Girl, Going on 16: Pants on Fire (20 page)

‘Mr Nishizawa!’ said Jess. ‘How lovely to see you! Come through to the kitchen and we can do your English conversation.’

Mr Nishizawa got up and bowed. Thank goodness Mackenzie had never met him. If Mackenzie ever made fun of Mr Nishizawa, Jess would personally kill him in a long, slow way involving his nostrils and a handful of uncooked spaghetti.

She adored Mr Nishizawa. He was immensely cool. Although how much more delightful it would have been if Mr Nishizawa had
not
been sitting here requiring attention when she got home.

They went through to the kitchen and Jess put the kettle on and got out the posh biscuits.

‘So, in fact –’ Mr Nishizawa began, disastrously, to speak, ‘– wondering an indisposal, parent regret, how far time usual in general so?’

Jess was
so never
going to have a career teaching English as a foreign language. Even if the job came with a free house by the sea and an adorable golden puppy. In fact, ludicrous as it seemed, the way things were panning out, she couldn’t wait to get back to the divine serenity of Mr Powell’s office.

Chapter 24

Talking to Mr Nishizawa was tiring, and listening to him was even worse. It was physically exhausting, trying to understand him. Jess realised halfway through that every time he spoke, she screwed her face up as if she had toothache. However did Mum bear it night after night? She must be just longing for the hour to pass, secretly watching the clock over Mr Nishizawa’s shoulder, as Jess was now. Eventually, however, after about seven years, the lesson came to an end and he went away.

Granny had made a wonderful supper – a kind of cheesy potato pie thing with baked beans, which was Jess’s favourite meal in the world. Jess ate a portion the size of France, abandoning all plans to achieve a slim, gorgeous figure. If Fred didn’t love her any more, she would give up on men altogether.

‘Your mum’s asleep, love – so it’s my job to nag you about your homework,’ said Granny.

‘Aha! Did it all in school, Granny! Got the whole evening free!’

‘Really? You’re not telling me a little fib, are you, dear?’

‘No! I swear on the sacred memory of Grandpa with his crazy hats and enormous pixie-like ears!’ said Jess. It was really wonderful, having done the homework at school. If only she’d been On Report with Loss of Leisure for the past two years.

Although the Loss of Leisure bit was tough. It was so hard to keep in touch with everybody. When finally at 8.30 Flora rang, Jess seized the phone so desperately she almost swallowed it.

‘Hi, Jess! How are you, babe? How’s it going? Is it grim being On Report?’

‘Oh no, Mr Powell’s quite a pussycat really. We’re practically dating. How was the readthrough?’

‘Oh, it was awful! I got so many words wrong. Still, so did Jodie. She’s playing Olivia. I wish you’d auditioned for it, babe – you’d have been heaps better than her.’

‘Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to spend any more time with Thorn than absolutely necessary.’

‘She’s not so bad when she’s directing plays,’ said Flora. ‘She’s still kind of on edge, but she’s not so weird and harsh. But hey – listen! Jack Stevens is so absolutely gorgeous! He sat next to me in the readthrough and then he walked home with us afterwards!’

Jess desperately wanted to turn the conversation around to Fred, but realised that she would have to let Flora rave on about Jack Stevens for a little bit first. After Flora had described in detail Jack’s long dark eyelashes, beautiful square hands and strange smouldering scowl, Jess finally thought it was time for her own agenda.

‘And how was Fred?’ she asked.

‘Oh, he was so funny! We all cracked up. He even made Miss Thorn laugh. I think she’s got a bit of a thing about Fred. You should watch out!’

‘My English Teacher Stole My Boyfriend territory, eh?’ said Jess. ‘Well, I’ll make a fortune selling my story to the papers. But, er . . . did Fred say anything afterwards?’

‘What, to me, you mean? No, he was talking to Jodie. They were messing around. Malvolio’s Olivia’s steward, of course, so she was giving Fred orders on the way home afterwards and he was pretending to crawl and drool over the hem of her garment, and stuff.’

Jess felt sick. She would kill both Fred and Jodie tomorrow, with the nearest heavy object. Although after all that cheese pie, she
was
the nearest heavy object. Right. She would fall on them both. For a moment she could say nothing – the sour feeling inside made it impossible.

‘What’s wrong, babe? You and Fred are OK again, aren’t you?’

‘Well, no, if you really want to know,’ said Jess. ‘We’re not. We met at the health centre yesterday sort of by accident, and he lent me his jacket, but when he came round to my house afterwards to collect it, Ben was here.’

‘That Ben! Always sniffing around you! If only you still fancied him, you two could become an item.’

