Gin and Toxic (Swan Song) (2 page)

Chapter Three

As much as I don’t care for the holidays, I’m grateful when Thanksgiving comes around. I need a break from the club.  A break from the booze, the bright lights and most of all from Tommy. We went too far the other day. In hind sight, I can’t believe I let him touch me like that. I also can’t believe how badly I want him to do it again. How much farther I’m dying to go with him. If it could not mean anything I’d do it in a heartbeat. If I could scratch that itch without creating insuperable ties to him, I would go to his place and do it tonight. But it wouldn’t be like that for him. It’s not that he’s in love with me, I don’t think Tommy
can
love, it’s that he’s got his sights set on me. He’s seen a shiny bobble in the store window and he’s decided he’ll have it. He can take his time and save up the money for it. He’s a very patient man. But in the end he will possess it. No if, ands or buts.

Unlucky for me that I am that bobble.

It’s been two years of him obsessing over me. Of him desiring me. I’ve been fortunate outlasting him this long but the incident in his office is evidence of one very certain truth; you can’t run from fate. Tommy and I, that’s going to happen. Maybe only once or maybe a million times but it’s a cold, hard fact that it will happen. And I don’t mind the idea of sleeping with him. Hell, I
want
it. It’s the aftermath I’m worried about. The implication of the act and the hold he’ll have over me then.

“How are you feelin’, Aid?” Rosaline calls from the kitchen.

“Better, thanks. No headaches, no dizziness.”

“You must be on the mend.” Lucy says happily.
“I’m glad none of us caught whatever bug you had.”

Alice snorts. “Speak for yourself! I had a killer headache yesterday. I even threw up.”

“But you’re better today?” I ask her, frowning. I didn’t know she had felt sick.

“I feel great now.”

“Well, I’m happy most of us didn’t get sick.” Lucy says, bumping hips with Rosaline.

“Are you guys ready to eat?” Rosaline asks.

“Always!”

“I’m starved.”

“Finally!”

We all pile in around our tiny kitchen table that’s
loaded dangerously with mounds of food. Mashed potatoes, a meager turkey that will happily feed us all, gravy, biscuits and some kind of pie that Lucy made. I don’t care what it is, I’ll eat it if she made it.

“Should we say grace?” Lucy asks, offering her hand to Rosaline and I on either side of her.

I hear Alice snort again but I ignore her, along with everyone else.

“Yeah, Luce. You head it up, alright?”

We bow our heads and close our eyes as Lucy clears her throat.

“Dear, Heavenly Father
, we thank you for the bounty that we are about to receive. May you bless it to our bodies and give us strength. Strength in our bodies and in our spirits. And we ask you to be with those less fortunate than us in this holiday season and keep in our hearts and minds the true meaning of Christmas and charity. We ask these things in your name, Oh Lord. Amen.”

“Amen.” Rosaline and I whisper.

I look over at Lucy and squeeze her hand before releasing it.

“That was lovely.” I tell her.

“It was long.” Alice says curtly. “Pass the potatoes.”

“So what’s the plan for Christmas?” Rosaline asks, taking a knife to the turkey. “Anyone going home?”

“I might.” Alice says. “My parents offered to buy me a train ticket back to Boise. I’m thinking about it.”

I frown at her. “You better decide fast. If you’re not here to be in the chorus line Tommy and I will need to find a replacement.”

“You have Clara. Can’t she fill in?”

“What if she’s going home too?”

Alice shrugs, unconcerned. “It’ll work out.”

“Let me know.”

“Sure, mom.”

I continue to frown at her.

“What about you, Luce?” Rosaline asks her. “Are you going home?”

Lucy blushes slightly. “
No, I think… I think I might be going somewhere else?”

I glance at Rosaline who casts me a curious smile.

“Where might you be going?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” she says quietly, staring intently at her cranberries.

“New York.” Alice says, her mouth half full of biscuit. “She’s going to New York to see some fella.”

Lucy looks up
at her sharply. “How did you know that?”

Alice shrugs. “I read your letter.”

“You what?!”

“I read your letter. You left it sitting out on the coffee table. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that it’s private.” Lucy cries indignantly.

Alice rolls her eyes at her, returning to her turkey. “If it’s private don’t leave it lying around.”

Lucy continues to stare daggers at Alice who remains carefully oblivious.

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag now, you may as well fill us in.” Rosaline tells Lucy. “
Who is he?”

Lucy flushes again and I watch as a smile creeps onto her thin, pink lips. “He’s just some guy.”

“Just some guy inviting you to visit him in New York City?” I ask doubtfully. “Is he helping you pay for your train ticket?”

The smile explodes on her face. “He’s flying me there.”

“He what?!”

