Giovanni (18 page)

“I love you and you don’t even care,
Tesoro
. About me, you don’t. I keep thinking it’s there for us, and it’s been the only damn thing keeping me here, but you don’t care a bit.”

Oh, God.

Hearing that he loved her was the best and worst thing Giovanni ever could have done. What was she supposed to do?

“I do care about you,” Kim breathed. “I just …”

“What?” Giovanni asked. “Tell me. Give me something that makes me think I’m not wasting my time here or that all of this craziness is worth it.”

“Loving you is going to kill me, Gio.”

• • •

The reflection staring back at Kim in the mirror was unrecognizable. Her long hair was a ratty, knotted mess of tangles. There was a couple of bruises on her arms she couldn’t place and a scratch on her wrist. She didn’t have a clue how it got there. Some of the night before was easier to bring forth in her memories than others. Her usual pale complexion was sickly. She felt about the same, honestly.

Kim let the cold water from the tap pool into her hands before splashing it over her face in an attempt to wake up. She’d already gargled half of the bottle of mouthwash to rid the disgusting taste of stale vomit.

Again, Kim glanced at the mirror.
Who in the fuck are you?
It was the only question she could think to ask her reflection. The revulsion and shame she felt over her reckless behavior was thrumming deep.

When she woke up earlier, the hotel room was empty. Kim didn’t wonder for long about Giovanni’s whereabouts. The note he left on the bedside table explained he’d taken her clothes to be cleaned and would be back soon. Kim just wanted to disappear. The embarrassment was eating her alive. Facing Giovanni left her with more fear churning in her gut than even the thought of having to return back to Franco. Not because she thought Giovanni would hurt her … he couldn’t. People who love can’t hurt the things they needed to live.

Sweet Jesus.

He
loved
her.

She vaguely recalled Giovanni stripping her of the wet dress after her temperature had dropped enough that it was safe to get out of the shower. She did manage to find one of his T-shirts to pull on when she woke up and, of course, it smelled just like him. A little more penance to add on to her pile.

The panic she’d witnessed in Giovanni’s eyes was haunting Kim. It was a particular memory surrounded in the darkness of a club’s floor and bass filled music that she couldn’t quite get rid of. Regardless of how badly she wanted to.

Giovanni might not hurt her, but she sure as hell hurt him.

Guilt was a hard pill to swallow.

“Stupid girl,” Kim chided herself. 

“I won’t having you calling yourself that,” Giovanni said from behind Kim.

She hadn’t heard him enter the hotel room, but the bathroom sink tap was still running and Kim learned long ago Giovanni could be very quiet when he needed to be. Add that to the headache pulsating to the back of her skull, and it was no wonder he surprised her.

Kim met Giovanni’s gaze in the mirror. There was no judgment looking back at her. Not an ounce of disappointment or even the anger he’d passingly shown last night. Empathy stared back in green irises, and that was all.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Like hell just took up permanent residence in my stomach and head.”

“Yeah, I know that.” Giovanni chuckled, waving a brown paper bag in one hand. A plastic bag dangled in his other. “I have over the counter painkillers and Dramamine. Take some and come get something to eat.”

At just the mention of food, Kim’s stomach threatened to revolt. It wasn’t like there was anything in it to expel, but the thought of putting something in her stomach just so she could have another puke party really didn’t sound like a smart idea.

“No, thanks.”

“It wasn’t a suggestion,” Giovanni said firmly. “When you start mixing drugs like Molly and acid, you should at least know how to take care of yourself. Like getting food into your stomach
before
you get high, and making sure you have some decent nutrients in your system the day after. Since you clearly didn’t eat yesterday given all you could do was heave, you’re damn well going to chow down on something today. Let’s go.”

Kim sighed, feeling too defeated physically and emotionally to argue with a stubborn man. A small spark of defiance still remained, though. “Don’t treat me like a child, Gio.”

“Then don’t act like one,
Tesoro
. Give up the act. I know exactly how you feel right now. Let me take care of you, and we’ll figure the rest out. Nobody knows you’re here with me, and as far as I know, Franco’s held off from sending out the hounds to look for you.”

“My car,” Kim said in a whisper. “It’s parked a couple of blocks from Pulse.”

“Let Franco or one of his men find it. It’ll lead to nothing, anyway.”

