Gold Raven (75 page)

“
Besides, no one has seen him since he left here earlier, he hasn't
been back. You are going to tell him aren't you? You will try to work
this out, please tell me you will."

"Yes, I'm going to work things out. That is where I'm going now. You go back to bed now."

"If that is true, why do you need food?"

"The food? Oh, because I've been so sick and upset, I haven't
eaten all day. There is not much at our dwelling, I made sure to take
enough for him as well." She lied turning her back on the young girl,
unable to look her in the eyes. "I thought
it would be okay with your mother." She finished.

"Of course it is, everything we have is yours as well."

She turned back to her and smiled. Walking up to her she gave
her a quick hug and kiss to her cheek. "Thank you. You had better get
back inside, it is cool out and you have only your gown on. I will be okay once I get to our tepee."

"Maybe you should wait for Red Crow to come to you. Then you
can talk."

"No. I will go to him. I can no longer sleep. I will go crazy if I
have to wait. Go back inside now, I'll be okay, really I will."

Butterfly stood reluctant to believe her. With a sigh, she gave in.
"Okay, but be careful, it is night, anything could happen, go straight
to your dwelling."

"I will be careful. Besides, I am Chief Red Crow's wife... what
harm can come to me?" She asked, joking while walking to the horse and
pulling up onto it's back.

"Back inside and I will see you tomorrow." Hope turned and
rode away without another word. Butterfly stood rubbing her arms.
With her young pretty face and bone straight auburn hair hanging
long and free, she was a reflection of her mother. She turned finally
and crept silently back inside.

Hope's nerves were on edge with having to ride Wenobeg at a
slow pace that assured his hooves would be quiet as they traversed the
village. She stayed as far on the edge of the village as possible, lying
low on his back to keep him calm as she stroked him, praying that he
would not whinny out loud. They had a stream to cross and once
they reached the other side, she forced him to keep his slow pace. The journey to the exit seemed to take them forever, but if
she dared to rush there, she would disturb the peace of the village and
be discovered. What she hated most about the tedious slow ride
was that it was forcing her to think.

What else was there for her to
do? She tried blocking her thoughts, thoughts that might make her
change her mind and turn back. Despite his wrong against her, she
was having doubts about what she was doing. With her system driven
with so much anxiety... she could not sit and wait out another
solution. Too much time had already gone by, wasted time. She was
unwilling to waste more while depending on others to help her
reunite with her family. She would do this on her own. When safely ensconced at Webster Fields, she would rest with her grandfather and
Jordan. Even if her father and brother were not there, she would be
content with that until her child was born. She smiled thinking about
Mazie and Nia, Nia was with child, they would be together and with
them, she would wait and be content.

Finally, she reached the area of the caves exit from the hidden
valley enclosure. Once there, she thought about the wall she would
need to get through with Wenobeg. Alone, there was not a chance of
her moving the wall. If she left, she would have to leave on foot. She
stood a moment undecided. Looking back over the distance she
had traveled from the village, bathed in darkness, an overwhelming
longing rushed her system. Tears came to her eyes for dual reasons, one for loathing her deepest desire that shook her right then, and the
other for her deepest desire to be held in her husband’s arms and
squeezed tightly.

"No! I will not weaken! I will not! That's what got me here in the
first place! No. I will not!" She wiped away her warm tears, angry that
they should dare fall for needing Chief Red Crow after what he had
done to her.

'Maybe, maybe you should wait.'
The voice of reasoning began.

"No, no, no, no." She went into the cave pulling Wenobeg in
behind her. She could not leave him outside to run back to the house
and through the village alerting someone. She took him in so far,
praying for a miracle, that maybe... somehow she could get out with
him.

Inside, she lit a torch, leading Wenobeg deeper as she prayed for a way out and an answer for the disturbing feeling in her chest. Several
times, she found her heart hammering and a scream stifled in her throat. Here she was in the dead of night, alone in a cave that was utterly eerie.

