Gina and Mike (19 page)

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Sue asked.

“Absolutely. I’m fine. I’m just going to lay down.”

“What about later? Dinner or something?”

“I don’t think so. Not tonight. I think once I hit that bed I’ll be out.”

“OK. What about tomorrow night?”

“Mike’s coming over.”

Sue smiled. “Oh he is, is he? That reminds me, on a scale of one to ten, what was it like? You know, the sex?”

“Twelve,” I smiled.

“That good, huh?”

I nodded.”That great.”

“Oh, Gina. I’m so happy for you. And you’re going to talk to him, right?”

“Yes, I’m going to tell him what happened.”

“Good. You should have told me. I’m your best friend and you didn’t even tell your best friend.”

I knew Sue was hurt. I could hear it in her voice. “I couldn’t. I really thought he would ruin Mike’s life. I know how stupid it sounds now, but back then, at 17, I really believed it.”

Sue hugged me. “There were a lot of things we believed back then. I believed that I would meet my prince charming and my life would be a fairy tale. Turned out it was anything but.”

“Speaking of prince charming, what about Tom? When are you going out?”

“Well, since I know you’ll be with Mike tomorrow night, I’ll accept Tom’s dinner offer. I was waiting to see what you needed.”

I hugged Sue. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Go out with Tom. The guy has adored you forever. You deserve to be adored. And, who knows, maybe they’ll be more to this relationship than a few dates.”

Sue laughed. “My track record’s not very good in that department.”

“That’s only because you ditch them after a date or two.”

“True, but if there was someone I liked, and I do like Tom, it would be more than a date or two.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Maybe four or five.”

We both laughed. It felt good to laugh. I hadn’t laughed that hard since the night of the high school reunion when Brad, who thought he was god’s gift to women in high school, showed up with a bald head, big ass and a beer gut the size of Mount Everest.

****

Mike

I stopped at the store to buy some wine before picking up the Chinese and heading to Gina’s house. When she answered the door, I could tell by her red botchy face that she had been crying.

“I’m starving,” she said. “Especially for Moo Goo Gai Pan.”

I held up the bag. “Well then, I’ve got you covered.”

I followed Gina into the kitchen. “I got some wine, too. And some beer, just in case.”

Gina smiled. “Sounds good.”

“So is it wine?” I held up the wine. Or beer?” I held up the beer.

“How about both,” Gina laughed.

Gina got some plates from the cabinet. “Do you want to use chop sticks or utensils?”

“Utensils. I can’t use those things worth a damn.”

I pulled the Moo Goo Gai Pan out of the brown bag along with containers of pork fried rice and chicken and broccoli. “There’s a fortune cookie for each of us.”

Gina grabbed the cookie out of my hand. I grabbed it back.

“Can’t open the fortune cookie until after dinner.”

“That’s a stupid rule,” Gina said.

“You always did want to open your fortune cookie first thing.”

“Yeah, and you always made me wait.”

I smiled. “Guess some things never change.”

I uncorked the bottle of Chardonnay. “Remember the first time we drank wine?”

Gina chuckled. “Yeah, I drank it too fast, got sick and threw up.”

“Yeah, on me.”

We laughed. I piled my plate with chicken and broccoli and some rice. Gina scooped out some Moo Goo Gai Pan.

“I haven’t had Chinese in awhile,” I said. “Jack’s not big on Chinese.”

“Tell me about Jack,” Gina asked.

“Jack’s great. He’s very athletic.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” said Gina, reaching for her wine glass.  

“He does much better in school than I ever did, especially in math. The kid’s a whiz.”

“Math was never my thing either,” Gina said.

“Yeah, I never figured out how you managed to earn an A in calc when the rest of us barely scraped by.”

Gina launched into a coughing fit.

“Do you need some water?”

She nodded.

I filled a glass sitting on the counter with water and handed it to her. She took a sip. Her face was red and her eyes were watery.

“You OK?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Went down the wrong pipe.”

****

Gina

Why did Mike have to bring up the calc class and that stupid A? It totally killed the moment.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Mike asked. 

