Gloria (10 page)
‘Zhang and my father was comrades since they young boys. They fight for Dr Sun Yat-sen until they declare the Republic in 1912. But then Sun Yat-sen hand over power to the warlord Yuan Shikai and Zhang lose faith. So when my father marry my mother and go back to farming Zhang come here to Jamaica where the Chinese shopkeepers invite him to come help them with the people burning and looting their shops and such.’
He tek another drink a sorrel. ‘After my father get killed by the British, Zhang send for us and that is how me and Mama and my brother Xiuquan end up here.’
‘So how old yu was when yu come?’
‘Fourteen. And I meet Hampton and he introduce me to Finley who his cousin and that is it. That is us.’
‘So where yu brother now?’
‘Gone to America 1943 to go farm and support the war effort.’
I look at him over the top a the glass while I taste the sorrel and I think he not a bad-looking man this near scrawny Chinaman. He got nice straight hair and his nose small and sorta cute. His lips thin. But the thing about him is how smooth his skin is. His shoulders and arms not got one single blemish on them.
‘So now you the boss a Chinatown.’
‘Uncle, Gloria. Uncle. Yu uncle is somebody that not yu papa but who watch over yu just the same. Like you his own and he got your welfare and interests at heart. That is what a uncle is. Family.’
Right then Beryl step outta the house and say Hampton at the front door asking for him. He put on the blue short-sleeve shirt he have hang up in the tree and walk towards me. I stand up so he can pass and just as he get to the door I say, ‘Yu going leave all these tools and things there just like that?’
He turn and look at me and then start back to go tidy up.
‘Is all right,’ I say to him. ‘Leave it. I will see to them.’
He smile. And then he was gone.
When I look at the fence I see it no better than before he start his handiwork. If anything, it in a worse condition. So for sure now we going have to go get somebody to come fix it.
Next time I see him he got the cupboard door prop up on the side and busy with a screwdriver on the hinge.
‘Yu not got nothing better to do than this?’
‘The thing was falling off, Gloria.’
I just stand there. And what I realise is Yang Pao would sooner be mending the cupboard door than tek the hint I been giving him not to be coming here all hours. Who would have thought it? The uncle a Chinatown, Mr Inscrutable himself, on his knees on the kitchen floor looking up at me through those dark brown eyes.
‘The last time when yu fix the fence I had to go get someone to sort it out yu know that?’
He put down the screwdriver and stand up straight. He brush down his pants.
‘I just trying to help.’ But he look hurt. Dejected.
‘I know, but yu not cut out for this kinda helping.’
He smile like as to say thank you. And just as we standing there a big water jug fall down outta the open cupboard and smash on the hard tile floor and the glass catch my ankle. And there was blood.
I feel the sting and bend down to see what happen but just as I doing it he rush over and brush my hand away.
‘It cut bad, Gloria.’ He grab a towel and wrap it ’round my foot. And then he pick me up in his arms and put me in the car and drive to the hospital like he was Flash Gordon on his way to save the world.
They clean it up and give me three stitches and say it not going scar too bad. When he leave me back at the house I know what I wanted was for him to hold me. Actually put his arms ’round me. Not like how the others grip the bedstead or steady themselves with their palms flat on the mattress. But he didn’t do it. He just sit me down in the chair and fetch a little table and put a cushion on it for me to rest my leg. He even pick up my foot and lay it down soft and gentle. But apart from that he never touch me.
He just step back and say, ‘Plenty people here to look after yu.’
And I say, ‘Yes.’
After that he visiting me so much and fussing and fretting everyone think it a joke. They even laughing out loud now every time they see him coming.
‘What yu see in him anyway?’
‘I don’t see nothing in him Marcia. I cyan get rid a the man.’
Sybil say, ‘Why yu think he nuh just pay the money and do his business? Yu think maybe he waiting to get it for free?’
‘Yu think that is what he after?’
