Giles Goat Boy (115 page)

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Authors: John Barth

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BOOK: Giles Goat Boy
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“What about the Power-Line guards?” I asked carefully. Stepping back into the sidecar, he declared he’d given orders that all special head- and neck-gear be made optional for them, if not discarded altogether.

“If they look down, they fall,” he said cheerfully; if they
don’t
look down, they fall too. They’ll have to learn to see without looking!”

My heart rejoiced. But I administered a final test by greeting his wife (who regarded me chillily) and expressing my regret for the accidental injury to her cheek. Her face flashed anger, as for an instant did the Chancellor’s.

“For a man to strike his wife is a flunkèd thing,” he declared firmly. “We don’t live in the Dark Semesters any more. And we’re not Furnace-Room mechanics.”

“I should say
not
,” Mrs. Rexford snapped. “And I’ll tell you something
else, Mr. Giles, while we’re on the subject: my husband might be the Chancellor, but—”

She stopped with a look of fright, for Rexford had suddenly raised his hand. In fact he only signaled the advance-guard to proceed, but even Anastasia gasped, and Mrs. Rexford never finished her sentence.

Her husband grinned. “See you on Founder’s Hill this afternoon, Mr. Giles.”

I reached to touch his temples, declaring him a Candidate for Passage and Commencement. But he shook his head and cordially declined. For one thing, he said, the gesture might be looked upon by his political enemies as some sort of bribe, or at least an endorsement of my authenticity, a matter too controversial for him to take a public stand on unless he had to; for another—his grin was melancholy—he reminded me that as Chancellor his first allegiance was to the College, whose best interests he would pursue at whatever cost—enlightenedly, he hoped, and in the final service of all the Free Campus, even all studentdom. But if circumstances forced the choice (“Which Founder forfend!”) between repudiating me and breaching the vows of his office, he would consent even to my Shafting, as he had to Max’s. That Remusian vice-administrator of the Moishian quads in terms gone by, who had winked at Enos Enoch’s lynching, was to Rexford’s mind a tragic figure, unjustly maligned by simplistic Enochists unaware of the responsibilities of power.

“You’d Shaft me if you had to, sir? For teaching administrative subversion, say, if
I
had to?”

He gave me a level look. “It might flunk me forever. But I’d do it.”

The professor-generals clapped one another on the back; the military escort cheered. For just a moment Rexford surveyed them with an expression of distaste, even loathing; then he flashed the famous grin, mischievously winked at Anastasia while embracing Mrs. Rexford, and sped away.

“Is he a Candidate or not?” Anastasia asked me.

“You’re a Graduate,” I replied; “what do
you
think?”

Flushing with pride, she considered the matter at length as she steered us out onto the highway, through the dormitory-quads and faculty-residence areas, and along the Founder’s Hill road towards George’s Gorge. In that vicinity, having grappled with the pluses and minuses of the case for more than an hour, she said at last, “I think he
is
, George. Not a Graduate, but a real Candidate for Graduation.”

“I see. Why is that, Anastasia?”

“I’m not good at
words
,” she reminded me seriously. “But embarrassed as I was to see him, after last evening (especially with Mrs. Rexford, who must
hate
me, much as I like her), it seemed to me there was something important about that
hitting-her
business. You know?” After a pause she tried again: for the Chancellor of a college to disavow and deplore such things as espionage, cheating, and secret negotiations, she seemed in her fashion to be saying, while yet not disallowing them, was in itself doubtless mere hypocrisy, like condemning wife-beating on principle while striking one’s wife; yet she could imagine an elevated version of this
modus operandi
, so sincere and second-natural that what had been flunkèd Contradiction became passèd Paradox. And she believed that should Lucius Rexford attain that state—which was betrayed and falsified even by talking about it, as she was doing—he would be Commenced.

“Is that right, George?” she asked at the end. Inasmuch as I was obliged in any case to clasp her from behind in order to keep my seat, I smiled, patted her belly, and called her my first Graduate Assistant.

“You’re
teasing
me!” she said, a little crossly, but abandoned the throttle to press my hand against her a moment. “If what I said is wrong, tell me so!”

But we had come to a fork in our road, some kilometers beyond George’s Gorge; I caught my breath, recognizing suddenly where we were and what lay just past the next bend. A moment later my heart leaped up, and over My Ladyship’s shoulder I pointed out the gambrels and cupolas of home.

