Good-bye and Amen (16 page)

 

Josslyn Moss
The puppy had to live in the kitchen when he wasn't being constantly watched, as we were still in the paper-training stage. Also, he chewed. We sprayed all chair legs with Bitter Apple but Toto seemed to love it. Jimmy asked Adam and Alison if they had any food in their rooms, and if they did, would they please give it to him so he could put it where the puppy wouldn't get it. Alison had a fancy tin of shortbread in her suitcase she was taking to her next
hostess after she left us and she was embarrassed to mention it. The puppy got right through the tin, and afterward ate a whole bag of her cotton balls too. Then he was spectacularly sick on the carpet in the hall.

A houseful of people I barely know when I'm trying to raise a family and a puppy. This is a vacation?

 

Monica Faithful
Mother's dining room chairs have all got gnaw marks now. There are two armchairs and ten side chairs that Annabelle Brant bought in England. I mean we weren't going to sell them but people who know antiques say they're rather special. I knew Eleanor would mind, when she saw them. Meanwhile it was all I could do to keep her out of the house, where the furniture had been moved for dancing, and Nora was stringing balloons.

Norman arrived the day before the birthday and I made him take El out to play golf. You know the story about the young couple who can't afford a fancy roast when the boss comes to dinner so they decide she'll come out of the kitchen and say, “Oh dear, the roast fell on the floor,” and then the husband will say, “Never mind, we'll have the stuffed cabbage.” But instead she comes out and says, “Oh dear, the stuffed cabbage fell on the floor,” and he says, “You mean the roast,” but she doesn't. Our excuse was like that. Norman was going to tell her that I'd join them, and then when I was late I'd say that I'd had to take the puppy to the vet. Boy, did I. The caterers let him out of the kitchen when they came to put things into the icebox. By the time I found him he'd more or less eaten one of Norman's Gucci loafers. Fortunately when I showed up to walk the last hole with
them and told him I'd had to take the puppy to the vet, he still thought it was the stuffed cabbage story.

 

Norman Faithful
I mean it was a zoo. Edie was there but Sam and Sylvie weren't. I suppose no one invited them. And then Jimmy's frigging dog ate my shoe and the only other ones I had were ancient clam diggers that I leave in the house over the winter. I looked ridiculous, and do you have an idea how much those shoes cost? I had to drive to Union to buy a pair of clodhoppers. Which I'll probably never wear again.

I've been brushing up my Koiné to read the Gospels in the original, and I'm struck by how often our Lord warns us against overidentifying with tribe or family of origin. He says that if you don't hate your mother and father you cannot follow Him. All these Family Values preachers just think, Well, He can't have really meant that. But He did. He meant that clinging to your tribe, valuing those people above any other people, was clinging to a worldly luxury. He meant you have to put away those protections and comforts and follow Him. It's not unlike what the Buddha said. As I've pointed out to Sylvia. Stop celebrating your own personal tribe and planning weenie roasts for your own special circle of favorite people and concentrate on what Jesus actually said, and maybe you'll actually find Him.

 

Monica Faithful
The day of the party dawned. The weather couldn't have been better if I'd ordered it from Tiffany. Most everything was taken care of except doing the flowers. The garden was blooming its head off. I'd had my
tea and toast and been down to cut what I needed for centerpieces and bouquets for the Porta Potti, which we hoped people would use, because otherwise the well would go dry from flushing.

I was out on the porch with my bucket of dahlias and larkspur and cosmos and lilies, thinking about Mother and how many thousands of times she had stood here, with these very shears and vases and the ancestors of these very flowers, all chosen and nurtured by her, and how much she had loved all that, when Regis appeared. He'd come to tell me that Toto had barfed on the stairs.

I said I was actually quite busy and where were his parents? Meditating, said Regis. In their room, on their zafus.

I said, “Well, how about if you clean it up?” I told him I bet he could do that. He looked extremely doubtful. I told him to go to Shirley and get a bowl of water, and a roll of paper towels, and after I was finished with my flowers, we would spray rug shampoo on the place and later I'd let him use the new vacuum cleaner. Boys like machines, don't they? I didn't see why he shouldn't learn to clean up after his own dog.

