Going Broke (23 page)

By the end, she had moved from across the table to sitting next to me in the booth.

“You made a few bad decisions, Sarai, but that doesn't make you a bad person . . . especially if you've learned from your mistakes.”

“Honestly, I don't know if I've learned. I'm just scared about getting caught.”

“Caught by whom?”

“It eats me up to think of what will happen to me and Tremel if he finds out. I've been lying to him since day one. I slept with Doctor Baker right before our first date. It's been one lie after another, over and over and over again.” I wiped my eyes. “If I loved him so much, then why would I do this to him?”

Nat's voice was so soothing. “I believe that you love him, but you're also human.”

“Humans know better, though.”

“But they also make mistakes.” She continued with her logic. “Now you have to confess them to him.”

“Confess to him? He ain't a damn Catholic priest.”

We both laughed.

“You've got to tell him, Sarai.”

“Tell him?” I looked at her like she had just slapped me. “I can't tell him about any of this.”

“Yes, you can.”

“What would I tell him, Nat?”

“Tell him the truth about what you've been doing.”

“It's not like I'm still doing it.”

“But in order for you to have peace of mind, you have to tell him something.”

I rolled my eyes. “The only thing my mind isn't peaceful about is Conrad and these men coming after me. I'm through with everything else.”

“Okay, I understand. But what if he finds out from someone else?”

“Shit.”

The thought made me sick to my stomach. What Nat was trying to get me to do was right, but I'd rather be wrong and still have a man.

“I can't lose him.”

“The way I see it, if he loves you, then you won't lose him.” She smiled.

“What are you smoking?—I want some.” I tried to keep my voice down. “He is not gonna want anything to do with my trifling ass if I tell him.”

“Trust me, Sarai, you won't be able to keep this a secret very long. Something is bound to fall out of line. Tell him something, a piece of the truth; it's better than nothing at all.”

“Even a piece of the truth is too much.” I was angry. “I was having sex with other men, and it doesn't just stop there—I was doing it for money. Nat, I can't think of any man who would want to stay with a woman, knowing that she's been fucking other men while they've been in a relationship.”

“Sarai, you're never going to have peace of mind, if you're always worried about Tremel finding out.”

“Nat, I actually wasn't worried, until I started talking to your cleanse-my-soul ass,” I joked. “I was fine. The only thing I was worried about was those men looking for me, but you've got me on a brand-new level.”

She looked at me. “That damn boy is crazy about you.”

“I know, but he'll go crazy
on
me if I tell him.”

“Do you love him?”

“Without a doubt.”

“So, how do you feel about lying to him?”

“I feel terrible about it.”

“Would you rather him learn about this through somebody else?”

“No. I wish I could tell him,” I whined, “but I can't.”

“You know what?—Don't even worry about hurting his feelings, because I have something to tell you. He's been sleeping with a math teacher for the last six months.

“What?” My anger spiked off the charts. “What?”

Nat answered nonchalantly. “I hear that they might still be messing around, but I don't know.”

I thought my stomach was coming out of my mouth. “Why didn't you say this before?”

“See, that's exactly what I mean.” She laughed. “Isn't it worse to hear something from someone who doesn't know the story, or someone who only knows the bad part of the story, rather than hearing it from the horse's mouth?” She added, “Compare what I just said, which was gossip, to Tremel coming to you and saying, ‘I just want you to know that I used to date a teacher at the school where I work. She and I were still trying to establish something when I met you, but when you and I started getting serious and I realized that I had feelings for you, I told her that I didn't think that we should see each other like that any longer.' “

I took a deep breath. “You were about to get him a severe case of foot in his ass.”

She laughed. “You can't get mad at anybody.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Okay, now all jokes aside, didn't it sound better coming from him than from someone who is adding on or doesn't know exactly what's going on?”

“Yeah, I see your point, but please see mine.”

“I see what you're saying, Sarai.”

Nat and I talked a lot more, and at the end of our conversation, I had concluded that I still wasn't confessing anything to Tremel. Knowing that our relationship was new, I didn't feel that it was strong enough to handle what I had to say. I also couldn't figure out what avenue of my life could ever lead to Tremel finding out. I was willing to take my chances. I hated lying to him, but I loved him too much to tell him the truth.

By the time Tremel and Nick arrived, I had already returned from the restroom, where I washed my face, reapplied my makeup, and was looking just like I did when I arrived.

Nat, Nick, Tremel, and I ate together, danced, and drank late into the night. Later, all four of us did something that people living in Florida could do on a daily basis but rarely take advantage of—we walked on the beach.

Holding hands and kicking sand reconfirmed that Tremel was the best thing that ever happened to me. I regretted blowing the first opportunity I had to be with him, when I met him at Nat's party; that would've given me extra time in his arms. However, in four months he went from being a janitor I didn't deem worthy of conversation to being the light that lit the way in my life. I was in love with him. When I was with him, I smiled the way five-year-olds do when they see a McDonald's Playplace.

When my feet touched the Cleveland soil the night before Thanksgiving, I was a ball of tremors, not from the plane ride, but from pure nervousness about meeting his family. We grabbed our bags from the conveyor belt around 10:00, and I was glad that Avis Rent-a-Car had a crowd.

