Girl Alone: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control. (19 page)

‘Eric and I have been talking, going over everything Joss claimed happened last night, and I’m sorry to say we’ve come to the conclusion that she’s made it all up.’

I stared at her, shocked. ‘No, that’s not possible. Not the attack?’

Linda nodded solemnly. ‘Yes, all of it.’

‘But why?’ I asked, amazed.

‘For attention,’ Linda said.

‘No. I’m sure you’re wrong. Joss wouldn’t do that.’

‘It wouldn’t have occurred to me either if Eric hadn’t said it, but then it made perfect sense. Think about it, Cathy. There are no witnesses. It’s only Joss’s word against theirs. Chelsea was conveniently ill. Joss has been doing all she can to get attention, but we’re not shocked any more by her bad behaviour, and you’ve been coping with it. So she needed to stage something really dramatic to get attention, and it doesn’t get more dramatic than crying rape.’

I stared at her, my mouth dry, my heart racing from shock. ‘But you saw how distraught Joss was last night after the attack. She couldn’t have made it up. And there were bruises on her face.’

‘They could have come from anywhere. Perhaps she fell over or got in a fight. Don’t kid yourself; Joss is very good at theatricals. She says she’d like to be an actress when she’s older. Look at all the lies she’s told us in the past. You, me, her social worker and teachers have all been taken in.’

‘But the police believe her,’ I said, my thoughts reeling. ‘They are taking it seriously. And Joss was examined by a doctor. That should help prove she’s telling the truth.’

‘The doctor couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me anything yesterday other than she’d taken some swabs and they’d be sent to the lab for testing. Eric and I are sure the results will come back negative or inconclusive, so there won’t be any evidence. The guys involved will deny it and back each other up, so there won’t be a prosecution. You wait and see. I bet we’re right.’

I was stunned. What Linda was saying was to some extent plausible, but I still couldn’t believe that Joss would make it all up. ‘So you really think Joss is lying?’ I asked incredulously.

‘Yes, we do,’ Linda said.

Joss must have been outside the door and heard what her mother had said, for she now burst into the room.

‘He would say that, wouldn’t he!’ she shouted, eyes blazing, advancing towards her mother. ‘You believe everything that fucking idiot tells you!’

For a moment I thought she was going to hit her mother, and I was on my feet. ‘Joss!’ I said firmly, taking her arm. ‘Calm down and sit down. We can talk.’

‘I’m done with talking to her,’ Joss yelled, jabbing a finger towards her mother. ‘She always takes his side. It’s
his
fucking fault it happened. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him!’

With her fists clenched and her face white with rage, Joss turned and stormed out of the room.

‘Joss!’ I called, going after her.

‘I’m going to my room,’ she yelled. ‘Tell me when she’s gone. They can both go to hell!’ She began upstairs.

At that moment the front door opened as Lucy let herself in, having returned from her friend’s sleepover. ‘Hi,’ she said, smiling. And then, seeing Joss, ‘Oh no. Not again,’ she sighed, her face clouding.

‘I’m sorry, love,’ I said. ‘Joss is upset and her mother is in the living room.’ Joss’s bedroom door slammed shut overhead.

‘We’ll catch up later,’ Lucy said. I would normally have spent time with her hearing about the sleepover. ‘I’ll unpack. Do you want me to look in on Joss?’

‘Yes, please. Thank you, love,’ I said gratefully.

As Lucy went upstairs I returned to the living room, thankful I had such an understanding family.

‘See what I mean?’ Linda said. ‘Joss loves a good scene.’

‘But I can understand why she’s upset,’ I said, sitting on the sofa. ‘The last time she saw you, you were sympathetic and supportive, and now you and Eric are accusing her of lying.’

‘Well, she is,’ Linda persisted. ‘And she’s angry with me because I’ve seen through her lies.’

I still wasn’t convinced. ‘You may be right,’ I said despondently. ‘But until the police prove differently I think we need to believe Joss. Can you imagine what it would do to her if she is telling the truth, and she’s had the courage to report the attack, and we didn’t believe her?’

This wasn’t what Linda wanted to hear. ‘Well, that’s up to you,’ she said tartly. ‘But I agree with Eric, and tomorrow we’re going to phone the social worker and the police and tell them the truth.’

‘But we don’t know what the truth is,’ I said. ‘There’s no real evidence to say Joss has made it all up.’

‘There’s no evidence to say she hasn’t,’ Linda said. ‘But when the police start investigating, Joss’s story won’t stack up.’

