Gone With the Wind (153 page)

“Oh, Mammy, no!”

“Yas’m. Dat whut she said. An’, Miss Melly, it’s de truff. Niggers knows a heap of things quicker dan w’ite folks, an’ Ah knowed dat’s whar he been but Ah ain’ said nuthin’ ‘bout it An’ he doan deny it He say: ‘Yas’m, dat’s whar Ah been an’ you neen tek on, kase you doan give a damn. A bawdy house is a haben of refuge affer dis house of hell. An’ Belle is got one of de worl’s kines’ hearts. She doan th’ow it up ter me dat Ah done kilt mah chile.’ ”

“Oh,” cried Melanie, stricken to the heart.

Her own life was so pleasant, so sheltered, so wrapped about with people who loved her, so full of kindness that what Mammy told her was almost beyond comprehension or belief. Yet there crawled into her mind a memory, a picture which she hastily put from her, as she would put from her the thought of another’s nudity. Rhett had spoken of Belle Watling the day he cried with his head on her knees. But he loved Scarlett. She could not have been mistaken that day. And of course, Scarlett loved him. What had come between them? How could a husband and a wife cut each other to pieces with such sharp knives?

Mammy took up her story heavily.

“Affer a w’ile, Miss Scarlett come outer de room, w’ite as a sheet but her jaw set, an’ she see me stan’in’ dar an’ she say: ‘De fune’l be termorrer, Mammy.’ An’ she pass me by lak a ghos’. Den mah heart tuhn over, kase whut Miss Scarlett say, she mean. An’ whut Mist’ Rhett say, he mean too. An’ he say he kill her ef she do dat. Ah wuz plumb ‘stracted, Miss Melly, kase Ah done had sumpin’ on mah conscience all de time an’ it weighin’ me down. Miss Melly, it wuz me as sceered Lil Miss of de dahk.”

“Oh, but Mammy, it doesn’t matter—not now.”

“Yas’m, it do. Dat whut de whole trouble. An’ it come ter me Ah better tell Mist’ Rhett even ef he kill me, kase it on mah conscience. So Ah slip in de do’ real quick, fo’ he kin lock it, an’ Ah say: ‘Mist’ Rhett, Ah’s come ter confess.’ An’ he swung roun’ on me lak a crazy man an’ say: ‘Git!’ An’, fo’ Gawd, Ah ain’ never been so sceered! But Ah say: ‘Please, suh, Mist’ Rhett, let me tell you. It’s bout ter kill me. It wuz me as sceered Lil Miss of de dahk.’ An den, Miss Melly, Ah put mah haid down an’ waited fer him ter hit me. But he din’ say nuthin’. An’ Ah say: ‘Ah din’ mean no hahm. But, Mist’ Rhett, dat chile din’ have no caution an’ she wuzn’ sceered of nuthin’. An’ she wuz allus gittin’ outer baid affer eve’ybody sleep an’ runnin’ roun’ de house barefoot An’ it worrit me, kase Ah ‘fraid she hu’t herseff. So Ah tells her dar’s ghos’es an’ buggerboos in de dahk.’

“An’ den—Miss Melly, you know whut he done? His face got right gentle lak an’ he come ter me an’ put his han’ on mah arm. Dat’s de fust time he ever done dat. An’ he say: ‘She wuz so brave, wuzn’ she? ‘Cept fer de dahk, she wuzn’ sceered of nuthin’.’ An’ wen Ah bust out cryin’ he say: ‘Now, Mammy,’ an’ he pat me. ‘Now, Mammy, doan you cahy on so. Ah’s glad you tole me. Ah knows you love Miss Bonnie an’ kase you love her, it doan matter. It’s whut de heart is dat matter.’ Well’m dat kinder cheered me up, so Ah ventu’ ter say: ‘Mist Rhett, suh, what ‘bout de fune’l?’ Den he tuhn on me lak a wile man an’ his eyes glitter an’ he say: ‘Good Gawd, Ah thought you’d unnerstan’ even ef nobody else din’! Does you think Ah’m gwine ter put mah chile away in de dahk w’en she so sceered of it? Right now Ah kin hear de way she uster scream w’en she wake up in de dahk. Ah ain’ gwine have her sceered.’ Miss Melly, den Ah know he los’ his mine. He drunk an’ he need sleep an’ sumpin’ ter eat but dat ain’ all. He plumb crazy. He jes’ push me outer de do’ an’ say: ‘Git de hell outer hyah!’

“Ah goes downstairs an’ Ah gits ter thinkin’ dat he say dar ain’ gwine be no fune’l an’ Miss Scarlett say it be termorrer mawnin’ an’ he say dar be shootin’. An’ all de kinfolks in de house an’ all de neighbors already gabblin’ ‘bout it lak a flock of guinea hens, an’ Ah thought of you, Miss Melly. You got ter come he’p us.”

