Go Your Own Way (23 page)

Lennox dropped down on his bed and didn’t say anything. Will wasn’t sure what to say either. Right now, it was difficult to wrap his mind around it. Not many people lived around here, and those who did live here were almost all white. Everyone who was white was suspicious of those who weren’t.

“I’m sorry they’re like that.”

“Doesn’t change it.” Lennox sighed and began to stand up, but Will sat down and took his hand.

“Nobody should have to feel that way about how they look,” Will said. Lennox’s eyes were dark and ringed with fatigue. Will clutched his hand tighter and let the warmth seep into his skin. This moment was right—safe. No matter who was outside of that door or what was happening in their heads, this moment made him sure when he rarely had been before. Will was here for this boy, wanted him around for the rest of his life if he could keep him. “You look tired.”

“Outside again last night,” Lennox grunted. “Kept me up.”

Will was sure more had happened, but he let it go for now. He kissed Lennox’s cheek. It was a fleeting, soft kiss, but to him, it meant so much more than one on the lips. Passion had its place, but right now, right here with Lennox, was more complicated than a bodily need. Lennox lived in a world of physical manifes­tations, and if Will was going to reach him, this was the way to do it.

Uncertainly, he tucked his arm around Lennox’s side and tried to copy what Lennox always did to him. Hand on his hip, thumb stroking skittishly just at the lip of his jeans. Lennox laughed until he choked.

“Are you coming on to me, Osborne?” Something flickered in Lennox’s eyes that Will couldn’t place. Lennox tangled his own arm around Will’s waist with ease. He was so sure about him­self then, so unlike the boy Will had just spoken to. “Like this. Tighter, more sure,” Lennox said, still laughing. “You’ve got a lot to learn about seduction, babe.”

Will shivered as Lennox nipped softly at the shell of his ear. When he pulled back, his eyes sparkled, and Will realized what he was seeing. Happiness. Right now, in this moment, Len­nox was happy. His chest throbbed as Lennox smiled at him. It was mes­merizing to see such a shift, and Will only took a moment to figure out the truth. If Lennox had realized that they were fall­ing in love, Will would never have gotten to see Len­nox as he was right now. He’d probably never see him again. Len­nox would run as soon as he figured out he was in love.

“You’re—I’ve got you to practice on,” Will said. He snuggled close to Lennox’s side and dropped his head onto his shoulder. After a moment, Lennox’s cheek dipped and pressed against his hair. Nothing had ever felt so personal and open and raw. And if Will wanted to keep that, for now, their secret—this love they were finding their way into—would have to be his until Lennox was ready for it.

Will stayed longer than he had planned. For two hours, he and Lennox sat on the bed, talked and worked through Will’s pre-calculus homework. It had been his awful luck that he’d left his backpack in the truck and that Lennox had insisted on doing something with it. Fate, he had called it, but Will knew better. For him, math was an unqualified disaster at every step of the equation.

It was getting dark around the edge of the curtains when Will finally stood up.

“I should get going,” Will said as he stretched and yawned. “Karen’s probably going to ground me again for being late.”

Lennox shuffled across the bed on his knees and tried to coax Will back down. “If you’re already late,” he mumbled as he planted a kiss on Will’s collarbone, “you ought to make it worth it.”

Lennox’s tongue traced up his neck and Will almost caved in. It was so easy to get lost in the passion Lennox gave him, so easy to crave another kiss or touch or thrill through his body. His hand settled on Lennox’s hip as he tried to force himself to go.

“I really have to go,” Will said with a sigh. Lennox pressed a soft kiss to his lips and then tugged Will’s shirt loose from his pants. “Karen’s been expecting me since four.”

Will took a step away and Lennox stiffened. For once, it wasn’t a struggle to untangle himself because Lennox had sat back on his heels, his hands still in the air where Will’s waist had been.

“Don’t—come on, Will,” Lennox said. He scooted along the edge as Will toed his sneakers on. His arms looped around Will’s waist and pulled him back. He lifted the wrinkled edge of Will’s shirt and trailed lingering kisses up to his belly button. “Please.
Please
stay.”

His voice was so soft that Will almost didn’t hear it. But he felt the vibrations against his belly and breathed deeply. Not today, not right now. Lennox, however, took his silence as assent and started unbuttoning his shirt from the bottom. With each undone button, Lennox placed a searing kiss on his skin as it was revealed, until Will struggled to breathe normally. These were the sweetest kisses Lennox had ever given him. How could he turn away now?

“Stay with me,” Lennox breathed, his mouth reaching Will’s chest.

“Lennox, I
can’t
.” Will ran his hands through Lennox’s thick curls and eased his head back. “I have to go. I’m sorry.”

He took a step away and out of Lennox’s arms. He buttoned his shirt and pulled his backpack over his shoulders. Behind him, the bed creaked, but Lennox didn’t plead with him. Lennox had been
begging
him. Since they’d met, he’d been persistent, even forceful, but something had just changed. Whatever it was, it unnerved Will. It was almost as if Lennox wanted him around.