I didn’t want to antagonize her by disagreeing further, so I chose my words carefully. ‘I’ve been fostering for a long time and in my experience children usually tell the truth. I know some do make up allegations, but the majority do not. So until there is firm evidence to the contrary, I have to believe Joss and support her as best I can.’

‘That’s up to you,’ she said, and stood ready to leave.

‘If you stay a while longer, I could try to persuade Joss to come down and we could all talk about it,’ I said.

‘I don’t think that will help,’ Linda replied tersely, and she took a step towards the living-room door. ‘And to be honest, Cathy, I’ve had enough of all this. Joss and her lies. I’m exhausted and sick of it all.’

She went down the hall and pulled her coat from the stand. ‘Tell Joss I said goodbye,’ she said. ‘And for all our sakes, try to persuade her to tell the truth.’

I opened the front door and we said an awkward goodbye. The rain had stopped now, but the sky was inky black, suggesting that another downpour wasn’t far away. I closed the door. My heart was heavy and my thoughts were in chaos. While I could appreciate what Linda had said about Joss lying in the past and her theatrical outbursts, I couldn’t make the huge leap that she and Eric had to decide Joss was lying about this.

I went up to Joss’s room, where Lucy and Joss were sitting side by side on the bed.

‘Her mother called her a liar!’ Lucy exclaimed indignantly, taking up the fight for Joss. ‘Can you believe it? How mean is that? Your own mother calling you a liar!’

I looked at Joss. ‘How are you?’

‘OK,’ she said quietly, her anger largely gone.

‘If I told you something like that,’ Lucy continued, ‘you’d believe me, wouldn’t you?’

I nodded but didn’t say anything. Lucy meant well, but I didn’t think criticizing Joss’s mother was going to help. She was, after all, her mother, and Lucy seemed to have forgotten how loyal she was to her own birth mother despite all her failings.

‘Your mum is very upset right now,’ I said to Joss. ‘She’s also exhausted. When she’s had time to think clearly I’m sure she’ll feel differently.’

‘Not if
he
has anything to do with it,’ Joss said, her anger flashing again.

‘Her stepfather sounds horrible,’ Lucy commiserated. ‘Pity your mother ever married him.’

‘It was,’ Joss agreed.

‘Perhaps they’ll get divorced,’ Lucy suggested.

‘I doubt it,’ Joss said.

I could see that the girls were comfortable talking together and Joss didn’t really need my input right now. Sometimes a similar-aged young person can offer the empathy and words of understanding that an older adult cannot.

‘If you two are all right, I’ll go downstairs.’

‘Sure,’ Joss said easily.

‘We’ll be fine,’ Lucy said.

‘And you had a good time at your friend’s?’ I asked Lucy.

‘Yeah, great.’

I left them and went down to the kitchen. As I worked it crossed my mind that perhaps I should telephone Homefinders’ out-of-hours service to report and discuss what Linda had said, but Jill wouldn’t be on duty. Although I could have talked to another member of the Homefinders team, it wasn’t an emergency so I decided to wait until the following day, Monday, when Jill would be at work again. Jill knew Joss and I greatly valued her opinion. It was at times like these that I very much missed the support and views of a partner. Couples who foster can support each other and discuss their worries and concerns, but as a single carer I bore it all. I was deeply troubled by Linda’s abrupt turnaround and that she had withdrawn her support for her daughter. It had only been a matter of hours since she’d sat on my sofa and, believing Joss to have been viciously attacked, had broken down. Then, as a result of listening to Eric, she’d completely changed her mind and now thought her daughter was lying. But then again, I supposed Eric wouldn’t have suggested Joss was lying unless he had genuinely believed it. What a mess.

About half an hour later I heard the girls’ voices on the landing and I went up to make sure they were all right. They’d changed rooms, and Joss was now sitting on Lucy’s bed while Lucy unpacked her overnight bag. She could have stayed for a week for all the clothes she’d taken to her friend’s, most of which were now being consigned for the laundry, despite just needing an iron.

‘Are you OK?’ I asked Joss. She seemed to be.

She nodded and managed a small smile. So, reminding them again that I was downstairs if they needed me, I left them to it.

John brought Adrian and Paula home shortly after five o’clock and they said goodbye at the door. They’d been to the cinema. Everyone did their own thing until dinner was ready, and then I called them to the table. Although Joss had confided to Lucy what had happened, she hadn’t told Adrian or Paula, so the conversation over dinner was reasonably light-hearted and general, which wasn’t a bad thing. Joss would obviously be suffering inside, but she was coping with it in her own way, and I didn’t think she needed glum faces and endless sympathy. When we’d finished eating Paula suggested a game of Monopoly, as we were all home, and everyone liked the idea. We hastily cleared away the dishes and dumped them in the sink, and then set up the Monopoly board on the table.