“He’s a pilot for the Postal Service.” she explains, finally looking at me. When she sees my face her smile fades a bit. “He flies on a route between New York and a couple other places. He’ll be making deliveries this way a few days before Christmas and he offered to fly me back to New York with him to meet his family there.”

Rosaline is staring at Lucy in amazement. “Meet his family? How long have you known this guy?”

“A few months now.”

“And we don’t know about him because…”

Lucy looks embarrassed. “I wasn’t sure what it really was. He lives in New York, I’m here and we hardly ever see each other. Most of what we say to each other is through letters.”

“How did you meet him?” I ask.

Lucy glows at me. “It was back in the early fall when we had those horrible lightning storms. His plane was able to land here but it was too dangerous to take off again. He and his copilot were stuck here for the night so they came into town to get a room in a hotel. They chose some cheap one just a couple blocks from where I work and they ended up coming in to window shop and kill time waiting for the storms to pass. We met, got to talking and they invited me and another
shop girl to dinner.” She grins mischievously. “We stayed out most of the night just talking and laughing. Afterward he asked if he could write me and I said yes so that’s what we’ve been doing ever since.”

“You mean you haven’t seen him since the fall?” Rosaline asks.

“Once. I saw him once. He let me know a week in advance when he’d be landing and I got the afternoon off to be there. It was only for an hour while the mail was loaded on the plane and they refueled, but it was nice.”

“Did he kiss you?” Alice asks bluntly.

“No,” Lucy replies, not looking at her. “We’ve never kissed.”

“Uh huh.”

Lucy glares at her again. “What?”

“Nothing. I just wonder about a fella that doesn’t even try to kiss ya. Maybe he doesn’t like women.”

“He likes women fine.” Lucy says hotly. “Especially me.”

“Sure sounds like it.”

“Do you have a likeness?” I ask, hoping to stave off a war. Lucy and Alice have never gotten along terribly well. In fact, Alice doesn’t especially get along with anyone.

“I do.” Lucy tells me happily, standing up from her seat.

She goes into the living room where she pulls a shoebox out from under the couch. It’s dusty and warn with use but when she opens it I can see letters upon letters in neat little envelopes, all in a row. She pulls out a small rectangle and carefully lays it flat in her palm.

“Here.” she says, showing it only to Rosaline and I.

In the photo is a likeable looking fellow with light hair and a rounded, baby face. But he’s smiling honestly and there’s something approachable and easy about it. I can see why Lucy likes him.

“He’s handsome.” I tell her.

“What’s his name?” Rosaline asks.

“Robert.”

“Bob.” Alice mutters.

Lucy shakes her head. “He hates the name Bob. His family calls him Robby.”

“What do you call him?” I ask as she takes the picture back to the living room.

“Rob.” she replies. “He asked me to call him Rob.”

“And now he wants you to meet his family. In New York City. It must be serious.”

“Maybe. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.”

Am I jealous? Absolutely. Of the relationship with likeable Rob I’m not so sure, but of the trip to New York in an airplane, yes. I’m blind with jealousy. I’m boiling over with it to the point where I’m like a teakettle that needs to be taken off the burner before I start to scream bloody murder. But I keep it all inside because Lucy is my friend and I don’t want to sour this for her. She looks so sublimely happy that I can’t imagine taking any of that joy from her, no matter how much I want to claw at my hair and shout to the rafters that it’s not fair. I console myself with the fact that she won’t go to the Cotton Club. Not a chance. And she won’t see Drew. Not that it matters. Not to her. And it shouldn’t matter to me, but it does. It definitely does.

Drew is like a song I heard being sung
one night on someone else’s radio. One I got enough of to know I liked it, liked it a lot and wanted more of it. But the street noise blocked it out, cars whizzing by taking the sound with it, and when everything finally settled down again the song was over. I never got to hear the rest of it and I never got the title or the singer. Odds are I’ll never hear it again and the part that I did get is on permanent repeat in my mind. It’s short, sweet and driving me mad.

“Stop! Stop!” I shout, waving my hands at the stage.

The men in the orchestra look at me out of the corner of their eyes, their real focus on the end of the chorus line.

“Whatsa… whatsa matter now?” Alice slurs, waving from side to side like she’s on a boat.

“Alice, for the love of—How much have you had to drink today?” I demand.

She shakes her head loosely, her eyes splashing around in their sockets. It’s unlike her to get sloshed like this. She can usually hold her liquor better than the best of us and I honestly don’t remember seeing her drink that much today. I wonder briefly if she’s on something else. If the headaches that have continued to plague me are still bothering her as well.

“I have… hardly any.”

The other girls look at me doubtfully.

“Well you’re hammered. Too hammered to work tonight, that’s for sure.”

“You do—ya don’t know me.” she stutters. She’s staring at the floor now and I wonder if she even hears me.

