Giver of Light (5 page)

The vampires were all in what was obviously the lounge, a large open-plan space with light coloured furniture and pastel coloured furnishings, all very cottagey in fact. So
not
American or vampire, but kind of nice. Relaxing even. I sort of had the feeling it should have been a house at the beach though, not something nestled in a tree rimmed, grass expanse, land-locked piece of property high up in the mountains.

They all looked up when I came in the room, but it was Jonathan who came rushing over, concern written all over his face. A face that still felt very unfamiliar to me.

“You're awake, sweetheart. Can I get you anything.”

He seemed genuine, but his affection only made me cringe. Not from fear, but something else, something I couldn't name, no matter how hard I tried to home in on the feeling.

“Where are we?”

He came and clasped my hand, immediately rubbing his thumb across the back of it. My heart rate started lowering straight away and the strange feeling from moments before evaporated. This was familiar, but that thought only left me feeling a little disoriented now, as though my world was spinning out of control.

“You're at home. Everything is going to be OK.”

Jonathan pulled me towards a two seater sofa and sat us both down side by side. His leg brushed up against mine, I could feel the warmth emanating from the long length of his body. His thumb continued its hypnotic swirls against the back of my hand, I watched it for a while, trying to piece my tumbling emotions back together. To make sense of everything and nothing that seemed to engulf me right now, but it didn't work. Even though the room was full of six or so vampires and one was holding my hand affectionately, sitting right next to me, I felt so alone.

I looked up into his bright azure blue eyes. They were captivating, but I felt not a thing as I stared across the short space between us.

“What is it, sweetheart? Can you still not remember us?”

I shook my head, unable to form any coherent words. He looked sad, but resigned, as though he had expected that answer all along.

“It is all right, Lucinda. I have already told you, I will remember for both of us. Trust me, can you do that?”

My mind and heart shouted no, my head nodded yes. I could only put the reaction down to survival instincts, because make no mistake, I was fighting for my life and I knew it.

We sat silently for a while, him still stroking my hand, me trying to take in as much of my surroundings as I could manage. I felt a little tired and fuzzy, but you always do after a long flight and although I had slept most of it, my body was still remembering the trip. Plus, I was sure whatever drugs they had been injecting were also partly to blame.

What the hell was I going to do? I needed to formulate a plan. I have always been practical in all that I approach, so breaking down the task ahead into smaller manageable parts made sense. I smiled slightly to myself at that thought, the more I remembered who I was at my core, the better. Jonathan didn't notice my smile, he just seemed happy to sit with me while I glanced around the room. Maybe he thought I was trying to jog my memory, maybe that thought made him happy too.

I knew there would be nothing here for me to remember. I just knew it, just as I knew at sunrise the vampires would not be able to go outdoors and that was when I would need to make my escape.

So, practical part number one. Escape. It covers a lot more than just physically getting myself away from these vampires. It also means I'd stop being injected with whatever drug they were using on me. Two birds with one stone. That I could handle.

How to escape, of course, was the next hurdle. I needed to get myself armed for starters and just as I knew sunlight was detrimental to a vampire, I also knew silver was too. Stakes were best, but I doubted I'd find one anywhere near here, so a knife would have to do. Arm myself and then escape. Things were looking up on the planning front.

Next, I would need to have an understanding of the layout of the land. Which direction to head in. Obviously away from here as fast as I could, but if I didn't find a road and just wandered for the duration of daylight hours, the vampires would pick up my scent and come after me by nightfall. I was picking I would only have one shot at this, I had to make it work.

OK. Arm myself, escape, know the way out. Getting better, but still not perfect. How far was I from civilisation and what would I do once I got there? I had no money, I had no idea where to go or to whom to go to, I had no memories of who I was.

Part of me hoped the drugs were responsible for this and once away from here, away from the medication, my memories would return. I could take myself to the human police, but what would they do? They'd make a fuss about an amnesiac and that would call attention to me. I would need to hide out until I could remember enough to find help.

I didn't for a second think it would be easy, but I was resolved to start at least, to put my plans in motion. First up. Layout of the land.

“I looked out my window before. It looks lovely outside. Can we go for a walk?”

Jonathan perked up at that, his lovely blue eyes sparkling in the lights of the room.

“A splendid idea, sweetheart. We always liked to walk in the evenings around the property.”

He suggested I get changed, as I was in a nightdress still. I hadn't even noticed, which shocked the hell out of me. Who had put me in it? Only one answer, as the other vampires all kept their distance and there was no one else in the house that I could sense. The thought that Jonathan had undressed me and put me to bed made me sick to the stomach, but I pushed it aside. I couldn't allow the luxury of a response to anything right now. As with his comments, I had to stay focused and strong. And not show my fear or give an inch. I had to stay on guard.

I almost tripped over the step I was about to climb onto, when those thoughts ran through my head. Holy shit. They were familiar. They were rooted deep down inside me and felt so right I wanted to laugh out loud at finding them again.

Never show fear. Never give an inch. Always stay on guard.

What the hell was I before this happened to make me have a mantra such as that? Because, that's what it felt like, something I had repeated to myself again and again and again in the past. Something that was part of who I am.

I walked into the dressing room attached to the bedroom I had woken in and was confronted with a huge display of clothes, all in my size, all never been worn before, all in colours I couldn't imagine I would usually wear. Whites and reds and blues and pinks and greens. Not a dark colour in sight. I wanted something dark, something I could hide in. Hiding felt natural to me, not standing out like a Christmas cracker.