“Oh, Mammy, I couldn’t intrude!”

“Ef you kain, who kin?”

“But what could I do, Mammy?”

“Miss Melly, Ah doan know. But you kin do sumpin’. You kin talk ter Mist’ Rhett an’ maybe he lissen ter you. He set a gret sto’ by you, Miss Melly. Maybe you doan know it, but he do. Ah done hear him say time an’ agin, you is de onlies’ gret lady he knows.”

“But—”

Melanie rose to her feet, confused, her heart quailing at the thought of confronting Rhett. The thought of arguing with a man as grief crazed as the one Mammy depicted made her go cold. The thought of entering that brightly lighted room where lay the little girl she loved so much wrung her heart. What could she do? What could she say to Rhett that would ease his grief and bring him back to reason? For a moment she stood irresolute and through the closed door came the sound of her boy’s treble laughter. Like a cold knife in her heart came the thought of him dead. Suppose her Beau were lying upstairs, his little body cold and still, his merry laughter hushed.

“Oh,” she cried aloud, in fright, and in her mind she clutched him close to her heart. She knew how Rhett felt. If Beau were dead, how could she put him away, alone with the wind and the rain and the darkness?

“Oh! Poor, poor Captain Butler!” she cried. “I’ll go to him now, right away.”

She sped back to the dining room, said a few soft words to Ashley and surprised her little boy by hugging him close to her and kissing his blond curls passionately.

She left the house without a hat, her dinner napkin still clutched in her hand, and the pace she set was hard for Mammy’s old legs. Once in Scarlett’s front hall, she bowed briefly to the gathering in the library, to the frightened Miss Pittypat, the stately old Mrs. Butler, Will and Suellen. She went up the stairs swiftly, with Mammy panting behind her. For a moment, she paused before Scarlett’s closed door but Mammy hissed, “No’m, doan do dat.”

Down the hall Melly went, more slowly now, and stopped in front of Rhett’s room. She stood irresolutely for a moment as though she longed to take flight. Then, bracing herself, like a small soldier going into battle, she knocked on the door and called softly: “Please let me in, Captain Butler. It’s Mrs. Wilkes. I want to see Bonnie.”

The door opened quickly and Mammy, shrinking back into the shadows of the hall, saw Rhett huge and dark against the blazing background of candles. He was swaying on his feet and Mammy could smell the whisky on his breath. He looked down at Melly for a moment and then, taking her by the arm, he pulled her into the room and shut the door.

Mammy edged herself stealthily to a chair beside the door and sank into it wearily, her shapeless body overflowing it. She sat still, weeping silently and praying. Now and then she lifted the hem of her dress and wiped her eyes. Strain her ears as hard as she might, she could hear no words from the room, only a low broken humming sound.

After an interminable period, the door cracked open and Melly’s face white and strained, appeared.

“Bring me a pot of coffee, quickly, and some sandwiches.”

When the devil drove, Mammy could be as swift as a lithe black sixteen-year-old and her curiosity to get into Rhett’s room made her work faster. But her hope turned to disappointment when Melly merely opened the door a crack and took the tray. For a long time Mammy strained her sharp ears but she could distinguish nothing except the clatter of silver on china, and the muffled soft tones of Melanie’s voice. Then she heard the creaking of the bed as a heavy body fell upon it and, soon after, the sound of boots dropping to the floor. After an interval, Melanie appeared in the doorway but, strive though she might, Mammy could not see past her into the room. Melanie looked tired and there were tears glistening on her lashes but her face was serene again.

“Go tell Miss Scarlett that Captain Butler is quite willing for the funeral to take place tomorrow morning,” she whispered.

“Bress Gawd!” ejaculated Mammy. “How on uth—”

“Don’t talk so loud. He’s going to sleep. And, Mammy, tell Miss Scarlett, too, that I’ll be here all night and you bring me some coffee. Bring it here.”

“Ter disyere room?”

“Yes, I promised Captain Butler that if he would go to sleep I would sit up by her all night. Now go tell Miss Scarlett, so she won’t worry any more.”

Mammy started off down the hall, her weight shaking the floor, her relieved heart singing “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!” She paused thoughtfully outside of Scarlett’s door, her mind in a ferment of thankfulness and curiosity.

“How Miss Melley done it beyon’ me. De angels fight on her side, Ah specs. Ah’ll tell Miss Scarlett de fune’l termorrer but Ah specs Ah better keep hid dat Miss Melly settin’ up wid Lil Miss. Miss Scarlett ain’ gwine lak dat a-tall.”