The day being fine, though chill, the herd was outside in the pounds, officially supervised by one of Reginald Hector’s aides. But that fellow (chosen by lot, I learned later, when the ex-Chancellor forsook the independent life) was either irresponsible or incompetent, and nowhere in sight. Once I’d got over my surprise at how much smaller everything seemed than in my kidship, I groaned at the evidences of neglect: the barn and fences needed whitewash; the pounds were filthy, the feed-cribs bare. Worst of all, the herd itself was depleted by half—owing, I could only hope, to ignorant neglect and not some keeper’s bloody appetite—and the survivors were ragged and pinched as inmates of a concentration-campus. In vain I looked about for Hedda O.T.S.T., for Becky’s Pride Sue or Tommy’s Thomas: I recognized no one. Anastasia hung back, not to intrude upon my grief. With smarting eyes I rushed into the pound; the does scattered like wild things. Could that be B.’s P. Sue, a pinched and gimpy crone? As I wept at the likelihood, and with chagrin that they
knew me no more than I them, a strong bleat came from the barn, a bucky challenge; and after it—head couched and hooves a-pound—Redfearn’s Tom, charging from the dead! Stick in hand I stood, as years before, transfixed this time as much by wonder as by fright. I had retraced my way; had I also, in some wise, rewound the very tape of time? The buck was young and full of juice, despite his leanness—younger than R.’s Tom had been on the day I slew him, or Tommy’s Thomas when I’d set out for Great Mall. In the instant before he was upon me I guessed he was no ghost, but Tommy’s Tommy’s Tom: that Triple-T who saw the light not long before my departure! Joyfully I sprang aside; he cracked the fencerail—splendid son of splendid sires!—and neither dazed by the collision nor tempted to escape through the broken fence, spun about and recharged me at once. Anastasia squealed. Out of practice as I was, slackened by my terms in Main Detention and the life of human studentdom, I durstn’t try to pin him; I parried, passed, and fended as I could, calling him all the while by name and giving him to smell, between charges, my wrapper and the amulet-of-Freddie. These intrigued him, and when at last I stripped myself (retying the a.-of-F. about my loins) and flung the wrapper over his head, its scent stirred in him some deep ancestral memory. His mood changed altogether; he permitted me to scratch his head, licked Anastasia’s hand when I introduced them, and appreciatively snuffled her escutcheon.

“He’s a
darling
, George!” she cried. “I
love
animals!”

I smiled. But delightsome as was reunion with Triple-T and the does—who wandered up now in twos and threes, smelt of the hide, and bleated to me as to a keeper—I had come to do works of preparation. Hedda alone I lingered awhile in communion with: unbelievably agèd and infirm, her beauty flown, she tottered from the barn last of all, sniffed my amulet suspiciously, then nearly wept for joy upon realizing who I was. For some minutes we nuzzled wordlessly—shocking how sere and shrunk her once-peerless udder, whose freckled daint had fired my youthful dreams! When at length I introduced her to My Ladyship, the two appraised each other without expression; then Anastasia took my arm and leaned against me, whereupon dear Hedda, with a feeble snort, gimped back into the barn, nor stirred from her rank old straw again.

I set about my work. First I fed the herd, forking hay down from the loft and refilling the stagnant water-troughs. Then, with Anastasia’s help, I drenched them all with copper sulphate to de-worm them, milked the few who needed that relief (the number of kids was heartbreakingly small), and trimmed everyone’s hooves. Next—what Stoker’s
oath had suggested—I filled the dipping-tank with creosote solution, bathed the entire herd, and then (though neither I nor my wrapper was literally verminous, as were the others) cleansed myself in that potent bath, immersing even my head, until no trace of my term on Great Mall remained. Anastasia scrubbed my back; she would join me in the dip, cold as was the air and free of lice her fleecy parts; I knew why, was well pleased, but told her it was unnecessary. We did however wash her body with saddle-soap, and groomed each other when we had brushed and combed the herd. It being then noon, and she and I both roused by the brisk shampoo of our private parts, we repaired to a bed of fresh-forked straw. Warmed by the huddling does (all save Hedda), for two hours we drowsed and coupled—but knew better than to strive for last night’s wonders. She remained she, I I; in a campus of thats and thises we sweetly napped and played, and were content: not every day can be Commencement Day. Lunch, like breakfast, we forwent.