“I’m fine. Just not as hungry as I thought.”

“But you said you were starving.”

“Yeah, I know. But, well…” I cleared my throat. “Mike, I have something to tell you. It’s about that A.”

“The calc class A?”

I nodded. “I didn’t really earn the A.”

“But I saw it on your report card. You showed it to me.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t get an A,” I reminded him. “I said that I didn’t
earn
it.”

Mike shook his head. “I’m confused. Maybe you should start at the beginning.”

I sighed. “It’s all part of what I started to tell you the other night.”

Mike stopped eating and pushed his plate away. “I don’t understand. You didn’t sleep with Coach Smith to get the A did you?”

“Oh, God, Mike, No. I’d never sleep with that bastard.”

Tears exploded from my eyes. “He raped me. I was babysitting and he came home and he was drunk. I tried to leave to go home but he wouldn’t let me. He grabbed me and threw me on the floor and gagged me with a tea towel and pulled up my sundress and took off my underwear and…”

Mike bolted out of his chair and pulled me off of mine and wrapped his arms around me. “Damn, Gina. Why didn’t you tell me? My God. That fuckin’ son of a bitch.”

I sobbed as Mike led me to the couch. 

“It was awful. He told me that if I told anyone, he’d make sure you’d sit the bench. He wouldn’t play you no matter how good you were, no matter what anyone else said. But if I didn’t say a word, he’d make sure you played and he’d reach out to college scouts on your behalf. I knew how much you wanted to play baseball at your dad’s alma mater, how important it was to you, even more so after your dad’s Lou Gehrig’s diagnosis, and I just couldn’t let him take that dream away from you.” 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Gina. You were my dream. You’ve always been my dream. Don’t you see? You were always more important to me than baseball – than anything.”

I grabbed more tissues from the box on the end table. “I was 17 and stupid. I loved you so much and I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you.”

Mike ran his fingers through his thick hair. “That fuckin’ bastard. And you didn’t tell anyone? Not even Sue? All because you were protecting me?”

I nodded. “I had no idea that I would end up hurting you more. I thought that you’d get over me, and go on with your life. And you did. With Lisa.”

“But I never felt about Lisa the way I felt about you. Lisa and I were best friends for a long time before it became more. Lisa fell in love with me. I loved her but not in the same way. I thought that being best friends would be enough. But it wasn’t. It was wrong. I hurt Lisa and I feel lousy about that. To be honest, I wasn’t half the husband the man she’s married to is.”

****

Mike

The wheels wouldn’t stop spinning in my head. “It’s all starting to make sense now. The way you pulled away every time I touched you. And here I thought it was me.”

“It was never you, Mike. I loved you. I didn’t want Smith to hurt you. I just didn’t realize how the rape would affect me. And believe me when I say that it has affected my entire life.”

“Is that why you do what you do?”

Gina nodded. “Yes, I prosecute bastards like him, make them pay for what they did to innocent victims who can’t fight for themselves. And every time I win a case, I not only win for the victim, but also for me.”

“But my God, Gina. Did you ever get any help? I mean, that type of thing messes people up.”

“Oh, I was messed up. For a long time. I didn’t get counseling until after college. I thought I would eventually get over it, but I was wrong. I never did. It was like a virus that I couldn’t shake. Some days were better than others, but even on the good days I knew it was there, lurking beneath the surface.”

“What about your mom? Did she suspect anything was wrong?”

“She thought my moods were those of a typical teenager. I never told Mom, although she couldn’t figure out why taking self-defense classes were so important to me. I blamed it on college and wanting to make sure if anyone tried something I would be prepared. She bought that. Eventually, I was able to work through the trauma, get past the horrible flashbacks.

I always knew that someday I would tell you the truth. I felt you deserved to know what really happened. Why I really broke up with you. Not because I didn’t love you or care about you or want to spend the rest of my life with you, but because I couldn’t deal with the rape, and I hurt you because every time you touched me, and I wanted you to touch me, I’d freeze. I’d smell his beer breath and sweat and feel him violating me. And I know that you didn’t understand why I pulled away and I couldn’t tell you why, so in the end it was just easier to break up and to let you think that I didn’t care. You deserved better and I let you go so you could find someone else who could love you the way I wanted to but couldn’t.”

