Gold in the Fire and Light in the Storm (31 page)

“We do get along, but being their mother would be different. I would be responsible for them 24/7.”

“Has he asked you to marry him?”

Beth again searched out Samuel in the crowd. “Not in
so many words, but we have skirted the issue several times in the past few days. Maybe I’m jumping the gun here.”

Zoey shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’ve seen how he looks at you. He wouldn’t get serious unless he meant marriage.”

Samuel swung around and caught Beth staring at him. Waving, he grinned, the laugh lines at the corners of his dark eyes deep. His mere look affected her in ways she hadn’t thought possible before falling in love.

“It’s almost time for lunch, then the auction,” Zoey said, but her voice sounded as though it came from a distance.

Beth’s total attention homed in on Samuel across the churchyard near the grills where the men were cooking the hamburgers and hot dogs. She wasn’t sure she deserved someone like Samuel. Even when he was struggling with his doubts concerning the Lord, he’d been a good leader of their church, taking his responsibilities seriously, caring for each member of his congregation. Without him, Beth wasn’t sure Tanya would have made it through the divorce proceedings. He stood by Tanya as he had with Beth through the cancer scare and treatment.

Samuel disengaged himself from the group and headed toward her. Beth’s gaze never left him as he made his way over. His stride was full of confidence, his look totally for her.

Zoey rose. “I’d better find my children and gather them for lunch or something.”

Beth flicked a glance toward her friend. “Thanks for listening.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

Samuel greeted Zoey as she walked away, then took up a spot next to Beth on the blanket, one leg bent, his arm resting on his raised knee. “What have you two been chatting about? It looked serious.”

“Zoey was reading me the riot act. I’ve never thought of myself as pretty and she took issue with that.”

“She’s right. You’re strong in so many ways, but when it comes to how others look at you, you don’t see what we do.”

“I’m working on my self-image. Taking care of a sick mother, then raising three siblings, it’s never been about me, but about them.”

Leaning back with his arms propping him up, Samuel scanned the people milling about. “I didn’t realize how big a crowd there would be here today. You kept telling me it was a well-attended event.”

“Every year the auction gets bigger and bigger. Even some people in town who aren’t members of our church attend the auction.”

“And the proceeds go to a worthy cause.”

“Are you excited about the new prison ministry program?”

“You bet. It’ll be a challenge, but then I thrive on challenges.”

“How’s Tom doing?”

“Not good. When he allows me to see him, he refuses
to talk about Tanya, Crystal or Sweetwater. It’s as if he’s cut out that part of his life.”

“Maybe that’s the only way he can survive prison.”

A frown slashed across Samuel’s features. “But he won’t be in prison forever. His daughter needs her father.”

“I know. It’s hard when a father abandons his child.”

His attention swerved to Beth. “You never talk about your own father.”

“He walked out on us before Daniel was born, so what’s left to say? He didn’t want the responsibility of raising another child. I don’t know where he is. It’s as though he has vanished from our lives.”

“When your mother died, did you try to find him?”

She shook her head. “I won’t force myself on anyone.”

“But Daniel was a baby.”

“And
my
responsibility.”

“You were all alone with three children.”

“Ethan was only a few years younger than me, and my father’s uncle helped from time to time. My great-uncle died a couple of years back and some distant relative took over his farm. That’s all the family I have.”

His dark gaze bored into her. “You have me and my family. I love you and when you are ready, I want to marry you.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “Is that a proposal?”

His whole face shone with a smile that reached deep into his eyes. “Yes, it is. I hadn’t really planned to ask at the picnic, but I won’t take the words back.”

“I—” She clamped her mouth shut, not sure what to say.

He touched her lips with his finger. “Don’t answer right now. I know you love me, but marriage is much more than that. I want a family with you, a baby. We’ll talk—”

“Daddy.” Allie threw herself at her father. “It’s time to eat. C’mon!” She pulled back and tugged on Samuel’s hand to get him to stand.

Hovering over Beth, Samuel captured her gaze and said, “We’ll talk later when it’s less public. Right now we’d better eat before all the good food is gone.”

The promise in his words sent a thrill through Beth. Rising, she followed the pair toward the tables lined with all types of salads, side dishes and desserts. As she piled food onto her paper plate, all she could think about was Samuel’s proposal. Marriage. A family. A baby. The decision wasn’t a simple yes or no. She hadn’t told him yet about the offer she’d received yesterday from the Christian Mission Institute.

Samuel said goodbye to the last members of the cleanup crew as they filed out of the rec hall. When he turned back toward the table where Beth sat, adding up the purchases, he saw Zoey and Jesse join her. Aunt Mae had taken his children home, and he intended to have some quiet time with Beth just as soon as her friends left.

