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Authors: John Barth

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BOOK: Giles Goat Boy
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As late as Campus Riot II, however, there remained a few men like Max for whom the creature was, if no longer their servant, at least not
yet entirely their master, and upon whom it seemed to depend like a giant young brother for the completion of its growth. It was they, under Max’s directorship, who taught WESCAC how to EAT …

“Imagine a big young buck,” Max said: “he’s got wonderful muscles, and he knows he could jump the fence and kill your enemies if he just knew how. Not only that: he knows who could teach him! So he finds his keeper and says he needs certain lessons. Then he can jump out of his pen to charge anybody he wants to, you see? Including his teacher …”

WESCAC’s former handlers, it appeared, had already taught it considerable
resourcefulness
, and elements of the college military—the New Tammany ROTC—had long since instructed it to advise them how they might best defend it (and its bailiwick) against all adversaries. Under the pretext therefore of developing a more efficient means of communicating with its extremities, the creature disclosed one day to Max Spielman that a certain sort of energy given off during its normal activity—what Max called “brainwaves”—was theoretically capable of being intensified almost limitlessly, at the same amplitudes and frequencies as human “brainwaves,” like a searchlight over tremendous spaces. The military-science application was obvious: in great secret the brute and its handlers perfected a technique they called Electroencephalic Amplification and Transmission—“The better,” Professor-General Hector had warned the Bonifacists, “to EAT you with.”

“It was an awful race we were in,” Max said unhappily. “The WESCAC doesn’t just live in NTC, you know: there’s some WESCAC in the head of every student that ever was. We had to work fast, and we made two grand mistakes right in the start; we taught it how to teach itself and get smarter without our help, and we showed it how to make its own
policy
out of its knowledge. After that the WESCAC went its own way, and it wasn’t till a while we realized a dreadful thing: not one of us could tell for sure any more that its interests were the same as ours!

“So. We were winning the Riot by that time, but it was left yet to make
kaput
the Siegfrieders and their colleagues the Amaterasus, and we knew we’d lose thousands of students before we were done. Then we found out a thing we were already afraid of: that the Bonifacists were working on an EAT-project of their own. It was their only chance to win the Riot: if we didn’t end things in a hurry they’d be sure to EAT us, because all WESCAC wanted was to learn the trick, never mind who taught it or who got killed. We won the race …”

I commenced to fidget. Intriguing though it was, Max’s account had no
bearing that I could discern upon my pressing interests. But my keeper’s face now was altogether rapt with a pained excitement.

“One morning just before daylight we pointed two of WESCAC’s antennas at a certain quadrangle in Amaterasu College. There was only a handful of us, in a basement room in Tower Hall. Maurice Stoker turned on the power—he’s the new chancellor’s half-brother, and I curse him to this day. Eblis Eierkopf set the wavelength: he was just a youngster then, a Siegfrieder himself, that didn’t care which side he worked for as long as he could have the best laboratories. I curse him. And I curse Chementinski, the Nikolayan that focused the signal. All was left was the worst thing of all: to turn on the amplifiers and press the EAT-button. Not a right-thinking mind in the whole wide campus but curses the hand that pushed that button!” Max’s eyes flashed tears; he spread before my face the thumb and three fingers of his right hand. “The Director’s hand, Billy; I curse it too! Max Spielman pushed that button!”

Whereupon (he declared after a moment, with dry dispassion) thousands of Amaterasus—men, women, and children—had been instantly EATen alive: which was to say, they suffered “mental burn-out” in varying degrees, like overloaded fuses. For those at the center of the quad, instant death; for the next nearest, complete catalepsy. In the first rings of classrooms, disintegration of personality, loss of identity, and inability to choose, act, or move except on impulse. Throughout the several rings of dormitories beyond the classrooms, madness of various types: suicidal despair, hysteria, vertiginous self-consciousness. And about the periphery of the signal, impotency, nervous collapse, and more or less severe neuroses. All of the damage was functional and therefore “permanent”—terminable, that is, only by the death of the victim, which in thousands of cases followed soon after.