CHAPTER LX

SOMETHING WAS WRONG with the world, a somber, frightening wrongness that pervaded everything like a dark impenetrable mist, stealthily closing around Scarlett. This wrongness went even deeper than Bonnie’s death, for now the first unbearable anguish was fading into resigned acceptance of her loss. Yet this eerie sense of disaster to come persisted, as though something black and hooded stood just at her shoulder, as though the ground beneath her feet might turn to quicksand as she trod upon it.

She had never before known this type of fear. All her life her feet had been firmly planted in common sense and the only things she had ever feared had been the things she could see, injury, hunger, poverty, loss of Ashley’s love. Unanalytical she was trying to analyze now and with no success. She had lost her dearest child but she could stand that, somehow, as she had stood other crushing losses. She had her health, she had as much money as she could wish and she still had Ashley, though she saw less and less of him these days. Even the constraint which had been between them since the day of Melanie’s ill-starred surprise party did not worry her, for she knew it would pass. No, her fear was not of pain or hunger or loss of love. Those fears had never weighed her down as this feeling of wrongness was doing—this blighting fear that was oddly like that which she knew in her old nightmare, a thick, swimming mist through which she ran with bursting heart, a lost child seeking a haven that was hidden from her.

She remembered how Rhett had always been able to laugh her out of her fears. She remembered the comfort of his broad brown chest and his strong arms. And so she turned to him with eyes that really saw him for the first time in weeks. And the change she saw shocked her. This man was not going to laugh, nor was he going to comfort her.

For some time after Bonnie’s death she had been too angry with him, too preoccupied with her own grief to do more than speak politely in front of the servants. She had been too busy remembering the swift running patter of Bonnie’s feet and her bubbling laugh to think that he, too, might be remembering and with pain even greater than her own. Throughout these weeks they had met and spoken as courteously as strangers meeting in the impersonal walls of a hotel, sharing the same roof, the same table, but never sharing the thoughts of each other.

Now that she was frightened and lonely, she would have broken through this barrier if she could, but she found that he was holding her at arm’s length, as though he wished to have no words with her that went beneath the surface. Now that her anger was fading she wanted to tell him that she held him guiltless of Bonnie’s death. She wanted to cry in his arms and say that she, too, had been overly proud of the child’s horsemanship, overly indulgent to her wheedlings. Now she would willingly have humbled herself and admitted that she had only hurled that accusation at him out of her misery, hoping by hurting him to alleviate her own hurt. But there never seemed an opportune moment. He looked at her out of black blank eyes that made no opportunity for her to speak. And apologies, once postponed, became harder and harder to make, and finally impossible.

She wondered why this should be. Rhett was her husband and between them there was the unbreakable bond of two people who have shared the same bed, begotten and borne a loved child and seen that child, too soon, laid away in the dark. Only in the arms of the father of that child could she find comfort, in the exchange of memories and grief that might hurt at first but would help to heal. But, now, as matters stood between them, she would as soon go to the arms of a complete stranger.

He was seldom at home. When they did sit down to supper together, he was usually drunk. He was not drinking as he had formerly, becoming increasingly more polished and biting as the liquor took hold of him, saving amusing, malicious things that made her laugh in spite of herself. Now he was silently, morosely drunk and, as the evenings progressed, soddenly drunk. Sometimes, in the early hours of the dawn, she heard him ride into the back yard and beat on the door of the servants’ house so that Pork might help him up the back stairs and put him to bed. Put him to bed! Rhett who had always drunk others under the table without turning a hair and then put them to bed.

He was untidy now, where once he had been well groomed, and it took all Pork’s scandalized arguing even to make him change his linen before supper. Whisky was showing in his face and the hard line of his long jaw was being obscured under an unhealthy bloat and puffs rising under his bloodshot eyes. His big body with its hard swelling muscles looked soft and slack and his waist line began to thicken.

Often he did not come home at all or even send word that he would be away overnight. Of course, he might be snoring drunkenly in some room above a saloon, but Scarlett always believed that he was at Belle Watling’s house on these occasions. Once she had seen Belle in a store, a coarse overblown woman now, with most of her good looks gone. But, for all her paint and flashy domes, she was buxom and almost motherly looking. Instead of dropping her eyes or glaring defiantly, as did other light women when confronted by ladies, Belle gave her stare for stare, searching her face with an intent, almost pitying look that brought a flush to Scarlett’s cheek.

But she could not accuse him now, could not rage at him, demand fidelity or try to shame him, any more than she could bring herself to apologize for accusing him of Bonnie’s death. She was clutched by a bewildered apathy, an unhappiness that she could not understand, an unhappiness that went deeper than anything she had ever known. She was lonely and she could never remember being so lonely before. Perhaps she had never had the time to be very lonely until now. She was lonely and afraid and there was no one to whom she could turn, no one except Melanie. For now, even Mammy, her mainstay, had gone back to Tara. Gone permanently.