Without hesitation, she went through it as fast as possible to the
camouflaged exit. There, she lit another torch and stood looking at
the closure.

"I cannot move this." She moaned, looking at Wenobeg, who stood
obediently by waiting for her to make a move one way or the other. "I
can't go back. I just can't." She said, as if explaining her actions to him
that he might understand. His response was a soft grunt and blow.

"This trip would go so much better if I had you to ride and talk to.
Oh well...I can't." She walked to him, removed the blanket lying
across his back and untied the harness holding the water par fleche.

"I will simply have to walk to the nearest small town. Once there,
I'm sure this gold chain medallion will encourage someone to take me
on to Webster Fields. The question is, which way is the nearest town?
How long will it take me to walk there?"

Hope leaned her head to the horse's side, stroking his withers as
her mind warned.
'Hope, don't be crazy.. .just go back.'

"No, I can walk it. The Indian women do it all the time." She
spoke to convince herself.
'You don't even know which way to go, you'll end
up lost, just – go - back!'

"Not to him, I'm done with him. He lied to me, he - he lied."
She looked down at the small hole that allowed one entry from the
outside. Falling to her knees, she laid the blanket down and put
everything on top of it, tying the corners together. She took her
hunting knife and placed it in the top of her moccasin boots.

With one last deep breath for nerve, holding back her fear, she
went to the hole and pushed the stone laden shrub aside. It alone was
a struggle to move, but she finally opened it enough to push her
bundle through and crawl through behind it. Once outside, she
returned the camouflaged stone back to its spot. Standing, she
grabbed up her bundle placing it on her arm and stepped away from
the flat bluff wall. The weather, for the time being, was on her side, it
was cool, but she knew once she began walking, she would warm up.

Now she walked, wondering at the time and how long it would be
before the sun rose and she could get her directions mapped out in
her mind. The rising of the sun would tell her which way was east and
west. She knew Arkansas and Mississippi were east of her, so she
really needed that sun to rise so that she could turn and start in that
direction.

With each step, she considered her next move; she decided as soon as she came to a wooded area,
she would camp down until dawn. Thereby waiting until she could
confirm which direction to take. She had plenty of water and food
for herself. As sick as she usually was in the mornings, it would
probably last her a few days if she ate only when hungry and then just
enough to cut her hunger.
'Thank goodness Red Crow and I traveled together
hunting, it's given me what I need, to do this now.'
The thought pulled her
up; she tried shaking off the memory of them together. Even though
he had been lying to her then, she could not deny the wonder of
being with him.

"Stop it! Just stop it. I'm not going back."

Increasing her speed to get as far from there as possible, she
wrestled with the tugging of her heartstrings. Trying the entire time to convince herself, that she was doing the right thing.

An hour passed and then two. It seemed she had walked for
hours. The first hour her mind worked in supporting her decision, but
as the distance grew and more ground was covered, the voice of
reasoning became loud and persistent as she waged a losing battle
with it to ignore its wisdom. Little things she saw helped to stack the
weight of the argument to turn back. For instance, in the time and distance she walked, there was yet to be seen anything resembling woods or a crop of trees, nothing of the sort was to be found.
In fact, she realized that every step she took, might possibly be
taking her further from the direction she needed to be going in. She
stopped.

'Hope, you don't know where the hell you are or where you're going!'

"Yes I do...I just need to wait for the sun." She whispered her
defense.
'It will probably rise from behind you, meaning, all the walking you did, will have to be done again just to get back to your starting point.'
She turned
back to look in the direction she had walked from. "As soon as the sun
rises, I will know for sure."
'Well stop right here and go no further.'
"I can't just stop here; it's a wide open space." She looked around
her.
'In case you hadn't noticed, you're surrounded by wide open space, anymore
walking, will only have to be undone...stop!'
"What if someone knows that I've left? They might be coming
after me now."
'Pray that he is. You know you want him to.'

