Girls Like Us (35 page)

“You mean that?” asks Monica, crying too.

“Yes, more than anything. I love you all so much—this is where I was always meant to be.”

There’s so much strength here in this circle of hugs and tears. Tomorrow there’ll be another crisis. Someone will come in late and have to be written up, new girls with new pain will show up, some still attached to their trafficker, others struggling with the early stages of leaving, girls who’ll go missing in the coming weeks, girls who’ll be arrested and treated badly. There are millions of perceptions to change and more hurdles to jump in the courts. But I figure for one night, I’ll just relax and stop fighting. We did good. After years of one step forward, ten steps back, today has felt like a hundred steps forward. Today’s been all about survivor voices, survivor achievements, survivor leadership, a stunning affirmation that offers a rebuttal to all the people who didn’t believe in us, in me, in any girl who has been sexually exploited. It’s one of the best nights of my life. I’m frequently proud of these phenomenal girls and young women. Tonight, I decide to actually be proud of myself.

One evening, I’m sitting at the office chatting with a couple of my older girls, both of whom have been around for years. For some odd reason we’re talking about tanning beds and I admit that yes, I’ve been on them a few times.

“I don’t believe it. Not you,” Ashley exclaims.

“Really?”
Jasmine cannot believe her ears.

The girls both look at me as if I’ve just admitted to suffocating kittens. I know the health issues are bad, but still, they’re horrified.

“Goodness! Why are ya’ll making such a big deal out of this?”

They’re still in shock apparently as it takes a few minutes for either of them to get beyond, “Because” or “You know.”

Finally Ashley is able to articulate their keen sense of horror.

“You’re too empowered to tan,” she says. Jasmine nods in agreement. Both of them deadly serious.

“I’m what?” I can barely talk, I’m laughing so hard. Eventually I catch my breath. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all year. Have y’all ever met me?”

I think about my insecurities, my challenges over the years to accept myself, my well-known vanity and obsession with shoes. I start laughing again, but they look a little miffed that I’m not taking their point seriously.

“You’re so, you know, confident and together, and you know, all that stuff. . . .”

And finally I get it. To them, I’m the grown-up, poised and in control. Although I barely ever feel like a grown-up, especially as I forget to pay a parking ticket or spend four hours trying to locate a shoe in the mess that doubles as my bedroom, I realize that finally I’m “that chick,” that woman that I wanted to grow up to be. Dr. Hall mentoring in the guidance counselor’s office. Bernadette being a strong and confident working mother. Cherry Kingsley presenting in Canada. I’m not the girl who came to New York too shy to speak in meetings, thinking everyone on the street could look at me and just tell. I’m not the girl who thought getting hit was normal, or who believed that I had to settle for mediocre in my personal relationships. I’m not waking up in the middle of the night screaming, or crying with shame every time someone says something hurtful. I’ve still got a lot of growing to do, but it’s nice being seen at least as someone who’s over some of the early hurdles and has emerged confident and secure.

“Thank you,” I tell the girls, and they seem pleased that I’m getting what they mean. “I do think it would make a great T-shirt, though,
Too empowered to tan
.” Just the thought of it makes me laugh all over again.

That night, I think about the mistakes I’ve made, the hard lessons I’ve had to learn both personally and professionally, the times when I was counseling girls and heard myself give advice that I desperately needed to hear for myself. I think about some of the girls who are now twenty-three and realize in hindsight how young and totally unprepared I was to start a nonprofit at that age. I had so much growing up to do, growing up that happened right alongside the girls. I think of how broken and damaged I was, even when I thought I wasn’t, and all the healing that happened in fits and spurts, painfully and awkwardly. I think of how much my confidence, my sense of self, my capacity to love and trust has grown. I think of everything that I’ve learned from the girls and how blessed I am to have founded GEMS and to have had GEMS find me. People would often ask, “Did you ever imagine that it would be like this, a decade later, when you started it?” And the truth was, I did. I knew that we were going to change things. I knew that young women had the power, and that survivors could be leaders and that we would create a safe space and a home for girls, and we would create programs and counseling and health care, and all the things we’ve been able to do over the years. But I didn’t know how much I would get out of it, and I didn’t know how much of a family the girls and women at GEMS would become. I had no idea just how much I’d enjoy walking through the doors every day to learn from and grow with some of the smartest, funniest, strongest, most resilient girls I could ever hope to meet.