At two (I could read a goat-crook’s shadow in any season quite as accurately as Ira Hector a man’s, and set Lady Creamhair’s watch with perfect confidence) I rose refreshed from My full-friggèd Ladyship, re-cleansed my organ in the dip, and donned my wrap. Fetching the spare horn from the gear-chest I nipped its point to mouthpiece-size with a docking-tool and fashioned for it a stout sling of binder-twine. Then to all the herd, save two, I bade farewell, pledging to return one day and to send a better keeper to them in the meanwhile. Hedda and Tommy’s Tommy’s Tom were the exceptions: the latter because I meant to take him with me; the former because when I bent into her lousy pen I found her passed away. I closed her glassèd eyes, touched my lips to those withered teats once prouder and more speckled than my dam’s, and left her, trusting that even Grandfather’s aide would not deny her a respectful grave. Triple-T we tethered behind the motorcycle; a handsome buckling he was now, dipped and groomed, with a proper lunch in him; he pranced and snorted and butted without fear the very fender! Anastasia (who not only declined the syringe of vinegar I offered to douche her with, but plugged her privity with sterile gauze to retain the insemination) put on her helmet and released the clutch, and we headed west.

Our progress, however, with Tommy’s Tommy’s Tom in tow, proved poor. I was obliged at length to hogtie him—revolting term—with the tether and truss him behind me athwart the fender, much as I sympathized with his fright. By this arrangement, though his bleats would have moved to pity Ira Hector himself, we tripled our speed; once past the Gorge
and crossroads, moreover, Anastasia displayed a skill at short-cuts equal to her husband’s, and a truly Stokerish capacity for the speed that had so alarmed her as his passenger. The sun hung still a fair half-hour from the horizon when we hove in sight of Founder’s Hill.

7
.

Set free but for a leash wrapped thrice about my wrist, Triple-T opened us a walkway through the crowd. On every slope they’d gathered through the day—students, professors, administrators, trustees, groundskeepers, clerks, all wearing holiday best. Despite the gravity of the occasion (Shafting had only recently been made public again—by Rexfordian liberals, interestingly enough, who hoped thereby to shock the student body into abolishing capital punishment) there was excitement in the air, even a certain festivity. As the execution happened to coincide with other ceremonies and observances traditionally scheduled for that day of week and time of year, Founder’s Hill had been a busy place since morning. A kind of intermission seemed now in progress: martial music could be heard from loudspeakers, and strolling vendors offered food, drink, pennants, and large white flowers to the crowd. Newspaper extras were being hawked around; the one I fed to T.T.T. bore headlines about Bray’s promised wonders, the full restoration of WESCAC’s strength under Dr. Eierkopf’s supervision from the Powerhouse Control Room, the apparent disappearance of Classmate X, the expected resumption of the Boundary Dispute on last term’s terms. On all the front pages were photographs of Lucius Rexford embracing his wife in the Chancellory sidecar and winking, so it seemed, at the camera, as if to indicate that all was in hand at home as well as abroad. Indeed, despite the seriousness of the varsity situation and the great disruptions of normalcy that still prevailed in
New Tammany, the captions were optimistic:
LUCKY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN
; “
LIGHT LIGHTS,

LAUGHS LUCKY
. Roving photojournalism-majors prowled with cameras and Telerama-packs, interviewing the student-in-the-path and campus celebrities on such topics as capital punishment, Grand-Tutorial impostors, and what they called the “new look” of the Rexford administration. Me too they would approach for a statement, and Anastasia, when we left the motorcycle and started up: they trotted about, asking what I thought of Bray’s mid-day “miracles” on the Hilltop, and whether I intended to “top his performance” or “have it out” with him. But thanks to the plunging horns and knife-edged hooves of Tommy’s Tommy’s Tom, they kept their distance, as did hecklers, applauders, and the hosts of the indifferent, through whose ranks we made our way.

Towards the summit, where the rocky hill flattened into a kind of park around the Shaft, the crowd was thinner; Stoker’s guards had erected a great circle of barriers, several hundred meters across, past which none but high officials and their guests were permitted. Stoker himself stalked the far perimeter all ascowl, threatening would-be gate-crashers with his billy and passing upon credentials: some he admitted whose ID-cards showed them to be nobodies; others he refused whose eminence entitled them to pass. At the consequent uproar he laughed—a harsh echo of his old hilarity. Anastasia was admitted at once by the guard at our barrier, who recognized her with a lick of his lips, and at her coax he reholstered his pistol instead of shooting Triple-T. Espying us from several meters off, Stoker shouted an obscenity and ordered the guard to refuse me admittance. People in the dignitaries’ stands near the Shaft turned to look.

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