Goodbye to Dreams (27 page)

He wasn’t sure what reception his words would provoke but he didn’t expect them to burst out laughing.

‘It was just too stupid for words,’ they said to Peter. ‘To tell us he’s leaving because of all that had gone on.’

‘His red-faced self-consciousness as he repeated the words given to him by his mother, it sounded so daft.’

‘They were too much,’ they spluttered with laughter, then they cried again.

News of Van’s disappearance spread in the mysterious way that could never be explained. Beside the immediate neighbours, the news travelled far beyond with first one or two calling, then dozens asking how they could help. Peter said he was going to find Willie. Cecily pleaded that he shouldn’t be disturbed but Peter insisted. ‘He might know places and friends we haven’t thought of.’

Willie immediately reached for his coat as soon as he was told what had happened and went with Peter to the shop. He went straight to Cecily and asked where they had looked for her. ‘I don’t suppose it’s as simple as her hiding in the stables?’ he asked the constable.

The man shook his head. ‘We’ve searched the house and knocked on the neighbours and searched all the yards around. We woke up Horse and his missus and she was able to tell us the little girl caught a Cardiff bus.’

‘We wondered if she was going to look for her granny,’ Peter said. ‘You don’t know where she is living, do you?’

‘Van wouldn’t know if you don’t,’ Willie said.

Peter looked at him, curious that his question hadn’t been answered.

He looked at the list of places that had been searched, then asked, ‘Can
I borrow the car? I can’t say I have any bright ideas, but there are one or two places I could try. Nothing definite but any idea is worth considering.’ He refused to tell the searchers where he planned to go, insisting he was going to drive around and perhaps an idea would come.

He set off for Cardiff, planning to look at the house where the sisters’ mother now lived. He had always known but had promised never to tell, but this was an emergency. He didn’t reach there. Puzzled by how Van would have found the place if she had known, he remembered once taking Van to visit his mother and her new husband Derek Camborne. Would she have remembered how to get there? They had gone on the bus so it was just possible.

Willie’s mother had welcomed Van even though the visit was a surprise. Van pretended to search for the non-existent note from her mother, and she was settled into bed with the teddy she had brought, after playing with the kitten until the little creature was exhausted, and having eaten a huge supper.

Willie’s mother was a little curious. She had read the report of the arrest of Phil Spencer and the threat of divorce citing Cecily so she could
understand
the need to get Van away from all the gossip. But sending her on her own to a place she had only visited once? Why hadn’t Cecily asked Willie to bring her? Van was fast asleep so she would phone the shop. She would tell them how pleased they were to have her and ask how long Van was staying.

It was answered swiftly and the voice was that of a man. Her immediate thought was. Surely not that Danny! He’s caused enough trouble. She was surprised to learn it was a policeman.

Explanations were brief, before the message went through to Cardiff to pick up the child, but Cecily said at once, ‘No need. Willie is on his way, I’m sure of it.’

People began to disperse, all murmuring words of relief. The lady with the rosary hugged them and smiled happily. One of the policemen stayed and Peter went out to make yet more tea, and set a tray for Van who, like all twelve year olds, was sure to be hungry even at such an unlikely hour.

Van insisted on staying the night with the Cambornes. Messages between Cecily and the various agencies went on but with Cecily’s
agreement
, she was allowed to stay. It was late and Van was in bed and safe. Better to let her rest, Cecily thought. She won’t thank me for dragging her back in a police car.

The next morning she was brought home by Willie, refusing to allow her mother to fetch her, and she travelled with two suitcases and two kittens, which, she told them, were called Penny and Pip.

She came into the living room, a kitten tucked under each arm and glared at Cecily. ‘They’re mine,’ she said, tight lipped and defiant.

Cecily didn’t dare hug her or scold her, nor could she tell her how
frightened
she had been not knowing where she had gone. After hesitating for a few moments, she knelt down and asked, ‘Which one is Penny?’

Van tilted her head to the right.

‘Would they like a drink of milk, d’you think? And you can cook some fish for them.’

‘Fresh fish, not stuff left from yesterday.’

‘Of course. Willie has brought fish straight from the docks. Now, will you take off your coat, freshen up and put on some clean clothes?’ She helped the prickly little girl out of her coat and took the opportunity to hug her and then tell her how frightened she had been and how much she loved her. Then she led her up to her room and helped her unpack.

The next morning, Ada came to open the shop.

‘Ada! What are you doing here?’ Cecily couldn’t hide her delight at her sister’s appearance. ‘You’re needed at home, looking after Mrs Spencer.’