I chose fitted blue jeans and a white T-Shirt and popped a blue sweater on top. I figured it would be chilly out. When I came downstairs again, Jonathan had grabbed some coats for us to put on and showed me where the boots were, all the while asking if I remembered anything. Once again, the more he did it, the more a little doubt crept into my mind. Why would he act like this if it were not true? I tried to push it away again, to concentrate on all the little things, like the needle marks, the sense that home was where we had flown from, the fact that my heart felt heavy and I was constantly rubbing over it and not even noticing I was. It was as though a hole had opened up in my chest and was slowly getting bigger, the more time I stayed in this house.

I was stupid. I knew people could lose their memories and feel like an imposter in their
own lives, but I couldn't shake the feeling that this was more. So, I kept pushing those moments of uncertainty aside and forged on with
the plan
.

We walked around the perimeter of the property, well at least the grass lawn part, right up next to the lovely leafy trees, which on closer inspection showed all green colours, but in amongst the leafy evergreens were a few bare deciduous trees, leaving me in no doubt that winter was in full swing here in Colorado.  That was not good news. It was unbelievably cold right now, but I could only hope, during daylight hours when I intended to escape, the Colorado sunshine would prevail. Escaping in the dead of winter on foot seemed an insurmountable challenge, but escaping at all costs was essential. There were several out buildings, one was obviously the garage and a well equipped one at that. I momentarily thought stealing a vehicle might be the way to go, but when we walked past it was obvious the security system on that building was exceptional. Cameras everywhere, automatic sensor lights, a huge box on the side that looked like it could make a lot of noise if needed.

I didn't need further complications to an already paper thin plan, so taking a vehicle was out. I'd have to go on foot.

The other building was guest accommodation, Jonathan said. It looked substantial, almost as big as the main house itself, so I guessed that was where the other vampires slept. How many more, than the six back in the lounge, were there? As long as I made my escape during daylight hours, then surely that wouldn't matter at all.

The only accessway or indication of where a road might be, was the very long driveway. It was so long that I couldn't see the gate from the edge of the trees. The only saving grace? Once I reached the trees, I wouldn't be visible from the house. So thirty metres and home free. Yeah, right.

By the time we made it back to the main house I was exhausted. It hadn't been that long a walk, but I felt so frail I was having to rely on Jonathan to steady my gait. Initially, he just offered a hand when I tripped, or to aid me up the steps to the front  entrance area. By the time we reached the front door, his arm was around my waist. I didn't like it, but I had no choice. Once we got inside, it was clear I needed to get to bed, so rather than dine in the dining area downstairs as he had planned, he helped me back to the bedroom and said he'd return with my supper.

I stripped off my clothes and dressed again in my nightdress. I could feel dawn approaching, so I knew any more reconnaissance around the property would have to be resumed tomorrow and I certainly didn't feel up to just winging it and trying to escape today. I stretched out on the bed and waited for my food to arrive. I didn't feel particularly hungry, but I knew I would need sustenance to carry out my plan. So, no matter what it was, I told myself sternly that I would eat every last bit of it.

As it happens, I only managed half before feeling so nauseous I thought I'd bring it all back up again. I was asleep within twenty minutes of eating, only to wake up several hours later aware that someone was in my room. The shutters were down on the windows, so it was still daytime, but the light was dim in the room. I didn't want to switch the bedside lamp on, so lay there for a while and just tried to listen. I could hear breathing, slow and steady as though someone was asleep, off to the side and I knew instinctively that it was a vampire. Jonathan, asleep on the couch which was over by the windows.

Great. Just great. I had no doubt that this would be a regular pattern. I would not be alone in my room, no quick and easy escape with a vampire right beside me. I fought the tears, but they silently came anyway, they had a mind all of their own. I felt so helpless, so lost and alone. This could not be my life. I didn't know this man and I was sure I wasn't his
wife
. I didn't know this house and I was sure it wasn't my
home
. All I knew was I had to get away from here, but doing that would be damn near impossible. I rolled over as quietly as I could manage and held my sobs inside.

When the shutters rose again for a new night I'd already refortified my goals. While I had been feigning sleep for the past few hours I had discovered more needle marks on my other arm. So, dinner put me to sleep and the injections came afterwards. Whatever was in the injections was blocking my memories because the later in the day, the more of me I could remember, whereas now, I just wasn't sure anymore of anything.

Jonathan rose from his couch and came over to sit on the side of the bed. I decided I'd play along for a bit, the more compliant I was, perhaps the more information I could gather. Maybe even spot a weakness I could exploit.

“Did you sleep OK on the couch?" I asked softly.

He smiled sweetly at me and brushed a strand of my hair off my face.

“As long as I am near you, I am happy.”

I swallowed, pretending to be all buddy-buddy was not easy, could I be convincing enough? I had to try.

“What happened to me? How did I lose my memories?” I knew pretending I could remember something was reckless, but not asking what happened to me would seem remiss as well.

“It was relatively simple, we were on holiday and you fell down some stairs and banged your head. That's all. You were out for several days, the doctors said you didn't have a bleed, so no operation was necessary, but when you woke up, you couldn't remember a thing. I am sorry, Lucinda. I wish I could make this easier on you.”

He seemed so genuine, but then he always did, didn't he? If this was all a lie, then Jonathan was a consummate actor, if it wasn't a lie... I couldn't finish that sentence, I just couldn't. This was not my life. This was not my life. This was not my life.

Arming myself that day was not an option, nothing suitable came to hand. Delaying my escape seemed like the only reasonable thing to do.