Girl, 15: Charming but Insane (28 page)
Read Girl, 15: Charming but Insane Online
Authors: Sue Limb
It was impossible to tell her mum, hopeless to try and explain. If Jess even tried she would be in the worst trouble ever. Because Jess’s mum wasn’t what you’d call boy-friendly. She wasn’t a man-hater exactly, but she only ever let men into the house if the washing machine wasn’t working.
Jess sometimes thought she would never have the courage to defy her mum’s disapproval and get married. She would have to go and live thousands of miles away in Kalamazoo and pretend her husband was a large dog called Henry.
Jess arrived at Fred’s house, panting. She had run all the way.
If you want to get fit
, she thought,
don’t join a gym – fall in love
. She rang the doorbell and tried to put on a casual, glamorous expression, even though her cheeks were bright red and her lungs were wheezing like an old church organ infested with termites.
Fred’s father opened the door. Behind him, Jess could hear football on TV.
‘Is Fred in?’ she panted.
Fred’s dad shook his head.
‘He’s gone out,’ he said.
‘Oh no! Do you know where he’s gone?’ cried Jess in dismay.
Fred’s dad shrugged.
‘Sorry,’ he said in a final kind of way. He didn’t invite Jess in to wait till Fred got back. Fred’s mum would have known what to do. She would have invited Jess in, offered delicious food and drink, and settled her down to wait with albums full of adorable photos of the infant Fred.
But his dad was a complete duffer.
‘Excuse me,’ he said now, as the sound of the football crowd soared in excitement on the TV, ‘I must get back to the football.’ And, with a regretful smile, he shut the door in her face.
Jess was devastated, paralysed and appalled. Fred’s whole street seemed to go dark. Black clouds were gathering, and she had a feeling that vultures were circling overhead. For a moment she was on the verge of tears, but she managed to get rid of them by sort of swallowing the back of her nose. It tasted vile. What should she do now? Where should she go? She was facing disaster, and where was Fred when she needed him? Mysteriously and infuriatingly out.
She only had one hope. She had to go and see her best friend Flora. Thank goodness Flora hadn’t gone on holiday yet. She was due to leave in a couple of days on a ‘Costa Rican Adventure’. Jess wasn’t sure exactly where Costa Rica was, but the photos in the brochure suggested that Flora would be trekking through rainforests full of beautiful birds and butterflies and relaxing on tropical beaches under swaying palm trees.
Flora’s family could afford such treats because her dad was very big in bathrooms. But this time Jess hadn’t felt jealous of Flora’s holiday at all, because nothing in the world could be better than just hanging out in the park, all summer, with Fred.
There had been a slightly dodgy moment a few weeks ago, before Jess and Fred had got together, when Flora had revealed that she was crazy about Fred. But once Fred had confessed his perverted preference for dark, imperfect Jess rather than blonde, perfect Flora, Flora had dug deep into her character and produced an unsuspected angelic streak. She had only sulked about it for three days.
Jess broke into a run. She desperately needed some sympathy and Flora was usually very prompt with the hugs and hot chocolate.
The front door was opened by Flora’s older sister, Freya. Freya was at Oxford, studying maths. Like all Flora’s family, she was blonde and almost illegally beautiful. She was kind of vague and dreamy as well, which somehow added to her angelic charm. If Jess had tried to be vague and dreamy it wouldn’t have worked. She would just have appeared overweight and idiotic.
‘Oh – er – hello, Jess . . .’ murmured Freya. ‘Flora’s . . . where is Flora? Er, yes, um, I think she’s in the sitting room with Mummy . . .’ And she drifted off to do some very hard sums or possibly rinse her hair in extract of camomile flowers. Jess took off her shoes (one always had to do this at Flora’s because of the blonde carpets) and tiptoed to the sitting room. How soon would she be able to get Flora on her own and cry on her shoulder?
But an amazing sight met Jess’s startled gaze. Flora’s mother, who on a good day could pass for a minor movie star, was lying on the sofa with a badly bruised cheekbone and a black eye, and with her leg in plaster! What on earth had happened? It seemed that Jess would be expected to provide sympathy instead of receiving it. How unfair life was!
Get to Know Sue Limb with her Q & A!
Name: Sue Limb.
Star sign:
Virgo.
Favourite colour:
Green.
Favourite number:
Seven.
Favourite thing to do:
Give my dog a bath.
Favourite food:
Anything with pesto.
Where were you born?
Hitchin, Hertfordshire, England.
Where do you live now?
On a remote farm in Gloucestershire.
What were you like at school?
A tomboy-ish nerd.
Have you got brothers and sisters?
One older brother, who’s a jazz musician.
What did you want to be as a child?
Secretary-General of the United Nations (I told you I was a nerd).
How did you start writing?
At age two, I liked doodling the letter ‘S’. When I grew up, I tried teaching, couldn’t cope, and writing seemed to be the only thing possible.
What did you do before you were a writer?
I was a teacher, screaming in vain for quiet while my classes rioted gently around me.
Where do you write?
Anywhere – I particularly like writing on trains. But when I’m at home, in a room with windows opening into a wild wood.
What was your favourite book as a child?
The Railway Children
by E. Nesbit.
What’s your favourite children’s book now?
Where the Wild Things Are
by Maurice Sendak.
What’s your favourite adult book?
Persuasion
by Jane Austen.
What tips do you have for budding writers?
Read a lot!
What’s your favourite TV programme?
Frasier.
What makes you laugh?
Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse as the Surgeons.
What’s your favourite movie?
Some Like It Hot
.
Who do you imagine playing Jess, Flora and Fred in a movie?
Carey Mulligan would be Jess, Emma Watson would be Flora and Jamie Campbell Bower would be Fred.
Books by Sue Limb (in reading order):
Flirting for England
Charming But Insane
Absolute Torture!
Pants on Fire
Five-Star Fiasco
Chocolate SOS
Coming soon:
Party Disaster!
Girls, Guilty But Somehow Glorious
Girls, Muddy, Moody Yet Magnificent
Girls to Total Goddesses
Bloomsbury Publishing, London, Berlin, New York and Sydney
First published in Great Britain in 2004 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
50 Bedford Square, London, WC1B 3DP
This electronic edition published in January 2012 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Text copyright © Sue Limb 2004
Revised text copyright © Sue Limb 2012
The moral right of the author has been asserted
All rights reserved
You may not copy, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise
make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means
(including without limitation electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying,
printing, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the
publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication
may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 9781408812877
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