Going Nowhere (A Romantic Comedy Novella) (11 page)

So really, how could I help what happened next? With the bright lights shining in my face, I could barely see the crowd sitting below. That combined with the amount of alcohol I’d consumed made it all seem like a crazy, wacky dream.

I started to play the air guitar.

The sounds of appreciation coming from the audience only egged me on. I arched my back, held my invisible guitar, and strummed elaborate chords. It’s not like I knew anything about actually playing the guitar. Except for that one summer my best friend and I watched
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
almost every day.

I played my guitar for the whole solo, really getting into it by the end. Then the lyrics started up again. I was so hyper that I mumbled my way through them and was soon stumbling off the stage. I saw people smiling up at me as I wound through tables to get back to my own, but I had tunnel vision. If I didn’t sit down soon, I was going to be sick.

April was giggling uncontrollably, Sam was gazing at me with admiration, and Max actually looked a little concerned.

I stumbled into my seat. “What’d you guys think?”

April snorted. “Oh my God.”

“I know. I rocked!”

“Yeah! Especially the part where you leaned back, plucked chords faster than Edie Van Halen and scrunched up your face in the pure ecstasy of the moment.”

Still gazing at me, Sam said, “You were great. Everyone loved it.”

I tried looking at the other people in the club to see if they were whispering and pointing or smiling in good humor. Unfortunately, all their faces blurred before my eyes.

“You did well.” Max was patting me on the back. “You look like you’re about to pass out. Are you okay?”

“Who, me?” I asked, the table suddenly coming into focus, then out again.

“You’d better take her to bed, April,” Max said.

Sam’s laugh echoed through my head. “Are you sure
you
don’t want to do it, my friend?”

“Go back to your drink,” Max replied.

April pushed Sam out of the way to escape the booth. “Come on, Slash. Let’s get you to bed.”

I tried to focus on my companions. Sam was sitting in front of me, so I gave him a thumbs-up. I wanted to turn towards Max, but instead I leaned into him and put my head on his shoulder. “Bye,” I whispered. “It was nice seeing you.”

His hand caressed my hair. “You, too, Kate. Hope you feel better.”

I nodded, then dragged myself out of the booth.

April hooked her arm around mine. “Let’s go.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind taking me? I could go by myself if you want to stay with
Max
. I know how much you like being with
Max
. I saw you that night you were sneaking around to be with
Max
.”

We walked out into the hallway, which was five times brighter than the club. April winced. “Okay, I know his name. And what are you talking about?”

“I saw you at the customer relations desk three nights ago. You wanted to know Max’s room number.”

“You’re drunk. We’ll talk in the morning.

“Oh, I’m fine!” I walked a straight line in front of the elevator. “See?”

She pressed the call button. “Uh-huh.”

I shrugged. “I think the bright lights are sobering me up.”

“Careful there,” she said, holding me up by my armpits after I’d lost my balance gazing at the recessed lights in the ceiling.

“Why are they so hypnotizing? Like UFOs...”

The elevator came and she dragged me inside. When we finally got to the cabin, I swiped my ship card through the slot. “It’s not working.”

“That’s your passport, doofus.”

I grabbed one of the belt loops on her jeans and pulled her closer. “Just tell me this: how good a friend are you? ‘Pay the bar tab’ good, or ‘help hide the body’ good?”

“Can you please let me open the door?”

“I’m
this
close to strangling Sam, so it’s an important question.”

She opened the door and pulled me inside. Then she unceremoniously pushed me toward the bed.

I fell onto it backwards then gazed up at the ceiling. “I’m not
that
drunk. I’d feel better if the seas weren’t so rough.”

April laughed. “The seas are as calm as an indoor swimming pool. Get some sleep.”

“Where are you going?” I asked her, realizing that she wasn’t moving toward her bed but toward the door.

“I’m too wound up to sleep. I’m going to find something to do.”

I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling nauseated. “If you have sex with Max, I’ll throw you overboard. Don’t test me.”

“I thought you didn’t like him.”

“
Don’t test me
.” I flopped over onto my stomach and groaned.

“Listen,” she said, farther away now. “If you kill someone, I’ll help you hide the body. I’ll even dig the hole. Now that’s friendship.”

I smiled into my pillow. “I think you are the best friend a girl could have.”

“Goodnight, Kate,” she said and left the cabin.

Then I frowned. She’d never promised she wouldn’t sleep with Max.

S
EVEN
-
DAY
C
ARIBBEAN CRUISE
: Eight hundred dollars.

Two Rainbow Volcanoes: Sixteen dollars.

Making a fool out of yourself in front of countless strangers: Priceless
.

Okay, so I may have made some bad decisions the night before. I may have said some things I’d regret. But I woke up without an extra person in my bed, which is more than I can say for some regrettable evenings in my past.

I opened my eyes and was happy to see that the bathroom door was open and the light was on. I was actually able to see for once. I looked over at April’s bed and it was empty. I sat up quickly.

Too quickly, I realized immediately, and squeezed my eyes shut while I pressed hard on my temples. I didn’t think I’d even packed any over-the-counter painkillers. I wasn’t the best planner. I was going to have to fight through the headache, though, because I had a job to do.

I was going to go to Max’s room and see if April was there. Maybe I could catch her in the act. After all, her bed hadn’t been slept in. She had to be somewhere.

So I picked my pants up off the floor, put them on, then a t-shirt. I had no time for pleasantries, like showers or clean clothing. I wanted to know if April had anything going on with Max. And I wanted to know right away.

I left my room, pulled the door shut, and walked right into Max’s chest.
Speak of the devil.

“Whoa, Kate. Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

Of course he would look good so early in the morning, his hair still wet from the shower and his cheeks smoothly shaven. I took a step back. “I was going to see April. What are you doing skulking about at this hour?”