About ten minutes later I went in to see how he was making out. He was sitting on the stairs, and behind him there were two pools of barf, one from the puppy and one from Regis. Guess who got to clean
that
up.

 

Norman Faithful
And it was hot in Union and jammed with tourists on their way to Mount Desert, or such places. America in Bermuda shorts is not a pretty sight. But I had an interesting thought on the way home. Although Jesus teaches that we must put away family (yes, yes, and pride,
and greed and envy and all those emotions that spring from our attachments to worldly things), but I mean, He actually says you must stop loving your mother and father, in order to love Him, that He nevertheless describes the structure of God, the nature of God, in family terms? God is a father and a son and a cloud of family love? The Buddha doesn't do that. The Buddha says that if you put away worldly distractions, like where are you going to sleep tonight and where your next meal is coming from, and whether or not your brother-in-law's dog is going to eat your shoes, and concentrate, that you will find God within yourself. That God dwells within you
as
yourself…no, that may be Hindu. Anyway.

Is that how Jesus gets captured by the Family Values guys? Because he describes God as a father? Kind of a risky strategy, really. How you're going to relate to that God depends an awful lot on what kind of father you had personally. Certainly the Greeks and Romans saw the gods in family groups, but not as role models. I mean, Zeus was always down at the mall boffing the checkout girls.

 

Monica Faithful
I really needed to zip to town to get some carpet shampoo, but of course Norman had our car. I had to borrow Shirley's. Which I hate to do because what if I bang it up? And also because at some point a pot of chowder she was taking to a potluck spilled in it, and you never really get a smell like that out of the upholstery. Thank God, Cinder and Marta were there when I got back. They took over the flowers while I ironed tablecloths and napkins. Shirley is a saint among women but she does not iron.

 

Josslyn Moss
I decided the way I could help most was to get everyone out of Monica's way, so we took the children and Toto to the bathing beach for a picnic lunch and then to climb Butter Hill. And then for ice cream, double scoop for Regis, since Aunt Monica made him throw up. Nothing like feeling in the way in your own house.

 

Marta Rowland
We knew we were in the clear to go help Nika, because Bobby had taken Ellie sailing for the day. Cinder and I had pretty much exhausted the possibilities for amusement down the Quarry Road. It was nice to be able to go to town. We did the flowers and then we all did the seating together. Monica was planning to put Rufus Maitland at the head table with El and Bobby. Cinder and I looked at each other and then we both said, Oh, no no no no no no no no no.

 

Monica Faithful
At four in the afternoon, the caterer came to tell me that the stove wouldn't light. I had been just about to go up for my bath. I assumed they didn't know they had to use the clicker to light the burners. Or at worst that the oven pilot was out. But oh no. Oh, it couldn't be anything that simple. I called Plumbing and Heating and got no answer so I called Al Pease at home. I must have sounded like an hysteric.

 

Al Pease
The last time I got an emergency call to that house, there was two dead people in the upstairs bathroom, so I listened carefully. Seems she was giving a wingding and the world was going to end if the stove didn't work this
minute. When I got her calmed down, I said, “Monica, is there a smell of gas in the kitchen?” She said there was, and it was strong. You'd think people would call you before they blew themselves up, wouldn't you? It must have been smelling for days. I said, “Sounds to me like you're out of propane.” Well, she went straight up and turned left.

 

Monica Faithful
Al drove the propane truck right out himself and filled the tank up. I asked him how could that have happened, didn't we get regular deliveries? I'd never known that to happen, ever. He said he couldn't tell, maybe the bills weren't paid, maybe somebody took us off the schedule by mistake. Cressida would know, but she was down in Boston visiting their daughter. Who were they sending the bills to? Al didn't know.

 

Al Pease
You know, propane doesn't have a smell. You add that smell to it so people will know it if there's a leak. When you get to the bottom of the tank the smell is pretty much what's left so it gets stronger. Doesn't anyone in this family know when to call the plumber?

