Good Curses Evil (13 page)

“Time to flee,

time to fly,

time for Rune

to choke and—”

Only she couldn't finish her rhyme. The old woman held her hands to her throat and fell to the floor. It was like watching a really twisted game of charades.

The look in her eyes changed from fight to flight as she edged toward the door. Before I could stop her, she reached for the doorknob and slipped outside.

“Get her!” I shouted.

Jez transformed back into a girl, and she, Wolf, and I all ran after the old woman. We'd barely stepped through the door, when—

“Cappy!”

My henchman was standing just outside with the baby and Ileana. Before anyone could stop her, the witch grabbed the closest and most vulnerable being she could get her hands on—baby Cricket.

“Stay back!” the old woman screeched. She knew she was cornered, and now she was desperate. “Stay back or I'll choke her!”

Cappy howled in alarm. He took a step forward.

“Don't, Cappy!” I shouted. The princess grabbed his arm as if to restrain him just as the queen burst through the door.

“What's going on here? Ileana!” Queen Catalina said, clearly alarmed that her daughter was in the company of a capcaun.

“I'm fine. Just stay back, Mother,” Ileana said.

“That's right, my dearies,” Muma Padurii said. “Just stay back! I might not be able to cast a spell, but I can still choke this redheaded whelp. Now, who does this little brat belong to?” Muma Padurii held baby Cricket out by the scruff of her neck like she was no more than a kitten. “Another one of yours, Catalina?”

“Do you get the feeling they know each other?” I whispered to Wolf and Jez. Neither the queen nor the witch heard me, though. Padurii's attention was focused on my stolen baby.

“What a tasty morsel you are!”

I cringed as I remembered that Muma Padurii liked to eat kids. I really hoped she didn't eat my baby. I was running out of time to find another one.

Just then Cricket seemed to realize the ugly, evil hag holding her by the collar was
not
Cappy. The baby's face screwed up into a pucker, then her mouth opened, unleashing a deafening cry. It cut through the still air like a knife.

“Quiet, you!” Muma Padurii said, poking the baby with one of her long yellow fingernails.

That was probably her undoing. Without warning, Muma Padurii was hoisted into the air by some unseen force. She screamed as she dangled upside down. Her black dress fell over her wrinkled face, revealing dirty gray bloomers beneath. Of all the trauma I endured that night, that was the vision that would haunt me most … Muma Padurii's granny underwear.

“Nasty,” Jez said.

Wolf, being unable to speak, just stared in fascinated horror.

Padurii let go of baby Cricket, who floated safely back into Cappy's waiting arms. Everyone was gathered on the ground beneath the floating witch. Tattles the cat peered out from the house and seemed to sense he was on the losing side of things. He took one look at his dangling mistress and ran off into the forest.

“What should we do with her?” I asked, staring up at the witch hanging overhead.

“I've got an idea,” said Ileana. She let out a series of hoots and whistles, and in a matter of moments owls began to materialize in the trees surrounding the clearing.

“You really can talk to birds!” I said.

Ileana smiled and winked at me. “Take her away, boys!”

The owls swooped across the clearing, wrapping their talons around Muma Padurii's dress. They latched on to her arms and legs and carried her away into the forest. We could hear her screaming for a long time. Then the sound finally faded and was lost.

“Mother!” Ileana shouted, running to the queen. Then she looked around. “Where's Father?”

“Oh dear!” Queen Catalina said. She ran back into the cottage. Everyone followed.

The king quacked and pecked at pieces of gingerbread on the floor. Ileana looked at me imploringly. “Can't one of you help him?”

Wolf barked helplessly, which pretty much answered for him.

I had never successfully transformed an animal into a human before. My Spelling wasn't nearly that advanced. Jez was pretty good and had come close … once or twice. None of this was very reassuring to Ileana. Then another voice spoke.

“Unlock these, dear,” the queen said. She held out her hands, which were still bound in the magical chains. At first I thought she was talking to me, but Ileana stepped forward, pulling out one of her own hairpins and picking the queen's lock. Then the queen spoke again:

“A duck is not how you began.

You were meant to be a man.

No more bill, feather, wing,

return now to being king.”

Jez, Wolf, and I just stared, our mouths hanging open. From the stunned look on Ileana's face, I could see this was a shock for her too. With a puff of smoke and an explosion of white feathers, the king transformed back into a man. He hiccuped, and a feather shot out of his mouth and floated lazily to the floor. He still looked pretty dazed.

