Going Too Far (The Curvy Submissive) (9 page)

Tomorrow she’d be waiting tables in my bar and we’d have to
look at each other and she’d have to give me her drink orders and expect me to
hand them to her and we couldn’t have the pressure of a kiss lingering between
us.

I knew I was being thick headed and obstinate. I knew if not
a kiss, then the oral sex I’d just engaged her in. Which was worse? I didn’t
know, but I knew a kiss meant more. Or it should.

If I kissed Kat now, I would never be able to stop.

I nudged my knee between her legs and urged her back towards
the bed. She stumbled, but complied. I could feel her hot little pants of
anticipation puffing through my shirt. I smiled, bent down, and scooped her up.

“Josh! No! I’m too much!” She squealed and fought me, but I
won and deftly deposited her on top of the lush comforter.

“It’ll be a cold day in hell, Katrina, when you are too much
for me.”

I climbed onto the bed after her, moved swiftly between her
legs and settled between her knees. She arched her lovely body, her large
breasts straining against her dress. Her weight had always been an issue for
her, something she blamed when relationships went bad or boys looked past her
on the dance floor. Right now, the extra curves, her gorgeous shape made me
want to touch
more
of her, not less. I wondered what her softness would
feel like giving way beneath my body.

Her excitement reach feverish as I reached on either side of
the bed for the leather cuffs I’d helped the hostess attach earlier that night.
They were tethered to the bed by leather straps which snapped and whined as I
religiously buckled her wrists into them. She watched, squirmed, squeezed her
thighs. I took my time to draw out those sweet reactions - the way she bit her
lip, smiled,
writhed
. She let me bend and twist her wrists into the
tight leather.

Kat tested her short leash by pulling and straining against
them, and I swear I saw a look of approval when they held with little mercy.

A swell of pride momentarily overwhelmed my lust as I
watched her settle down and accept my restraints for the second time tonight.
Her gaze finally met mine, green eyes blissing out, filling with adoring
acquiescence.

I want you
, her eyes begged.
I want this.

Kat’s arms dropped to the sheets above her head, elbows
bent, the bright white of her delicate skin from wrist to elbow reflecting the
candle light and I loved her for this gift of submission.

She panted, sexy as hell, and I wanted to strip her, touch
her. I wanted her naked breasts, wanted to tie them again so I could trace
their marks later after I wore her out. So I could tease and suck her nipples
while she could do nothing but allow it to happen.

With control that bordered on lunacy, I abandoned that
fantasy, the fantasy that brought us terrifyingly close to a line I could not,
would not cross. Instead I pushed her thighs apart and reached up under her
dress to her soaked panties. I hooked my fingers around their damp stretch and
pulled them down her thighs, over her knees and carefully removed each of her
feet. Then I pocketed them.

I could feel her heartbeat through her skin, pounding
quickly like a trapped rabbit. I stroked her thighs reassuringly. Her thighs
were fucking gorgeous, wide and round and softer than anything I’d ever
caressed. She was mad to feel embarrassed by them. Without wasting another
second I raised her knee up and leaned down to lick the smooth curve from
mid-thigh. She dropped her head back and struggled to breathe through the
sensation. I wondered if anyone had bothered to explore this territory before.
I wanted to take my time with them.

What I really wanted was to turn her over and leave red hand
prints all over them.

I let her thigh drop and crawled up her body so that my
weight pressed her into the mattress. Kat gazed at me with such captivating
need and again I felt drawn to her mouth. I held her gaze and swallowed my
fear.

Kiss her.
There were a million very good reasons why
I couldn’t do it. Why I shouldn’t have even
touched
her tonight.

But for a moment I considered what it would be like if we
did change everything, if tomorrow was new and
more
and maybe that would
be ok.
Kiss her. Love her. Possess her.

Maybe I could have this, fearlessly. Maybe I could do this
right.

Disgustingly, I thought of Brian. The other waitresses. The
bar. All the other women I’d ever been with. The boy who was supposed to move
in with her months ago, who she’d considered marrying someday. No one would
understand. No one would understand how I saw her in this moment and no one
would just let us have each other. Not without consequences. And maybe tomorrow
she’d wake up and take a shower and realize that this was the worst decision
we’d ever made.

And maybe that wasn’t even what I really feared.

So I didn’t kiss her. Because I was a coward.

Instead my fingers slid deftly up her thigh to the dangerous
edge of everything I ever wanted. And before I even pushed my fingers between
those slick folds she lifted her hips to meet them.

Her eagerness made me greedy. I pushed my fingers into her
moist core and searched out the entrance to her sex.

Kat squeezed her eyes and raised her hips again as I slid
two fingers inside her. She felt exquisitely soft and delicate, every stroke of
my fingertips sending breathy spasms through her entire body. Her fingers dug
into the blanket beneath her, fisting and squeezing each time I entered her.
Her mouth opened, closed. Her tongue broke across her lips to wet them.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Kat,” I begged softly against
her collarbone. “I need to know.”

“I…” Her brow furrowed as she lost control of her words
again, as she had when I’d bound her in front of a room full of strangers. She
struggled, fighting between her pleasure and her incoherent thoughts. I needed
her to slow down or she was going to come long before I was done with her.

“You’re doing so well, sweetheart. How does it feel? Do you
like what we’ve done together?”

“Yes,” she whined, though her head dropped back and forth as
if she wanted to deny it. “Josh. Oh god. I want to feel you inside me. Please.
Please.
”

Her words caused a rumble of pleasure deep in my chest and I
crushed closer to her so that my breath mingled with hers. My fingers dug into
her, searched out her clitoris, and as soon as I touched it a rocket of fervor
lit its way through her body. She arched her back, pressed her nipples into my
chest and urged my fingers to rub her again.