The competition is always fierce when we play Monopoly – we play to win; even Paula and me, who aren’t normally competitive. There’s just something about that game! It wasn’t long before our voices had risen in excitement and good-humoured arguments had broken out over ownership deals and land development. I seemed to spend a lot of time in jail while Adrian was busy acquiring older sites. Paula’s pile of money grew from developing Park Lane and Mayfair; Lucy reaped a steady return from the utilities, and Joss from owning Regent Street to Bond Street. We had a break at nine o’clock and I made some snacks and poured us some lemonade. The game resumed and the excitement grew as fortunes were made and lost. Although I was tired from lack of sleep the night before, it was put on hold until we finally finished the game at 10.30, with Adrian the outright winner.

‘Good game,’ I said, as Lucy gave him an affectionate slap on the arm.

‘He always wins,’ Paula told Joss.

‘It’s luck,’ Joss joked.

‘In your dreams. It’s skill,’ Adrian quipped back.

The atmosphere was good.

‘Can we start taking turns in the bathroom,’ I said. ‘And I need a volunteer to help me pack away the game.’

‘I’ll help you,’ Joss said. She remained at the table while Adrian, Paula and Lucy made their way upstairs. ‘That was fun,’ she said, as we began sorting the money and cards into piles. ‘We used to play Monopoly at home with Dad.’

‘That’s a lovely memory,’ I said, smiling.

She nodded. ‘I just wish they weren’t memories and he was still alive.’

I paused and looked at her. ‘I know you do, love. You’ve had a lot to cope with.’

We continued sorting the money and then Joss suddenly said, ‘I’m not lying, Cathy. About what happened with Zach. I wouldn’t lie about that.’

‘I’m sure you wouldn’t,’ I said, meeting her gaze. ‘Not something as serious as that.’

‘So you believe me?’

‘Yes.’

‘Mum doesn’t. She always takes his side.’

‘I suppose it must be difficult for your mother,’ I said. ‘She’s trying to make her marriage work and probably feels caught in the middle. Did you and your stepfather argue a lot?’

‘Yes, but Mum never believed what I said and always took his side.’

‘What caused all the problems?’ I asked, feeling that Joss wanted to talk.

‘Oh, you know what he’s like – the usual.’ She shrugged and continued sorting the money.

‘I don’t know him, really,’ I said. ‘I’ve only met him once. Is he very difficult to live with?’

‘Mum says I never gave him a chance, but that’s not true. I thought he was all right to begin with. He was kind to Kevin and me. He used to buy us presents, but that was just so he could win us over.’

‘To gain your affection?’

‘Sort of.’

We placed the money, cards and playing pieces into the Monopoly box and secured the lid with a large elastic band. The box was a bit ragged from years of use, but it had protected the game. I was about to stand to put the game away before going to bed when Joss said, ‘I know why it was easy for him to persuade Mum I was lying.’

I remained in my chair and looked at her. Her gaze was down and she concentrated on the table.

‘Why?’

‘Because she never believed me about all the other stuff either.’

‘What other stuff?’ I asked, expecting Joss to start telling me about all the other arguments they’d had.

‘The other stuff he did,’ she said with a shrug.

‘Like what?’ I asked, naïve and hoping I could go to bed soon.

‘You know. Things he shouldn’t have done.’

Perhaps it was because I was very tired that I didn’t understand straight away what Joss was trying to tell me, or maybe I didn’t want to understand.

‘Joss, love, you’ll have to explain to me. I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Your mum doesn’t believe you about Zach because she didn’t believe you in the past about Eric?’

‘Yes. He persuaded her that I was lying when I told her he used to walk around naked and stuff. So now she doesn’t believe me about anything.’

I turned in my chair so I was facing her. She continued staring at the table. ‘Some people do walk around naked at home,’ I said. ‘They see it as natural. But it made you feel uncomfortable and I can understand why. We don’t do that here.’

There was a small pause before Joss said, ‘It wasn’t just that.’

‘No? What else?’

She took a breath and kept her eyes down. ‘He used to come into my bedroom when I was dressing or when I was in the bath. We didn’t have locks on the doors, but you are supposed to knock and wait, like you do here. But
he
didn’t. He used to come straight in and stand and stare at me. I told Mum, but she didn’t believe me. They both said I was lying.’