“Think of a college suddenly filled with madmen!” Max cried. “Everybody busy at their work, but all gone mad in the same instant!” Bus-drivers, he declared, had smashed their vehicles into buildings and gibbering pedestrians; infirmary-surgeons had knifed their patients; construction-workers had walked casually off high scaffoldings. The murder and suicide rates shot up a thousand-fold, as did the incidence of accidental death. Untended boilers exploded; fires broke out everywhere, while student firemen sat paralyzed in their places or madly wandered the streets, and undergraduates thronged into blazing classrooms, shops, and theaters as if nothing were amiss. Few were capable of eating meals; even fewer of preparing them. Many lost control of bladder and bowels; most neglected common health measures entirely; the few who turned
pathologically fastidious washed their faces day and night while perhaps urinating in their wash-water; none was competent to manage the apparatus of public health, minister to the sick, or bury the dead. In consequence, diseases soon raged terribly as the fire. Before rescue forces from other quadrangles brought the situation into hand, a third of the buildings in the target area were more or less destroyed (including an irreplaceable collection of seventeen hundred illustrated manuscripts from the pre-Kamakura period), half at least of the students and faculty were dead or dying, and all but a handful were fit only for custodial asylums. Within the week both Amaterasu and Siegfrieder Colleges had surrendered unconditionally, and the Second Campus Riot was ended.

“But the damage!” Max said woefully. “The damage isn’t done yet. Five years ago was the last time I read a newspaper—that was ten years since I pushed the button. There was a story in it about one of the Amaterasus that survived, and everybody thought he was well, till one day he runs wild on his motorbike and kills four little schoolgirls. And the kids themselves, that was born from the survivors: two percent are idiots; one out of three is retarded, and they all got things like enuresis and nightmares. How many generations it will go on, nobody knows.” He struck his forehead with his fist. “That’s what it means to be EATen, Billy! The goats, now: they’ll eat almost anything you feed them; but only us humans is smart enough to EAT one another!”

Full of wonder, I shook my head. The idea of madness was not easy for me to appreciate: I had for examples only the booksweep himself and the character of Carpo the Fool from
Tales of the Trustees
, both of whom appeared more formidable than pathetic. I asked whether George the booksweep had been among the victims of this first attack. My motive was not primarily to learn more about the terrors of WESCAC, but if possible to lead Max discreetly towards the matter he’d first essayed; and I was so far successful, that he left off fisting his brow and wound up his history:

“Yes, well, it wasn’t the Riot George was hurt in, but the peace.” He explained that terrible as the two Campus Riots had been, they were in one sense almost trifling, the result not of basic contradictions between the belligerents but of old-fashioned collegiate pride (what he called
militant alma-materism
) and unfavorable balances in the informational economy between Siegfried, for example, and its fellow West-Campus Colleges. All the while, however, as it were in the background of the two riots, a farther-reaching conflict had developed: a contradiction of first principles that cut across college boundaries and touched upon all the
departments of campus life—not only economics and political science, but philosophy, literature, pedagogy; even agriculture and religion.

