Authors: C. Gockel,S. T. Bende,Christine Pope,T. G. Ayer,Eva Pohler,Ednah Walters,Mary Ting,Melissa Haag,Laura Howard,DelSheree Gladden,Nancy Straight,Karen Lynch,Kim Richardson,Becca Mills
Samson glanced over at Nikolas again. “He doesn’t look at you like a relative. If anything he looks jealous.”
I sputtered and coughed as coffee went down the wrong pipe. “Trust me,” I wheezed when I could speak. “You don’t know Nikolas. I’m a family obligation to him, nothing more.”
“Seeing his expression right now, I find that hard to believe,” Samson replied. Before I could refute it, he smiled and said, “But if you can ignore him, I can too.”
“Good.” Samson was handling Nikolas’s presence a lot better than most guys would in the same situation.
We stayed at the Hub for another thirty minutes and then Samson drove me home. When he put the Jeep in park, neither of us spoke for a long moment and I was suddenly nervous he was going to try to kiss me. Was that normal after a coffee date? How would I know if he did want to kiss? Did I want him to try? For the first time in my life I regretted not having girlfriends I could talk to about this stuff.
He looked over at me. “I had a great time today.”
“Me too.”
There was another moment of silence before he laughed and ran his hand through his blond hair. “Sorry, I’m not usually like this. I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel like an eighth grader on his first date.”
“Is that a good or a bad thing?” I asked and he laughed again.
“Bad for a guy who’s trying to look cool and ask a girl out again.”
“Oh,” I breathed, blushing to the roots of my hair. I looked away from him, across the waterfront, to see Chris walking toward his favorite bench again. My smile fell away as I was hit with an unpleasant realization. As much as I enjoyed Samson’s company, I couldn’t date him, I couldn’t date anyone. My life was so messed up right now; how could I start a relationship with anyone knowing I would eventually have to leave them? I was immortal; I could never have a life with a human. Hell maybe that was why Madeline had taken off and deserted my dad. I could never do that to someone I cared about, and I had a feeling Samson was someone I could come to care about a lot.
“I really like you Samson, but I’m not ready to date anyone right now. I have some stuff going on in my life and I need to figure it out before I do anything else.”
“Your mother’s family?” he asked without pushing.
“That’s part of it.” I made myself look at him. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled sweetly but he couldn’t quite hide the disappointment in his voice. “So it’s a ‘not right now’ instead of a ‘not ever’ thing.”
“Kind of.” I hated lying to him, hated my life fervently in that moment. I got out of the Jeep and walked around to his side. “I did have a nice time.”
“Same here,” he replied. I started to turn away and he said, “Oh wait, don’t forget this.” He held up the sketch I’d done of him. “So you don’t forget me.”
I smiled sadly at the sketch as I took it from him. “I won’t.”
Nate was in the kitchen making muffins when I got home. “Out with Roland?” he asked as I hung up my coat in the hall closet.
“No, I had a coffee date.”
There was a loud clatter as the muffin pan bounced off the tile floor. “A date? With a boy?” Nate gaped at me as I retrieved the pan for him.
“No, with Father Glenn.” I wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or amused by his look of disbelief. “Of course it was with a boy. I do know some you know.”
“So was it someone from school?” He tried to sound nonchalant but I could tell he was very curious.
“No, he’s a friend of Roland’s.” That’s all I was going to say since nothing would come of it anyway. “I’m going upstairs to work on an English paper. You need any help here?”
“No, go on,” Nate replied absently and I wondered if he was finally realizing what it meant to have a teenage girl under his roof.
Roland texted me as I was pulling my books out of my backpack but I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Part of me reveled in the afterglow of my first date and the rest of me mourned the fact that it was likely my last date with Samson – or anyone else. I’d never thought much about dating and relationships until the possibility of having them was gone. I wasn’t the type of person who could casually date someone while knowing there was absolutely no chance of more between us. I guess deep down I’d always believed that someday I’d meet the ‘one’ and we’d live happily ever after. Ever after held a whole new meaning for me now and it wasn’t a happy one.