“Not tonight,” I murmured regretfully. That was all I seemed
to know how to say to her.
No. No. No
. If she heard me though, she
didn’t express any disappointment, already lost in the flames between her legs.
I captured her clit between my fingers and started a powerful assault against it.
“Come for me, Katrina. Say my name.”

Her mouth opened and a quivering, wordless sound of pleasure
escaped and she shook like I’d plugged her in to a light socket.

Her thighs squeezed against my hand, her whole body a mess
of contradictions and beautiful agony.

She pulled at her restraints, tore at them until the leather
whined in protest. The mask hid her eyes from me, but in the dark, spread out
and so giving, my girl was
resplendent
.

Mine.

“Josh!” Kat gasped and thrust her entire body into my arms.
I crushed her into the bed, held her down while her orgasm inflamed her body
and set off wave after wave of excruciating, stunning pleasure. She rocketed
into my hand, ground her slick sex into my fingers. Over and over as her
pleasure took her.

Her hands released their grip on the sheets, fought the
restraints, reached for me, pushed me away, pulled me to her, shook and
struggled like a wild animal.

Finally, after slow aftershocks shook her body one last
time, silence descended over us. I collapsed onto the bed beside her and
wrapped her inside the crook of my arm.

“Josh,” she repeated, her voice a raspy whisper. Her face
lolled into the crook of my shoulder and I held her tight as her whole body
went boneless.

I watched her until her breathing evened out and softened
and I knew she slept. I watched her until I thought it would break my heart. Then
I collected her in my arms, released her bindings, and took her away from that
place.

____________

Josh

By the time I left Kat
sleeping on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her to keep her warm,
everyone else had gone their separate ways. I could hear their sounds far off
in the house, quiet voices and other, more telling things.

They made me feel exhausted
and empty. This was usually one of my favorite moments of any party, the quiet
minutes after I’d engaged with another player and now could come down from my
high in the lonely, buzzing euphoria afterwards.

But tonight there was no euphoria.
No pride at a job well performed. No selfish, dizzying satisfaction of taking
control of another.

Instead there was near soul
crushing contentment. A tightness formed in my chest, made from the joy of
figuring out what I’d been missing for years and the solace of having touched
it just once.

I felt delight and sadness
and near paralyzing fear, one emotion rolling into the next. Sub drop, the
intense emotional emptiness that came after scenes sometimes, was common enough.
I knew how to deal with that, knew how to comfort and nurture following
emotionally intense scenes. In all these years, I’d never experienced Dom drop.
Before that night, I wasn’t even sure it was real. I’d never been invested
enough, maybe, or deep enough or intimate enough with any woman.

I’d been waiting for the
right person and the right experience to fall without a safety net.

But the drop felt endless.
And fatal. Because the noise in my head sounded like a thousand voices, some
accusing me of being a monster with the one person I cared about most in the
whole world. Some begging for more.

Hold her down and take
her. Take her. TAKE HER. Claim her thoroughly so there is no question who she
belongs to.

You defiled her,
they whispered.
You ruined her. She will never not
remember you as animal instead of friend.

There was nothing ok about
what had happened tonight, I knew that, though it had been the sweetest, most
overwhelming intimacy I could remember ever having with another human being.

Tomorrow, she will fear
you.

I made this girl into both
exquisite delight and heinous perversion and there would be consequences. There
were always consequences when you tasted everything you ever wanted. Because
tomorrow we were going to have to face each other and realize painfully that
what we had before was gone. She’d never get to be a little girl again and I
could never be her protective big brother.

No small flirtation would be
without heavy memories.

No look, no touch, could ever
be innocent.

I couldn’t be near her
without coveting her. She would never be safe from my unforgivable thoughts and
desires.

Every small, bratty look
would threaten my control.

And no lover would ever feel
like her. None of them would cause my heart to race or inspire the kind of
longing I felt when I touched Katrina. If I never indulged in her again, I
would never feel as happy as I felt when I kissed her throat and held her in my
arms.

Watching her sleep made me
feel like a hundred kinds of creepy old man, so I retreated to the back porch
for some air.

The breeze off the lake helped
cut through some of the noise in my head, though inside I was on fire. Her
vanilla and sugar smell clung to my fingertips and clothes and I could still
taste her on my lips. It made me feel crazy and untethered. The memory of her
touch hollowed me out. 

I was nineteen when I’d clumsily tied my first submissive
girl to my bed. Twenty the first time I spanked her. While my friends reveled
in buying their fake IDs and hitting the clubs with more verve than they’d ever
done anything in their lives, I joined my first private club and learned how to
use a flogger.

It was the rope that seduced me, the resistance it met
against skin as it tightened across muscle and bone, sinking coils into
feminine bodies. I fell in love with the pressure of knots, the gasps of surrender
when I turned the rope a fraction past endurance. The courage of submission and
trust required of bound captivity became my addiction, vibrant and passionate
and willing.

And though I’d had lovers, playmates, teachers, and girlfriends,
all of whom I’d played with and enjoyed…none of them had tested my control as
Kat had tonight. None of them had made me turn into an animal, starving to
consume the girl beneath me, desperate to hold her down and take as much as she
was willing to give and then beg for more. None of them had made me want to
lose control.

Until Kat.

Committing to another person whose heart I would inevitably
break had never been even remotely appealing
.

Until Kat.

I didn’t even know what a
healthy relationship looked like. My parents had split when I was a kid. If my
father loved anyone he never showed it. My mother fled east without so much as
a goodbye. What did I know about loving anyone?

The sliding door sighed open and Kelli tiptoed barefoot out
onto the deck, high heels dangling from her fingertips. She shut the door
behind her and began untying her mask.