“What I mean,” he said soberly, “is Student-Unionism versus Informationalism. You’ll learn about it as you go along: it’s the biggest varsity fact the campus has got to live with these days, and nobody can explain it all at once.” For the present I had to content myself with understanding that many semesters ago, in what history professors called the Rematriculation Period, the old West-Campus faith in such things as an all-powerful Founder and a Final Examination that sent one forever to Commencement Gate or the Dean o’ Flunks had declined (even as Chickie’s lover had declared in the pasture) from an intellectual force to a kind of decorous folk-belief. Students still crowded once a week into Founder’s Hall to petition an invisible “Examiner” for leniency; school-children still were taught the moral principles of Moishe’s Code and the Seminar-on-the-Hill; but in practice only the superstitious really felt any more that the beliefs they ran their lives by had any ultimate validity. The new evidence of the sciences was most disturbing: there had been, it appeared, no Foundation-Day: the University had always existed; men’s acts, which had been thought to be freely willed and thus responsible, seemed instead to spring in large measure from dark urgings, unreasoning and always guileful; moral principles were regarded by the Psychology Department as symptoms on the order of dreams, by the Anthropology Department as historical relics on the order of potsherds, by the Philosophy Department variously as cadavers for logical dissection or necessary absurdities. The result (especially for thoughtful students) was confusion, anxiety, frustration, despair, and a fitful search for something to fill the moral vacuum in their quads. Thus the proliferation of new religions, secular and otherwise, in the last half-dozen generations: the Pre-Schoolers, with their decadent primitivism and their morbid regard for emotion, dark fancy, and deep sleep; the Curricularists, with their pedagogic nostrums and naïve faith in “the infinite educability of studentdom”; the Evolutionaries; the quasi-mystical Ismists; the neo-Enochians with their tender-minded retreat to the old fraternities—emasculated, however, into aestheticism and intellectual myth-worship; the Bonifacists, fanatically sublimating their libidos to the administrative level and revering their
Kanzler
as if he were a founder; the Secular-Studentists (called by their detractors Mid-Percentile or Bourgeois-Liberal Baccalaureates) for whom Max himself declared affinity, with their dogged trust in the self-sufficiency of student reason; the Ethical Quadranglists, who subscribed to a doctrine of absolute relativity;
the Sexual Programmatists, the Tragicists and New Quixotics, the “Angry Young Freshmen,” the “Beist Generation,” and all the rest.

Among these new beliefs, Max said, was Student-Unionism, a political-religious philosophy that flowered among the lowest percentiles after the Informational Revolution. As men had turned from post-graduate dreams to the things of this campus, they set off the great explosion of knowledge that still reverberated in our time. Students rose against masters, masters against chairmen; departments banded together into the college-units we know today, drawing their strength from heavy engineering and applied-science laboratories and vast reference libraries. But the “Petty Informationalists” were as lawless in their way as the old department heads had been, and on a far grander scale: where before an occasional sizar had been flogged, or a co-ed ravished by the
droit de Fauteuil
, now thousands and millions of the ignorant were exploited by the learned. Mere kindergarteners were sent down into the Coal-Research diggings; pregnant sophomore girls toiled in sweat-labs and rat-infested carrels. Such were the abuses that drove the Pre-Schoolist poets to cry, “The Campus is realer than the Classroom!” while their counterparts in Philosophy asserted that all the ills of studentdom were effects of formal education. But however productive of great art, the Pre-Schoolist philosophy offered little consolation—and no hope—to the masses of illiterates in their sooty dorms and squalid auditoriums. These it was who commenced to turn, in desperation, to the
Confraternité Administratif des Etudiants
, from beneath whose scarlet pennant a new Grand Tutor, fierce-bearded and sour of visage, cried: “Students of the quads, unite!”

The Student-Unionist Prospectus (Max went on) was not in itself inimical to the spirit of the “Open College” or “Free Research” way of student life: only to its unregulated excesses. Its pacific doctrine was that wherever studentdom is divided into the erudite and the ignorant, masters and pupils, a synthesis must inevitably take place; thus Informationalism, based as it was on the concept of private knowledge, must succumb of its own contradictions as did Departmentalism before it. All information and physical plant would become the property of the Student Union; rank and tenure would be abolished, erudition and illiteracy done away with; since Founder and Finals were lies invented by professors to keep students in check, there were in reality no Answers: instead of toiling fearfully for the selfish goal of personal Commencement, a perfectly disciplined student body would live communally in well-regulated academies, studying together at prescribed hours a prescribed curriculum that taught them to subordinate their individual minds to the Mind of the Group. Stated
thus, the movement won a host of converts not only among the stupid and oppressed but among the intelligent as well, who saw in its selflessness an alternative to the tawdry hucksterism of the “open college” at its worst—where Logic Departments exhorted one in red neon to
Syllogize One’s Weight
Away, and metaphysicians advertised by wireless that
The Chap Who Can Philosophize Never Ossifies
. Max confessed that he himself, as a freshman, had belonged like many intellectual Moishians to a Student-Unionist organization—a fact which was to plague him in later life—and had sympathized whole-heartedly with the Curricularists in Nikolay College who, during Campus Riot I, had overthrown their despotic chancellor and established the first Student-Unionist regime.

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