 

Monica Faithful
Edith and Nora had gone out sailing with Bobby and El, to help Bobby keep her out of our way. They got back to Leeway at about six, said that El was having a shower. She thought Bobby was taking her to dinner down on Little Deer. People started arriving at six-fifteen—they all had to park down at the Gantrys' or wherever they could, so the driveway wouldn't be full of cars. I even made them hide the catering truck. Upstairs Adam and Alison and Edie were rushing in and out of bedrooms, borrowing
toothpaste and hair dryers from each other. So much fun. The puppy was entirely overexcited by all the people in the house and had to be locked in the laundry room. Norman said he couldn't handle it and went down to the gazebo with a beer and a book. We gave him Marta for a dinner partner.

 

Bobby Applegate
My biggest problem was going to be keeping El from going in through the kitchen, the way we always did. If she saw the catering stuff the jig would be up, because Nika would never ever give a big party without inviting her sister. What I finally did was, I stopped the car at the front porch and went, “Ohmigod, did you see that?” And jumped out and ran to the lawn. Of course El followed me, saying, “What? What?” I told her I'd seen a bobcat. There have been sightings this summer, but not on the Point. So then there we were at the front stairs and I took her elbow and took her up to the porch.

 

Monica Faithful
Edie was on the watch from the upstairs bedroom. She ran down to tell us when the car turned into the driveway. So here we were all crammed together in the living room, trying not to sneeze or giggle or rattle our drinks. I was nearly dead from excitement. I'd never done this before, pulled off a surprise. It seemed to take forever for their footsteps to come up to the porch. Then finally the door swung open and there they were, framed in the doorway with the light behind them, and everyone yelled, “Surprise!”

 

Eleanor Applegate
I was absolutely appalled.

 

Monica Faithful
And she looked at us and then burst into tears. Adam went and gave her a kiss and said, “Happy birthday, Mom.” He was so pleased. And she looked at him as if she couldn't understand who he was or what he was doing there. Everyone was asking, “Were you really surprised?” and Eleanor just spluttered. Finally, she said, “Totally.”

 

Marta Rowland
Dinner was pretty late, owing to the propane fiasco, so everyone was well oiled by the time we sat down, but only Homer Gantry was completely plastered. The children and Bobby all made charming speeches, and Eleanor rose to the occasion. Uncle Homer made a toast about lovely Eleanor and her lovely parents that made no sense at all, but his children made him sit down. How on earth has he lived to be that old, still drinking like that? I got along all right with Norman and learned a great deal about where Thomas à Becket's bones aren't. I guess all preachers are actors. He enjoyed booming, “Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?”

 

Cinder Smart
I had Rufus Maitland for a dinner partner, so I had a wonderful time. Who wouldn't? He doesn't know I know about him and Eleanor.

 

Marta Rowland
El would have run off with him. It was Rufus who wouldn't let her, even though he adored her. In fact, I guess that's a measure of how
much
he adored her. He knew something about himself that she didn't.

 

Cinder Smart
How did Bobby forgive her? I have no idea. I've known women who have done it, but never a man.

 

Marta Rowland
I'd say it's partly because they never told anyone else. Bobby doesn't even know we know. But when Eleanor thought she was going to leave the children she had to talk to someone. I said if she talked to me, she had to tell Cinder too. I could promise not to tell my husband, but I had to be allowed to tell someone.

El and Bobby's was one of those marriages that everyone counts on and looks to. The one that proves marriage can work.

 

Cinder Smart
I was stunned at the time. Looking back, I think I understand it. When we were at school, she and Rufus were like Hansel and Gretel or something, they were practically children when they fell for each other. There's nothing quite so pure as that feeling but in a way it's unbearable. She was plunged into despair if he didn't write. The whole dorm was excited when he came to call on her, hanging out the windows to watch them going off on their walk, poking each other and laughing as if they were bear cubs. He was such a romantic figure, even then, the handsome bad boy. Of course it couldn't stand up to real life. Of course they broke up about six times. Then she fell for Bobby, and that was real.