Acknowledgments

This is definitely the hardest part of the book to write. In thinking about all the people who have not only supported me in the last two years of writing but also all the people who have supported me and believed in me over the years, which allowed me to even get to this point in my life, I’m overwhelmed with the enormity of love and kindness I’ve been shown. If I were to acknowledge all of the individuals who have touched my life in one way or another, knowingly or not, it would fill the pages of a whole nother book. So . . . if you have ever been kind to me, said an encouraging word to me, helped me in some way, taught me something or prayed for me . . . I’m sincerely grateful. Thank you.

A special thanks, too, to anyone who has supported GEMS over the years, especially those who’ve donated money and resources and ensured that we could continue to build a place of safety and support for our girls and young women. Thank you.

While I’m well aware that this is not an award show, I really do want to thank God for blessing me and for His amazing grace that saved a wretch like me. I’m so grateful to be found.

Thanks to my mother for supporting me in telling my story. I love you much and always, and I’m so glad we have the beautiful relationship that we have now. I’m proud of you and thankful that you’re my mom. Truly.

To my grandma, the late and great Jean Lloyd, who always believed in me and who gave me my stubbornness, my sense of humor, and my ability to cook a mean roast dinner. I miss you always.

To my wonderful and wise editor at HarperCollins, Gail Winston, for all of your support and faith and, of course, patience. Thank you so, so much for believing in me. And to Jason Sack, assistant editor and phone buddy—thank you for answering all the millions of questions I had and for keeping me on track.

To my agent, Elizabeth Sheinkman, at Curtis Brown. Thank you for your support and encouragement.

Thank-you to everyone who’s ever told me, “You should really write a book,” but especially to David Henry Sterry, who told me lots and lots of times and inspired me to actually do it. Thank-you to Janice Erlbaum for giving me real-life author advice. And thank-you to all the amazing writers I’ve read over the years who taught me so much and inspired me with the power of their words.

A huge and heartfelt thank-you goes out to my friends and surrogate family, who not only deal with me on a regular basis and still love me but who put up with my grouchiness after spending numerous sleepless weekends in a hotel room in Jersey, writing and drinking way too much Red Bull, and who dealt with my general and frequent whining about writing a book—thank you! Your support and encouragement helped me keep going.

A special thanks to Senior Clinical Director Julie Laurence and Fiscal/Admin Director Yvette Velez, who’ve not only been holding it down at GEMS for years but who have held me down and always had my back. From fiscal meetings in my car to driving down to D.C. in the middle of the night, never-ending streams of crisis calls, all-nighters in the office, Popeyes, Starbucks, Jamal’s, FDR park BBQs, Christmases and Thanksgivings, watching the girls grow up, laughing, crying, smoking too many cigarettes . . . and that’s just the stuff that’s printable. We’ve made it through so much, and GEMS, and I, could never have made it without you. I love and appreciate you both more than you know . . . fam!

Thank-you to my assistant, Elizabeth Gaines, for being an amazing assistant and friend. I couldn’t have gotten through the last three years without you. In fact, I’d still be driving around somewhere, lost in Jersey. I wish you so much happiness in your new life.

Bridgit Antoinette Evans, so happy to have you in my life as a sister and friend and to be on such a wonderful journey with you. Aries all the way!

My big sister Lisa Goldblatt Grace, director of the wonderful My Life, My Choice program in Boston (and erstwhile author). Thank you for so much, for . . . everything. Don’t know what I’d do without you.