“You’re done.” I mutter. I turn to the bar where some of the guys are sitting around smoking and drinking. “Hey, Mickey! Can you take Alice home? She’s toast.”

Mickey frowns as he snubs out his cigarette and slides off his barstool. “She’s been drinking?”

“Can’t be that much.” Hal says doubtfully.

He glances at the bartender who shrugs. It’s a new guy but he seems sound. Honest.

“Not that I’ve served her.”

“Alice. Kiddo.” Mickey calls, trying to get her attention. She’s still staring at the floor. “Hey, doll, you want me to take you home?”

She looks up at Mickey and smiles happily. “Hey, Tommy. You look shorter down there.”

“Yeah, she’s finished.” he mutters. “Where’s her coat?”

“Over here.” Elishia says as she hurries toward it. She hands it quickly to Mickey, making sure their hands never touch. I frown at her but she ignores me.

“Thanks.” he mutters again, not making eye contact with her. “Come on, Alice. You’ve had it for the night.”

“O
kay, To-Tommy. Whatever yasay.”

“Hal!” I call toward the bar again. “Can you get Clara for me? It looks like we’ll need her tonight.”

He smirks at me from across the room and I feel like smacking him. “Are you ready to eat crow for her? Cause that’s what she’ll want.”

I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him. “She can either come in and work tonight with her mouth zipped shut, or she can look for other permanent employment
elsewhere. Her choice.”

Hal nods, his smirk fading. “I’ll give her a call.”

“You do that.” I tell him coolly before turning back to the stage. “Alright, everyone, let’s keep going for now. From the top.”

“Why is Clara back?” Ralph asks late that night in his office.

I’m sitting
here with Tommy and Mickey, watching as they count the take and make marks in a ledger I carefully keep from glancing at.

“We needed her to fill in.” Tommy answers.

“I thought our Adrian hated her.” Ralph says, giving me a wink.

I smile in return. “I don’t hate her.” Mickey laughs. “What?”

He shakes his head. “You hate her, admit it. You threatened to shave her head last month.”

“That cow refused to wear the hat for her costume. Said it messed up her hair. I told her I’d be happy to fix it for her if she was so worried about it.”

Now Tommy is chuckling. “You told her, and I quote, ‘If you’re so worried about that rat’s nest on your head, I’ll gladly sheer you like a fucking sheep.’ End quote.”

I shrug carelessly. “I don’t remember that.”

“I’ll always remember that.” Mickey says wistfully.

“Who was she fillin’ in for?” Ralph asks.

“Alice.” I tell him. “She wasn’t feeling well.”

“She threw up in the fuckin’ car.” Mickey mutters, licking his thumb to help him quickly count out tattered bills.

Ralph looks at me with concern. “What’s wrong with her? Too much hooch?”

I pinch my lips together, unsure. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe she’s pregnant.” Tommy grumbles.

I want to laugh it off an
d say it’s not true, but really I don’t know. She easily could be and wouldn’t that be a nightmare. Any guy she’s going to bed with from this joint isn’t looking to be a father and they definitely aren’t looking to get married so guess who would get to help with the little bundle of joy. That’s right. Good ole Auntie Adrian.

“Let’s hope not.”

“Who is she seein’ nowadays?” Ralph asks me.

I shrug
. Tommy, though, looks at Ralph meaningfully.

“Nicholas.”

“Really?” Ralph asks. Tommy nods seriously. “Yeah, let’s definitely hope she’s not knocked up then. So Clara is back? Hal can stop his belly aching’?”

Tommy sits back and lights a cigarette. “Looks that way.”

“What about Eddie’s girl? What are we gonna do with her?”

“Eddie should be back by New Year’s.” I tell him happily. “We can let her go then.”

“She doesn’t wanna go.” Tommy says.

“What?”

He shrugs, not looking at me. “She likes the money. I’m sure the rest of the family does too. She asked if she could stay on.”

“And what did you tell her?” Ralph asks quietly.

“I told her I’d talk to you about it.”

“
When were you going to do that?”

Tommy smirks. “Now’s as good a time as any.”

Ralph looks to me. “What do you think, sweetheart? Is she worth it?”

I can feel Tommy looking at me. I’m too mad at him to look back. “Yeah, Ralph, she’s great but I don’t know what Eddie will think of her staying.”

“He’ll think he’s doubling his income, that’s what he’ll think.” Tommy argues.

“It’s not always about money.”

“This time it is.”

“Some people care about other things, Tommy.” I say hotly, finally looking at him. He’s cool as a cucumber. “And Eddie cares about his kids. He won’t want her staying in this place.”

“What’s wrong with ‘this place’?” Ralph asks angrily.

I look at him and shake my head. “Nothing, Ralph. It’s just not safe for
her. She’s young and—“

“So were you when you came here and you’re doin’ just fine, aren’t ya?”

