Thank you, but I’ve just finished. I was making sure I had all the most popular songs and ballads available for our evening performers.”

“Do you still sing?”

Her hand crept to her damaged throat. “No. I prefer to be the accompanist. I’m rather too old to be exhibiting my talents, and I’m certainly not looking for a husband to show off to.”

“Why not? You’re only twenty-six.”

Her fingers tightened on the piece of sheet music. “I don’t think I could ever replace George.”

That wasn’t something he was prepared to acknowledge or deal with at this precise moment. “So it has nothing to do with your injuries?”

She lifted her head and glared at him. “I see you are still incredibly insensitive and downright
rude.
”

He shrugged. “I’ve always been honest with you, I’ll give you that.”

She gathered the music together and then needlessly fanned it out again. “This isn’t an appropriate place to discuss such matters, and you know it.” She nodded at the chairs. “Miss Pattison is looking for you.”

He bowed. “Then I’ll go and attend to her.”

A definite rebuff, but at least she’d finally looked him in the eye and shown some of her old spirit.

* * *

By the end of the evening, Caroline was exhausted. It wasn’t just the blatant stares and outright pity in everyone’s eyes, but the simple issue of having to be polite and deal with so many people again. Her face hurt from smiling and the vivid scars on her right cheek and on her throat ached as if determined to bring further attention to them.

She persuaded Maud and her husband to go up to bed and spent a few moments down in the basement talking to the servants about the events planned for the next day. When she emerged into the hallway, all was quiet. She breathed in the scent of the holly and pine boughs and tried to relax. As she turned toward the stairs, she noticed a pair of long legs crossed at the ankles sticking out from one of the chairs by the fire in the deserted drawing room.

With a resigned sigh she turned around and went back. “Are you unsure where your bedroom is, Lord Mansell?”

He looked up at her, his brown eyes reflecting the flames of the fire. “You said it wasn’t the right time to talk.”

“And you’ve decided that now is?” She wished her voice wouldn’t wobble. “I’m tired, my lord. I wish to retire.”

He reached out and grabbed her hand, bringing her down onto his lap. “Caro, it’s just me.”

She struggled against him for a second and then gave up. He’d always been stronger than her and his years in the military had simply added to his powerful physique.

“This is unseemly. What if anyone notices us?”

“Don’t be so stuffy. They’ve all gone to bed.”

She held herself rigidly upright, her back straight and her hands clasped together in her lap. He smelled pleasantly of brandy and spices and other masculine scents she remembered as uniquely his.

“What do you want, my lord?”

“Jasper.”

“Jasper, then.” She stared outward into the hall. If anyone did come down the stairs, she would be able to see them and take discretionary action. “Do you wish to ask all the questions the other guests were too polite to voice? Such as why was I allowed downstairs to cast a pall on the festivities?”

“There’s no need to rip up at me.” He rested his large hand on her knee. “What happened?”

Trust him to ignore her sensibilities and focus on the hard facts. Jasper was notoriously difficult to avoid when he set his mind on something. “George and I were on a boat coming back to Dover. There was a sudden squall and the boat almost capsized. Some of the lanterns were knocked over and the cabins caught fire. It was difficult to get out onto the deck. George was drowned.”

“Ah.”

She took an unsteady breath. “Now will you let me go?”

He leaned in and kissed her damaged cheek. “If you’ll remind me where my bedchamber is. I really have forgotten which one was allocated to me.”

She was so relieved to slide off his lap that his lack of reaction to her confession hardly registered.

“Come with me.” She lit a candle in the hallway and carried it well ahead of her.

“Thank you. This house is a terrible maze.” He followed her up the shallow, worn stairs, his gaze flicking upward to consider the remains of the hammerbeam roof. “Are you living here now?”

“I came here to recover from the accident.”

“You don’t miss having your own household?”

“I am starting to, but I haven’t quite decided what I want to do yet.”

“Thank God for that,” he murmured.

She stopped on the landing to look back at him. “What do you mean?”

His smile was all innocence. “Which way now?”

She turned left and led him down one of the endless corridors that connected the older parts of the house to the newer ones. “Your room faces out over the gardens, so it should be fairly quiet.” She paused at the third door. “Here you are. Will your valet be waiting up for you?”

“I hope not, seeing as I left him in London with his family.”

She set the candle down on the table outside the door. “If you require assistance with dressing, please let me know, and I’ll assign one of the male staff to help you.”

“Thank you.”

“Good night, then.”

He cupped her cheek and his thumb grazed the raised edge of her scars. “Does it still hurt?”

“No,” she whispered. “Jasper, don’t—”

He leaned in closer. “How about now?” His mouth lightly brushed over hers.

“
No
.”

He did it again and she trembled.

“No, it doesn’t hurt, or no, don’t kiss me?”

“That hardly qualified as a
kiss
.”

“How very remiss of me.”

He took advantage of her sudden intake of breath and tugged on her lower lip until she opened her mouth and let him in. He investigated her mouth with a slow deliberate thoroughness that made her tremble like an untried girl. She touched his tongue with her own and he groaned and slid his hand around the back of her neck to hold her still for his leisurely exploration.

He seemed in no hurry to end the kiss, or to release her, or to do anything more intimate. She’d never been kissed like that before in her life. With George, kissing had always been a mere prelude to the more important act of bedding her.