‘You need to spend a day with Van,’ Ada argued. ‘She needs to know how much she’s loved. I think she is doubting it at present, don’t you?’

Van was in her room, refusing to go to school, so the idea seemed a good one. ‘I want to go first to see Horse’s wife and thank her for telling the police she saw Van on the Cardiff bus. It hadn’t occurred to us before that.’

She found Horse sitting up against some hay-filled sacks in a room in a sad boarding house. There was a bed and a couple of chairs, but Horse insisted he was more comfortable lying against the sacks. His wife was cooking some oats on a paraffin stove in a corner, where there were some foul-smelling bags of clothes. They both seemed pleased to see her and after thanking Horses’s wife, Cecily gave them some soup and a bag of fruit before hurrying back.

They didn’t spend the day together as Cecily hoped. Every suggestion was turned down and eventually Van went to see Edwin and his parents, who listened with less than approval to her description of her adventure. Even Edwin seemed displeased with her and she went home, miserable, and went straight to bed.

The kittens were put in the stable but when Cecily went up the next morning, they were on either side of her on the bed. Van opened her eyes and said, ‘I’m so stiff. I’m afraid to move in case I disturb them and they think I don’t love them.’

‘I’ll take them down for some milk. You can stretch out and rest a while longer.’

‘I want to give them their breakfast!’

‘Of course, lovey,’ Cecily said, carrying the miaowing kittens out, talking to them, kissing their tiny round heads.

The days seemed a blur as Cecily tried to persuade Van to talk to her and promise she would never run away again. ‘Tell me what’s worrying you, and what you want to do and we’ll deal with it,’ she promised her
stony-faced
daughter.

Thankfully, Ada continued to stay at the shop, dashing home every lunchtime and at several other times during the day to check on her mother-in-law and make sure she was eating.

‘She won’t let me read the paper to her any more,’ she told her sister. ‘She never leaves the house so doesn’t need to convince anyone she can read. I do the cooking, which she hardly touches, and I try to do the housework, but I know she does it all again when I’m out.’

‘Is there anything I can do?’

Again Ada shook her head. ‘She runs upstairs when anyone comes, apart from Van. Our Van is the only person she’ll talk to. I feel so useless, and let down by Phil’s refusal to see me. What sort of wife have I been? I’ve never been anything more than a visitor there.’

One evening, Ada stayed when the shop closed. Cecily guessed she had something to tell her. When she spoke it was the very last thing she would have expected to hear.

‘I want to come back here to live.’

‘But what about Mrs Spencer? You can’t leave her on her own.’

‘Phil still won’t let me see him,’ she said. ‘And now his mother tells me she would rather be on her own.’

‘She doesn’t mean it. She’s trying to do what she thinks you want, surely?’

Ada shook her head. ‘She is determined to cope without me. She says I make it worse, knowing how her son ruined my life; that I’m a constant reminder of his guilt and every time she looks at me she thinks of Phil in that dreadful place.’

Christmas came and went, parcels were left unopened, special treats hadn’t been touched. The pantry was full of cakes and mince pies and pudding that no one had even thought of eating. Sweets and chocolates and nuts filled dishes and were left undisturbed.

Cecily met Jessie Preston unexpectedly in a lane behind the shops. Too late to turn away, they stopped and stared at each other. Cecily began to thank
her for not going on with the divorce proceedings but Jessie put up her small hand and stopped her.

‘I didn’t do it for you. Besides, I could have chosen from several women. Don’t think you are Danny’s only “bit on the side”,’ she said calmly. ‘You are just the most well known.’

‘Is that why you chose to involve me?’ Cecily asked.

‘There are plenty of people that are only too pleased to offer advice to someone like me. Pretending concern for the wronged wife.’

‘And you were – advised – to use me to divorce him?’

Jessie didn’t reply.

‘Did you change your mind because of the baby you carry? A divorce in these circumstances might not have been very convincing, would it?’

‘There are explanations. Someone explained it to me.’

‘Whatever the reason, I’m grateful.’ Cecily hurried on. Dorothy again. What was the matter with the woman? Didn’t she have any thought for Van if not for the shame on her own family?

She was distracted from her thoughts by noticing that Jack Simmons’s shop was shut and boarded up. Curious, she asked Willie later if he knew where Jack was.

‘I haven’t seen him all day. The place has been closed and the shutters pulled down. Perhaps I’d better give him a knock.’ He went out then hurried back to call Cecily. ‘It’s Jack, he’s hurt.’

Cecily finished serving the customer then went out with Willie. Ada followed.

They found Jack in the shop, a bloodied nose, cuts on his face, and a huge bruise on his forehead made him almost unrecognizable.