“Can he walk?” I asked.

“He'll be able to walk in just a few minutes,” the queen said. “Although it will be quite a while before he's completely restored to his old self.”

“Then we should probably get going. General Bowson will have gotten back to the city by now … I hope.”

“General Bowson?” the queen asked. Beside her the king made a strange noise. It might have been a burp or a quack.

“We can talk on the way,” Jezebel said impatiently. She was obviously annoyed at being surrounded by people who outranked her.

Wolf barked at Queen Catalina as if to say
Hey, what about me!

She worked another spell, and soon Wolf was back to normal. She even cast a healing spell on my back to mend the nasty cat scratches left by Tattles.

We started our journey back to the city. Along the way, the princess told us how she'd awoken to find my note. She and Cappy decided to follow us. They used Master Dreadthorn's crystal ball to find out which way we'd gone.

I wasn't sure how to ask Queen Catalina the bazillion questions I had. Luckily, I didn't have to ask. Ileana beat me to it.

“So, what happened back there? How did you …?” she asked.

The queen glanced at the king, who was finally walking along nicely on his own but still seemed a little out of it. He smiled vaguely at a tree and waved like he was in a parade. The queen sighed as if she was about to admit something terrible but undeniable.

“I was born both a witch and a princess,” she explained. “I've kept it secret for so long. Please don't tell your father.”

Ileana nodded, looking thoughtful. I took advantage of the silence to ask a question of my own.

“So, why didn't you go to villain school?” I asked.

“I did,” Catalina said. “But … oh, it's a long story.”

I waited for Queen Catalina to tell us the story, but she didn't say anything else.

“But that means Ileana is a witch halfsie,” Wolf said suddenly.

“Duh!” Jezebel answered.

Everyone looked at Ileana, then at the queen, but neither of them spoke.

We were all quiet for a while after that. The king came back to his senses, and with a little explaining, everything went back to normal—or as normal as it could be with royalty and villains keeping company. But I noticed the queen kept glancing at me when she thought I wasn't looking. It made me think there was something about her past that she wasn't telling us.

 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Freckled Face-Off

The going was a little slower this time, but we crossed into the kingdom of Kaloya and managed to reach the city of Dimineata just after dusk. I was surprised to find the gates wide open and unguarded. Inside, we could hear hundreds of voices shouting.

We made our way to the plaza surrounding the palace and could go no farther. A mob spilled out from the palace walls. Everywhere men and women were shouting and brandishing pitchforks and torches. As a villain, this scene made me a little uncomfortable. Angry mobs usually mean trouble for villains. Jez, Wolf, and I exchanged nervous looks, but we stood our ground. It was kind of garbled, but a chant had begun that sounded like “Down with Aurelio!”

I could see men working crowd control, but there were no guards on the palace walls.

“What's going on?” the queen asked.

“I don't know,” I said. Then I spotted a familiar face. It was General Bowson. He saw me at the same time and nodded, pressing through the crowd toward us.

“We did it, boy!” he said. Then he seemed to notice I wasn't alone.

“Your Highness! Your Majesty!” He bowed to the king and queen.

“Gunner, my old friend,” said the king, shaking Bowson's hand. “What's happened here?”

A few people around us recognized the king and queen. At the same time, they seemed to notice Wolf and Cappy. People started to back away nervously, and whispers were already circling our little group.

“Let's go inside and talk,” the general said. He parted the crowd with a few gruff words and led all of us to the palace gate. Six or seven of the general's men were standing guard. They moved aside to let us in with sideways glances at Cappy and Wolf, then closed the gates behind us.

Even just inside the gate, it was much quieter. The general got us all up to speed on what had been happening while we were away. It turned out he'd reached the Resistance camp just in time to warn them about Chad and Aurelio's soldiers. The general's men managed to surprise Aurelio's and come up from behind to attack. Most of Aurelio's army ended up surrendering.

After the small victory, General Bowson wasted no time. He led the Resistance army into the city and marched on the palace. It was a rough, long battle, but in the end the people of the city joined in, angry at Aurelio not only for stealing the throne from his brother, the rightful king, but also for being a lousy ruler. He'd been raising taxes on the people since he'd taken the throne, and it seemed they were fed up.

“What did you do with Aurelio? And Chad and the others?” I asked.