I was now starting to feel very uneasy, not just about the implications of what Joss was telling me, but about whether she was telling the truth. The problem when someone has a history of lying is that it’s very difficult to know when they are telling the truth. I believed Joss when she’d said Zach had attacked her – I’d seen her distress just after it had happened, and I’d met Zach and Carl and those they associated with and could believe they were capable of what Joss had claimed. Eric was another matter entirely, though. He was a middle-aged, respectable man, with a responsible job – although that didn’t mean he couldn’t be an abuser. He’d seemed pleasant enough the one time I’d met him, and from what Linda had said he appeared to be doing all he could to be a successful stepfather. Was it possible Joss so greatly resented him trying to replace her father that she was making this up? I didn’t know, but as I’d told Linda, in my experience children rarely lied about sexual abuse. I needed more details.

‘Joss, what you are accusing Eric of is very serious indeed.’

She nodded. ‘I know,’ she said quietly.

I looked at her. ‘When did it start? Can you remember?’

‘A few weeks after they got married and he moved in. The first time it happened I thought it was an accident and he’d come into my room by mistake. I liked him then. He seemed nice and he made Mum happy. Kevin was already calling him Dad. Then one evening Mum went out to a fundraising event. She does charity work to help families where someone has committed suicide. Kevin was in bed and I was in my room. I didn’t have my top on and I was standing in front of the mirror. I know it sounds silly, but I’d just started developing and I used to stand in front of my mirror every evening to see if my breasts had grown. Without knocking, Eric suddenly came in. I grabbed my top and held it against me. I thought he’d apologize and quickly go out, but he stood there leering and going red in the face. He was sweating and breathing heavily – it was disgusting. And then he said, “You naughty girl. Look what you’ve done to me.” He undid his trousers and his pants were wet at the front. I thought he’d peed himself, but later I realized what it was. I felt sick, and I was frightened too. I told him to go. He grinned, a horrible smile, and said, “I’ll be seeing you again, young lady,” and he left.’ Joss shivered, and I felt icy cold too.

‘He went to the bathroom,’ Joss continued, nervously rubbing her finger along the edge of the table. ‘I heard the shower turn on. I was shaking. I stayed in my room until Mum came home. She came up to say goodnight. She always did. She knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell her what, so she just thought I was ill. I didn’t sleep. I lay there all night thinking about what had happened. Then the next day I sort of convinced myself it had been an accident, him coming into my room, but deep down I knew it wasn’t. I kept thinking about what he’d said and the way he’d undone his trousers.’

Joss took a breath before continuing and I sat very still and quiet. ‘He tried it again the next time Mum went out. I was in my bedroom with all my clothes on. I wasn’t going to change for bed until Mum came home. He came in without knocking and asked me to show him my breasts so he could see how much they’d grown. I don’t know how he knew that’s what I’d been doing. I told him to go and leave me alone and that I’d tell Mum. He grinned, all pervy, and said I could tell her because she wouldn’t believe me. He’d make sure of it. I didn’t tell her straight away – I didn’t know how to tell her. That’s when the arguments started. I ignored him, or if he tried to talk to me I was rude to him. So Mum would tell me off and try to make me apologize, but I wouldn’t. Then, when other stuff started to happen, I finally found the courage to tell Mum. She didn’t believe me, but she must have said something to him because later, when she wasn’t around, he told me to keep my mouth shut if I knew what was good for me.

‘After that, it was just arguments and more arguments. I hated him, and I began hating Mum for believing him and not me. Even little Kevin was getting upset by all the shouting. We never used to shout and argue before
he
came along. I started getting into trouble at school. I was angry the whole time, even with my teachers. I felt like everyone was against me. And I stayed away from the house as much as possible. It wasn’t my home any more. I began hanging around the streets. It felt safer on the streets in the dark with strangers than it did at home.’ She stopped. ‘Oh, Cathy,’ she suddenly cried. ‘If only my dad hadn’t died, none of this would have happened. I feel so alone.’

I put my arm around her and comforted her as best I could while she cried. Did I believe her? Yes, I did. The childlike details and the logic in what she’d said convinced me she was telling the truth. My thoughts went to all the times Joss had referred to Eric as a creep, and I knew now it wasn’t just name-calling. Why hadn’t I picked up on this sooner? I should have done. But there had been so many issues with Joss it had slipped through the net. Her hatred of Eric should have been another indicator – a clue I’d missed. She didn’t hate him because he was trying to replace her father; she hated him because he’d been abusing her. With a sinking heart I remembered I’d actually defended Eric and had told Joss he was probably being nice to her because he was trying to build a relationship. How insensitive and inappropriate that sounded now! I also remembered that when I’d met him he’d told me he wanted to foster, and my stomach heaved. That would have given him a steady supply of children to abuse. Then another horrendous thought struck me.