The whole afternoon his thoughts had been filled with his proposal to Beth. He wasn’t even sure he had been too coherent when talking with others. At one point, Joshua had had to ask a question twice before he answered.

The one overriding conclusion he’d come to as the afternoon had progressed was that Beth was the right woman for him and his family. But he wasn’t sure he and his family were right for her. How could he ask her to start her life over, raising a whole new family? And he had probably really frightened her when he had blurted out that he wanted a baby with her. How could he ask her to give up a dream of traveling and doing God’s work? He shouldn’t have been so impulsive and asked her to marry him without thinking of her needs. He didn’t want her to feel obligated to marry him because she loved him and he loved her. He’d seen firsthand as a minister that wasn’t always enough.

With a deep sigh he strode toward Beth, praying to God to show him the way.

“I’m so glad that the auction is over and was a success. See these.” Jesse held up her hands. “I’ve bitten off all my fingernails. They are stubs.”

“You’re a natural organizer, Jesse. We pulled in more money this year than any in the past.” Beth finished the tally of the proceeds and gave the sheet to her friend.

Jesse looked at it, then smiled. “This is wonderful.” She passed it to Samuel. “You’re the reason this was such a success this year, Beth. Zoey and I couldn’t have done it without your guidance and notes. You’ve built the auction up until now practically the whole town turns out.”

Beth laughed. “Hardly. But it was nice to see every space filled with people bidding.”

“Samuel, I hope I can persuade you to build another
dollhouse. My daughter was very disappointed I didn’t get it.” Zoey gathered up the sale receipts and checks and placed them in a metal box.

“You’re about the fifth person who has asked me that today.”

Jesse winced. “Sorry, Zoey. Cindy fell in love with the dollhouse.”

“That’s okay. Nick made a hefty donation to our outreach program for that dollhouse and that’s the most important thing. Remember last year when he bought your doll?”

Jesse got a dreamy look on her face. “Yes. Wasn’t that sweet of him? And he told me right after the auction today that he was whisking me away to a secluded island in the Caribbean for a week of R and R. No kids, just the two of us.”

“That’s great!” Beth exclaimed. “A beach, sun and sand. That sounds wonderful after all the time you’ve put in with the auction.”

“After our vacation I’m thinking of taking the kids with us on Nick’s business trip to Europe. I may be away for most of July.”

Samuel watched the wistful expression appear in Beth’s eyes. Serving in the army as a chaplain, he’d done what Beth wanted to do. How could he stand in her way? Not if he truly loved her.

Zoey rose, the metal box in hand. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m tired. It’s been a long day and I still have to deposit the money in the bank.”

“I need to leave, too. I have bags to pack and plans to make.” Jesse grabbed the rest of the paperwork and glanced around. “Looks like the cleanup crew did a great job. See you.”

When Zoey and Jesse left, Samuel faced Beth, taking her hand. “Do you feel up to a walk in the garden?”

She nodded, the usual sparkle in her eyes gone.

“Are you sure you’re not too tired?” Samuel asked.

“No, I’m fine. I was just thinking.”

Samuel headed outside with Beth next to him. “About Jesse’s trip?”

“That and something I need to tell you.”

“That sounds ominous.”

She shrugged. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you I got a letter from the Christian Mission Institute.”

Samuel led Beth to the path that took them to the pond in the garden. “What did they have to say?” The beating of his heart slowed.

She took a seat on the bench, leaving him room next to her if he wanted to sit. “They have a temporary position for me at another mission near Belém in Brazil. It could work itself into a permanent position if I want, but right now a worker needs to come back to the United States for personal reasons at the beginning of August.”

His chest tightened. He inhaled a deep breath, but couldn’t fill his lungs.

“I’m not sure what I should do.”

Again he tried to draw air into his lungs, but the band about his chest constricted his efforts. He turned away
as though the goldfish in the pond were the most fascinating creatures he’d seen. Closing his eyes, he quickly asked for strength to do what was right for Beth.

When he looked back at her and saw her worry and concern, he forced a smile and said, “You have to take the position.”

“But what about us? Your proposal?”

S
amuel kept his distance, his smile gone. “You have to do this. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder and regret the wasted opportunity.”

Her teeth dug into her bottom lip. Had something changed in the few hours since his proposal? Beth realized she wasn’t very good at knowing the ins and outs of a relationship, since she’d had so few of them over the years. Why wasn’t he demanding she stay and marry him?

She rose on shaky legs. “I could be gone a long time.”

“I know.”

She started toward the parking lot. “Then I’ll call them immediately and tell them yes.”

Halfway down the stone path Samuel stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Beth—”

She shook off his hand and hurried forward. Tears misted her eyes, making it difficult to see the path.

“Beth.”

The plea in his voice stopped her. But she didn’t turn around.