“What hour? It’s noon.”

“Oh.” I rubbed my head. Nope, didn’t quite feel like myself yet.

“And I’m not skulking. I came to see you.”

“Me?” I looked down at my day-old pants and cringed. “I suggest you don’t look too closely.”

“I see nothing to complain about.”

A familiar feeling filled my stomach and I wasn’t sure I wanted it to go away. All I know is I was supposed to be confronting April right now, but the longer I spoke to Max, the less confrontational I felt.

“We docked in St. Maarten this morning. I thought it would be nice if we could go exploring together. Just the two of us this time.”

Was this some sort of conspiracy? Maybe Max was going to take me out to prevent me from getting the truth from April. Then they’d return to plan their next trick on me, cackling joyously at my naïveté. I shook my head. Now I was being stupid.

“Does that mean no?”

“What? Oh‌—‌no, I was thinking about something else.” I adjusted my t-shirt. “It sounds like fun, Max. Just let me slip into something a little more... fresh. Okay?”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“So I’ve heard that there are some beautiful beaches around here,” I said as we walked onto the island of St. Maarten. I was still feeling uncomfortable about what I’d planned to do earlier. Even though I hadn’t actually rushed to Max’s room to interrogate him, I still felt awkward about it.

“Beautiful beaches in the Caribbean? Are you sure?”

We’d only left the gangplank and already he was mocking me. All of the nerve. “Anyway, it’s too bad I didn’t buy any ship excursions.”

“I heard it’s cheaper to hire someone from the pier to take you, anyway.”

“Sounds dangerous. And fraught with liability issues.”

“You sound like a lawyer.” I hesitantly led Max toward the end of the cruise pier, where I saw a lot of taxis congregating. It looked promising and seemed to match up with the advice I’d read on the internet. It said to move away from the main pack of tour guides, who usually charge as much as the official excursions, and try to find an independent. Then get ready to haggle.

Before I could decide on who looked the most like a lone wolf, a man called us over. I looked at Max. “Shall we give him a try?”

“Livin’ on the edge.”

We hurried over to the car. “Can you take us to one the nice beaches?”

“I can take you to Cupecoy Beach. Fifty dollar.”

Max put his hand on the car door.

I pulled him back and said to the driver, “No. Thirty dollars.”

“No, no. Forty.”

Max looked at me.

“Thirty-five,” I said firmly, as though I weren’t about to change my mind.

The driver nodded. “Pay first.”

I reached into my tote, but Max pulled out the cash faster and paid the man. We got into the back seat of a vintage Jeep. I smiled to myself, proud of my negotiating skills. An excursion would have cost fifty dollars
each.

The car pulled away from the dock with a jerky, three-point turn. I caught my breath as our driver weaved in and out of traffic, some of which were in a queue. I guess that was the way one had to drive in this country. Who was I to judge?

We pulled onto a road that snaked through town and drove quickly past charming shops and cafés. Once or twice, our driver nearly sideswiped a pedestrian, who usually yelled after the car with a fist in the air. Not that we were able to hear them for long.

Soon, we were driving away from the town and into a less populated area. Our driver seemed to drive a little faster now without the pedestrians to slow him down. I glanced at Max, trying to divine if he was at all concerned about the driving skills of our driver. He seemed to be gritting his teeth and trying to figure out how to correctly latch a broken seatbelt.

Taking his silent advice, I plugged in my own seatbelt and leaned back. “It’s a beautiful country, isn’t it?”

Max nodded. “It’s nice.”

I guess he really was concerned about the driving.

The driver looked at me in the rearview mirror and smiled a toothless smile. “Most beautiful island in the world,” he said thickly. “Which beach you want to go to?” the man asked.

“I thought you said you’d take us to Cupecoy?” I said, wishing I’d come more prepared.

He grinned. “I take you to nice beach.”

I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, it seemed that the nicest beach was down a bumpy, narrow road. The driver took a turn and my face was knocked against the cloudy, dirty window. I was lucky I’d locked the door.

I looked down at my hands and saw that they were gripping the seat in front of me so tightly that my knuckles were white. I released my death grip and took a deep breath. It was going to be all right. Obviously, this man took this route every day without incident. I’m sure we had nothing to worry about.

Then the driver took another oddly angled turn, and I wasn’t so sure anymore. I grabbed onto Max to stop myself from plunging out one of the windows and nearly murdered his future children. I struggled to right myself and tightened the old, ratty seatbelt around my waist.

“Would you slow down?” Max asked.

“You don’t want fast?” the driver shouted back. “I have many customers. Must get back to pier.”

Max groaned and held onto the sides of the seat. “This is ridiculous.”

“I know. He’s crazy,” I said.

“Crazy?” the driver piped up from the front seat. “You want go crazy?”

“What?” Max asked.

“I got the ganja. Want to buy some ganja for the lady?”

“No!”

“Wait a second, Max. Hear him out,” I said jokingly.

“Where did we find this guy?”

Before I could answer, the driver said, “No ganja? I sell you crack!”

“No!” we chorused.

The driver took a sharp turn onto what barely resembled a road. “I show you best beaches.”

I catapulted into the headrest in front of me. What had I gotten myself into?

Humming along to the radio, the driver didn’t seem to notice how uneven the road was. There were random dips and craters everywhere. Sometimes we’d go over bumps so big that my head would bounce against the top of the car.

“I get you heroin?” he wondered aloud.

“No, thank you. Could you take us to where the rest of the tourists are?”

“Opium?” he asked hesitantly.

“We don’t want any drugs!”

The driver closed his wide, yapping mouth and pouted for a bit. “I take you to tourists,” he growled.