Kim’s muscles protested as she stood straight and turned to meet Giovanni’s stare. “Thank you for … well, saving me from myself.”

“I’ll always save you, Kim. All you have to do is ask.”

There was so much more loaded in those simple words than what they appeared to be on the surface. For the moment, it was a Pandora’s Box Kim wasn’t sure she wanted to open between them just then. Giovanni didn’t give her the option to keep it closed.

“Did you mean what you said about loving me last night?” Giovanni asked.

“Yes, but it terrifies me. Every time I turned around, I was failing at acting like I didn’t love you, even inside my own crazy head. If I can’t make myself believe it, how in the hell am I supposed to convince the people around me?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Giovanni said simply. “Somehow. If that’s what you want.”

“What I
want
… God, Gio! I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to be hurt because of this. Too little, too late.”

“Like I said, if it’s me you want, we’ll figure it out,
Tesoro
. For now, come eat breakfast with me. You’ll feel better when you have some food in your stomach and a few more hours of sleep, I promise. Let’s act like nobody outside this room exists for a while. It’s just me and you, and it can stay that way for as long as you’d like it to.”

“Or at least until I have to go back, right?”

Giovanni’s jaw ticked. “Not if you’re mine.”

Was she?

Chapter Fifteen

Kim was silent as she picked at the food on her lap. The hum of the reporter’s voice speaking on the flat screen held her attention, or at least, that’s how it seemed.

“Aren’t you going to grill me? I’m getting antsy waiting for it.”

“I think what I said last night was enough,” Gio answered.

Not that he agreed with Kim’s choices, but who was he to judge? Gio spent the last decade of his life shoving every kind of substance into his body just because he could. Sure, he tried to never to get caught in a situation like last night, but that didn’t mean he succeeded. Just wanting a good time often turned into nights he couldn’t remember and mornings struggling to keep awake on a bathroom floor.

Dio buono
. Control and restraint? Biggest load of shit he ever said. 

Gio finally understood how the people who cared for him must have felt watching while he flushed his life down the drain. Staring at Kim across the room, he couldn’t get the image of her reflection in the bathroom mirror out of his mind. A gaze dimmed from sickness and fatigue. Dark circles under her eyes. Bruises on her body. Scratches to her skin.

Gio knew that look all too well and sported it one too many times. No, he wasn’t going to punish Kim. “I guess Franco didn’t take your absence well, huh?”

Kim snorted. “No. I think the only thing keeping him from really blowing up was the other people in the dorm.”

“If you want to tell me what happened after the Franco mess, I’m game for that.”

“How’d you know about Franco, anyway?”

“Your brother called me.”

Kim’s head whipped to the side, confusion in her stare. “Cody?”

“He’s the only brother you’ve got, right?”

“But, Cody and I, we don’t … we’re not …”

Gio frowned as Kim spun her back to him again. “Cody cares if that’s what you’re trying to spit out.”

“Very little,” Kim muttered.

“I think you’re wrong.”

“I’d like to be, but I doubt it. Cody is Nunz’s carbon copy. All he’s concerned about is advancing himself.”

Gio hummed under his breath, still not believing. “If he wasn’t concerned about the problems you’re having with Franco, I don’t think he would have inserted himself into the situation at all.”

“Maybe he did it to stay in Franco’s good graces.”

“
Right
. Baby, nobody is in Franco’s good graces but Franco. Cody is aware of that. He’s probably in a shitty position between your father, Franco, and trying to get his button. Loyalty to you shows them he won’t be loyal to the family. All the while, he can’t help it. You’re still his kid sister.”

“His button?”

“I thought you had a decent understanding of how Cosa Nostra works.”

Kim shrugged. “I said I knew some things, not everything.”

Gio conceded to her point. “Having his button means he’s a made man. Cody doesn’t have his yet, but he’s very involved in business. It doesn’t make sense to me. At his age, and being a boss’s son, he should have his button. In a big family like mine, it’d make sense if he had to wait.”

“Oh,” Kim said, giving Gio a view of her profile and furrowing brow. “Maybe Dad doesn’t think he’s ready. How old were you when you received yours?”

“Seventeen.”