Sybil throw her head back and laugh. She laugh so much she nearly fall down.
‘What he after? What you think he after?’
I cyan answer her because I don’t know what Yang Pao want. I cyan figure him. He tough on the outside. He run his little posse a three and it seem he do good wid it. Seem like him and Hampton and Finley know what they doing. They got Chinatown clamp down tight. People show respect when yu say his name even though Hampton nothing more than a hunk a muscle wid a baby face and Finley tall and wiry and silent, wid a look like he thinking something he happier not to say.
But inside, what Yang Pao like? What really going on in that head? He want something that is for sure. I just not convince it what Sybil think it is. Well, not that alone anyway. Yang Pao want something, he just cyan bring himself to ask for it. Maybe he don’t even know himself what it is. I can feel it though. I see it in his body, how he hold it so tight and keep his distance from me. I hear it in his voice because as it turn out Yang Pao got a beautiful singing voice that boom out ‘Roses of Picardy’ all over the yard as he hammering and sawing things he should be leaving alone. It smooth and even. It sensitive like a act of kindness that touch yu deep inside.
And what I realise is that when I tell Marcia I couldn’t get rid a him it wasn’t the truth. Not the whole truth anyway. Sure enough the man spending too much time in the house, but then again I feel comfortable in his company. Or maybe comforted or secure or just plain relaxed. Maybe I even feel happy. And that is a first for me to feel that peaceful with a man.
So one day I say to him, ‘Yu remember that first time yu come here after Marcia come back from the hospital?’ He just sit there and nod. But it not a nod. Not like how most people head go down. With Yang Pao his head go up like he jut out his chin but only little bit.
‘When we standing by the car yu say to me that I was a surprise but yu never answer my question when I ask yu what yu mean.’ I look at him but not a word is coming back to me. ‘Yu not going say nothing?’
‘I don’t know what to say, Gloria.’ He pause like he thinking deep and hard. ‘I suppose I had in my mind a idea ’bout what a woman in your line a business would be like. But when I come here that night yu wasn’t nothing like what I expect.’
‘So what yu expect?’
‘Yu know . . . forward and, I dunno . . . common.’ He hold his breath a while and then he say, ‘But yu not like that. Yu nothing like that. Yu talk serious ’bout what going on in the country and yu mek joke and eat and jig just like ordinary people.’
‘Ordinary people?’
‘I don’t mean it like that. I mean yu live like yu free. Not like yu burdened down with yu situation. You are yu own woman. All four a yu. Yu smart and yu got more going on in yu head than what yu do here behind closed doors. There not nothing forward or common ’bout any a yu. Yu refined. Yu good company, Gloria.’
I think to myself you are the surprise Yang Pao, with yu eagerness to help and the caring yu show the time my leg get cut and the sweet singing ’bout the rose in yu heart that don’t die with the summertime, and the fact that in all these months yu never once suggest that yu want anything from me. Not even a hint come from yu. And what that mek you is a man like no man I ever know before.
So when I tell Sybil I cyan figure yu I suppose that is it. Because I also had in my mind what a man in your line a business would be like but yu not that at all. You are a contradiction Yang Pao. That is what you are. And the day that truly come home to me was the day I find yu doing yu exercise out back when yu thought the house was lock up and it was only you here alone with the fence. And even though yu embarrassed and tell me tai chi is a martial art, I could see from the way yu was moving your arms and turning your body that what yu was doing wasn’t making no war. It was making peace. And how I know was from the gentle beauty of your hands and the deep stillness of the energy in yu. That is what I saw from the kitchen window and later leaning up against the back door. Not Yang Pao Chinatown hoodlum but a different man entirely.
I just say to him, ‘So yu think I good company?’
And he smile that smile and nod that nod and say, ‘Yah man.’