“Well, now we come to it,” General Bowson said, looking a little uncomfortable. “We can't reach them.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Those villain kids have Aurelio inside, and they've got enchantments on the door. We can't get in. I've been waiting for you to get here. Thought maybe you could help,” the general said to me. I could tell he wasn't the kind of man who usually asked for help—especially from a kid who'd set his pants on fire.

I took a moment to formulate a plan. It seemed Erzsebet, Gilles, and Chad had combined their powers to enchant the door.

“Jez, you're not too bad at Spelling, do you think—?”

But she was already shaking her head. “I'm not powerful enough on my own.”

Wolf and I were even worse at Spelling. I glanced at the queen, remembering how she had undone Padurii's spell on the king. But she shook her head at me, and I knew she wouldn't risk exposing herself by working a spell.

Alone, we weren't too powerful, but I thought together we might be able to break through the enchantment. It was worth a try.

“Everybody stay here,” I said, but of course, nobody did. So we all marched up to the castle together. Jez, Wolf, and I stopped just in front of the massive oak double doors.

We took a moment to argue about the best spell for the job. Since the door was locked with magic, I couldn't just break out my hairpin this time.

“What about the Unhinging spell?” Wolf asked.

“No, that'll never work,” I said. “The hinges are on the inside. What about Seal-Unseal?”

“That's for animal transformation,” Jez said.

“It is? Oh, I'm thinking of Seal with a Kiss. Wait—no that's for envelopes.”

“We want the Lock-Block spell,” Jez said.

This was a simple unlocking spell we'd all learned when Master Stiltskin had accidentally magically locked himself in a coffin. After a little discussion, we decided it was the best option, practicing a couple times just to be sure we had the rhythm down.

“On three then?” I asked them. Wolf and Jez both nodded.

“One! Two! Three!” I shouted. Together, we unleashed the spell:

“Doorknobs and keys

open with ease.

But a good spell

works just as well.”

The power of it blew the door to pieces with an explosion that rocked the ground like an earthquake.

“Whoa,” Wolf said.

“Cool,” Jez added.

“Let's go!”

I ran inside, followed closely by the others. Just to the left of the main entry was the throne room. I could see Aurelio sitting on the throne looking like a scared rabbit. He still wore loads of gaudy gold jewelry, but it looked like he hadn't trimmed his beard in a while, and his crown was askew atop his bald head.

To either side of him were the Morgana vampires, Gilles and Erzsebet. And standing in front was Chad. When he saw the king and queen behind us his eyes—already huge from his thick glasses—bulged even wider.

“That's right, Chad,” I said. “It's over. Muma Padurii is gone. The king and queen will be restored to the throne. Your Plot has failed.”

“Stop them!” yelled Chad.

Erzsebet leaped out from behind Chad and lunged at me, her vampire fangs bared and dripping with lethal venom. I didn't have time to react, but luckily I didn't have to. Before I knew what was happening, Cappy—with baby Cricket still cradled in one arm—shoved me to the floor and took the full force of Erzsebet's bite himself. He howled with pain, then stuck out his bottom lip in a pout.

At the same time, I heard a sickening crack. Two shimmering white slivers tumbled from Erzsebet's mouth to the floor and skipped across the stone with a light tinkling noise. Erzsebet stood in shock, staring at her severed teeth, one pallid hand pressed to her bloodred lips. She fled the hall screaming in agony.

“Nice one, Cappy!” Wolf said.

Gilles took one look at Cappy and abandoned Chad, fleeing after Erzsebet.

“Cowards!” shouted Chad, but Gilles and Erzsebet were already gone. Aurelio tried to scramble after them, but Chad cast a spell to hold him in place.

“Where do you think you're going?” he asked.

“It's over, child,” Aurelio said. “Muma Padurii is gone, and—”

“No!” Chad screamed in his high-pitched, whiny voice.

“What a mama's boy,” Jez said.

Chad's eyes darted from left to right. I could tell he was desperate. Cornered. I decided to try reasoning with him.

“Chad,” I said. “It doesn't have to be like this. Maybe … maybe Master Dreadthorn will let you stay on at school. You might have to bump down a level. Start over as a Crook or something …”

“A Crook?” Chad asked. I thought I saw hope in his face.

“I'll talk to him for you. I'm sure we can work something out,” I said.

“You … you'd do that for me?” Chad asked.

“What are brothers for?” I said. “Come on, Chad.”

I held out my hand to him. Of course, I didn't really mean it. As soon as the weasel got close, I was going to kick his backside for putting me through all this.

