Goddess (38 page)

Percheron, by comparison, was frozen in fear. Captain Ghassal had come to her once again for instructions but she refused to give the go-ahead to engage their enemy.

‘Perhaps, Crown Valide, if we strike first before they can amass—’

‘No, Captain Ghassal. I will not give the Galinseans the satisfaction of saying we loosed the first burning arrow. I don’t want war. If it is to find us, at least we will not provoke it.’

‘Crown Valide, with all due respect,’ he had pleaded, ‘war is here. There is no more waiting. The Spur would demand that we defend ourselves.’

‘Defend. Absolutely we defend. Do you know the meaning of the word defend, Captain Ghassal?’

He had stammered, looked towards Bin for help but the secretary had looked away. ‘I—’

‘Let me define it for you, captain. Defence is about resisting attack. It is not about attacking. Defence is about protection from attack. And I intend to take the literal meaning of defence and live by that creed. In your book, defence might mean taking a more aggressive position but,
Captain Ghassal, we will lose hundreds of our innocent men in such a move. I feel utterly sure that, as proud as Spur Lazar is, he would see the hopelessness of our situation and he would move towards diplomacy.’

‘Diplomacy was done with, Crown Valide, when Queen Angeline died on the barge.’

‘You don’t have to remind me of the facts, Captain Ghassal. I am a woman, which I know you’re not used to dealing with. Please be assured that I am not stupid and I can see that the Galinseans want us to fight. They are hoping for any excuse to take out their grief, their anger, and their long-held bitterness on this city. I will not give them any further excuse. Falza is shrewd—we know this much—and he would be seen as less than a warrior if he launches an attack against a helpless woman, a Regent at that.’ Herezah loaded her words with sarcasm. ‘As long as I appear pathetic and terrified, it buys us a little time.’ She had held up her hand when he tried to speak. ‘No, captain. I am not naive enough to believe it will stay his anger entirely but time is all we can count on. We are no match for their might or fighting prowess, and with all respect to your own talent, I think our inexperienced army needs its Spur if it is going to have any chance of standing up to the bullying Galinseans. So we wait. Those who wanted to have already left the city. Those who wished to stay are now behind the city walls, and indeed most are behind the palace
walls.’ She had looked at Bin who had nodded. ‘I have no issue if you offer your men the option of putting down their weapons. This is not a lack of courage. This is being sensible.’

‘I’m afraid I can’t do that, Crown Valide.’

She smiled behind her veil. ‘I had expected you to feel this way. They understand that any resistance will be met with stern repercussions?’

‘They understand that to be part of the Protectorate is to be prepared to die for Percheron.’

She nodded. ‘Then I suggest you call in the priests to say final prayers. No soldier who resists will be spared. I will not think less of you, captain, if you take your family and head for the foothills.’

‘But I would think less of me, Crown Valide. I am Spur Lazar’s chosen deputy. My family has been sent away. They understand it is likely I will not be joining them or see them again.’

‘I applaud your bravery.’

‘As I do yours, Crown Valide. We will not resist until the Galinseans strike the first blow, as you wish.’

‘Thank you, captain. Zarab bless you and all your men.’

He had nodded once, bowed, and strode away from her rooms.

‘I hope I’m doing the right thing,’ she said quietly as Bin returned to her salon.

‘We will know tomorrow morning, Crown Valide. Either way, I am proud to have served you.’

She turned to him. ‘No-one has ever said that to me before.’

‘Your courage—although it could be misinterpreted as inaction—is daunting, Crown Valide. If I survive this, I will tell everyone I know of your strength and composure.’

‘You’d better not mention the tears and histrionics, the fear and anxiety,’ she said in a rare show of self-mockery.

‘What happens behind closed doors is between us, Crown Valide. All that matters is how you’re perceived beyond them, and your people, Captain Ghassal, all the palace staff, will see only that you carried yourself with stoicism.’

Herezah laid a hand on Bin’s arm. ‘Thank you.’

‘I shall send Elza in, Crown Valide. I know you probably can’t sleep but perhaps she can prepare some tea or see to your needs better than I.’

‘No, Bin. Stay with me. This could be our last night of life and I would rather share it with someone than be alone. If you have nothing more pressing to do, I would be honoured if you would be that someone. We’ll take tea on the balcony and admire the stars over Percheron. Let us drink to our city’s beauty.’

