Going Home (11 page)

Had her family’s disapproval been the reason for Faith’s lack of faith? Or had it come about when she’d married Greg and been mistreated by him? Faith believed in God—had since she was a girl. But God had never seemed real to her in a personal way.

Faith’s eyes snapped open, and she bolted upright when she heard the thudding of horses’ hooves and the rumble of buggy wheels pulling into the yard. Her family was home from church. As John led the horses to the barn, everyone else came streaming up the path toward the house, talking a mile a minute.

“You were missed at preaching today,” Mama said as she stepped onto the porch. “Noah Hertzler asked about you.”

Faith nodded.

“The Hertzlers’ barn burned to the ground last night,” her brother Brian said, his dark eyes looking ever so serious. “There’s gonna be a barn raising later this week.”

“Sorry to hear about their misfortune. Was the barn hit by lightning?”

“It would seem so,” Papa said as he came up behind Mama.
“Sure hope everybody in this house is well by Friday, because all hands will be needed at the Hertzlers’ that day.”

All hands? Did that mean Faith and Melinda would be expected to go and help out?

“The little ones will remain at home,” Mama said before Faith could voice the question. “Esther can stay with them, so Grace Ann, Faith, and I will be able to help with the meals for the men.”

Faith clenched her teeth. She wanted to stand up to Mama and say that she was treating her like a child, and that she could decide for herself if she was going to help at the barn raising. She remained silent, however. No point in getting Mama all riled. Faith needed to keep the peace as long as she chose to stay here; it would help ensure her daughter’s future. Besides, she did feel bad for the Hertzlers. Nobody should have to lose their barn.

B
y eight o’clock on Friday morning, the air was already hot, sticky, and devoid of any breeze. It would be a long, grueling day as the men worked on the Hertzlers’ new barn. Faith didn’t envy them having to labor under the sweltering sun. At least she and the other women who had come to help serve the men could escape the blistering heat now and then. Their work wouldn’t be nearly as difficult, either.

When Faith entered the Hertzlers’ kitchen along with her mother and Grace Ann, she saw several other Amish women scurrying around, getting coffee and lemonade ready to serve the men when they became thirsty or needed a break.

Already the kitchen was warm and stuffy, making Faith long to be anywhere else but there. A dip in a swimming pool would surely be nice.

Faith leaned against the wall and thought about the last time
she’d gone swimming with Melinda and Greg. It had been at a hotel pool in Memphis, Tennessee. Greg was in good spirits that Sunday afternoon, probably because he’d won big at a poker table the night before.

When Faith closed her eyes, she saw an image of Greg carrying Melinda on his shoulders. Tall and slender, his jet black hair and aqua-colored eyes made Faith think he was the most handsome man she’d ever met. The three of them had stayed in the water for over an hour that day, laughing, splashing around the pool like a model, loving family.

Only we weren’t model, and Greg may have been handsome and charming, but his love was conditional
. Faith blinked away the stinging tears threatening to escape her lashes.
Why didn’t Greg love me the way a man should love his wife? Why couldn’t we be a happy family?

“It’s good to see you,” Barbara said, jolting Faith away from her memories. “I was hoping you’d be here today. It’ll give us a chance to get reacquainted and catch up on one another’s lives.”

Faith nodded. Truth was she couldn’t allow herself to reestablish what she and Barbara once had, because she knew she wouldn’t be staying around long enough to develop any close ties—not even with family members. It would make it easier to say good-bye when it was time for Faith to leave.

“Are you okay?” Barbara asked with a note of concern. “You look kind of sad today.”

“I’m fine.” Faith nibbled on her lower lip. “Just standing here waiting to be told what I should do.”

Barbara looked a little uncertain, but she handed Faith a pitcher of lemonade and grabbed one for herself. “Let’s take
these outside to the menfolk. Then we can sit a spell and visit before it’s time to start the noon meal.”

Faith followed Barbara out the door. They placed their pitchers on a wooden table beside a huge pot of coffee. As warm as it was today, Faith didn’t see how anyone could drink the hot beverage, but then she remembered something her father used to say:
“If I’m warm on the inside when it’s hot outside, then my body believes it’s cold.”