‘It’s difficult to understand what he’s saying. He’s talking as though his nose was blocked and his mouth full of marbles,’ Willie said cheerfully. ‘Been fighting again.’

They took him into the back kitchen and Ada carefully bathed his wounds.

‘That Danny Preston was told that I’d been seeing Jessie and he took offence. He can do what he likes but no one else can. The hooligan!’

‘And were you?’

‘No fear! She’s the last one I’d take out with him on the loose! All I did was fix a broken shelf and stay for a cup of tea. That’s all. And the shelf wasn’t finished and will probably fall down and hurt her and her expecting too,’ he wailed.

Willie promised to fix the shelf and explain to Danny that Jack was only helping.

‘Too late now,’ Jack moaned, holding a wet cloth to his bruises.

A few days later, Cecily filled the back of the car with her sister’s clothes and personal items and drove back to the shop in a painful silence. She helped get Ada’s things out of the car and carry them up to the bedroom, then left her alone.

They ate, with Van telling Ada how pleased she was to have her back, but could she still go and see Mrs Spencer. Ada said she could go as often as she wished.

When Van was asleep, both sisters got on with their routine jobs ready for the following day in the shop. Cecily looked around the familiar room, and the shadowy shop beyond. ‘Here we are, sitting here, with Van asleep upstairs, angry about Danny, just as it’s always been.’

‘You doing the accounts, me planning our meals for tomorrow. It’s as though your near marriage to Gareth and my failed marriage to Phil have never happened.’

‘We’ve come full circle,’ Cecily said with a sigh, ‘and we’re back where we started.’

W
HEN
C
ECILY STEPPED
out of the shop and saw Uncle Ben and Auntie Maggie approaching, she smiled and waited for them to reach her. Their expressions were frosty, disapproval written large on their faces. They were about to walk on but Cecily touched her uncle’s arm and asked, ‘Will you come in for a coffee? Ada and I are just having one, and there’s some cake too. Seed cake, your favourite, Uncle Ben.’

Maggie shook her head and Ben said, ‘Some other time. We’re in a bit of a hurry.’ Then, as though conscience had struck, he asked, ‘All right, are you?’

‘We’re fine. Van is settled after the fright she gave us and Ada and I are busy cleaning and decorating, as we don’t have time once the season starts.’

Ben nodded and they walked on. It was one of those questions to which no one wanted or expected an answer, Cecily thought sadly.

They had seen nothing of Dorothy or Rhonwen, or Johnny Fowler. The only family member who called was Van’s cousin, Marged, who called regularly to see the kittens and laugh at their antics. She wondered whether there was some way of getting the family back together. An excuse for a party, that was what was needed. She decided to talk to Ada about it.

The weeks after Christmas were quiet. There was no trade at the beach, everything was closed down and would remain so until Whitsun. Most of the local customers were plentifully stocked with the excesses from their Christmas stock-piling as well as being short of money from the
overspending
. So apart from the basic perishables, trade was slow.

Cecily and Ada thoroughly scrubbed every shelf and cupboard, then began to decorate the living room behind the shop, taking away the
smoke-stained
, dull colours of their mother’s time and brightening it with a fresh coat of paint and some subdued but less melancholy wallpaper. It wasn’t work they enjoyed and they would normally have employed a tradesman but they needed something to fill the lonely hours, the cold, dark hours that seemed endless.

Both were trying to forget their loneliness. Cecily thought often of
Gareth and how different life would be if she had married him. They would have been happy, she believed that, and any thoughts of Danny would have been relegated to the distant, barely remembered past. She tried to stop herself thinking about Danny, who had caused so much unhappiness, their love even affecting her relationship with Van, who still hardly addressed a word to her. When her difficult daughter needed something, she would ask Ada, or Willie. Never her mother.

Ada still visited her mother-in-law each day and usually took food. She would ask about Phil, grateful for any crumbs of information, although there was very little. Each time she asked if she could visit, she was told no, Phil wouldn’t let her see him in that place. After the trial, when he knew how long he would be imprisoned, he told his mother that she and Ada could count the days with him but he wouldn’t see his wife until he was home. So far he hadn’t even written, he just sent the same message via his mother, that he hoped Ada would be there when he walked back into their home. Unless I’m told exactly when he’ll be released, I might not even be able to do that, Ada thought sadly. She wondered whether he knew his mother lived alone, having sent her away.

