Gold Shimmer (25 page)

Calder brushes my hair over my shoulder and clasps the back of my neck. Rubbing his thumb just below the choker, he says, “I got the tattoo on my shoulder before I joined the Navy. It was meant to represent the Irish heritage of my family name.”

I don’t miss the past tense in his statement. What happened to make him distance himself from the Blake family? When he doesn’t elaborate, but instead begins to massage the back of my neck, I realize he’s not planning to say more, so I trace my fingers over the single word Solus on his ribs. “What does this mean?”

Calder captures my hand and lifts it between us, palm up. Pressing his lips to the inside of my fingers, he moves lower and tenderly kisses my palm, letting his lips linger. My stomach flutters and I marvel at how the merest touch of his mouth to my skin affects me so deeply.

He trails his lips to the heel of my hand, then starts to push my shirtsleeve out of the way to kiss my wrist. When he sees the bottom part of my tattoo, he pauses and shifts his gaze to mine. Our eyes lock and my heart races. I feel the tug of his fingers working the cuff’s button and I react on instinct. I start to pull away, but his hold tightens on my wrist.

A half smile tugs his lips. “I knew I was right.” Releasing me, he takes a step back and gestures to my shirt. “I showed you mine. Now it’s your turn to show me yours.”

Sharing the truth about my lack of orgasm success was painful enough, but my tattoos are incredibly and deeply personal, both for the loss they represent and the years of heart-rending self-doubt they cover up.

I don’t know if I have the courage to share them with him, but when he looks at me like that—with heated want and intrigued curiosity swirling in his gaze—he gives me the courage to try. On my terms.

Instead of reaching for the buttons on my shirt, I hook my fingers on my skirt’s metal button and pop it free of the thick denim. I watch Calder’s Adam’s apple bob as I unzip the skirt. Once I shimmy out of it, I drop the skirt and my underwear to the wood floor.

His eyebrow shoots up and his gaze darkens with lustful thoughts. I reach for the top button of my shirt, and Calder’s gaze hungrily follows my nimble fingers until the last button is undone. The whole time I free the buttons, I make sure to keep the shirt closed.

Sliding my fingers along the shirt’s edges, I reach for the front clasp holding my bra closed and release it.

Calder’s gaze darkens even more, and when I don’t immediately open my shirt, he lowers his arms and starts to take a step forward.

I hold my hand up. “Wait, Calder.”

Though he’s playing it cool, his chest rises and falls at a faster pace.

I start to reach for the necklace, but he jerks his head back and forth. “Everything goes but that. Don’t take it off.”

I love his intensity. Nodding, I trail my fingers past my neck, then push back the shirt and my bra at the same time.

Calder’s gaze instantly drops to my breasts as the clothes slide off my arms onto the floor behind me. A grin flashes. I knew where his attention would focus. I need him to stay distracted.

Except he doesn’t.

Just when I let myself relax and enjoy his appreciation of my naked state, his smile fades and he steps forward. Clasping my hands, he lifts and turns them so he can inspect my tattoos.

“Does ‘Never’ have to do with the raven?” he asks, glancing up.

When he moves to slide his thumb across the black bird, I tug my wrists free and take a step back. “What does ‘Solus’ mean?”

His expression shutters and his lips twist in a wry smile, acknowledging that neither of us wants to share the pain behind our ink. “Aren’t we a pair?”

Tilting my head, I spread my hands, my lips curving. “We could try being a pair togeth—” Calder steps into me and lifts me, cutting me off.

As I grasp his hard shoulders and slide down his body, he holds me aloft and captures a nipple, sucking it deep into his mouth.

I fold my legs around his body and pull him close, gasping at the pleasure his immediate possession elicits. Digging my fingers into his hair, my voice is breathy against his temple. “This might be easier lying down.”

“The last word I would ever use to describe us is easy, angel,” he chuckles against my breast even as he carries me toward his bed.

The bedspread is cool against my back as Calder leans over me and runs his nose along my neck, inhaling deeply. I glide my fingers into his hair and sigh my contentment of being this close to him after all this time. He smells so good, all male and strong soap.

When he lifts his dog tags off me, it makes me a little sad to lose them, but I’m too caught up in the tingling sensation of his other hand sliding along the inside of my thigh.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was not to go straight to your house that night after the party?” he says, holding my gaze. “It felt like you were blowing me off, and then I found out about my…father.”

When he grips my thigh, then lowers his forehead on my shoulder, exhaling harshly, I press my fingers into the back of his neck, pulling him close. “I’m sorry about your dad, Calder. Talia told me he passed away. I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been.”

He glances up at me, his expression haunted. “It was hard enough losing my mother when I was younger, but my father’s death changed everything for me.” Easing his hold on my thigh, the sadness in his tone shifts to a tender one. “You were my last pleasant memory, and right now all I want to do is drown in you.”

His unintended confession breaks my heart. I want to yank him close, wrap my whole body around his hard masculine frame and tell him that I’m here for him, like he was for me. But maybe losing himself in the moment is exactly what he needs for now. This moment of intimacy with Calder is all I’ve dreamed about ever since that party.

When he shifts over me, I want him to know he’s not alone in his need for a connection between us. I want to show him that I need it just as much, maybe even more. Before he can make the first move, I rise up on my elbows and press my mouth to his.

