Girl from Mars (14 page)

“Do you want to walk together for a bit?” I ask her.

She nods and takes the bike lock from me.

It's warm enough now to wear your jacket open.

“Where's Laura? Is she sick?” Ines asks, as we leave the school behind.

I shrug.

“Are you still in love?”

“Yes.”

“And? Have you kissed?”

I nod. Then I look at her, because there's something in her voice, something about her tone that I haven't heard before. But I must be mistaken.

“That's good,” she says, as she swings my lock through the air.

***

Friday. Saturday. Sunday.

And then Phillip comes over.

“Laura's gone,” he says.

“What do you mean, gone?”

“She's gone to live with her father, in Cologne.”

“But why?”

“How do I know?” Phillip twirls the end of his cigarette along the edge of the ashtray.

“Did you know she was leaving?”

“Sweetie, I was as clueless as you.”

“Don't call me sweetie.”

He opens his mouth to say something, then stops. “Sorry.” He takes a deep drag of his cigarette.

I remember how Laura would hold in the smoke, how she always made this clacking noise in her throat, and how she would look at me and smile.

He butts out his smoke.

“Come on, let's go. Get something to drink.”

I look at him.

“Come on. I'm inviting you.” He takes my arm and pulls me up.

“No, I can't,” I say. “I still have to...” But I can't think of what I have to do.

2

A few days later I get a letter in the mail. A big red envelope with my name on it.

Dear Mi,

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before. Okay. I'm back in Cologne. Maybe you already know that. I couldn't take it with my mother any more. Or with school. Only you and I were right. I wanted to tell you everything on Friday, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Do you understand?

I am trying to make a go of things here, again. Without you. I miss you already. Maybe things will work out here. I'll be back, but only as far as town, to pick up the rest of my things from my mother. If you want to see me, then let's meet on the eighteenth in the Austerhaus. Eleven o'clock at the bar. I'll be there no matter what
.

Okay?

Laura

The note is too short to be a goodbye. There are no explanations, not the ones I need.

Then I feel something else inside the envelope. I turn it upside down and shake it. A little necklace with red beads falls out.

***

I imagine meeting Laura in the Austerhaus. I imagine us dancing, kissing.

Stay. Don't go. Why are you going?

I miss Laura. I have never missed anyone like this before. Never this much. It hurts each time. Why does it always hurt when I think about Laura? Always, always, always.

Don't go. The Austerhaus is big and loud and dirty and crowded.

I look at the envelope one more time. No return address, no telephone number. Nothing. Tomorrow's the eighteenth.

***

I take the train into town. I have no idea how I'll get back home. Maybe I won't go home again. Maybe Laura will take me with her. Maybe we'll go some place completely different. Just the two of us.

I haven't told anyone where I'm going. Not even Phillip.

I look at the clock. It's almost eleven. I haven't seen her yet. I look at the door to the bar.

Eleven o'clock. I am nervous. I have to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to miss her.

Someone taps me on the shoulder.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask. How did he know I would be here?

“The same thing you are.” Then he looks at my neck. “Nice necklace.”

I wonder why she told him to come here, too. I'm mad. I wonder how many people are waiting for her here, even though I know that's stupid.

“So, is she here?” he asks.

“Do you see her?”

“For God's sake, how long have you been waiting?” Phillip waves to the bar man. Orders a tequila. “Want one?” I nod.

It's a quarter after eleven.

“The lady seems to be a bit late,” he says.

“Maybe,” I murmur. What if she doesn't show up?

“So do you have her actual address or phone number or anything?” he asks.

I shake my head. He orders us two more tequilas. I bum a cigarette from him.

What if she doesn't show up?

“Did Laura ever tell you how we met?” he says suddenly.

“At a party, right?”

“Yes, a stupid party. And the stupidest thing was that I was the one who threw it.”

“And?”

“The party was bloody awful. But I wanted to practice DJing, so I invited everyone I knew. Someone brought Laura along. Or maybe she just came on her own.”

I can just picture it. Phillip looks at the glass in his hand.

“Anyway, everyone got unbelievably drunk and threw up all over the living room and I don't know what else. But Laura was the only one who danced. And who stayed. She stayed until the very end. She made coffee for us and helped me clean up and...stayed. I wanted to throw her out with the others. But she just stayed.”

“Now she's gone,” I say. And there it is again, this feeling of fucking missing her, and I don't know if I will ever see her again, or if maybe she just doesn't want to see me. It hurts like shit.

Phillip takes my hand.

“Hey, come on.” He sticks a tequila in front of my nose and we clink glasses. “What should we drink to?”

“To... I don't know.”

“You can think of something. Come on.”

I shake my head. He looks at me, raises his glass and says, “To all that's left behind.”

We knock back the tequilas and then he pulls me up onto the dance floor and we dance.

***

It's the last song again.

This is the one she danced to. This exact same song. I am standing by myself on the dance floor and listening to each line.

I still remember you, girl from Mars. I still love you, girl from Mars.

As soon as the song ends, the lights go on. Phillip is standing by the wall holding my jacket. He just looks at me. Then he comes over and presses my things into my arms, and we are swept out of the club. I am sweating and feel clammy. Phillip doesn't look much better.

We go outside and just stand there for a moment, looking up at the sky. People walk by us.

“Hey,” Phillip says suddenly. “It's really warm out.”

I notice it, too. My body is slowly cooling off, but I'm not getting cold. The wind is warm and dry on my face.

“It's definitely getting to be summer,” says Phillip. I look at him doubtfully.

“No, really,” he says. Then he looks up at the sky, closes his eyes. “Summer is coming. Definitely.”

THE END