For Phil, every morning was like the first day of his imprisonment. The noises that went on all day and night were the worst. The banging, the cries, the shouts and wailing. Then there were the hours of soulless routine and worst of all, the realization that this would go on and on, for months. Looking up at the sky on the brief exercise minutes, aware at that time most of all, of the freedom he had lost, he felt a dread of going back inside. He wondered how he could cope and come out anything like the man Ada had married. He cried a lot.

When Ada walked up to the main road one morning to give some accounts to Waldo, she heard the unmistakable voice of Horse accompanied by the tinny voice of his wife. Today he was ruining ‘Ding Dong Merrily On High’. It didn’t have to be Christmas for Horse to sing one of his favourite carols, although the words had changed and the tune was a bit confusing for anyone trying to join in. His wife stood rattling coins in his hat and as usual they were having a conversation.

‘We’ve got the rent and-shillings-more.’

‘Some fish and chips for supper.’

‘Hide it then so we’ll get-some-more.’

‘Will we have bread and butter?’

‘Glad to see-e-e you’re back on for-or-or-m—’ Ada sang, joining in as she passed, making passers-by laugh, and more money rattled into the cap.

‘We have to try and do something for Horse and his wife,’ she said to Cecily when she got back to the shop.

‘We can try, but when I ask, they insist they don’t want more possessions than they can carry on their backs.’

‘That’s in case they don’t have the rent and have to do a moonlight flit!’ Ada said with a smile.

‘Still, we could offer them a couple of spare blankets. The ones they are using are a disgrace.’

‘Where’s Van? I thought I’d take her when I go to see Mother-in-law. She’s always pleased to see Van.’

‘Has she any news of Phil?’

‘He still won’t let me visit him. I write, of course, but he never replies, he just tells his mother he hopes I’ll be there when he comes back home.’

‘Not lucky in love, are we?’ Cecily said sadly. ‘I saw Danny yesterday. He and Jessie were quarrelling. Nothing changes.’

‘I hope your involvement has!’ Ada spoke sharply and Cecily stared at her. ‘Well, more gossip is something Van can’t cope with. How can she? She’s only a child. Your affair with Danny, and my Phil being arrested and found guilty of burglaries, it upset her so badly she ran away from us. You can’t risk that again.’

‘She’s hardly spoken to me since the night she ran off to Cardiff.’

‘I’ll see if she’ll come with me. She talks to Mother-in-law and cheers her no end.’

‘She’ll be in the stables with the kittens.’

Willie came back from a delivery and stood slightly embarrassed in front of them.

‘Baby Victor all right?’ Ada asked. ‘I’ll call and see Annette when I go to Mother-in-law at lunchtime.’

‘She’ll have some news for you.’ Willie looked unusually embarrassed.

‘Good news I hope?’

‘The best. We’re going to have a second child. It’s sooner than we’d hoped but we’re both delighted.’

Congratulations were offered and the sisters were cheered by the happy news. If it wasn’t their happiness, it was at least theirs to share.

When Ada went to find Van, she found her nursing the kittens and talking to Edwin.

‘Edwin! We didn’t know you were here. Do your parents know?’

‘Yes, Auntie Ada, they’re shopping at Uncle Waldo’s, then coming here to see you and take me home.’

‘But how did you get in without us seeing you?’ She was smiling. ‘Did you crawl past the counter? Come down the chimney? Hide in the animal food delivery?’

‘No, I knocked on the stable door and Van let me in!’

‘I’m off to see Mrs Spencer. Would you like to come, Van? I’ll wait till Edwin leaves. I don’t want to miss his mam and dad.’

Leaving the kittens in their specially made bed, they went through to the shop. Cecily too was amused at Edwin’s appearance and explanations were repeated.

‘Make sure the stable door is locked, mind,’ she said. ‘Willie’s very fussy over that door.’

‘Me too,’ Van said, and she and Edwin began to laugh. Ada was curious about the laughter and the confidential glances but said nothing. She was relieved to see Van laughing, and children loved secrets.

Jack Simmons had reopened his shop and called each evening to see what stale fruit and vegetables he might get cheaply to offer his customers. He told the sisters that his fighting days were over. He wouldn’t get involved in anything that would make him angry enough to fight. ‘Mind you,’ he told them. ‘That has to mean avoiding Danny Preston. He gets fighting mad about nothing at all. I spoke to his wife, that’s all, and you saw the result of that!’ Muttering about the unfairness of life when friendly greetings lead to a good thumping, he went back to his shop where patient customers waited to see what they could buy to feed their families.