“I will be here when you are ready to get married, but I’ve seen people give up their dreams for another. It can build a wall between two people that is impossible to scale. When you walk down the aisle, I want it to be for all the right reasons.”

Slowly she faced him. “Then I’ll go.”

“Why do you have to go?” Allie asked with a pout.

Beth finished zipping up her suitcase, then placed it next to her bed before answering, “They’re counting on me to be there.”

“But I want you here.” Allie stomped her foot and pointed to the floor. “I might need someone to help me when school starts at the end of the month. I’m going into the third grade, you know.”

“Your dad can help, and so can Jane.”

Tears glistened in Allie’s eyes. “It’s not the same.”

Beth sank onto the bed and motioned for Allie to come to her. She wrapped her arms around the child. “You can write me and if there’s a computer at the mission, I can e-mail you, maybe even send you some pictures. I’m taking my digital camera.”

“But you won’t be here.”

It was harder for her to leave than Beth had ever imagined, and yet she had committed herself to going to the mission and she would. Samuel was right. She
needed to do this for herself. But holding Allie and having to tell her goodbye ripped at her heart.

“We’ll see each other again,” Beth finally whispered.

Allie pulled back. “When?”

“I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying. I’m filling in for someone taking a leave, then I may stay.”

“Why?”

“Because God wants me to.”

“Why can’t God want you to be here with us? God needs workers here, too. Others can go to the mission. Why does it have to be you?”

Beth brushed the child’s hair back from her face. “I promised them I would come.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Do you promise to come home?”

Beth spied Samuel in the doorway, sadness in his eyes, and her heart broke into two pieces. Why had she agreed to go when she had him? Why was she so afraid to make a total commitment to his family?

Beth looked back at the little girl. “Yes, I promise to come home.”

Allie threw herself at Beth and kissed her on the cheek. “Don’t stay away long, please.”

“Allie, I need to drive Beth to the airport. We don’t want her to miss her plane.”

Allie spun around. “Yes, I do, Daddy.”

“Come on. The rest of the family is in the foyer waiting, Allie. Let Beth finish getting her things together.”

Sighing, Allie trudged toward the door, her shoulders hunched. As she disappeared into the hallway, Beth rose.

“I’m sorry about that.” Samuel came into her bedroom.

“That’s okay. I knew she wasn’t happy with me.”

“I tried to explain to her last night, but I guess I wasn’t successful.” He pulled up the handle on the suitcase so he could roll it toward the door.

“I’m sorry.”

He halted and turned back to her. “About what?”

“About causing Allie any pain, about us.”

Letting go of the suitcase, he strode the few feet to her and clasped her upper arms. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You have to do this. That doesn’t mean we are happy about it, but we will live through it. If you decide working at the mission is what you need to do, then I will learn to accept that decision.” He pulled her to him. “I love you. I want what’s best for you.”

His words comforted and yet pained her at the same time. She laid her head against his heart, needing to hear its steady, strong beat, so much like the man.

“Right now my family needs Sweetwater and what it can offer them. You need the mission near Belém. We’ll be here when you want to come home.” He leaned back and framed her face, his intense gaze on her.

When he lowered his head and covered her mouth with his, she melted against him and poured all her love into the kiss. The memory of it would have to last her a long time. Savoring the taste of him on her lips, she finally pulled away.

“I only have a few things to gather for the plane ride. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Watching him leave with her big suitcase, Beth managed to keep herself together until he was gone. Then the tears came, rolling down her face unchecked.

God, why isn’t life as easy as Allie thinks it is?

The rain fell in gray sheets outside the window at the mission. Beth stared at the line of trees marking the edge of the clearing where the jungle began. Eight weeks had slipped by. She loved working in the school with the small children, and if she cared to, the director wanted her to stay on permanently.

But every day for the past eight weeks she had missed Samuel and his children. She felt good about the work she was doing for the Lord, but there was an emptiness inside her she couldn’t fill with her prayers.

God needs workers here, too
.

Beth remembered Allie’s plea to her that last day in Sweetwater. She hadn’t been able to get the child’s words out of her mind. She didn’t have to go thousands of miles from home to do God’s work. There was a need in Sweetwater, as there was any place.

Was she ready for a family? Because Samuel came with one. In fact, he wanted more children. After working with the young children at the mission she knew she wanted to be a mother in every sense of the word, from giving birth to raising the child, as she had her siblings.

She had a lot of love inside her—love she wanted to give to Samuel and his children. She needed to go home, and hoped that Samuel still wanted her as his wife, since he hadn’t mentioned it in his e-mails.

Beth rose from the desk and walked to the open window, listening to the steady downpour. Through the gray she caught sight of some orchids growing in a tree. Such beauty here. Raw. Untamed. She was glad she had experienced this, but without Samuel it didn’t mean much. He defined her life, made her complete, and it had taken coming to Brazil for her to realize that fully.