That made no sense to Faith, and she was pretty sure it was just Dad’s excuse to drink more than his share of the muddylooking brew. She had never acquired a taste for coffee and planned to keep it that way.

“Let’s sit over there,” Barbara said, motioning to a couple of wicker chairs under a shady maple tree.

Faith flopped into one of the seats and fanned her face with her hands. “Sure is warm out already. I can only imagine how hot and muggy it’ll be by the end of the day.”

Barbara nodded. “Pity the poor men working on that barn.”

Faith’s gaze drifted across the yard to where the Hertzlers’ barn was already taking shape. Rising higher than the family’s two-story house, the framing of the new structure looked enormous. Men and older boys armed with saws, hammers, and planes were positioned in various sections of the barn. It would be a lot of work, but they would probably have most of it done by the end of the day.

“An English barn is built using all modern equipment, but it doesn’t come together in twice the time it takes for an Amish barn raising,” Faith noted.

“That’s because we all pull together when there’s a need. I wouldn’t be happy living anywhere but here among my people.”

If Barbara’s comment was meant to be a jab at Faith and her wayward ways, she chose to ignore it. “No, I don’t suppose you would be.”

“Tell me what it’s like out there in the world of entertaining,” Barbara said, redirecting their conversation. “Is it all you had hoped it would be?”

“It’s different—and exciting. At least it was for me.”

“Do you miss it?”

Faith swallowed hard. How could she tell Barbara how much she missed entertaining without letting on that she didn’t plan to stay in Webster County indefinitely? She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue as she searched for the right words. “I miss certain things about it.”

“Such as?”

“The response of an appreciative audience to one of my jokes or the joy of yodeling and not having anyone looking down their nose because I’m doing something different that they think is wrong.” Faith hadn’t planned to say so much, but the words slipped off her tongue before she could stop them.

“You think that’s how your family acted?”

Faith nodded.

“Do you believe they saw your joke telling and yodeling as wrong?”

Faith could hardly believe her friend had forgotten all the times she’d told her about her folks’ disapproval. Maybe Barbara had become so caught up in her adult life that she didn’t remember
much about their younger days when they had confided in one another and been almost as close as sisters. The truth was, Barbara had gotten after Faith a few times. Not for her joke telling and sense of humor, but for her discontent and her tendency to fool around.

“Papa used to holler at me for wasting time when I should’ve been working. He thought my yodeling sounded like a croaking frog, and many times he said I was too silly for my own good.” Faith’s voice was edged with bitterness, but she didn’t care. It was the truth, plain and simple.

“There are a few others in the area who like to yodel,” Barbara reminded. “As you know, yodeling is part of the Swiss-German heritage of some who live here, and it’s been passed from one generation to the next.”

“That may be true, but Papa has never liked me doing it, and it took English audiences to appreciate my talent.”

Barbara’s raised eyebrows revealed her apparent surprise. “Did you enjoy being English?”

Faith wasn’t sure how to respond, so she merely nodded in reply.

“Then why’d you come back?”

“I—I thought it was best for Melinda.”

“Your mamm tells me you’ve been widowed for several months.”

“That’s right. My husband stepped out into traffic and was hit by a car.”

Barbara slowly shook her head. “Such a shame it is. I’m real sorry for you, Faith. I can’t imagine life without my David. We
work so well together in the harness shop, and he’s such a good father to our boys, Aaron and Joseph. I don’t think I could stand it if something happened to David. It’s hard enough to lose a parent or grandparent, but losing a husband? That would be unbearable pain.” She glanced over at Faith and offered a half smile. “Might be a good thing for you and your daughter if you found another husband. Don’t you think?”

Faith felt her fingers go numb from clutching the folds in her dress so tightly. She had no intention of finding another husband. Not now. Not ever.

“How old are your sons?” Faith asked, hoping to steer their conversation in another direction. She didn’t want to talk about her dysfunctional marriage to Greg, his untimely death, or the idea of marrying again. Remembering was easy; forgetting was the hard part. Thinking about a relationship with another man was impossible.