Kim glanced back at him, surprise flitting across her features. “But you just said your family—”

“I’ve always been considered a mafia prince to my family, just like my brothers. It’s not the same as Cody. Nunz doesn’t have enough clout to make it seem like Cody’s button is just a given right. And while receiving mine might have been thought of like that, I still worked for it and every day after I had it, too. This is for life. It was assumed I was going to have it when I wanted it, but it’s not a right for me to think I can keep it for the same reasons.”

“Seems complicated,” Kim murmured.

“More so. At the time, I never thought I would find something I wanted more than my button. I grew up following Cosa Nostra rules before I had to. Didn’t cross my mind I might find something worth breaking them for. Before you came along, that is.”

Kim’s profile disappeared from his line of sight as she fidgeted and grew quiet.

“How did you get that far gone last night?” Gio asked. “You sure mixed up the wrong combo if you didn’t want to feel.”

“Took it too far,” Kim answered faintly. “That was all.”

“And by the time you realized, it was too late.”

“Yeah. I am sorry, Gio.”

He sighed heavily. “I know.”

“Is that coffee?” Kim asked, turning to side-eye the to-go cup in his hand.

“It is. Why?”

“
Good
coffee?” Kim asked.

“Better than the shit they serve at the restaurant downstairs.”

“Can I have it since you’re too busy looking at me to drink it?”

Gio chuckled at having been caught. Kim was getting back to her usual sarcastic nature. That’s what he wanted to see. Some life to her eyes. A spark in her voice.

Waving at the orange juice and water bottle beside her on the bed, Gio said, “Drink some of that. The last thing you need is caffeine right now. It’s not a nutrient.”

“It is in small doses. Don’t fight me on this. Coffee is my lifeline in the mornings. Give me the coffee, Gio, or else I’ll be forced to take it from you.”

Gio felt the corner of his mouth quirk into a grin. “That’s how you want to play this?”

“It is.”

“And how exactly would you take it from me,
Tesoro
?”

Kim shrugged, looking back to the flat screen. “I’d cry and then you’d hand it over. Most men can’t stand a crying female. Little work on my part. I can cry at nothing.”

“I’d know the tears were fake,” Gio pointed out.

“No, you wouldn’t. Then you’d feel guilty and give me the coffee, anyway. Might as well just hand it over and be done with it.”

Gio laughed, conceding to the battle as lost. “Fine.”

Standing from his seat in the chair, Gio walked over to Kim. He made damn sure to lean over her shoulder when he handed her the to-go cup, wanting to be closer to her. Gio tried to be appropriate all morning, not wanting to possibly push Kim away. There was a lot at stake for both of them.

But, Gio still loved her. His fingers ached to touch and hold her. He was craving to kiss her. Adored the way she looked swallowed up in his T-shirt sitting cross-legged on the bed, even feeling a mess like she probably did. Kim was still beautiful to him—insanely so. Keeping those thoughts and feelings hidden to give her space was difficult.

When Kim’s fingers closed around Gio’s holding the cup, she twisted just enough to kiss his cheek. The action was innocent enough on the outside but spoke volumes all the same. A little bit of the gap between them closed.

“Thank you,” Kim murmured.

“You’re welcome. It’s going to rot with me. I have better things to do.”

“Like watching me?”

“Exactly.” Quickly, Gio pressed a kiss to the side of her mouth. “For the record,” he said in her ear, “… I wouldn’t feel guilty because I could never make you cry.”

Gio stood, holding Kim’s stare over her shoulder.

“But,” Gio continued, shrugging flippantly, “I wouldn’t guarantee any promises about not making someone else who made you cry feel guilty. Or killing them. It could go either way depending on my mood.”

“Gio!”

“What? Just saying.”

“That’s awful, Gio.”

“What’s awful is you think I’m joking. I’m not.”

Kim sobered, sighing. “Yeah, I know.”

Gio realized then while her blue eyes surveyed him just the same as she always had, that Kim did know him. Maybe even too well. She witnessed him kill a man and only a week later, spent an entire day at his side before giving him the night with her, too. Kim understood Gio … was aware of what he was, who he was, and all the things he was capable of. She didn’t care, either. It might have been foolish, or even unhealthy, but if that wasn’t some kind of crazy love right there, Gio didn’t want to know what was. He just wanted Kim.

