Gifted To The Dragon: A Paranormal Pregnancy Romance (The Gifted Series Book 2) (19 page)

He sent me that text in response to three phone calls and two voice mails that I left him.

After setting a glass of iced tea in front of me, Brianna had a seat across from me.

"Well, have
you
tried to contact
him
further?"

With my gaze on a vase full of daises in the center of the table, I shrugged, fighting increasingly misty eyes. I was determined not to cry, because I'd done plenty of that the night of the battle, when I'd waited up for Desmond until midnight, but he hadn't come to see me.

Instead, he dispatched Brianna to come by, just to make sure I wasn’t physically injured in any way during the fight, which I hadn't.

"Other than when I called him and left voice mails the day after the battle, I haven't tried to contact him at all. I guess I thought he'd cool down by now and try to contact
me
. But now I'm starting to think that he may never cool down. Or, at least he might never forgive me."

"Forgive you for what? You said that you never promised him that you wouldn't fight."

"I didn't. I didn't even say 'okay' when he told me to stay in the tower. I think he just assumed that I'd follow his 'order,' because he's so used to everyone else following his orders. And for a little while after he left...I think I was almost leaning toward staying in the tower like he asked me to.

“I was at least considering it pretty intensely. But then part of me...some part in my gut...just knew what I needed to do. And then you called, and it spurred me into action, and I don't regret that. I feel good about what I did...I feel proud. I'm not sure I could have ever lived with myself if I hadn't helped in the fight. I at least would have always felt ashamed about it. I just regret that obviously I made Desmond fear losing me, and I've made him push me away again."

"You didn't
make
him do anything. He's a big boy. He controls his own actions, like all adults do. Up until recently, I was definitely not subscribing to this thinking myself in terms of Josh and the accident...and I think that was just because of all the guilt I felt...but it's true, and I really feel it is now. Adults make their own choices, whether it's to speed in a truck, or take part in a battle, or push someone away.

“That latter, obviously Desmond was doing, but he's only hurting himself, which I don't like to see as a friend, but I also don't like to see it just because of how much he's hurting you. Do you think if I called him up and asked him to come talk to you, not right this second, but--"

"No."

I made a sudden decision, one that made me feel just a pinch better already.

"No...thank you, Emma, but I just decided something. You're right. I made my own choice and Desmond is making his own, and we're not responsible for whatever choices the other makes. You were also right when you said a while back that I can't be responsible for whether he pushes me away again.

“As sorry as I am that he has issues of being afraid of losing people, those issues are his own. And I don't think I could ever go through life tiptoeing around on eggshells, constantly worried about doing something that might make him fear losing me, starting some vicious cycle of him pushing me away repeatedly or something."

With my eyes now completely dry, I paused to take a sip of my iced tea before continuing.

"It basically boils down to this for me. If he'd rather end our relationship rather than always be afraid of losing me for one reason or another, which he's obviously doing right now, then I'm leaving that on him. That's his choice. And even though it's breaking my heart...ripping it to shreds sometimes, it feels like, actually...I'm not going to beg him to talk to me, and I'm not going to beg him to take me back.

“I'm also not going to tell him I'll never fight again, either. No way. So, pretty much, he's the one with a choice to make now. He needs to decide whether he's going to try to overcome his loss issues or not. He can call and talk to me if he wants. But if he'd rather live without me than continue our relationship and continually fear losing me, then so be it. It will completely shatter my heart, because I'm not sure of I'll ever meet another man that I love as much as I love him, but...."

My misty eyes were suddenly back, and in a major way. Still determined not to devolve into full-blown crying, I raked the back of my hand across them, sniffing.

"Anyway, if Desmond would rather never love, than love and fear losing, it will break my heart, but I'll survive. My baby will help keep me going. And about the baby...that's the only reason I'm going to contact Desmond.

“I'm going to inform him about all upcoming doctor's appointments, so that he can come with me and stay informed about the baby's development and all that, but that's it for right now. I'm going to contact him about baby-related things only.

“If he wants more than that...if he wants to continue our relationship and get over his fear...well, he can go ahead and tell me that. No more of his silence making me feel like I've done something wrong."

Emma looked thoughtful for a long moment before nodding.

"I think this is good. Maybe with you going on about your way, Desmond will do some serious thinking and realize that it's not better to go without love rather than have it and risk losing it."

Lifting my iced tea glass, I sighed.

"Hopefully, he'll realize that. I hope with all my heart that he will. But I'm going to have to be prepared if he doesn't. And in that case, I just hope he still wants to be a part of his daughter's life."

"So, you still think you're having a girl?"

Swallowing a sip of tea and setting my glass down, I nodded.

"Yes. Positive. It's just mother's intuition or something, but I just
know
. I know that I have a little daughter growing inside of me. I'm just as certain of it as Desmond is that...."

My damned tears were back again.

"As Desmond is that our little baby will be...."

