Give Yourself Away (19 page)

Or maybe he’d been shot. Shotgun pellets would cause the same sort of scars.

March hoped Caleb would eventually be able to confide in him. He was wary of pushing too hard, in case Caleb ran.

March headed for the shower. Maybe he didn’t have to push. Maybe he could do some research of his own. He was an expert in ancient history. Uncovering some less ancient truths should be easy.

It wasn’t. March didn’t have a lot of free time during the day, but when he did, he checked the Web for information on Caleb Jones. A more unusual surname would have helped. Lots of guys called Caleb Jones, but none of them was his Caleb.
My Caleb.
There was no Facebook presence, nothing on LinkedIn, no membership of any carpentry association. Without a date of birth or national insurance number or driving license, March was stuck.

He felt bad then for having looked, particularly as it left him more unsettled. There were companies who’d do a search for a fee, but March had the sneaking suspicion they’d fail and he knew it would be a gross betrayal of Caleb’s trust.

There was also the possibility that Caleb was in some sort of witness protection and his name wasn’t Caleb Jones at all. Whatever the truth, Caleb was hiding and March had to be careful not to put him in danger. A thought that made him realize he needed to have a conversation with his head of department. Caleb had a reason to hide but March didn’t.

He knocked on the door of Geraldine’s office.

“Come in.”

March closed the door behind him.

“What can I do for you?” She smiled at him.

March took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”

Geraldine’s eyes widened slightly. “That was why you broke off your engagement?”

Bloody Andy. March had told him not to say anything, but his friend had been determined to match him up for so long. He’d been the first person March had told about the breakup, after his mother.

“Perhaps you’re bisexual.”

March almost laughed. Now he’d finally dragged himself out of the closet, she didn’t want to believe him? Had she any idea how hard this was for him?
Stop bloody whining.

“I’m…shocked,” Geraldine said. “Everyone’s thought you were straight for so long, to come out now looks very convenient.”

“That would have been true if I’d told you when you came to see me with that allegation.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Personal reasons, but I want you to know now.”

“Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing, March.”

When? He felt as though he’d been doing the wrong thing all his life.

March had one more hour at work, lecturing on Aztec social customs, including cannibalism, before he was free to leave. He gabbled, took less time than he should have and ended up ad-libbing. Fortunately he knew endless trivia about the Aztecs and managed to end the lecture with almost everyone laughing.

March called Caleb as he left the building.

“Hi,” Caleb said.

The relief in hearing his voice made March stumble. Christ. “I’ve just finished work. Are you nearly done?”

“A couple of legs to saw off, clean up the blood and I’m finished. Can I cook for you? At your place?”

Relief lightened March’s heart. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll call at the supermarket. Anything you don’t eat?”

“Squid, octopus, cockles, whelks, veal,
foie gras
, liver and ice cream.”

There was a slight pause before Caleb answered. “Then I won’t do my signature dish—seafood surprise with ice cream.”

“Bring more lube.”

Caleb did laugh at that.

March stuffed the phone back in his pocket. Last night had been the best night of his life, except maybe he ought to put the night he rescued Caleb above that. The trouble was March was impatient. He wanted all of it and he wanted it now. Except—there was another except—fucking Caleb had been mostly straightforward. He knew enough from the videos he’d watched to see what to do and it had been hot. But letting Caleb fuck him might be more difficult. His arse clenched at the thought. Maybe he needed to be drunk. Except—fucking except—he was still on call for lifeboat duty, so he couldn’t get drunk.

Chapter Nineteen

Tye had no way of knowing when Liam would take him to Jasim.
He developed a pattern of his own. Don’t eat for two days, then eat for four. If he was lucky, Jasim would want him at the right time.

He wasn’t lucky and eating that way made him sick, gave him stomach cramps and left him weak and more susceptible to the alcohol Liam gave him, less able to avoid swallowing the pill that made him unaware, made him forget.