“Aaron’s four, and Joseph just turned two.” Barbara patted her belly and grinned. “We’re hoping to have another
boppli
soon. Maybe a girl this time around.”

“You’re pregnant?” Faith couldn’t imagine having two little ones to care for, plus a baby on the way.

“Not yet, but soon, I hope. I love being a mamm.”

Faith enjoyed motherhood, too, and she had hoped to have more children someday. But with the way things were between her and Greg, she was glad it hadn’t happened. His unreliability and quick temper were reason enough not to want to bring any more children into their unhappy marriage, not to mention his drinking and gambling habits. Now that Faith was widowed and
had no plans of remarrying, she was certain Melinda would be her only child.

Faith shifted in her chair.
At least Melinda will have her aunt Susie to grow up with. That’s almost like having a sister
.

“You’ll have to excuse me a minute,” Barbara said as she stood. “David’s waving at me. He must want something to drink.”

Faith stood, too. “Guess I’ll go on back to the house and see what needs to be done for the noon meal.”

Just before Faith and Barbara parted ways, Barbara touched Faith’s arm and said, “I always enjoyed your joke telling.”

“Thanks.” Faith headed around the back side of the Hertzlers’ place, not feeling a whole lot better about things. Barbara’s compliment was appreciated, but it didn’t replace the approval of Faith’s parents. That’s what she longed for but was sure she would never have.

She was almost to the porch when she spotted Noah coming out the door. He carried a jug of water and lifted the container when he saw her. “It’s getting mighty hot out there. Thought some of the men would rather have cold water to quench their thirst.”

Faith’s cheeks warmed. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I should have realized not everyone would want coffee or lemonade.”

Noah tromped down the stairs, his black work boots thumping against each wooden step. He stopped when he reached Faith. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you since I gave you that lemon sponge cake after church a few weeks ago. I was wondering how you liked it.”

“It was very good.”

“Glad you liked it,” he said with a friendly grin. “What’d you think about the verse of scripture?”

Faith sucked in her breath, searching for words that wouldn’t be an outright lie. “Well, I. . .uh. . .I think it may have gotten thrown out before I had a chance to read it.”

Noah’s forehead wrinkled. “I’m sorry to hear that. It was a good verse. One about faith, in fact.”

“There’s a verse in the Bible about
me
?” Faith giggled and winked at him, hoping he wasn’t one who had a dislike for the funny side of life.

A slow smile spread across Noah’s face, and he chuckled. “You do still have a sense of humor. You seemed so solemn when we last talked, and I couldn’t help but wonder if you’d left your joke telling back in the English world.”

She shrugged. “What can I say? Once a comedian, always a comedian.” So much for being careful to watch her tongue and keep her silliness locked away.

“Do you miss it?” This was the second time today that Faith had been asked the question, and she wondered what Noah’s reaction to her response would be.

“Sometimes,” Faith admitted. “But I’m afraid there’s no place for my joke telling here in Webster County.”

“You don’t have to set your humor aside just because you’re not getting paid or standing in front of a huge audience anymore.”

She pulled in her lower lip as she inhaled deeply and then released her breath with a groan. “It’s kind of hard to be funny when everyone around you is so serious.”

Noah took a seat on the porch step and motioned for Faith to do the same. “We’re not all a bunch of sourpusses sucking on tart grapes, you know. In case you haven’t noticed, many among us like to have fun.” He nodded toward two young men who stood across the yard. They’d been drinking lemonade a few minutes ago but were now sprinting across the grass, grabbing for one another’s straw hats.

Faith smiled, realizing Noah had made his point.

“Now back to that verse of scripture.”

Oh, no. Here it comes. I think I’m about to receive a sermon from this man
.

“It was from Hebrews, chapter eleven, verse six.”

“And it’s about faith, right?”

He nodded. “‘But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.’”

She contemplated his words. “If it’s impossible to please God without having faith, then I must be a terrible disappointment to Him.”