Then all of a sudden he stop come. And when it turn Friday is Hampton who show up to pick up the money. I hand him the envelope and he tek it but he don’t say nothing. I think maybe I going ask him what happen to his boss, but I don’t. I just bite my tongue. The next week Finley show up and so it go on.
The thing is, I miss him. I miss him sitting there. I miss watching him drink the tea and search his brain for some small thing he can say ’bout what the new government doing, or how prices high. I miss the newspaper resting on the chair knowing that he going come back. I miss the singing in the yard. I miss calling the carpenter and plumber to come fix things every time he do his handiwork. I miss the way he smile like he half happy and half fraid. I miss that nod.
So after I get used to nuh seeing him, one Friday night he show up. Just like that. He stand up in the room, like he not even sure if he here or in this world at all. The music is playing, the liquor is flowing, the place is buzzing. But him, he is all alone. And I realise I feel sorry for him and there is nothing else I would rather do than put my arms ’round him and tek him into the warmth and safety of a place where he can rest. Where he can find some peace. But maybe it not just sorry I feel. Maybe I feel something else. Like maybe with my arms ’round him I could rest and I could stop and I could find some peace.
When I go over and hand him the envelope he reach out and tek it even though it seem like it a struggle for him to put out his hand and pull it back again. I look at him willing him to say something to me, but he don’t say nothing. He just stand there like he made a cement.
After that I never see him for weeks ’til one Friday morning I step outta Times Store and walk into him standing up in King Street. He turn his head and see me but I not sure if he going say hello. So I say, ‘Long time no see.’ But he don’t say nothing. ‘I reckon yu business must be keeping yu from sitting down anywhere, or maybe yu just decide yu cyan tek no more Lipton Yellow Label.’
‘It not that, Gloria.’
‘It not the tea?’
He turn ’round and look at me and then he stare off into the street again. I think to myself what yu going to do with this man because sooner or later something got to happen. So I say to him, ‘You keep thinking all the time about what I am. But maybe you should concentrate on who I am, the sort of person I am, and maybe that way you might get to know how you feel. I see the way you look at me. And how you stand far from me in case you might touch me by accident. And how when you have to come close to me you hold your breath like you think something bad about to happen. Well maybe you just need to let yourself breathe.’
He just stand there like a statue gazing out into the street. He cyan even bring himself to look at me. So I say, ‘Next Monday and Tuesday the rest of the girls are taking themselves up to the north coast to Ocho Rios. They reckon we not so busy then and they can spare the time to have a break. But I am not going with them. I am just going to close up the house so I can get some time to myself. So Monday night I will be there in the house on my own. And what I am saying to you is you can come over for the night if you want to.’
And still he cyan even turn his head. So I say, ‘You don’t seem to think that maybe I have some feelings as well.’ I stop. ‘But I have to tell you that this is a one-time offer. If you decide not to come then it will be strictly business between you and me from that point on because we can’t carry on like this.’ And then I step out into the street and walk off into the buzz and hum a cars and buses and pushcarts and crowd, and the heat shimmering off the road.
And as I weave my way through the throng I can feel how upright I am. I feel good. I feel strong. For the first time in my life I feel like I tek control a something. For the first time I wasn’t the one that someone else was doing something to. I wasn’t the one that was waiting to see, or feeling nervous or fraid ’bout what going happen next. I just say what I wanted to. Plain and simple. And really, it was the first time that I think all them dreary Saturday mornings with the English woman was doing any good, because right then I talk different to him. Not just in the way that I put to him what I had to say, but in how it feel. It feel like a force that was inside a me had finally come out.
Sybil say she think I lose my mind.
‘What yu want to tek up with a scrawny little Chinaman like that for? It not enough for yu that he been sitting down here all this long time drinking every drop a tea we got in the place? Yu should be happy to see the back a him now it seem he find something better to do.’
Beryl just laugh. She packing her bag to go stay up Henry Wong’s house in Ocho Rios and she cyan get enough entertainment outta the idea a Yang Pao spending the night.