I reached across the desk and picked up my sketch pad to tuck Samson’s drawing inside. I flipped open the pad to the picture I’d done of Nikolas the night we met. Laying both sketches side-by-side, I realized I’d drawn the two of them as I’d seen them on the very same night. Samson was laidback and smiling in his picture, enjoying himself as he played to the crowd. Nikolas was fierce, almost predatory as he brandished the sword. They were as different as two men could be: one golden and warm and the other dark and furious. One wanted to be part of my life and the other wanted to run my life. One was sweet and easy to be with and the other caused a maelstrom of conflicting emotions to twist my stomach in knots.
I slammed the sketchbook shut and threw it on the desk. “Ugh! Why do guys have to be so complicated?”
Oscar rubbed against my legs and I bent down to pick him up. “I wasn’t talking about you,” I crooned, stroking his fur. He purred and butted his head against my chin then curled up in my lap and went to sleep without a care in the world. It was the first time I was ever jealous of a cat.
I
spent
Sunday morning working on my English paper and trying to keep Oscar away from the attic and his growing unhealthy fascination with imps. “Trust me, you don’t want to mess with those little monsters,” I warned as I chased him away from the crack beneath the attic door for what seemed like the hundredth time.
By some stroke of luck he finally managed to corner one in the bathroom and the angry chattering tore me from my work. I shooed Oscar away from the bathroom and looked at the tiny demon. Six inches tall, pasty white and bald, the little fiend stood on the toilet tank with one hand on his hip and the other waving a fist at the cat. I felt something brush against my leg and knew Oscar had not heeded my warning to stay away. The imp began to jump up and down, emitting little furious shrieks at the sight of the cat, his loincloth fluttering around him.
“Oh stop it,” I scolded him. “The last thing I need to see is your nasty little demon parts.”
The imp halted immediately and looked down at the bit of cloth covering him. They liked to pretend they could not understand humans but I’d suspected all along they were faking. “Got you!” I said with a smirk before I bent down to pick up Oscar and carry him over to the bed. “You stay there if you don’t want to get bitten. I don’t think imp bites will go over too well with the vet.”
At noon my phone rang and I scrambled to answer it, ready for a distraction. “Hey, Roland.”
“Finally. I thought you were ignoring me. I texted you like four times yesterday.”
I sat on the bed and fell back until I was staring at the ceiling. “I
was
ignoring you.”
He gave a nervous laugh. “I take it Samson called? Before you say anything, he’s a great guy and I thought you two hit it off last weekend.”
I let out a loud sigh. “I do like him. But you know I can’t get… involved with anyone now, especially with my life as crazy as it is right now.” I didn’t mention the whole immortal thing. Roland and I hadn’t talked about the fact that we wouldn’t age together. I’d already tried to imagine him at forty when I still looked like a teenager but the thought had freaked me out so I’d shoved it away where I didn’t have to deal with it.
“I just thought you could use some fun in your life. Now that Greg’s gone you can expect more guys to ask you out.”
Wait. What?
“What are you talking about?”
He laughed and I could picture him shaking his head. “Sara, Greg let every guy in school know that he’d take it personally if anyone hurt you or broke your heart. They were all too scared of him to go near you after that.”
“You’d better be kidding me.” My face burned. I couldn’t believe Greg had done something like that. Actually, yes I could, which is why I was mortified.
“Greg was a bad ass but he had a soft spot for you. Probably because you were the only one in school besides his friends who wasn’t afraid of him.”
“Because I knew there were a lot scarier things out there.” I groaned into my hand. “God I can’t believe he did that.” Wait till I sent him another email. He was going to hear it from me.
Roland’s tone grew serious. “Listen, I actually called because Pete and I want to talk to you about something. You want to go get something to eat.”
“Can you give me a hint?”
“No.”
“Cryptic. Okay see you in a bit.”
They picked me up twenty minutes later in Peter’s mother’s car and after a quick discussion we headed for the mall. A lot of the stores were closed on Sundays but the food court was open and the boys loved the burgers and milkshakes from Benny’s. We got our food and grabbed a table away from everyone else. I let them take a few bites before I asked them what they wanted to talk about that couldn’t be said over the phone.
They shared a look and Peter said, “I overheard Dad and Uncle Brendan talking last night – about you and your parents.”