Calder rumbles against my mouth, his hands cupping my head as he slants his lips over mine. I sense his desperate desire for more, but the intensity I know he’s capable of feels leashed somehow, like he’s trying not to overwhelm me. The last thing I want him to do is hold back. Watching him intentionally antagonize his opponent tonight, coupled with the comment he made in the car about being a Blake, then just now about losing his dad…it feels like he’s on an edgy, destructive path. I refuse to let him go further down that road. He needs to know that I’m the one person he’ll have the freedom to be himself with.

I fist my fingers in his hair and yank slightly to get his attention before he distracts me too much. When he breaks our kiss to frown at me, I loosen my fingers. “Don’t hold back on me, Calder. I want the full you, all of you…the good, the bad, and the dark side too.”

Wariness reflects in his gaze before he flashes a smile. “You’ll have it, angel. Every dirty inch of me.”

The last thing I expect is for him to get up, but when he walks over and starts sifting through his vinyl records, I’m immediately intrigued. “That’s definitely old-school...” I trail off, hoping he’ll tell me about it.

He glances up as he slides a single out of its cover. His brow furrows for a second before he says, “It was my…dad’s passion. There’s quite a collection at his house.”

I roll over on my stomach and watch him pull more records out.

“So none of those are from your dad’s collection?”

Calder turns back to the record player and answers as he changes the short center spindle for a tall one before carefully stacking the spindle several records deep. “No, these are all mine.” He flashes a wicked smile. “Get ready for an eclectic mix that spans several decades.”

His dog tags are still on the bed, and I lift them up while he turns on the player and tests the needle for dust.

Blake, Calder J.

An old blues song starts to play. When a woman’s amazing voice belts the drawn out word “Fever” in an awesome introduction to the seductive tone of the song, I raise my eyebrows and grin.

“Shirley Horn,” Calder supplies the singer’s name before walking into his kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink?”

I shake my head and stare at the dog tags once more. “What does the ‘J’ stand for?” I ask, rubbing my fingers over the name.

Calder approaches, drinking ice water. Setting the empty glass down on his nightstand, he sits beside me and slides my hair over my shoulder, then trails his knuckles down my back. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

I snicker, then realize he’s serious. “You really aren’t going to tell me?”

He shakes his head as he skims his fingers over the curve of my butt. “Nope.”

I hesitate, but it’s not like I’m telling him who I am by giving a middle name. “It’s Nadia.”

Interest flickers in his green gaze. “Is your family of Slavic origin?”

Oh, he’s good, trying to weasel information out of me.
I shake my head. “No. My mom just liked the name. Your turn.”

He takes the dog tags and drops them on top of the ice in the glass. “It’s Jackson.”

“I didn’t realize tags needed to be put on ice,” I tease.

He tugs on my shoulder, rolling me onto my back. Sliding his palm between my breasts, he leans over and kisses my nose, then my cheek, then my throat, saying in a husky tone, “They’ve been against your hot body all night. Of course they need a cooling down period.”

I arch my back when he cups my breast fully. Sliding my fingers down his hard chest, I trail them down his cut abs. “Wouldn’t they be just as hot against your skin?”

Just when my fingers reach the waistband of his pants, he slides off the bed, his strong hands clasping my hips and turning me with him. Pulling me to the edge of the bed, he commands in a suddenly intense tone, “Hook your legs over my shoulders.”

I immediately do as he asks, my heart rate elevating. As he presses a cool kiss to my inner thigh, chill bumps break out on my skin. I bite my bottom lip in anticipation and slide my hands over his corded forearms, enjoying the movement of muscle under my fingers.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve relived that time with you,” he rasps, his breath growing warmer as he skims past my entrance to press a slow lingering kiss much lower on my other thigh.

I clench his arms tight and try to inch closer, breathing out, “Not nearly as many times as I have.”

He kisses the bit of hair at the top of my mound, then moves to the left and plants a lingering kiss on the crease of my leg. When he suddenly clamps down on the sensitive tendon, I jump. My fingers digging into his arms, my heart pounds out of control and I instinctively pull my thighs inward.

But Calder doesn’t let go. I hear his breathing elevating and feel the harsh bursts of warm breath rushing against my sensitive skin. His hands slide up the back of my thighs and when he reaches mid-way, he slowly pulls my thighs open once more.

I’m panting, and my body is throbbing with want, while my uncertainty of what’s coming next, coupled with my worry that I’ll fail to climax, is keeping me from relaxing. Calder slides a hand to my belly and flattens it against my heaving abs. His hand is warm and large, easily covering most of my stomach.

When he applies pressure and glances up at me, I see the lust in his gaze, but also the tender command.
Settle, I’m here.

I take several breaths and force myself to relax. When my breath stops heaving, he returns his hand to the back of my thigh. The moment he loosens his bite on my body and then releases me, a sudden rush of lust rolls from my belly to my sex in a heavy seductive pull. Surprised, I moan and flex my inner muscles, my hips rolling without conscious thought or effort.

Calder slides his thumbs down my thighs, bringing his fingers together at my center. I tingle with a pleasant sting as he spreads my sensitive lips wide and stares, but the pleasure deepens when I see the passionate heat in his expression. I feel its intensity all the way to my toes.

“I love seeing how much you want this. You’re soaked with milky sweetness and it’s fucking gorgeous.” His gaze darkens, full of ravenous intent. “Are you ready to be reminded there’s no such thing as a fluke when it comes to us?”

Calder doesn’t wait for me to say “yes”, instead just as the record changes to a slow, seductive beat with deep bluesy undertones and the woman’s sexy voice tells the guy, “I Put a Spell on You,” he leans forward and murmurs, “Nina Simone got it so fucking right,” just before he slowly slides his tongue deep inside me.