Chad smiled. Slowly he stepped toward us. Everything was going to be okay.

Yeah
right.
Villains always double-cross.

Chad acted as though he was going to hug me, but instead he grabbed Ileana and yelled, “Don't anybody move.”

Whew.
That was close. Villains do
not
like hugs. However, hostage situations? I could deal with that. Although Chad picked the wrong hostage. That was
my
princess!

“Now, we're all taking a trip to the dungeons, where you will go quietly into individual cells. If you don't, you'll be sorry.” He tightened his grip around Princess Ileana's neck. That was a mistake. I readied to make my move, but Ileana beat me to it.

The princess balled her right hand into a tiny fist and sunk it hard into Chad's freckled face. He staggered back, releasing Ileana and cupping his hands under his nose, where blood trickled from both nostrils.

“Nice one,” I said appreciatively.

“Thanks,” she said, shaking out her hand.

“This isn't over!” Chad tried to shout while at the same time pinching his nose to stem the bleeding. It came out kind of nasally and not really very threatening.

I lunged after him, but he cast a spell at the same moment:

“From every wall unleash a flood,

raining down as red as blood.

Though I leave you in defeat,

this revenge is just as sweet!”

I ducked aside just as a crimson torrent burst from the walls as if a dam had suddenly broken. Chad disappeared in a theatrical flash of light and smoke, but the walls kept gushing forth their scarlet deluge.

“It's blood!” shouted General Bowson.

Jez dipped her finger in the red flood, which was now up to everyone's knees. She tasted it. “It's not blood. It's—”

“Red frosting,” I said. “Typical Chad.”

*   *   *

In the hours that followed, General Bowson personally escorted Aurelio to the tower. The general had wanted to lock him in the deepest, darkest dungeon and throw away the key, but the king interceded on his brother's behalf.

“He was manipulated. He shouldn't have done what he did, but he's still my brother,” the king said. I could almost relate.

Then the king and queen, along with Ileana and the general, went out to address the crowds. Cappy was busy changing baby Cricket's diaper. Jez, Wolf, and I found ourselves alone.

“Did … did we just complete our Plot?” Wolf said in a daze, almost like he couldn't believe it.

“Let's see,” I said, pulling out the crumpled note containing my Plot. “Princess? Check. Baby? Check. Henchman?”

We looked over at Cappy, who was now rocking and feeding the baby.

“It still counts,” I said, “so, check. Overthrow a kingdom?”

We took in the messy aftermath of our battle with Chad. Our clothes were stained red with frosting. We all exchanged looks.

“Check,” we said together, smiling.

There was a lot of embarrassing behavior after that, high-fiving and such. I won't mention the hugging and crying either. Suffice to say, we were back to our villainous selves by the time the king and queen returned with Ileana and the general. They invited us to dine with them as their honored guests.

Once that was over, Wolf and Jez were given their own rooms, where they could catch up on a little sleep before we returned to school. And I stressed a
little.
I wasn't about to fail my Plot due to oversleeping (although I planned to get one or two winks myself).

The king and General Bowson went off together to discuss rounding up Aurelio's remaining guards and to organize a search party to go after Erzsebet, Gilles, and Chad. Cappy had fallen asleep on the floor with baby Cricket, and that left me alone with Ileana and the queen.

The queen smiled at me and brushed my dark hair out of my face. She put one arm around me and one around Ileana. As far as hugs go, it wasn't so bad. Not that I wanted to get in the habit of hugging or anything.

“Rune, I'd really like it if you could come visit us here again. I don't just mean sometimes. I mean soon and often. Maybe you could come and stay with us in the summer?” the queen asked.

This was a little unexpected. Villains don't usually get invited back, and it made me wonder again if I was on the right side here.

“I'll ask Master Dreadthorn about it,” I said. “But I doubt he'll allow it.”

“Let me handle him,” the queen said. I wasn't sure she knew who she would be dealing with, but I let it slide.

“What about Ileana?”

“She'll be here too, of course,” the queen said, looking confused.

“No, I mean, she
is
a halfsie … have you ever thought about her, uh, education much?”

I thought this was probably a dead-end conversation. There was no way a queen was going to let her only child grow up a villain, but I was surprised to hear Ileana speak.

“You mean you want me to go to school with you?” the princess asked.

“Sure,” I said.

“Can I, Mother? Please?” Ileana asked.

“I think we might be able to make some arrangements.”