My hand stopped halfway to my mouth. “What?”
“Dad said they lost Madeline’s – your mom’s – trail and they were trying to piece together what happened to your father. He said Aunt Judith told him you thought it might have something to do with your mom being Mohiri.” Peter took a deep breath. “He said Aunt Judith was afraid you were too involved in this and might do something careless. What did he mean by that?”
“I…”
Roland’s eyebrows drew together as he laid down his burger. “You talked to my mom about this but you can’t talk to us?”
“It’s not like that. I only talked to your mom because she told me they were going back and tracing Madeline’s movements from the time she left us.” I twisted my paper napkin until it tore. “I think vampires followed Madeline to my dad. I don’t know why she was in Portland when he died or why they went after him, I just know it’s all related.”
“You’ve been trying to find the truth yourself?” Roland said in an accusing tone.
I nodded, not meeting their stares. They weren’t going to like what I said next and I didn’t want to see their faces when they heard it. “I wanted to look for years but I didn’t really start until I heard about the missing girls in Portland. A guy I know online who knows a lot about this stuff said he thought it was vampires. He said he heard there were vampire sightings in Portland when my dad was killed.”
“What guy? Who is he?” Roland demanded. “Please tell me you aren’t talking to some kook online.”
I glared at him defensively. “He’s not a kook and he does know a lot. I only know his screen name just like he only knows mine. And before you say anything, we’ve been talking for three years and he’s never tried to meet me or anything. He tracks vampire activity and reports it online. These guys are very serious about this stuff.”
“Guys? There’s more than one?” Peter asked.
I took a sip of my drink before answering. “Yeah, there is a whole online community. And I… um… I met a new one online last month. He says he knows something. We were supposed to meet in person but something happened and he was scared away.”
Roland’s face grew red. “You were going to meet a total stranger alone… in person? Are you out of your mind?”
“I wasn’t alone,” I said slowly. “You guys were there.”
“Wha –?” Peter started.
“No fucking way!” Roland swore a little too loud, drawing the disapproving stares of some people across the food court. “The Attic? You were going to meet him at the Attic – the same night a vampire just
happened
to attack you? You don’t think that was a bit too coincidental?”
Peter paled and his freckles stood out even more. “Holy Shit, Sara.”
“It wasn’t a setup,” I argued, knowing that it looked suspiciously like one. “He told me later that he didn’t show because he got wind of some vampires there. He is seriously scared of them. He won’t try to meet again unless it’s broad daylight and somewhere public.”
I probably shouldn’t have said that last part. Roland’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head and he made a sound deep in his chest. “You are not going to meet this guy.”
“If he can tell me what happened to my dad then I
will
meet him,” I responded stubbornly. I hated arguing with my friends but I would not back down from this now that I was so close.
“You have to let Dad take care of this,” Peter pleaded. “Please.”
I looked from Peter to Roland. “What would you do if you were in my shoes? What if it had been one of your parents? You can’t tell me you wouldn’t do everything to get to the bottom of it.”
“Yes but –”
“No buts, Peter. You wouldn’t sit back and let someone else handle it and neither can I.”
Roland shredded the top of his hamburger bun without even realizing he was doing it. “So you only went to the Attic with us to meet someone.”
The betrayal in his voice made me want to say no, but I couldn’t lie to him anymore, not about this. “I asked him to meet me there after you asked me to go.”
Roland let out a breath and I could tell he was hurt and thinking that I only went with them to meet someone else. “I’m sorry,” I said softly.
The silence at the table hung over us like a shroud and I felt a small tear appear in the trust we’d always had between us. My deceit hurt them and now they were wondering what else I’d lied about.
“I swear it was the only time I ever did anything like that.”
“Why didn’t you tell us or ask us for help?” Roland demanded. “Don’t you trust us?”
“Why didn’t you tell me what you were?” I countered.
He shifted on his chair. “That’s different. We thought you were human. We were protecting you.”
“I thought you were human too. I didn’t want to drag you into this.” It wasn’t enough to ease their hurt feelings but it was the truth.
We sat there quietly for several long minutes, each of us toying with our food and waiting for someone to say something to break the uncomfortable silence. I didn’t know what to say to fix things between us.