I straighten my shoulders and sit up tall. I know a threat coming when I hear one. “Yes, Ralph. I’m doing very well.”

“Yeah.” he grumbles. “You should try and remember that. Or maybe you’re jealous of this girl’s talent. Maybe we should check and see if she can sing too.”

I feel my pulse spike, my skin start to burn and itch with anger. But I keep it all locked inside tight as a drum. It won’t do to get angry with a Capone. I’ve seen what that gets you.

“Maybe we should, Ralph.” I tell him evenly. “Maybe she’d surprise us.”

He nods, his eyes locked on mine. “After the holidays.” he says quietly. “Right now, who has the time?”

When he looks away I know I’m in the clear. He’s issued his threat, he’s made me squirm and I’ll think twice about ever criticizing the club again. I should have known better in the first place. I’m just so bone tired and sick I can’t even think straight. By the end of the night lately my head is killing me, feeling like it’s looking to be split wide open.
I’d see a doc if I had the money. I could ask Tommy or Ralph if I could see one but then I’d be in their debt. I’d owe them something and it’s my life’s goal to never owe anyone anything. I’ve worked hard these past couple years in the club to make sure I owed my place in the roster to my talents on the stage and not anywhere else. It’s not easy but I did it and a few measly headaches aren’t going to convince me to jeopardize all that now.

“Mickey,” Ralph says suddenly. “Take Adrian home. She looks exhausted and it’s late.”

I smile at him gratefully. He grins back and I feel I’ve partially been forgiven.

“Thank you, Ralph. I appreciate it.” I say earnestly.

“I know you do, kid.”

“I’ll take her.” Tommy says, standing abruptly.

Ralph looks up at him, his eyes doubtful. “Maybe it’d be better if Mickey took her.”

“I
t doesn’t make sense for him to drop her.” Tommy argues, pulling on his coat. “He lives in the opposite direction.”

“
If memory serves, so do you, Tommy.”

“I got this.”

Ralph looks at me but I keep my face impassive. I don’t actually care.

“You alright with that?” he asks me.

I shrug. “Whatever gets me home.”

“Alright. You heard the lady. Take her home.
Her
home.”

Tommy
smirks as he helps me up and into my coat. I can feel Ralph’s eyes on me the entire time and I wonder what it is he’s worried about. I’ve dodged Tommy’s advances for years. This won’t even be the first time he’s taken me home, but there’s something in Ralph’s face that is pure concern tonight and I can’t understand why that is.

“
Goodnight, Ralph. Night, Mickey.” I tell them with a smile and small wave.

“Night, doll.” Mickey answers.

“Goodnight, Adrian.” Ralph says quietly. Thoughtfully.

“You want a drink before we go?” Tommy asks as we pass the dark,
empty bar.

I shake my head, pulling my coat tightly closed in preparation for the cold, winter wind.

“No, I’m fine.”

“It’ll help you fall asleep.”

I chuckle. “So will warm milk. Besides, I don’t think I’ll need any help falling asleep tonight.”

We ride through the night in relative silence. Just the sound of the wind outside the windows and the road beneath the wheels. It’s almost comfortable.

“I’ll walk you up.” Tommy says, slipping out of the car before I can protest. When he opens my door for me I’m already shaking my head.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a line, Adrian.” he says with surprising sincerity. “I want to make sure you’re safe. What’s the point of driving you home just to leave you to be jumped in your stairwell?”

I look into his fathomless, dark eyes and I wonder if he means it. If he truly has no darker intentions than to see me safely home. It seems unlikely but at the moment, I almost believe it.

I smile weakly at him and take his offered arm. “Thank you, Tommy.”

He doesn’t answer me. He’s all business as he walks me across the snow strewn street, into my building and up the winding flight
s of stairs. When we reach my apartment door I turn to him and feel my heart hammer in my chest. I don’t know what he intends or what I’ll do with what he has planned. All I know is I’m tired as sin and I want to lie down. Alone.

“Well, I’m home.” I tell him not so subtly.

He chuckles quietly. “I can see that. Go inside, Adrian. I’ll leave when I hear the door lock.”

I nod my head, hurry with my keys and step into the darkness deftly. I throw the latch and wait, listening.

“Goodnight.” I whisper through the crack between door and frame.

“Goodnight.” I hear him rumble from outside. Then his foot
steps slowly begin their descent taking my pulse down with them.

“Adrian.” Rosaline whispers sharply.

I nearly scream from fright.

“Rosaline, why?!” I exclaim angrily.

“Get in here. Now.” she demands, ignoring me.

“What’s wrong?”

She steps into the light coming in from the window. It’s just a small slanted, yellow shaft but it shows me enough of her face for my heart to resume it’s pounding. She’s terrified.

“Alice is dead.”