‘And our enemy’s downfall,’ he said. Surprisingly, they both laughed.

He heard her cries, roused himself from the stupor, and realised with a fright that he was on top of Ana.

‘I’m sorry,’ he slurred. ‘What happened?’

‘You collapsed,’ she panted. ‘Are you sick?’

‘Yes,’ he replied bitterly. ‘It returns.’

‘You were never really well, were you?’

He shook his head. ‘Ellyana said the drezden sickness would never leave, would strike whenever I was vulnerable or my health low.’

‘Can you ride? It’s not much further.’

‘How can you tell? We’ve been following this rock face for a while.’

‘I learned to read the markings in the rock. Farim can have us there soon if you can stay upright on her.’

‘I can.’

‘I’ll ride behind you. That way I can see what’s happening to you.’

‘Some saviour I am.’

She smiled, breaking his heart. He’d lost Jumo, Boaz, Pez even, if he looked at it a certain way, and he’d lost Salim. He would not lose Ana, not
now. He struggled to his feet and clambered aboard the patient camel, turning to help Ana. She struggled up behind him and, without being asked, Farim lumbered to her feet and plodded forward.

After a few minutes he said, ‘This camel of yours should be given a special reward.’

‘An endless supply of grain and dates?’

‘Or male camels. Perhaps a crown as well—a queen amongst her own.’

He could feel Ana’s cheek against his back as she laughed softly. ‘Your sickness goes to your head,’ she warned. Then she jerked away from him. ‘Lazar, this is it!’

‘She is slowing, you’re right.’

‘Clever Farim,’ Ana cooed, as the beast lowered herself.

Lazar helped her down. ‘Where are we? I see no cave.’

‘You will. Lazar, your body is burning.’

He managed a nod through the increasing dizziness. ‘Your voice sounds as though it’s being spoken through a tunnel. I don’t know how long I’ve got.’

‘I know I have a while before my next pain. We can make it. What about the camel?’

‘Where is the opening to this cave?’

‘It’s very narrow. You can’t see it from here.’

‘Narrow? Once you leave Farim, so does the protection you offer, I assume. I had hoped she could come into the cave.’

‘No, it’s too small. Oh no!’ She looked grief-stricken.

‘There is nothing we can do. She must take her chances.’

‘We can get her head through the opening. She can have that much protection.’

Lazar didn’t want to tell Ana that the camel would most likely wander off. ‘Good idea,’ he said, ‘but hurry, Ana, I’m fading.’

She took his hand and dragged him towards what looked like flat rock.

‘Intriguing,’ he murmured, despite the fact he could no longer see terribly well. He was staying upright through grim determination alone.

She must have sensed as much because, without speaking, Ana hurriedly bundled him in through the narrow opening, making sure that Farim’s muzzle was poking through that same opening and well protected from the storm. She kissed the beast in thanks and farewell. Inside it was quiet and he could hear water but he was feeling too weak and disoriented to mention it and soon convinced himself he was imagining it. Almost blindly he followed Ana’s guiding hands.

‘We have to make a jump. It sounds worse than it is and there are rock steps to help. Stay calm in the tunnel. It’s narrow but short and there’s safety at its end, I promise.’

In the blind darkness he had already lost sense of where they were and what they were doing. He trusted her completely and followed her directions,
soon enough finding himself on a ledge at the other end of the very short tunnel she spoke of.

‘Hold on, Lazar,’ she begged from behind him. ‘I don’t have any means of giving us light but—’ and as Ana emerged, Lazar was stunned to see the cavernous chamber he had sensed himself in erupt into a soft glow.

‘What is this place?’ he asked, shivering uncontrollably.

‘Arafanz called it a temple of Lyana. Over there are the crystal pillars.’

He looked towards the dulled columns in the distance. ‘What are they?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t really know. They communicate with me.’

‘What?’

She smiled wanly. ‘We don’t have much time. I can feel another contraction building. That means they’re getting closer. I must find a spot to have our son. No, wait,’ she said, pushing him lightly. ‘You are sick, weak, feverish. You are no help to our boy right now. Just rest.’

‘Here?’

‘Actually I have an idea. Do you think you can move?’

‘If I must.’

‘Come to the pillars. I’m interested to hear what they say to you.’