As Lennox shoved the trunk aside, the sudden rumble of loud voices drew closer. Lennox paused and pocketed something that had been on the dresser. Will didn’t see what it was, but he opened the door with Lennox’s hand on his elbow.

“I’ll walk you out.”

They stepped outside and Lennox eased the door closed. Three men crossed the parking lot, all in dirty construction clothing with six-packs of beer and a few open bottles in hand. These must be the guys Will had heard when he’d spent the night: the bottle-slinging snarling drunks.

Halfway across the lot, the men shouted and headed toward them.

“Found yourself a little faggot to ass-fuck, did you?”

The first man had a thick beard and a dirty red cap. He saun­tered toward them and blocked their path to the truck. Will hovered behind Lennox, his chest tight, backpack clutched around his shoulders. Being harassed by kids at school was one thing, but these men were older and stronger. Each one had arms as thick as Will’s dad’s, and they all had enough height to make Lennox look like a fifth grader.

Lennox’s grip on his arm loosened as a knot kinked in Will’s stomach.

“Don’t stop walking,” Lennox said. “Get in your truck and go.”

“But—”

“Go.”

Will didn’t like the order even as his feet carried him toward his truck. By the time he reached the door, the men were face-to-face with Lennox. Will’s hand paused on the door handle. He couldn’t leave Lennox to deal with these guys. Not by himself.

The men were hooting now. Even from ten feet away, he could see the shortest man’s jumbled teeth. Will tensed and slung his backpack into the bed of his truck. He wasn’t leaving Lennox alone.

“Aw, the little come-bucket doesn’t wanna leave.” Crooked Teeth spoke this time. He was much drunker than the rest. He flung his beer bottle at Will, who didn’t duck. It sailed five feet to his left and shattered against the light post.

“Coming back to say hi like your mama taught you?” The first man chortled. He took a swig from the bottle in his fist and slammed it against the ground. “Come on then, queer. Why don’t you get on your knees and beg for a real man’s dick, not this black monkey’s—”

Something silver flashed in the air. Lennox’s arm sliced through the air and connected with the man’s face, stopping in the space between the men and Will. He gripped a small pocketknife. It was the same one he’d used to carve into his desk during English class so long ago. A howl filled the lot as the first man stumbled backward, clutching his cheek.

“How many times do I have to tell you drunks to fuck off?”

Lennox advanced a step, but at that moment, one of the motel room doors was flung open. A stocky girl with a willow tree’s worth of hair came trampling out with a wooden baseball bat.

“Get lost, you jackasses, before I knock your testicles into your throats!”

She jiggled the bat over her shoulder as if she was in the batter’s box, and, after a moment, the men shuffled toward a third door along the motel. Where they really giving up that easily? Tonight, it seemed so, though Will couldn’t imagine why. When they were inside, she lowered the bat.

“You all right?” Lucy reached out to grab Lennox’s shoulder.

Lennox shrugged away from her hand. “Get going, Will. You’re late, remember?”

“But—”

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” Lennox pocketed his knife and headed back into his room. The door slammed shut as the girl looked at Will.

“I’m Lucy. I’m—well, Lennox and I are sort of friends. He’s a bit strange. You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I-I’m fine. Thanks for that.”

She nodded and rested the bat on her shoulder. “You’re Will, yeah? He talks about you a lot.”

Somehow, Will doubted that, but he gave her a tight-lipped smile before saying goodbye. He pulled out of the lot and back into town. He was two streets away when he had to pull over into a gas station. His hands shook, his chest was thick with adrenaline and fear and tears pooled in the corners of his eyes.

Why were people so hateful and stupid? They might have—

Will shook himself and sniffled. The image of the men rattled out of his head and in came Lennox, wrapped up in all the clothes he owned, with the door wedged shut and those disgusting men outside taunting him. They’d kept him awake last night, probably had since Lennox had moved in, and only that woman—Lucy—seemed to care enough to step outside and help him. But she couldn’t be there all the time.

Would they try to break in and hurt Lennox? Had they ever gotten inside before? And, worst of all, would Lennox be reckless enough to step outside on his own?

Will shuddered. He buried his face in his hands and let the panic creep through him and work its way out of his head. How could anyone live as Lennox did? That motel room held so much fear, so much loss and horror, and Lennox faced it with his strong resistant nature as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. For a quarter of an hour, Will sat there, peering at his dashboard clock through his knees and imaging what Lennox had gone through since he’d moved into that room. It was dark outside now, and the gas station’s lights glinted off his windshield and steering wheel. Karen would be furious with him.

He heard a knock on his window.

“Will? That you?”

Will rolled his window down as a flashlight shone in his face. It was a police officer, one he recognized from around town and from barbeques at his house every summer. Jim Ferguson was a portly man with a long neck and a clean-shaven face and head. He looked at Will’s tear-stained cheeks and turned off his flashlight.

“You look like hell, kid.”

Will sniffled and wiped his nose on his jacket sleeve. He stared at the cuffs and almost wished he’d worn his dad’s as he had for weeks. He didn’t want to cover it in snot, but it was more comfort­ing to wear his dad’s—to have what lingered of that quickly fading scent. But his dad’s jacket wasn’t his dad. It wasn’t anyone.