We didn't get out of the rental office until after midnight. I welcomed his thought that it was too late to visit his parents' house, so we rode straight to the Hyatt and checked in.

Tremel had no problem getting to sleep, but all I could think about were his parents, his three sisters, and two brothers. It didn't stop there. Both sets of his grandparents were alive. He had a total of eight uncles and six aunts who would be there too, not to mention all of his cousins, too many to count.

I was from a very small family. My father had no brothers or sisters, so I didn't have uncles, aunts, or cousins, and his parents died long before my birth.

My mother's family was in Utah. Savion and I saw our maternal grandparents once a year, but they both died before we were ten. Once they were gone, no one bothered to keep in contact. Thanksgiving was always just a Cornish hen, Daddy, Savion, and me. Big family gatherings were new to me.

When Tremel rolled over at six and started rubbing my arm, he thought that he had woken me, but I was up, never down.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Hey.” I turned over slowly. “How did you sleep?”

“I was out for the count,” he said. “I can't even remember saying goodnight to you.”

“You didn't. When I came out of the shower you were gone.”

“I'm sorry.”

The previous day when he got in from work, all he had time to do was take a shower before we hit the road to the airport.

“How did you sleep?” he asked.

I wanted to pretend that things were fine, but I lied to him enough. “I haven't had a moment's rest.”

“Why not?”

“I'm nervous.”

“Baby, I thought we were past that.”

“I thought so too, until we got off the plane.” I laughed.

“Get some rest, baby. We have a long day ahead of us.”

He hummed softly and rocked me to sleep.

When I woke up, it was after 11:00, and he was looking out of the window, completely dressed.

As I stretched, he walked over to the bed. “How did you sleep?”

“Fine, thank you.” I smiled.

“Good.” He looked at his watch. “Now get your ass up and let's get out of here.” He lifted me out of bed.

The next stop was the bathroom, where he dropped me off and closed the door behind him.

Damian and a few other ex-boyfriends all had Tremel beat financially, but they paled in comparison to Tremel's love for me. In just a few months, he had outdone everyone in my past. If his family was anything like him, they'd love me just as he did, but the guilt of what I did behind his back made me believe that it'd be written all over my face and they'd sniff me out.

 

 

“Stop the car. I think I'm going to be sick,” I joked right after Tremel announced that we were less than five minutes from his parents' house.

“You always have a bunch of mouth”—He touched me on the cheek, “but you're nothing but a scaredy cat.”

“I don't wanna go,” I whined jokingly then reached for the door handle. “I'm gonna jump out.”

He laughed. “Go ahead. I'll slow down.”

I smacked him playfully on the arm.

A few minutes later, we pulled up in front of a light-blue two-story house. The violets carefully planted all around the house played up the color, and so did the beautiful, freshly cut, thick, green grass.

As we walked up the sidewalk, I became even more curious about what was going on being behind the frosted oval glass of the white French doors.

“There is no turning back.” Tremel looked at me and slid his key into the lock. “Don't be scared.” He kissed me on the forehead and pushed the door open.

As the air inside rushed out past me, I smelled turkey, dressing, macaroni, potato salad, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, and much more. He didn't have to beg me. I wanted to run inside. As I entered, I heard a lot of talking, laughing, pots and pans, but over everything was the loud voice of a sports commentator describing the last play of the current football game.

The white tiled floor sparkled as if diamonds were scattered over it. A chubby little boy about three feet tall peeked out of a door and pointed. “That's Uncle Mel.”

Before he could put his finger down, people flooded the hallway with hugs and smiles.

I was introduced to everyone but couldn't remember a name if my life depended on it. Right after learning a name, I had another new name and another new face to smile at. I shook hands and said, “Hi, nice to meet you,” or “Hello, I've heard so much about you.”

Tremel's father didn't look like I imagined he would. He was very light-skinned and tall. He was also thin enough to fly away with a kite on a not-so-windy day. I blushed as Tremel introduced me as his girlfriend.

His father talked to me a while, before he yelled for his wife to come out of the kitchen. “This is Sarai, Mel's lady friend.”

His mother was about my height, with long, straight, brown hair combed into a neat ponytail. She weighed more than her husband, but who didn't? She was peanut-butter brown like Tremel and me.

I felt faint for a split second, as she stared at me.

“Nice to meet you, honey. Welcome to Thanksgiving at the Colten's house.” She wrapped her arms around me. “I told Mel that you have such a pretty name. Did he tell you?”

I looked at him. “No, ma'am, he sure didn't.”

“Why didn't you tell her what I said?” She embraced her baby boy. “I missed you so much.” She kissed him on the cheek and squeezed him again.

We stood in the corridor talking until some other family members strolled in and we had to move out of the way.

Tremel held my hand and started to show me around the house. As we were going upstairs, his mother sideswiped us. “I need some help with the greens,” she said to me.

My eyes widened. “You mean collard greens?”

“Uh-huh,” she said.

“Okay,” I said and looked at Tremel, who offered me a look of concern then smiled at his mother, who in turn took my hand away from his.

“Don't worry, I just need you to strip the pot.”

He kissed me on the cheek and watched me walk away to the kitchen.