‘They spoke to you, you said.’

She nodded and there was sadness in the gesture. ‘They welcomed me as Mother. I didn’t
understand at the time. I think I do now. I think you do too.’

‘Ana—’

‘It’s all right. Our son is the Goddess. This is what it’s all been about. You and I were always meant to be.’

‘To be?’

‘Together,’ she said, helping him to his unsteady feet. ‘There was so much Lyana couldn’t control but that’s why mysterious Ellyana worked so hard to save you after the flogging and poisoning, why you and Pez are such close friends. It’s probably why you were guided towards Percheron in the first place. Lazar, it may even go further back to why you were born, how your early life was shaped. Shara, even…’

He looked at her through glazed eyes, fighting through the fever to understand. ‘You think Lyana caused her death?’

‘Who knows?’ she replied softly. ‘I do believe now that you and I were meant to meet, meant to become lovers, meant to have this child. It’s why Arafanz is part of Lyana’s plan. You see him as the enemy and yet we are all being helplessly driven towards the same goal of returning Lyana to Percheron—of changing the faith of the people back to that of the Goddess. Our son will banish the priests and tear down the temples of Zarab. And through him and his reign the faith of Lyana will be restored.’

He shook his head to clear it as she gently led him through the cavernous chamber, which was
surprisingly mild in temperature and glowing unnaturally from no light source he could see. The rock face itself seemed to have its own illumination.

She read his thoughts. ‘It has never done this before. But then I have never been here without lamps or at night.’ She pointed up. ‘Over there, Arafanz used to loosen that disc at a certain time of the day when the sun would blaze through the circle in the rock and light the pillars.’

‘I can’t get up there,’ he groaned.

‘I don’t think you’ll have to. I think they will light for us.’ They had arrived at the stone steps.

‘What happens now?’

‘You must go up onto the plinth.’

‘I keep thinking about Boaz.’

‘He’s dead, Lazar. No amount of—’

‘No, that’s not what I mean,’ he said, swaying. ‘Sorry. I’m losing my thoughts as fast as they arrive. I mean I killed the Zar because I was sure Maliz had occupied him. But if Maliz cannot be killed by a mortal, it means he has found a new host. Presumably our son will have to destroy Maliz. Perhaps Boaz need not have died. I feel—’

‘Don’t,’ she interrupted. ‘If what you saw was real and Maliz had taken Boaz, then there was no going back. My understanding, from what Pez has said in the past, is that if he takes a body, he destroys the life that once owned it. If you’re right—and it makes sense that you are—then Boaz was already dead in the desert. You simply killed the body, the
shell that was disguising Maliz.’ She sighed. ‘Only Lyana can destroy him. So, yes, it will be our son who kills him. But how can a newborn do that? What if Maliz finds him before he’s old enough to do so? What if we both die here this night?’

Lazar frowned. The fever did not permit him to think clearly. ‘I…I don’t know what—’

‘Go. You look ready to fall over and I must lie down. A contraction is…’ Ana’s voice trailed off as she reached behind herself, falling against a boulder, slipping to the ground. Her eyes were wide with pain.

‘Ana!’

‘Just go!’ she urged, almost growling, through her agony.

He staggered back, unsure of everything now. He had never delivered a child, had never been present at a human birth. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by the burden of all they still faced: from the safe delivery of the baby, to surviving in the cave, to returning to Percheron.

He lurched up the short flight of stairs, his mind filled with the image of splitting open Boaz’s head, of allowing Maliz to escape.

Ashar and Ganya had crawled as far back beneath the rock ledge as possible. It offered minimal yet much-appreciated protection, their camel providing a little more at the mouth of the opening. They had been cramped in this shared space for hours.

Sand swirled in to sting their hands but their linens, hooded over their faces, saved their eyes from harm.

‘How long, do you think?’

Ganya was surprised that he’d ask such a thing. ‘Probably two more days to be safe.’

‘Stuck here?’

She frowned beneath her desert veils. ‘Where else, Ashar? We should be grateful for our lives. I still can’t believe we found the camp. Lyana is guiding us.’

‘Lyana be damned! We found it because we were brave enough to face the Samazen and courageous enough to stick to our easterly path.’

‘Ashar! Do not take the Goddess’s name in vain.’

‘Or what? She’ll strike me down? I’m not scared of her.’