Until…

One day, the first of flushing his food down the pan, Liam walked in still clothed. Tye managed not to drink most of the whisky. He let it slide from his mouth, under the pillow. He pretended to be intoxicated and when Liam pushed the pill between his lips, this time Tye managed to hide it under his tongue. He did nothing when Liam fastened cable ties on his wrists and ankles, and when Liam walked out, Tye spit the dissolving pill off the side of the bed.

He watched through barely open eyes as Liam wheeled a crate into the room. He didn’t remember ever being put in a crate and panic flared. What if Liam was going to kill him and dump him? Tye pulled at the ties. Why the fuck hadn’t he just fought while he could?

“What the hell?” Liam glared down at him as Tye tried to roll off the bed.

“Let me go.”

Liam backhanded him twice. Tye’s head snapped from side to side, and the world went black long enough for Liam to inject something into his neck. As everything faded again, Tye registered all the effort to keep his head clear had been wrecked.

He woke lying on Jasim’s bed, next to a naked Jasim. No ties on his wrists or ankles, but the room swam in and out of focus. Jasim had his hand on Tye’s cock, sliding it up and down.

“Liam’s going to…kill me.” Tye forced out the words. He wrapped his arms around Jasim and pressed his face into the junction of his neck and shoulder. “Doesn’t want me anymore.”

Jasim laughed. “He won’t kill you. He does want you, just not for himself.”

“Please help me.” Tye pulled back to look into Jasim’s face. “Take me away from him…before it’s too late.”

“I can’t.”

“I’d be better…if I wasn’t drugged.”

Jasim stared at him. “Then stop taking dope.”

Tye gaped at him. “Liam drugs me.” He had to make him understand. “I don’t take anything willingly—he does it all. He’s kept me a prisoner since I was eleven years old.”

* * *

Caleb agonized over what to cook, but in the end went for something simple. He could toss together
tagliatelle
, crispy smoked bacon, mushrooms, asparagus and cream in a matter of minutes. He bought a bottle of chilled white wine and a chocolate tart.

On the way back to March’s, he rang Victor.

“Hello, my darling,” Victor said.

“Have you killed him yet?”

Victor chuckled. “He’s being a good boy.”

“Did you tell the police?”

“Yes and they thought I was being a drama queen. I was, but that’s not the point. No suspect. Nothing they can do. Here, talk to him.”

Caleb groaned. If he’d wanted to talk to Mike, he’d have called him.

“Hi, Caleb.”

“How are you feeling?” Caleb asked.

Mike gave a short laugh. “Do you care?”

“Of course I do.”

“I’m getting there.”

“Did you remember anything else about that night? About the guy who stabbed you, I mean.”

“No. I told the police everything I knew.”

“Right.”

“Victor’s taking me on holiday tomorrow.”

“Great.” Although Caleb wondered if it would be enough. They couldn’t stay on holiday forever.

“Why?”

Caleb pulled closer to the edge of the road to let a vehicle overtake. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Do you know something you’re not telling me?” Mike sounded petulant. Caleb recognized the tone.

“I have no idea who stabbed you, but it’s possible it was someone with a warped sense of protection toward me. You hurt me. He hurt you.”

“He did more than fucking hurt me,” Mike shouted. “He nearly fucking killed me.”

“I thought you were going to kill me,” Caleb said quietly.

“Fuck off.” Mike ended the call.

“I hope no one was hacking into that call, you stupid bastard.” Caleb sighed.

I’m going to tell March everything.

Not a good idea.

Maybe not, but I am.

Later.

How much later?

Caleb pulled in behind March’s car and carried the groceries toward the house. The door opened before he reached it and he felt a swell of pleasure that March was waiting for him.

March tugged the bags from his hands, but didn’t take them to the kitchen. He put them down and pressed Caleb up against the wall.

“Where have you been all my life?” March’s lips were against Caleb’s and the two of them ate at each other as if they’d been parted by a sea, by a war—licking, biting, getting greedy—until they calmed into soothing brushes of mouths and tongues.

“How come whatever I intend gets lost when I’m with you?” March pulled back long enough to ask and then was on him again.