‘Oh no,’ said Jess, ‘Ben doesn’t fancy me even remotely. He told me last term he didn’t want a girlfriend at all, and anyway, I couldn’t be happy with him for ten seconds now I know what it’s like being with Fred.’

‘Sorry, Jess, I’ve got to go,’ said Flora abruptly. ‘My dad’s started to do homework mimes at me. Don’t panic about it, OK? Play a waiting game. We’ll go out on Saturday and give you a makeover. Then we’ll have a picnic on Sunday and invite Fred along. He’ll soon come to heel, don’t worry.’

Jess put the phone down feeling a bit more cheerful. It would be nice to have a makeover on Saturday, and the Sunday picnic was a terrific idea. She and Fred had shared so many fantastic picnics in the park during the summer. Surely they would manage to sort out their misunderstanding just as soon as they got some time together?

But when would that be? Maybe there would be too many other people around at the weekend. Jess was so tempted to ring Fred right now. She had to remove herself physically from the phone to avoid grabbing it. She went upstairs and, as she’d already done her homework, she decided to abandon the habits of a lifetime and tidy her room.

When it was all done she even combed Rasputin’s fur, which made him look somehow rather like Oscar Wilde. Still it was only 9.30. Not too late to ring. She went into the next room, which was Mum’s study, and picked up the phone. Her fingers shook. She dialled Fred’s home number. Moments later, Fred’s dad answered in a gruff, bad-tempered voice that suggested that in Fred’s house it was already 3 a.m.

‘Sorry,’ said Jess, bottling out. ‘Wrong number.’

‘Jess!’ her mum called feebly from her bedroom. ‘Who are you ringing, darling?’

Jess went into her mum’s room. She was sitting up in bed looking a lot better and drinking a glass of water.

‘Oh, I just rang Flora because there was something I forgot to tell her earlier,’ said Jess. ‘But I got the wrong number and then I thought maybe it’s rather late.’ More lies already. She hoped God wouldn’t notice.

Her mum smiled and nodded, and then patted the bed. Jess sat down. Her mum clasped her hand.

‘I’m glad you’re feeling better, Mum,’ said Jess. ‘You’ve stopped looking like a Martian.’

‘Yes,’ said Mum. She smiled and squeezed Jess’s hand. Then she started to look kind of strange. ‘I’m a bit overtired, that’s all,’ she went on. ‘In fact, I’m going to have a little break this coming weekend. I’m going to Brighton.’

‘Fantastic!’ said Jess. ‘Can I come?’

‘Well . . .’ Her mum hesitated. ‘I’m going to see an old school friend. It’s a bit awkward, really. I don’t think she’ll have room for the two of us.’

‘Oh, I don’t care where I sleep!’ said Jess. ‘I’ll sleep on the sofa, the floor, no problem.’

‘Well . . .’ Mum let go of Jess’s hand and started to fiddle with the bedcover. ‘It’s not going to be much fun, because her husband’s just left her and she wants to talk.’

‘I don’t mind!’ said Jess. ‘I’ll go out while you’re having your heart-to-hearts. I can have the best time. Brighton! It’s the coolest place in the world.’

‘Yes, but . . .’ Mum hesitated again. ‘She doesn’t live down near the seafront, she lives several miles inland. And to be honest, darling,’ she blushed, ‘I need you to stay here and keep an eye on Granny. I’m sorry.’

‘Granny’s fine on her own!’ said Jess. ‘She’s totally independent. We can get loads of food in for her. She can have her friend round from the bridge club.’

‘No, love,’ said Mum. ‘I’m really sorry, but it isn’t going to work, you coming. Not this time. Next time maybe.’

Jess got up off the bed, feeling very annoyed.

‘In case you hadn’t realised, Granny will be even older by next time,’ she observed sharply. ‘Oh well. Never mind. I expect we’ll have a fun weekend going through the photo albums.’

She went out and gave the bedroom door just a little slam. Her mum
had
just had a migraine, but, on the other hand, she
was
being intensely irritating.

In bed that night, Jess comforted herself with the thought that it might be better if her mum didn’t take her to Brighton for the weekend. There was the chance that if she stayed at home, she and Fred would get together again. Fred could be so sulky and weird when they had misunderstandings. Jess had become totally convinced that it was her job to make the first move. She would transform herself this weekend into an irresistible diva, and Fred would fall at her feet.

Chapter 25

Next day was Friday. Jess arrived in good time to walk to school with Flora, who was excited at the prospect of seeing Jack Stevens again. Jess listened patiently to her raptures.