Jim sighed. He’d been by earlier in the week to visit at the hospital, but like everyone else, his friendly visits were becoming less frequent.

“Still no change?”

“What? Oh, no. I’m supposed to be meeting Karen, but… ”

“I’ll give her a call, let her know you’re safe.” Jim peered into the window. “You scared her to death a few weeks ago, not coming home like that.”

But Will wasn’t listening. He’d had a sudden idea. “Do you patrol the motel on Thomas Street?”

Jim frowned. “You aren’t hanging out over there, are you? That’s not a great area, Will.”

“I have a… friend who lives over there,” Will said. “These guys are always, uh, hassling him and keeping him up all night by pounding on the door.”

“And he hasn’t called us?” Jim asked. “That’s something to report.”

“It’s complicated. Never mind.” Will started up his truck and wiped his eyes again. “I’ll see you around, okay? Karen’s expecting me.”

“Will—”

“Bye, Jim.”

Jim stepped back and let him pull out. It was a quiet, chilly drive to the hospital, but Will couldn’t bring himself to turn on the truck’s heater. If Lennox could live without a reliable one night after night, Will could go without for a short drive. Still, he was shivering by the time he reached the hospital. He checked in at the front desk and took the elevator to his dad’s floor.

“There you are! Will, I seriously can’t—”

“I’m sorry,” Will said as Karen hurried toward him. She had been waiting, and judging by the look on her face, it had been a while. “I got caught up with Lennox and—” He swallowed and looked at his sneakers.

“I’ve been calling you for an hour. I was just getting ready to come look for you.” Karen hugged him. “Gosh, of all the times to start acting like a teenager, you pick—what’s wrong?”

The nurse at the desk eyed him with concern, too. Will ducked his head and sniffled, but shook his head.

“I’ll see you Thursday, Judy,” Karen said to her coworker, and she guided Will down the hall to his dad’s room. As she shut the door behind them, Will sank down into a chair. “What happened? Did he—”

“No, he’s fine. He’s—I don’t know. These guys hang out a few rooms over and they’re… ” Will couldn’t finish his sentence. Saying it was too much right now. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t think I’d be there that long.”

Will reached out for Ben’s unresponsive fingers. They were stiff in his hand, but the warmth was nice after the cold drive. It was the first time he had touched his dad since he’d been lifted from the kitchen floor. Yet what good was his dad’s warmth if that was all Ben could be for him now? “It’s nice to forget sometimes. Does that make me terrible? For not w-wanting to be here all the time?”

“Hey, no,” Karen said and she kneeled down at his side and hugged him around the middle. “Of course not. This is… it’s so hard to be here. Everyone handles this differently, trust me. I see all sorts of ways to cope. You’re fine, honey. You’re being yourself and that’s all your dad has ever wanted for you. That’s all we both want for you.”

Will nodded as Karen’s fingers ran over his jacket. He glanced at her, at the slight change in her expression when she noticed that, for the first time that fall, he was wearing his own.

“You’re not wearing your dad’s jacket.” Her gaze made his chest feel pinched.

He sniffed and shrugged a little. “His is too big, you know. M-mine fits better.” Will left it at that, but Karen watched him for a long moment. He wasn’t sure if it was acceptance or resignation that flickered in her eyes, but she nodded.

“His is too big for him, too,” Karen told him. “He’d want you to wear your own instead of that old bulky thing. It’s not very warm. The lining is ripped.”

They sat there with Ben for a few hours until Judy made her rounds and finally had to ask them to leave. It was only on the way out through the empty parking lot that Will realized something.

“No wonder I didn’t get your calls.” Will dug through his pock­ets. “I think I left my phone at Lennox’s.” Still, he plunged his hand into his left pocket, poking his fingers into the corners. It was empty, though, and without the usual weight of his phone against his thigh, he suddenly felt lopsided. “I’ll just go back and get it.”

They paused at Karen’s car and she shook her head. “After everything you’ve told me, I don’t want you going there this late. No.” She shook her head more and caught his forearm before he could head to his truck. “Will, I’m serious about this. I know you want to see him, and that you two like each other, but it’s not safe. You’ll see him at school tomorrow and I’m sure if you call it from the house phone to let him know, he can bring it in the morning. Okay?”

Will glowered a little and kicked at a rock on the ground.

“Okay? William, answer me.”

“Yes, all right?”

His phone wasn’t the only reason he wanted to stop by, but trying to explain that to Karen right now would take too long. So he said goodbye and drove a little slow so that he got caught at a light. He did it at a second light and a third until she had pulled ahead and out of sight. Will waited at the red light and finally made up his mind. He flipped on his left blinker, and when the light changed, he turned into town.

The motel’s parking lot was empty when he pulled in. For a few minutes, he sat and waited for the last door to open, but it stayed quiet. Will took a deep breath, grabbed his backpack, and darted across the lot. Nobody appeared, but he banged his fist on the door with urgency.