George…

She pushed on Jasper’s chest and he slowly raised his head like a man being pulled out of a trance.

“What’s wrong?”

“What are you doing?”

“Kissing you.”

“But why?”

“Because I wanted to.” He sighed and released her. “Don’t spoil it. I’ve dreamed of doing that for years.”

“But—”

He put two fingers on her lips. “Don’t. I’m going to bed now. Good night, Caro. Sleep well.” He glanced down at himself and Caroline couldn’t help noticing he was aroused. “I’m fairly certain I won’t.”

She whisked out of his grasp and practically ran back to the safety of her own room. After she’d shut the door, she touched her fingers to her trembling lips. Why had he done that? And what had he meant about wanting to do it for years? She took a deep, steadying breath, but it didn’t help. The mortifying thing was that Jasper wouldn’t be the only one not sleeping. If he’d touched her anywhere else but her mouth, he would’ve found her just as heated and wanting as he was.

Was it true that men considered widows easy prey because it was assumed they missed the attentions of a man in their bed? She’d never believed it, but Jasper—her
friend—
might just have proven her wrong. Despite everything, she’d wanted to believe in his kiss, to fall into it and let him do with her what he willed…

She walked across to ring for her maid and caught a glimpse of her flushed face in the mirror. Her scars looked even more livid than usual. How could he have not noticed them? She briefly closed her eyes. Of course he had noticed them. He’d
touched
them. He’d kissed her out of pity, not for any other reason, and she would do well to remember it.

Luckily for Caroline, the men were taken out for a day of hunting and shooting, leaving the women to plan the Christmas day dance for the whole village and finish decorating the house. She worked hard protecting the staff from Maud’s rising temper and relaying instructions in a more palatable manner that wouldn’t result in a kitchen revolt. When she wasn’t being diplomatic below stairs, she was making sure the houseguests were kept busy with the various schemes arranged to amuse them.

By the time dinner was over, she yearned to crawl into bed and sleep for a week. Unfortunately, Maud’s uncertain temper meant her request to be released from her duties was met with an uncompromising no. Her sister was convinced that without her help the evening would be a disaster. Unwilling to argue further, Caroline took the younger members into the summer parlor and supervised their party games while the adults played bridge.

To her surprise, Jasper joined her and helped the young guests find board games and cards and settled them down to play.

When everyone was busy, she looked up at him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Helping me.”

“You looked rather tired.”

She unconsciously straightened her shoulders. “It’s been a tiring day. Maud tends to get overwhelmed by the complexities of organizing the festivities.”

“And loads the responsibility on you.”

“I don’t mind. I owe her a lot. But it has made me decide that I want my own establishment again. The Lyndhurst family offered me a home, but I didn’t feel right about accepting anything more from them. I do, however, have sufficient funds to live a very gracious life.”

“Where would you choose to live?” He asked abruptly.

“Not London.” She drew her shawl closer around her shoulders. “Somewhere quieter where I would have the opportunity to get to know my neighbors and not feel so—”

“On show?”

She looked up at him. “Is it that obvious?”

“Maybe only to me. You still make an incredibly gracious hostess.”

“Thank you.” She glanced over at Alice’s group. “Miss Pattison is waving. I don’t think it is my attention she is after.”

“Miss Pattison can wait.”

“She would make an excellent wife for you. Her family is well-connected and she is quite beautiful.”

“And remarkably empty-headed.”

“Which most gentleman would appreciate.”

“Not this one.” He shifted in his seat. “Are you trying to marry me off?”

“Well, you did say you were getting long in the tooth.” Caroline couldn’t believe she was teasing him. “And you do need an heir for your grandfather’s title. Oh, look, Miss Pattison is coming to find you.”

His hand shot out as she tried to rise. “Stay there.”

“Are you still expecting me to protect you from the marriageable ladies?”

He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers. “Yes, please.”

“Lord Mansell?” The look Miss Pattison shot Caroline was particularly unfriendly. “Would you like to come and play speculation with us?”

“No, thank you, Miss Pattison. I’m here to help chaperone the activities, not take part in them.”

She pouted. “But you are hardly old enough to be reduced to doing
that
. Mrs. Lyndhurst is quite capable of managing on her own, I
assure
you.”

Caroline bit down on her lip to stop her amusement showing. “What a lovely compliment, Miss Pattison. I am
so
glad to be of service to you.”

She only realized Jasper had retained her hand when he squeezed her fingers. With a martyred sigh, Miss Pattison returned to her friends and soon had her head together with Alice, no doubt plotting her next move.

“I wonder what she’ll come up with next?” Jasper murmured. “I’m slightly worried that she’s even more interested in marrying me off than you are. Oh dear, now she has Alice in her thrall.”

Alice approached Caroline with a smile. “Can we play something a little bit more
daring
, Aunt?”

“What exactly do you have in mind, my love?” Caroline asked. “It’s rather too cold to go outside.”

“Oh, we don’t need to go out. Perhaps we might play sardines?”

“What is that?”

Alice giggled with Miss Pattison and her friends, who had joined her. “It’s a version of hide and seek when the person who hides is joined by the other seekers rather than being found and the game being over.”

“It sounds rather silly to me.”

Alice pouted. “Please, Aunt Caroline. If you aren’t sure, ask Mama, she allowed us to play it last Christmas when you were still too sick to come downstairs.”