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“I don’t want any fooling around happening back there. Got it?”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

“You heard what I said. The whole idea of my brother making out makes me wanna puke.”

“Stop being so dramatic. And I would never make out with a girl anywhere near you. That’s, like, sick.”

I grinned. “She’s not just going out with you because you have money, is she?”

Oliver laughed. “I don’t have money.”

“Well, she thinks you do. You’re taking her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse, after all,” I said, glancing at Oliver. He was all dressed up in slacks and a tie. It was cute. “All I know is that bitch better not be taking advantage of you.”

“Don’t call my girl a bitch, Cay,” Oliver said. “And she’s not taking advantage of me. She likes me. She told me so.”

“When?”

“Like a week ago.”

“Where?”

“At school.”

“She just walked up to you and told you she likes you?” I asked, turning onto Maple Drive.

“No. Her friend told me.”

“Her friend told you? What are we talking about here? What, she walked up to you in the cafeteria and slipped you a note?”

“Don’t be a jerk, Cadence.”

“I’m not. I’m just really trying to understand this scenario. Did Kim get her friend to go tell you? What, she’s too chickenshit to tell you herself? I’m confused.”

I pulled into Kim’s driveway and put the car in park. Oliver scowled at me.

“Don’t open your mouth when she gets in this car,” he demanded. “You’re being a little bitch because you’re mad that whoever gave you a pregnancy scare dumped you. I’m sorry he did that, but don’t put your bullshit on me. I’m excited about this date, and I’m not gonna let you ruin it.”

He exited the car without another word, and I sat speechless, staring ahead at the garage doors. And then the guilt swept over me like a hot wind. Uncomfortable. Stinging. Burning. My eyes welled. I’d turned into a bitch. And I’m not a bitch. I’m a nice girl. What was happening to me? And why was I allowing someone so much control over the way I felt about myself and how I treated other people?

I watched as Oliver escorted Kim to the car, opening the door for her like a perfect gentleman. I know I wasn’t supposed to talk, but I decided to anyway because everything I was about to say was going to be kind.

“Hi, Kim,” I said, turning around and smiling. Oliver narrowed his eyes at me.

“Hey, Cadence,” Kim replied. “Thanks for driving us.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal. I’ve got nothing better to do,” I said.

Oliver cleared his throat. I turned on the car and backed onto the street.

“So Kim, you play lacrosse, right?”

“Uh huh.”

“That’s, like, hardcore,” I said.

“Yeah, I know. Everyone thinks lacrosse players are dykes, but we totally aren’t.”

“Oh, I never thought you were a dyke. I just meant hardcore like, you go girl! Kickass, you know?”

“So anyway,” Oliver interjected. “I hope you like this restaurant, Kim.”

“I’ve never been,” she replied. “And I’m really excited.”

I could hear the giddiness in her voice and relaxed. She
was
genuinely happy to be on this date with my brother. I decided to shut up and give them their time, so I turned on the radio and listened as Jonn Hart sang about booty—particularly “who booty.” I don’t know if he ever discovered whose booty it was, but I hoped for his sake he did. I’d never heard someone so desperate for ass, and I thought he’d lose his mind if he didn’t find that booty.

I thought I was losing my mind.

Somehow, I suppose by the grace of God, I managed to pull up my calculus grade to a low “B.” So I stopped going to tutoring. I would have stopped going to tutoring regardless, but at least my current average showed that I was starting to grasp the concepts better. Plus, there was always Jacob to help me if I fell behind again. He offered every other day. Funny how he approached me at my locker at the exact moment I thought about him.

“Hey, Cadence,” he said, shifting his book bag from one shoulder to the other.

“Hey,” I replied, squatting on the floor and packing my own bag.

“My mom wanted me to tell you that she really liked that flower arrangement you made,” he said. “She’s sending you a ‘thank you’ card, but she insisted I tell you in person.”

I smiled. “I’m glad she liked it.”

“You’re really good at that, you know,” Jacob said. “Ever thought about a career in plants?”

I chuckled.

“That sounded so stupid,” he muttered.

“I like botany, actually,” I said. “And yes, I have thought about a career in plants. Specifically what it would be like to own my own flower shop.” I stood up. “Did you get taller?”

He chuckled. “You noticed. And yes. Two inches since the start of this year.”

“Oh my God! That’s crazy!”

“And weird. I didn’t grow at all last year,” he replied.

I stood on my tiptoes and leveled my hand over my head, guiding it to Jacob. It hit right below his shoulder. “Good grief. You’re gonna have to get yourself a tall woman to keep up with all that.”

Jacob shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know if I like tall girls.”

“Why not? Tall girls are the models,” I replied.

“Eh.” He shrugged his shoulders, and I laughed. “You working today?”

“Nope. Just heading home.”

“You think your parents would let you get coffee with me? I mean, if you want to,” he said.

I considered him. “No drugs in your pockets?”

“Not one.”

“No tranquilizer gun in your book bag?”

“Left it at home.”

“Then I think they’d be okay with it. I have to call first,” I said.

He nodded and waited for me by my locker. I walked a little way down the hall to make the call. I flinched when I saw Mr. Connelly round the corner. It had been three weeks, but I still felt raw. And ridiculous. I mostly felt ridiculous.