"No I don't, I never want to see him again."

'All right, so he lied. He lied to you, he lied to your father, but now, you
know. You don't have to forgive him, well not right away. Make him suffer a
bit...it's only what he deserves. You know that he'll do anything to make this up to you. The truth is out, so use it to give him an ultimatum. Either he takes you
to your father, or Webster Fields, or you'll divorce him. You do want to divorce
him don't you?'

"Well - yes! I do ... it's over, I can never trust him again."

^‘
Yeah well, what did Mike tell you about men? They're all the same. A man
himself said that! So it's not as if you don't know what you have on your hands.
He is just a man. Imperfect... well, except for his body, that's perfect.'
"Yes, it certainly is." She thought dreamily. "Stop that!"
Hope shook her head
.
'It's true, dark, smooth, supple, strong and full of
energy to love you.'
"Oh God." Hope groaned. "Please stop thinking."
‘
Try as you will, but the truth is you can't stop thinking of him, nor all the
things you two shared'

Hope stood with her eyes watering as tears began to fall. "How
can I possibly consider forgiving him after what he did?"

'Oh Hope... come on! Are you dead? Is your father dead? Is your brother dead? No. Your father and your brother will never give up looking for you. You
know that. Maynard Ramsey Webster, loves you. Do you honestly think he'll give
up looking for you... now that he has Mike with him? Together, they will not stop
until you're all together.

So... in the meantime, you have your husband.
Yes...your husband. You married him. For better – or - for worse. For the longest
you had the best with him. Now... first time you get a bit of the worse, you run
off. Once again... you have – over - reacted.'

Hope dropped her bundle and squatted down onto it
.

'You actually told him, you hated him! How could you have - said such
a thing to him? When just earlier that day, as you realized you were going to have
his baby, you loved him a thousand limes. Love doesn't just turn off. So you decided
to take yourself and this baby, his baby, away from him, when you know what it feels like to
need your father... to need your family. You should he ashamed of yourself.'

Sitting with her knees up, she folded her arms around them,
bowed her head into them and cried because it hurt to have hurt
someone she loved so much. She cried because here she was, once
again acting foolishly, spontaneous and irrational; which usually ended
up causing her more problems.

"I'm sorry, Joseph Avery O'Brien. I love you; I love you as I’ve never known I could love another, not of my family.
"

'Get up... that's right. Grab your things. Turn around, and get home.'

Wiping her eyes, then her nose, she started marching back from
where she had come. She was stunned to see how far she had walked.
The mountain bluff was just a gray blur on the horizon. Not only
that, but the sky was graying. Soon it would be dawn. She had no idea
she had walked so far and for so long. She picked up her step wanting to make it back quickly. Maybe they would never know she had left.

She would return to her dwelling, praying that he was there when
she got there. She would sit down and talk to him. She would make
him promise that there would be no more lies between them.
'God, I
must be crazy. I could never leave him. I could never hate him. I love him, I do, I love him! Strangely enough, more now than ever! How can that be possible? I
don't care about the lie. Not anymore, it doesn't matter. Joseph Avery O'Brien,
right now, at this very moment in time, you and our baby is what's most
important to me. After all, we are a family. We are all I have right now. Oh
God, how could I have ever thought to tear us apart? How?'

She rushed on; growing tired...but couldn't stop now; not until
she was back in his arms again, where she would forgive him.
'No
making him suffer, my words alone were harsh enough.'
She thought.

Making her pause a bit, she noticed on the distant horizon, a
change; dust kicking up, which meant riders. She smiled as her heart
accelerated in beats,
'He's come looking for me!'
She thought excitedly; she
could not wait to see his face. She slowed her pace deciding to let him
make it to her. Suddenly, she felt tired and was glad that she would
not have to walk all the way back. Soon, the riders became visible in
the midst of the dust. She stopped. There was something strange
about them.