Angry that I couldn't seem to control the moisture level in my eyes, but fighting a deep ache of sadness in my chest at the same time, I raked the back of my hand across my eyes again.

"Desmond really thinks we're having a boy."

I wondered if Desmond wanted anything to do with that boy now. That boy that was actually a girl.

Not wanting to talk about Desmond anymore and further upset myself, I wiped my eyes again and abruptly changed the subject.

"Anyway, let's talk about something happier. I've been wanting to ask you how everything is going with you and Eric. Now that the two of you finally admitted that you love each other, is it all going well?"

Tucking a strand of her wavy brown hair behind one ear, Emma snorted, though smiling.

"Well, it
is
all going well now, but apparently being zapped as badly as he was really scrambled his brains the night of the fight and gave him a bit of amnesia about the hours immediately after, and we've had to clarify a few things.

“When he came out of his 'mental fog' kind of state after a couple of days, I asked him if he remembered what I'd said to him right after he was hurt. He said no, and then for some reason, I just got embarrassed and completely froze up. He asked me what was wrong, and I just blurted out a few words, asking him if he feels sorry for me. He said no, but that he often feels like he loves me, and as much more than a friend.

“And I asked him how often, and he said, 'All the time.' Then I asked him why he didn't tell me this sooner, and he said because he's always felt like I've been 'holding him at arm's length.' And I said, 'Well, I know I
have
been doing that, but it's partly because I haven't wanted to get rejected, because I thought maybe you just pitied me,' and he said, 'That's crazy.'

“Then, I said, 'Well, then, you should know that I have some pretty strong feelings toward you, too.' And he asked what kind of strong feelings, and I just burst out and said I loved him, and I have for a good long while. And then I said, 'But I'm always going to love Jake's father, too, just so you know.'

“He said that's fine, because he can tell that I'm the kind of woman with a heart big enough to love two men. Then he corrected himself and said
three
men, including 'little man Jake.'"

Emma finally paused for breath and then exhaled with a smile playing around the edges of her mouth.

"I think our happily-ever-after has begun, Madison. Finally."

I was thrilled for her, and Eric and Jake, too. Now that things had been set in motion, I had a feeling that the three of them might become an official family before too long. I just hoped and prayed that there might still be a chance of that happening for Desmond and me and our baby, too.

Several more days went by and Desmond still didn't contact me. I didn't even run into him anywhere in the tower. Which maybe wasn't surprising, considering that Brianna told me that he'd been working unusually long hours on surveillance. I asked her if the Angels that had survived the battle, including their leader, Darius Archer, were planning another attack or something, but she said no.

"See, that's exactly
why
Desmond and a lot of his elite men have been gone so much. The Angels have been completely 'behaving' themselves, for lack of a better way to put it. They haven't been doing any surveillance on
us
, and they haven't been trying to attack any of our guards posted around city limits, like they normally do, at least daily, it seems like. They've just been completely quiet, just sticking to their various little encampments."

"So, do you think they've just finally given up on retaking Chicago?"

Brianna snorted. "Not a chance. Really...not a chance. That's why Desmond's so on edge. Even though they're not showing any obvious signs of planning another attack, he thinks something's up, and he's probably right."

"Well, what does he think they're doing?"

"Who knows? Maybe waiting for reinforcements from the east or something. All I know is that just watching and trying to figure out what they're up to has kept Desmond away from the tower a lot lately."

I wondered if that was only part of it. I wondered if the other part was that he was intentionally staying gone in order to avoid me, not wanting to run into me even in the elevator or something.

Two weeks or so after the battle, I had an afternoon doctor's appointment, and I sent him a text message informing him about it.
You're welcome to come if you'd like, if you'd like to ask the doctor any questions about the baby's growth or development or anything. It's at Dr. Jansen's office on the twelfth floor at two.

An hour or so later, I received a response.
I'll meet you there.

So
, I told myself,
he'd made a few decisions
. He'd made up his mind to still be in the baby's life, but he didn't want to be in mine, as evidenced by the fact that he hadn't offered to meet me at my apartment and walk me down to the appointment or anything.

Apparently, that would have involved too much time for conversation. Or maybe just more time spent near me than he wanted.
Can't win 'em all
, I thought, fighting tears for what felt like the millionth time since I'd become pregnant.

Tears and hunger had become my constant companions. Fortunately, my morning sickness had all but disappeared. Now two-and-a-half months along, I'd gained two pounds, and I definitely had the beginnings of a tiny little baby bump. Enough of one that I was wearing jeans a size larger than I normally wore. Desmond bought me several pairs the day he'd taken me shopping.

On the day of my doctor's appointment, I was wearing a pair of my new larger jeans along with a fairly form-fitting top. I happened to be standing in the waiting room, surveying a cork board full of baby pictures, when Desmond arrived, viewing me from the side when he walked through the door. And whether it was because he spotted my tiny little baby bump, or whether he was just a bit thrown just to simply see
me
, period, he paused in his steps for just a second.