Ruben Austria, executive director of Community Connections for Youth, thank you for over a decade of friendship,
Miss Saigon
sing-a-thons, and your prayers and support. You’ve held me down, son!

Bradley Myles, executive director of Polaris Project in D.C. and all-round supersmart guy. Thank you so much for your friendship and support and all our late night chats. I’m really grateful for you.

Cait Mullen, the architect of the nation’s Safe Harbor law—I miss our trips to Albany. You’re an incredible advocate, great lawyer, and a wonderful friend. Thank you for being in my life.

Priya Swaminathan and David Schisgall, thank you for making our documentary
Very Young Girls
and for knowing that we could truly begin to shift perceptions about our girls. Thank you for your continued friendship, love, and support. You are two of my favorite people.

Greg “Shotti” Morgan, photographer extraordinaire. I’m really grateful for our friendship and your support and honesty and especially your ridiculous sense of humor. Thanks for being in my life.

Thank-you to my readers, Julie, Brad, Lisa, Bridgit, Ruben, Priya, Pamela Shifman, and Teresa Tomassoni. Thank you for being so excited and for so much encouragement.

To my “grandbaby” Juston. I love you more than you could ever know and am so happy to be in your life.

To H. Thank you for being my sober role model and inspiring me. For real, for real.

To Scott and Gail. Thank you for being there for me and for all your support. It has changed my life.

A huge thank-you to all of the GEMS staff who do phenomenal work every single day. I’m so grateful to work with such an amazing group of talented, smart, funny, dedicated women. You have all made my dream a reality.

And finally, a very special thank-you to the girls and young women who trusted me to tell their stories and have shared their lives with me. I’m scared to name any of y’all cos there’s no way to name everyone, and God forbid I leave someone out! Y’all know there would be some drama over that. So . . . please know how much I truly love you and how special you all are to me in your own unique way. I hope you can see through these pages how much you’ve all taught me and inspired me. This is for you.

To learn more and to support GEMS’ work with girls,
please visit our website at:
www.gems-girls.org

If you suspect that someone you know is a victim of
human trafficking, call the National Human Trafficking
Resource Center hotline at 1-888-3737-888.

Notes

PROLOGUE

10
1.2 million children and youth
: UNICEF. Child protection from violence, exploitation and abuse. http://www.unicef.org/protection/index_exploitation.html.

11
200,000 to 300,000 adolescents are at risk
: Estes, R. and N. Weiner. 2001. The commercial sexual exploitation of children in the U.S., Canada and Mexico. Philadelphia: Center for the Study of Youth Policy, School of Social Work, University of Pennsylvania.

1:
LEARNING

15
“Child sexual exploitation is the most hidden form”
: Ibid.

2:
RISK

33
the number of children and youth at high risk for recruitment
: Estes and Weiner. Commercial sexual exploitation.

39
“Between 1984 and 1994, the homicide rate for black males”
: Levitt, S., K. Murphy, et al. 2006. How bad was crack cocaine? The economics of an illicit drug market. Washingon, D.C.: National Bureau of Economic Research.

39
In 1984, there were 16,230 children
: Reinharz, P. 2000. No, the neighborhoods haven’t healed themselves.
City Journal.
Winter.

40
The murder rate in 2007
: “New York Law Enforcement Agency Uniform Crime Reports 1980 to 2005.” http://www.nyc.gov/html/nypd/downloads/pdf/crime_statistics/cscity.pdf on the Web page http://www.nyc.gov/html/nypd/html/crime_prevention/crime_statistics.shtml, which shows the 17-year change from week-to-date 2010.

40
Nationally, over thirteen million children
: Douglas-Hall, A., M. Chau, et al. 2006.
Basic facts about low-income children: Birth to age 18
. New York: National Center for Children in Poverty, Mailman School of Public Health, Columbia University.

40
Over half a million children
: Chau, M., A. D. Kinsey, et al. 2006. On the edge in the Empire State: New York’s low-income children. New York: National Center for Children in Poverty, Mailman School of Public Health, Columbia University
.