I threw a fist into a pillow. “But, Jesus, Gina. Your life could have been so much different. My life could have been so much different. We might have been together instead of spending years apart searching for something we’ve never found with anyone else.”

My tears flowed like beer from an open tap. Gina’s confession was like a punch in the gut. It knocked the wind out of me. I never saw it coming. And yet everything was beginning to make sense. All the countless nights I laid in bed wondering what the hell happened that summer night so long ago, and now I knew – finally. And if the bastard wasn’t dead, I’d kill him.    

“I’m sorry,” Gina said. “But when you got married and I ran into you in the pizza shop holding Jack, I thought that you were happy, that your life turned out the way you had wanted. I didn’t know that you and Lisa were having problems, and I never would have come between the two of you. I honestly wanted you to be happy, and I thought you were.”

I handed Gina another tissue. “Does Sue know now?” 

“I told her the other night.”

“I bet she was steaming,” I said.

Gina nodded. “She told me she went to Smith’s grave and spit on it the next day. And she was also upset with Tom.”

I shook my head. “What’s Tom have to do with any of this?”

Gina took a huge breath. “It’s not important.”

I put my hands on Gina’s shoulders to hold her steady and looked her square in the eyes. “Did Tom know?”

Gina exploded in tears again. “But I didn’t know that he knew until the night of our reunion. He confronted me in the car before we walked into the ballroom.”

“I threw another fist into the pillow. Tom knew and he didn’t do anything?”

“It’s not Tom’s fault. He was jogging past Smith’s house that night. He saw me jump into my car and speed away. He said that Smith stumbled down the driveway waving my underwear. Tom stopped and saw that he was drunk and pulled him inside his house. The coach bragged about what he had done and how he had threatened to hurt you if I said anything. Tom was so furious that he punched him in the eye.”

“So that’s how he got that black eye?” I asked.

“Yeah. Tom never told anyone. He said he wanted to, but when I didn’t say anything, he kept quiet. He thought it was up to me to be the one to tell. He was pissed that I never did. He said he thought about telling you, but didn’t because he felt it should come from me. He told me the night of the reunion that I should face the past and tell you what really happened.”

“You should have told me twenty years ago. It might have saved us both a lot of heartache.”

“True. But you wouldn’t have Jack. And Jack is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. You said so yourself.”

I couldn’t argue with Gina about that. Jack was the best of me, and I was grateful that I had him.

“So where do we go from here?” I asked.

“Not sure,” Gina said. “I feel so mixed up. When I came home for the class reunion, I obviously wasn’t expecting all of this to happen, losing Mom, being with you again. But I need to head back to Florida and my job. I have a life to live there. Trials coming up.”

“So that’s it?” I threw my arm in the air. “You’re walking out on me again?”

“That’s not fair. It’s not like that. But the reality is that I live in another state. I just can’t walk away from that life and my responsibilities.”

“Why not?”

“You know why not. I’m not 17 anymore. I just can’t pick up and leave. It’s not that easy, Mike.”

“But you could make a decision to live that life here?” I said. “You could start your own practice.”

“There are no guarantees in life, Mike. Even if I gave up everything and moved back home, who’s to say things would work out between us.”

“Well, I thought they worked out pretty well the other night.”

“I don’t disagree,” Gina said. “But it’s not that easy. And I need time to figure things out.”

“What? Twenty years wasn’t enough?”

“That’s a low blow and you know it. I need time. But at least now there are no secrets between us. I’ve been honest with you about everything. I’ll never lie to you again.”

“So somehow that’s supposed to make me feel better. Christ, this is like déjà vu, same fuckin’ couch, only twenty years later.

“It’s not like that,” Gina said. 

“Well, excuse me if it feels like it.”

“Mike,” Gina said. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is. I need time to figure some things out. I’m not saying goodbye this time; I’m saying I’ll see you later.”