He paused in front of me. “Good job on your quiz today, Cadence.”

“Thanks, Mr. Connelly,” I said, then turned my back on him and called Dad.

The conversation was easy, short and sweet. Dad didn’t seem to have a problem with anything I did now. Or anyone I hung out with. My short, two-week depression scared him so badly that he was just happy to see me functioning again. I thought he’d even let me hang out with Dean because he was so desperate to see me smile.

“Meet you there,” I said to Jacob.

“Where?” he asked.

“The Starbucks right down the street,” I clarified.

“Okay.”

I’d never spent any significant time with Jacob and didn’t realize how funny he was. He had me laughing so hard I spilled coffee all down the front of my shirt.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry!” he said, handing me a stack of napkins.

“It’s okay,” I chuckled, wiping my shirt.

“Well, anyway. Those were my Pokémon days,” he said, taking another sip of his coffee. “Don’t tell anyone.”

I shook my head. “I won’t.”

“I don’t ever remember you being that dorky,” he said, eyeing me thoughtfully.

“Oh, believe me. I was. Still am, actually.”

“Don’t believe it. You’re one of the cool chicks now,” he said.

“And where are you getting that from? I’m a social outcast,” I said.

“Well, that’s what makes you cool,” he said. “I mean, who wants to be in with the losers at our school?”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “The popular kids aren’t losers. We’re the losers,” I clarified.

Jacob laughed.

“And anyway, being “in” would make things a lot easier,” I admitted.

“You’re not still finding surprises in your locker, are you?” he asked.

“Oh, no. Nothing like that, thank God. I just meant . . .” I paused for a moment. “Actually, I don’t know what I meant. And you’re right. I don’t think being ‘in’ with popular kids would make life any easier.”

“Probably harder,” Jacob said.

“Yeah. Too much pressure to look and act a certain way.” I finished my coffee and sat back in my chair. “Thanks for being nice to me this year.”

Jacob smiled. “Well, I had an ulterior motive, but it fell flat.”

I squirmed, and he saw.

“Don’t worry. I think I’ve finally gotten over my crush on you. I’ll settle for friendship if you want,” he said.

I looked him over. He was a bean pole complete with button nose and oversized ears. He had kind blue eyes and the curliest blond hair I’d ever seen.

“Friends,” I said, and extended my hand. He shook it. “We should have been real friends a long time ago.”

“Nah, see, that wouldn’t have worked because I was head-over-heels in love with you.”

I laughed. “Did that change once you heard I landed in juvie?”

“Hell no. If anything I thought you were the baddest chick around.”

I laughed hard. I didn’t even see Mr. Connelly walk in.

“I was scared to death the first day I went to juvie,” I said. Then I saw him. He was watching me surreptitiously. I tensed immediately.

“You okay?” Jacob asked.

“Sure,” I said, wiping at my shirt again.

Jacob caught sight of Mr. Connelly. “God, I hate seeing teachers outside of school.”

I chuckled nervously. “Me too.”

“Should we say hello?” he asked.

“Um . . .”

“Too late,” Jacob whispered as Mr. Connelly approached our table. “Hey, Mr. Connelly.”

“What’s up, Jacob?” he replied, and turned to me. “Cadence,” he said with a slight nod of his head. It was a really shitty thing to do. I understood we were over, but he didn’t have to treat me like a complete, inconsequential stranger. The guy used to put his mouth between my legs.

There was an awkward silence before Jacob piped up.

“Tech is playing tonight,” he said.

“I know,” Mr. Connelly replied. “I’m meeting some friends to watch the game.”

“Hope it’s better than the last one,” Jacob said.

Mr. Connelly chuckled. “Tell me about it. You watch college basketball, Cadence?”

Fuck you
.

“No.”

Mr. Connelly nodded.

“Are you betting?” Jacob asked.

“On this game? No way,” Mr. Connelly said. “I’m not much of a gambler anyway.”

I know all about that.

“Well, it’s sinful anyway,” Jacob joked. “Right, Cadence?”

“Among a lot of other things,” I said.

“Like what?” Mr. Connelly asked.

“Hmm. I’m no Bible expert, but lying, cheating, stealing, treating people like shit . . . I think all those things would be considered sinful,” I replied.

Well, I made it three weeks. I had to give myself props for that. And I also had to cut myself some slack. I was a burned and damaged eighteen-year-old non-virgin having an awkward conversation with the 28-year-old man who took my virginity. Yes, I was allowed to be a little snarky.

Neither Mr. Connelly nor Jacob knew what to say and mumbled “goodbyes.” I watched as Mr. Connelly glanced back in my direction before pushing through the door.

“What was that?” Jacob asked.

“What was what?”

“That answer,” Jacob said. “What was up with that?”

I shrugged. “I just answered his question.”

“Are you still upset with Mr. Connelly about the white board incident?”

“Huh?”

“When he made you go up front to work a problem,” Jacob clarified.

If it were only that.

I shook my head. “I’m not mad at all. He asked about some sins, and I listed them. That’s it.”

“It was freakin’ weird,” Jacob said.

“Well, I’m weird, okay?”

“Okay, that’s cool,” Jacob replied, nodding his head.