Caleb sagged as March worked his tongue in and out of his mouth, and rocked his hips against Caleb’s in the same sexy way. They moaned as they kissed, the sound surging between them until Caleb’s head was spinning.

When March slid his mouth down Caleb’s neck and bit the place where his neck met his shoulder, Caleb’s knees trembled. Then March was on his knees, unfastening the button on Caleb’s work pants, unzipping him, freeing his cock, looking up at him with those dark eyes. A jolt of energy hit Caleb with enough force to make him grab March’s head so he didn’t fall over. His hips instinctively lifted to change the angle as his cock surged into March’s hand.

“Too hungry to wait for you to cook,” March said. “I like raw.”

Caleb’s laugh faded to a moan as March licked him. Up, down, around, moving from the underside of the crown down to his balls.
Oh God.

“Stop tasting and eat me,” Caleb blurted.

March grinned. He took just the tip of Caleb’s cock in his mouth while he caressed the rest with his hand. The hot, wet, tight sucks made Caleb’s balls tingle. Then March opened his mouth wider and Caleb kept absolutely still. He was still clutching March’s hair, but he was determined not to push. He needed to be deeper, needed March to—
Oh fuck.

“How the hell did you manage this?” March asked as he panted. “How do you swallow and breathe at the same time? I want to take all of you but I’m going to gag if I do.”

Caleb stroked his hair. “You only do as much as you can. This isn’t going to sound good, but I’ve had years of practice at deep-throating. My gag reflex has gone. I could probably get an elephant’s trunk down my throat if I wanted to. Not that I’m going to try, obviously.”

March laughed.

“Anything you do will be great,” Caleb said. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

I’m talking myself out of a blowjob? Am I ill?

“Does it look like I don’t want to do this? Did you shove me on my knees and stick your cock in my mouth? Oh shit. That sounds hot.” March gave a mock shudder.

“I’ll remember that.”

“Good. Next time.”

March rested his face against Caleb’s cock as he laughed, the vibration trickling through Caleb’s dick and into his balls. Then he started licking again, sucking and teasing, and Caleb leaned back against the wall and let himself be taken for the ride.

It was hard to keep his eyes open but he did. He stared down at March and watched him wrap his lips around his cock, watched as it disappeared into March’s mouth and knew this would be a short gallop.

“You want me to come in your mouth or not?” Caleb blurted.

March swiped his tongue over the slit on the crown, used his fingers to widen it and scooped out precome.

“Oh fuck.” Caleb thought it was a miracle he hadn’t just erupted all over March’s face.

March licked and sucked and swallowed, and Caleb sensed it wasn’t only his come he was about to lose, but his whole body, his mind, his heart. There was nothing he could do about it. Couldn’t stop himself coming, couldn’t stop himself falling. More than lust. More than sex. Giving all of himself away, holding nothing back. Shit.

“March.” Caleb half-heartedly tried to pull March’s head away.

March gave a brief shake of his head and kept his mouth moving, his tongue working.

Close. The urge to come, that intense buildup of pressure, sent Caleb’s nerve endings into a frenzied dance, neurons snapping one after the other. Jolts of pleasure kept striking him and as they increased in speed and intensity, his back arched, and March pulled him into oblivion. He came and he came and he came, his entire body caught up in the sensation. His toes curled in his shoes and the hair prickled on his head.

March kept going until he was done, somehow knowing the exact moment to switch from hard to less hard to soft, slowing his play as Caleb came down. He licked Caleb clean and stared up at him, come smeared over his lips, a drop glistening on his chin.

Caleb told his arms to move, to tug March to his feet, but he just stood there with his chest heaving. It was March who pulled up his pants, zipped and fastened him up, then leaned on the wall by his side. Caleb rolled into him, tasting himself in March’s mouth. When Caleb reached for March’s pants, a hand clamped around his wrist.

“Later.” March smiled and put his mouth to Caleb’s ear. “The only reason I can wait is because I just finished jerking off as you pulled into the drive.”

A laugh burst from Caleb’s throat.