The sound of children’s feet alerted her to the beginning of class. She turned from the window and greeted her pupils as they entered the classroom.

“I thought I would find you here, Dad.” Jane slipped into the pew next to Samuel at the front of the church.

He glanced at his watch. “School’s out already?”

Jane grinned. “Has been for an hour.”

“How was it today? Any problems?”

“Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll get help if I need it from whoever I need to. Beth taught me that, to ask for help.”

“Beth taught us all something.”

“What did she teach you?”

He sighed. “To trust in the Lord. To turn to Him when things are hard to deal with.”

“Is that why you come in here every day before coming home?”

He chuckled. “I work here.”

“It’s more than that, Dad.”

“True. Yes, I like to talk with God before going home. This place—” he scanned the sanctuary “—is comforting.”

“It reminds you of Beth?”

He nodded. “She was so much a part of this church.”

“Everyone misses her. Do you think she misses us?”

“In her e-mails she says she does.”

“Then why doesn’t she come home?”

“She will if it’s meant to be.”

“How can you sit there and calmly say that?”

He turned to face his daughter. “Because I have faith that the Lord will do what is best for all of us.”

“Beth is best for us.”

He took his oldest daughter’s hand between his. “I hope He sees it that way. I hope she does. That’s all I can do, hon. Hope and pray.”

Jane rose. “I will, too. Maybe it will be enough.”

As his daughter started for the door, it opened. Jane gasped and hurried forward. Not able to see who it was, Samuel pushed to his feet and turned toward the back. Jane threw her arms around the person still partially hidden, but Samuel knew who it was.

He rushed down the aisle as Jane pulled Beth into full view. He stopped, taking in the sight of the woman he loved. From her expression he knew she had come home for good.

“I’m leaving,” Jane said, but her words sounded so far away.

All Samuel could see was Beth’s beautiful smiling
face that glowed with a promise of love. She took a step toward him. He moved forward. Then somehow they were in each other’s arms.

He kissed her on the forehead, the cheek, then the mouth. “Why didn’t you let me know you were coming? I could have picked you up at the airport.”

“I wanted to surprise you, and it looks like I did. I took a chance you were still at the church. When I couldn’t find you in your office, I thought you might be in here.”

“You did?”

“Call it a hunch. It was good to see Jane. Is she really doing all right in school? She wrote me she was.”

“The first nine weeks will be over soon and she has good grades so far, but she works hard for them.”

“How are Allie and Craig?”

“There isn’t a day Allie doesn’t ask about you. And Craig is on a football team. It’s his whole life right now.”

“I can’t wait to see them.”

He cupped her face, his fingers delving into her curls. “Will you marry me?”

“Why do you think I came back?”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Yes, that’s a yes. For years I thought I wanted the single life, not having to be responsible for anyone but me. I was wrong. I missed not having a family. It took going thousands of miles away to finally realize that, but I want children and a husband. I want my own family. I want you and the kids.”

“No more traveling?”

She smiled. “I didn’t say that. I’ve decided to organize mission trips for our youth every summer. It’s something we have talked about doing but haven’t done yet. Now is the time. Our outreach program is expanding, especially with the success of events like the auction.”

“You are never going to change. Already home less than an hour and you have a new job.”

“Speaking of a job, I’m going to substitute for the remainder of the school year. One of the teachers in the English department is going on maternity leave in a few weeks and I’m going to take over her classes until the end of the semester.”

“It doesn’t bother you not to have your own classes?”

“No, because I think I’ll be busy making plans for my wedding.”

“Not to mention the mission trip for next summer.”

She snuggled closer. “You know I can’t stay idle.”

“Have you ever thought of having your own child?”

“Ever since I met you, many times,” she said with a laugh. “But I can’t wait too long. I’m pushing forty.”

Samuel wound his arm about her shoulders and headed for the door. “Then we need to get married soon.”

Out in the foyer of the church the front door burst open and in raced Allie and Craig. Both practically tackled Beth in their enthusiasm to greet her.

“Hold it, you two. Let her breathe,” Samuel said, watching his family show their love as though Beth had always been their mother.

“Jane told us you were back.” Allie enclosed her arms about Beth’s waist and pressed her head to her chest.

“I made a promise to a young lady that I had to keep.”

Allie bent back to look up into Beth’s face. “I knew something was up when you didn’t answer my latest e-mail right away.”

“Why don’t you two go let Aunt Mae know there will be one more for dinner?”

Allie and Craig hurried toward the house.

“When I see you and your family, I can’t imagine why I thought I needed to go to Brazil in the first place.”

“What’s ten weeks, three days—” he checked his watch “—eight hours and twenty-four minutes in the grand scheme of things?”

“An eternity when you are away from the one you love.”