So many men were out of work and neighbours shared the caring of children while mothers worked when they could find a vacancy. They all looked forward to the start of the summer season. Now, in the winter months when jobs were fewer and regular wages little more than a dream, life was even more of a struggle for many families. On good weeks, tinned food was bought and hidden in readiness for a lean time. Allotments
flourished
where men were fit enough to work them and even there, the usual place reserved for men to chat without the interference of their wives, women added to the busy community, often with their youngest children. They would leave the men as school ended to meet the older children and get a meal while the men sat in the pub and made a drink last for as long as possible. Apart from a few leeks and some Brussels sprouts, there wasn’t much to harvest. The earth was turned and cleaned ready for the start of the season. Men browsed over seed catalogues and decided what to grow, each growing more than needed so they could exchange plants with friends later.

Many people helped where they could and it had been a regular habit for some weeks for Ada and Cecily to fill a box with food and leave it in the lane for Horse to collect. There was usually enough to provide a
reasonable
meal for the two people. The odd couple always called on the way back from their regular spot in the town to thank them.

Horse was back to full health and Cecily wondered how he had survived the winter living as they did. The blankets were delivered by Willie, who reported that they were received with delight, Horse’s wife declaring she had never owned anything more beautiful. So their gift was followed by a pillow, old but surely better than a hay-filled sack. Their business was thriving and they were glad to be helping the two homeless old people.

‘We’ve known them for years but do you know their real names?’ Ada asked, ‘because I don’t.’ Ada was packing their evening’s food.

‘I think he’s called Horse because of always smelling of horse liniment,’ Cecily chuckled. ‘What is even more odd is that we don’t know his wife’s name either. He always calls her Wife.’

‘Let’s ask!’

Van was out so they locked the shop door after them and went to the place where Horse and Wife lived. The landlord answered the door.

‘We’ve called to see Horse and his wife,’ Ada explained, about to walk in.

‘Sorry, but they’ve gone.’

‘Where?’

The man shrugged.

‘Why did they leave here?’ Ada asked.

‘If they don’t have the rent they don’t have the room. I’ve got plenty of people waiting to move in here, more respectable people too,’ the man
blustered
.

‘How much did they owe?’ Cecily asked.

‘Eight shillings and that’s before this week. Come Saturday and all I’ll get are more excuses and you can’t expect me to go on giving them a room with nothing but promises.’

‘You made an ex-soldier, wounded for his country, homeless for eight shillings?’

‘More than that come Saturday!’

They walked away sadly, wondering where the two people were sleeping that night.

‘We’ll ask Willie to keep his eyes open.’

‘His ears as well! He’s sure to hear him singing from streets away!’

Later that evening, Willie stood just inside the stable on the lane and waited for Horse to pick up the box of food. Wherever they slept, the food would be collected, he was certain of that.

Ada sent Van out at half past eight to tell him to go home. As soon as he left, Horse slipped around the corner where he had been waiting and picked up the box and hurried to the barn where they were sleeping, without the farmer being aware of his unpaying guests. Horses shared their
accommodation and made it warm and cosy. They would stay for as long as the farmer was unaware of their presence. It meant getting up very early but they didn’t mind that. The nights were the most important. Pity they couldn’t heat food, but something would turn up, like it always did. Most days they could afford some soup, and cups of tea were often on offer, usually by shopkeepers as a bribe to make them move away.

His wife’s only worry was his cough. She was afraid he might be heard and then they’d be sent on their way. She fingered the coins in her pocket. Tomorrow she would buy some more cough mixture. That always helped.

It was after the trial that had sentenced Phil to nine months in prison that Ada finally had a letter from him. She had been told nothing about the trial, Phil insisting that his mother didn’t tell her when it took place. He couldn’t stand in court and listen to his crimes and hear the sentence knowing she was there, watching him, listening to it all.

But she was there. The case was in the local paper and if she hadn’t read it herself there were plenty to tell her when and where, some with sympathy, others with a less than kindly interest. Dressed in less than her usual style, she had shuffled in with the other curious members of the public, hoping Phil wouldn’t see her and cry out, tell her to go away as she feared he might. Huddled in heavy winter coats she was anonymous among the similarly dressed strangers.

She was upset when she got back to the shop and went straight into the living room and sat crouched in their father’s old armchair and stared into the fire. Cecily came as soon as the shop emptied and put her arms around her. They didn’t talk for a long time. Cecily went in and out of the shop to serve and in between made tea and sat with her sister.

All Ada said about the afternoon was, ‘He looked so small, so
defenceless
.’

‘Will you try again to see if Mrs Spencer will agree to your going home?’

Ada shook her head. ‘I have tried but she insists she copes better on her own, although I don’t think she leaves the house. Neighbours shop for her and she spends her time rearranging the furniture to decide which way it looks best, for when he comes home.’