March bent to pick up the groceries. “Can I help cook?”

They worked together to prepare the meal. March had one glass of wine but wouldn’t have more. Caleb hadn’t thought about him still being on call for lifeboat duty.

As Caleb came down from the intense high, reality checked back in. Would March want him when he knew how he’d lived for all those years? When he understood what he’d had to do? He didn’t want to tell him yet. He wanted these moments of sweetness to last a little longer.

“I should have asked, shouldn’t I?” March chopped the mushrooms.

“They’re the right size. It doesn’t really matter.”

March laughed. “Not the bloody mushrooms. I should have asked before I came in your mouth. I didn’t ask. I’m sorry.”

“You must have skipped that section of
Gay Sex for Dummies
but, yeah, you should really ask the first time. Not every guy wants to swallow.” Caleb took a deep breath. “Our world isn’t an easy or a safe one. You should never have sex without a condom unless you and your partner have been tested, and even then you have to be sure you can trust them not to fuck someone else behind your back. Oral sex is less dangerous but there’s still a risk. With rimming too.

“I should have got tested again after I broke up with Mike, but there’s one positive thing about the porn industry—they’re very careful. Mike’s not working in the business anymore, but he was always getting checked. He had two friends die with AIDS and another one who’s HIV positive.”

For fuck’s sake, that’s enough.

“Thanks, Dad,” March said.

Caleb laughed. “Did your dad talk to you about sex?”

“Not talk exactly. He sat on my bed and gave me a pack of condoms. He took a single one from his pocket, along with a banana, and showed me how to put one on.”

“Ahh. How old were you?”

“Eighteen.”

Caleb elbowed him. “No you weren’t.”

“No I wasn’t. It was my stepfather who had the talk. My dad died before he got around to it.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Yeah, I do. I like my stepfather, but my dad was a perfect combination of fun and sensible. He’d do crazy things with me, but he knew when to stop. I remember one day he took me to a scuba-diving session in the local pool. We were going to learn together. He couldn’t even snorkel.” March laughed. “It took him thirty minutes before he could do a length with his head in the water. He never gave up. Not at anything.”

March poured Caleb another glass of wine. He didn’t pour one for himself, in case he had a call.

“Today, I told Geraldine, my head of department, that I was gay,” March said.

Caleb froze with the glass partway to his mouth. “What did she say?”

“She wondered if I was bisexual because I’d been engaged.”

“How did you come to get engaged?”

March sighed. “I met Annabel—well, it doesn’t matter how I met her. I liked her. I was a bit like you. I didn’t have long-term relationships. I tended to go for one-night stands, though I hadn’t had many of those. But Annabel and I got on well and she asked me to marry her, not the other way around.”

March chewed his lip. “And she did it at a family dinner. It was her parents’ twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I couldn’t say no. I thought I’d tell her later it was too soon and I wasn’t ready, but the whole fucking family was caught up in the excitement. They’d chosen the church; Annabel had the dress picked; she phoned the bridesmaids while we still sat at the table. Her parents even had a venue in mind for the reception. Some castle.

“I wanted to run. Annabel wasn’t stupid. She knew I was freaked out, but that’s all she thought it was, that I was panicking at the thought of commitment. I let it run because maybe it was going to work, maybe she was the one. Take a risk, I told myself. So I bought her a ring, tasted cakes, checked menus and kept delaying choosing a best man.

“A month before the wedding, which should have been six months ago, I called it off. You can imagine the shitstorm that followed. I paid for everything so her parents weren’t out of pocket, but I’d hurt their daughter. That, they couldn’t forgive. It’s hard to forgive myself.”

Caleb reached across the table and took hold of his hand. “You did the right thing.”

“Eventually, but I should have spoken up that night at the dinner. The pain I’d have caused then would have been a lot less than what I inflicted later. Annabel had a breakdown. Her parents told me they never wanted to hear from me, that I was never to contact Annabel again.”

March was surprised how much better he felt getting all that off his chest. “I’ve been thinking I should tell her I’m gay.”