Kim turned to face him on the bed, placing the to-go up to the bedside table. “What’s up with you?”

“You. Lately, you’re the only thing keeping me awake at night and dazed in the daytime.”

“You don’t sound particularly happy or pissed about that, so I’m not sure where to go with it,” Kim admitted.

“Because most times, I don’t know where to go with it myself,” Gio replied.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. But there is a lot of stuff I do know when it comes to you and me. How I feel about those things are very clear.”

“So tell me,” Kim said.

Gio decided to give her a glimpse of the constant war inside his head. “You, like that in my shirt, it’s downright fucking sinful. I think you look delectable, and I’d give anything to take it off you right now. Seriously, anything, Kim. My right damn hand if that’s what you want.”

Mirth and desire danced in her eyes, but Gio continued on. “My thoughts, they’re all about you. Twenty-four-seven, it’s nonstop. I can’t even get my head in the game lately because of it. I can taste you when you’re five feet away and feel you for days after you’re gone. That’s crazy. It truly makes me think I’m going insane.”

“Gio—”

“No, just
listen
. I hate Franco. He’s lucky I haven’t killed him. Believe me when I say that consideration has been plaguing me for at least five years before you ever came along. Most people just toe the line of what’s acceptable and get away with their bullshit because of it. Franco’s that stupid kid poking people with a stick on his own side, thinking no one can touch him.

“If you marry that idiot, I’m liable to burn this whole fucking city to the ground. I will paint the sky orange and red. That man doesn’t know a thing about you. He doesn’t want to. What he wants is to mold you into his ideals. So you know what? He doesn’t get to have you at all. He doesn’t deserve to.”

Gio took a breath, wishing his racing mind would slow. “It kills me that I have to consider where you’re sleeping at night and if you’re safe because you’re not with me. When somebody else is looking at you, I ache and not in a good way. And then there’s last night, Kim. If you pull some kind of nasty shit like that on me again, so help you God, I will chain you to a wall. You don’t get to do that sort of nonsense to me, not if you love me. Hate me, go on ahead and do it. I can handle that, but if I lost you … if I lost you,
bella
…”

“If you lost me, what?” Kim asked, whispering.

“I’d eat the barrel of my gun before your body was even cold.”

“Don’t say that, Gio.”

“If there’s anything I am, it’s honest, Kim. This thing here, whatever we are, it might have made me a liar for a short time, but it’s not going to stay that way for long.”

“You mean you don’t want it to stay that way,” Kim said.

Gio shook his head. “No, I meant it as I said it. I won’t keep hiding this. We shouldn’t have to.”

“It’s not that easy, Gio.”

“It’s going to have to be, or a hell of a lot of people are going to get hurt otherwise. I won’t just burn the city to the ground because you marry him; I’ll burn it down to get you out, too. That’s all there is to it.”

Kim was right, though. Gio simply didn’t want to admit it out loud just yet. That didn’t matter to him. What did, was whatever Kim wanted.

“Tell me what you need me to do,” Gio said quietly.

Kim laughed rather bleakly. “How have you not given up on me yet?”

“I like difficult things, but usually it’s me causing the issues. I thrive on chaos. You’re a hurricane throwing me all over the place. Stop deflecting. You didn’t answer.”

“I don’t know how to get away from him,” Kim said. “The wedding is right around the corner. As nice as it is to think I could just up and go with you, we both know that’s not a good idea.”

“No, it’s not,” Gio agreed, begrudgingly. “It’d work for a little while, but when we came back, someone would be waiting. It wouldn’t leave my family in a very good position, either. I won’t make them pay for my choices with you.”

“Mistakes,” Kim said.

“Maybe that’s the term you want to use, but it implies I regret this.”

“You don’t?”

It bothered Gio in a way he couldn’t begin to explain that Kim questioned him at all on that front. Maybe he hadn’t been clear enough the night before, or perhaps his words now still weren’t getting through to her stubborn heart. God knew she could be difficult. It was yet another thing he appreciated and adored about her.

“You know, too many people just give up with me,” Gio said. “They won’t push past my boundaries; they’ve been trying for too long with no success. I’m running around in my own world doing my thing, and I don’t care to bother with anybody else or their damn opinions. Arguing with me is pointless most times. I’m pretty set in what I want.”