Ganya frowned, disturbed by her little brother’s bitter tone.

‘But it has tamed, don’t you think?’ he said after several moments of awkward silence.

‘Yes, I agree.’

‘I think we should go, continue east to Percheron.’

‘Go? Are you mad? If it’s calm enough out there for us to ride, it’s calm enough for Arafanz’s people to hunt us down. East is the direction he’ll try.’

‘He would chase Lazar and Ana first.’

‘Ashar, it’s not that I think he’d forgive the Spur or the Zaradine. He would surely hunt them
them mercilessly. But I think he would reserve his greatest fury for you. You were Razaqin. You have betrayed him. Ana and Lazar have behaved as expected. But he will want you back and want to make you suffer. We must keep you safe; we will head south. We are two on one camel—we must preserve her strength as well, since neither of us knows how long we may have to ride. She will travel more quickly with both of us if we take turns.’

‘Ganya, my dear, she will travel more quickly if we don’t have you along at all.’

With dread in her heart and a chill of fear tingling along her spine, Ganya slowly pulled back her linens to look at her brother.

His head covering had already been removed. He was right, the sand had certainly calmed, although she would hardly call it peaceful.

‘Ashar, you’re frightening me.’

‘Am I?’

‘Why are you behaving like this? You are not yourself.’

He burst into laughter, chilling Ganya further. The unholy sound seemed to echo around the rock they hid beneath.

‘No, I’m not myself. You’re right.’

She shook her head. ‘What’s happening, Ashar?’

She saw his hand move, felt something brush past her and suddenly she was gagging.

‘You’re dying. Don’t fight it, it will be quick. I’m sorry you have to suffer the same fate as your
father but perhaps it’s also appropriate to die in the sands as he did. If it helps, Ganya, I’m not really Ashar. He died back in the arena when he whispered the words I wanted to hear. I’d convinced him that Boaz possessed special magical powers conferred upon all Zars down through the ages. He was naive and seduced by the notion of rescuing his sister and “Miss Ana” as he so quaintly called her, not to mention wealth and freedom.’

‘Maliz!’ she choked out, hot blood pumping through her fingers as she desperately tried to close the gaping wound in her throat.

‘You must be almost done now. That’s it, you lie down, bleed out into the sand and think of your baby brother. He didn’t even fight me, poor fool. He wanted to set up a merchant trade. Goodbye, Ganya. At least you can die knowing you had some pleasant last evenings with the Spur. I shall tell him you went with a smile on your face.’ He laughed, ‘And an even wider one at your throat.’

She was no longer aware of him; only a darkness, and, using the last of her wits before she died, Ganya cast out with her mind-voice, searching for anyone who could listen.

Lazar struggled onto the plinth. Instantly he was bathed in shimmering colours as the crystal pillars sensed his presence.

We welcome the Amalgama
, they chimed.

He twisted around, frightened and entranced.

You are injured and sick
.

Lazar realised he could no longer see Ana for the iridescent sparkling all about him and, for all his worries, he suddenly and curiously felt safe, protected, uninhibited—perhaps for the first time in his life. He felt lost in the wonder of their light and beauty.

‘Ana,’ he groaned.

The Mother is doing what a mother must
, they soothed.

‘Who is the Amalgama?’

Lie down. We must heal you
.

‘I have no drezden. I accept that I’m dying but my son—’

You will see your son. You will return him to Percheron. We have no need of medicines here. We can heal your fever and soothe your nerves, we can mend those wounds on your body. Sleep now. Trust us.

The singsong voices sounded so compelling and their offer was irresistible. Soothed by their chimes and the colours and their warmth, Lazar let go of everything of himself and gave it over to Lyana.

He thought he heard someone cry out from beyond, could have sworn it was Ganya’s voice but, carried away on Lyana’s warmth and the promise of rest and healing, he ignored it and slept.

Ana could see the pillars sparkling and shifting their iridescence. She knew they were speaking to Lazar. But she could not hear them or him,
could not know whether he called to her, for she was on an angry tide of pain. And she had to give herself over to it and be carried along or she would be lost.

She heard herself screaming in agony and knew that very soon her desire to push her baby would become overwhelming. She wept; once again she was alone. She would face this frightening event without help or guidance, without even a hand to squeeze and reassure her.