Grace Alive: a Christian Romance (11 page)

“Julie? I’m here! I brought a friend with
me!” he called through the door. He flipped off his shoes and
tugged me inside. I looked around and almost gasped. The place was
a pit. It looked like someone had vomited toys, dishes, and laundry
all over the place. I heard some squealing, and the two little
girls came running toward their dad full tilt.

“Hey monkeys!” he said with a laugh and
scooped them both up. They hugged him tight and started jabbering
super fast. I had no idea what they were saying, but Branson sure
seemed to get it.

“Really! That’s so cool. Can you show Daddy?”
he asked as he set them both down. They ran toward the kitchen,
their blond pigtails swinging back and forth. “Come on in, Zoe,
they want to show me the cookies they made with their mom.” He
jogged toward the kitchen, with me walking behind him. I stepped
into the kitchen and held my breath. There were mounds of papers,
craft supplies, and dishes all over. This girl was messy.

“Branson! I’m in here!” I heard a girl call
from the bathroom. “If you want a cookie we just made some!”

I looked at Branson as he bent over his two
daughters heads.

“Would you look at that, CC, that looks
beautiful. Evie, good job!” He kissed their heads, and they
giggled. The twins had decorated cookies. There was more frosting
on their clothes, faces, and table then the cookies, but they were
proud. I smiled in my hand. They were too cute. A girl walked out
of the bathroom. She had dark choppy hair that framed her narrow
jaw, her eyes were heavily made up with makeup, and she was
sporting a low cut shirt that showed off her cleavage, and shorty
shorts. They were almost underwear. I really tried not to react,
but it was impossible. My mouth hung open just a little. She was
pretty, but more in a worldly way, like she was trying extremely
hard to be beautiful.

“They have been wanting to show you those
cookies all day today,” Julie said. She gave me a weird look. A
jealous look. I guess I’m pretty. At least people have told me that
before. I look a lot like my mom with her thick hair, and big blue
eyes. I’m trim, but not super skinny. I tried not to eat too many
cookies and stuff.

“This is Zoe, Julie, she’s a friend of mine,”
Branson introduced with a wave of his hand.

“Zoe!” the twins said together and ran at my
legs. They stared up at me with their round little faces.

“Hi, girls,” I said with a smile. I bent down
to them. “Your cookies look super yummy!” I stood back up to see
that Julie was staring at me like she wanted to bite my head off.
Youch.

“I hope it’s okay if we take the girls for a
walk,” Branson said.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, Branson?”
she asked and pulled him down the hallway. I could smell the
garbage that was littered all over the house. It was making me want
to gag. The girls tugged my hand and showed me their room full of
half-broken toys. Poor little things. I wanted to hear what Julie
was saying to Branson, but I didn’t know if I should snoop.

“Why can’t you just take me back, Branson?” I
heard Julie say, and it sounded like she was crying. Oh snap. I
tried to distract myself with the little girls who were climbing
all over the place.

“Mommy is sad,” CC said. She grabbed a doll
and started rocking it back and forth.

“She drinks stinky stuff all the time,” said
Evie with a bounce. “What is it called, CC?”

“I dunno. It’s smelly,” said CC.

Beer? This place looked unsafe for these
little girls. I don’t know how Julie lived in this pigsty.

“Then Mommy cries,” Evie said and looked sad
for a minute.

“Do you want to be our mommy too, Zoe?” CC
said with a grin. She started making her doll dance around.

“We used to go to Rachel’s house, but Daddy
doesn’t love her anymore. But that’s Bree’s mommy,” Evie said and
then squealed in delight as she ran across the room and jumped on
her bed. The twins started bouncing. What was I getting into? A
couple minutes later, Branson walked in looking worn out. Had I
caused trouble with him and his kids’ mom? I hoped not.

“Girls, Daddy is ready to go. Did you pack
your stuff?” he asked. The two little girls were jumping on the bed
and making stuffed animals fly all over the place.

“Evie, CC! Stop jumping on the bed, and grab
your backpacks!” Julie said with an exasperated look. “They have
been driving me nuts lately!” Julie sneered. Branson went to go
help the little girls with their stuff. Once their backpacks were
loaded with what looked like more toys than clothes, we headed
toward the living room. I felt completely in the way as Julie
followed behind us. I turned and looked at her face once, which was
a mistake. She had tears in her eyes.

“I know how you used to make money, Branson!
You are not a saint! If you think my lifestyle is messed up then
take a look at your own!” She flung her hands out, and I saw spit
fly from her mouth.

“Julie, I never said that. I just feel like
God is leading me in another direction. I’m not condemning you at
all,” Branson said as he turned and faced the distraught girl in
the doorway. I was feeling squirmy. I was caught in the middle of
this.

“Did he tell you what he is? Who he is! Ask
him how he used to make money on the internet! Ask him! You are
nothing more than a slut, Branson Tate!” she spat at him and
stormed away. My stomach twisted into a knot. What had he done?
Branson looked like he wanted to cry as he ushered his girls out of
the living room with their little backpacks on their backs.

“I…I’m sorry, Zoe, I didn’t know she would
react this way. Can you forgive me? If you want to go home, I’m
okay with that.” He helped the girls down the porch and toward his
car.

“No…!” the girls whined together. “Please,
Zoe, come on a walk with us!” they said. I gulped down my fear.

“I’ll…come,” I said with a slight stammer.
Branson loaded up his daughters in his car, and I climbed into
mine. What had Branson done? How had he made money? I felt a sick
feeling in my gut.

I followed Branson toward the park where I
loved to walk. I parked my car and climbed out wondering what the
rest of the day was going to be like. Should I talk to Branson
about what Julie had said, or just drop the subject like a hot
potato? Did I want to know his past? He got the girls out of their
car seats, and they ran toward me.

“We are picking up Bree Bree later! Did you
know she can say Dada? She also says yum!” Evie said dancing
around. I giggled.

“I can’t wait to hear her say it!” I said and
drew in a deep breath of fresh air. Ah, it felt so nice out!

“They love the woods. Come on, girls, let’s
go take a walk!” Branson said with enthusiasm. The two little girls
started spinning and dancing. He spun with them and grabbed their
little hands and led them toward the woods. The twins raced around
picking up sticks, leaves, rocks, and showing them to us with
giggles. Branson and I just walked enjoying the woods.

“I’m really sorry about Julie,” he said
finally after about ten minutes of silence between us.

“It’s okay,” I said because I didn’t know
what else to say.

“She’s still not understanding how
drastically my life has changed. It was just two years ago we broke
up. The twins were one, and I met Rachel. I could never be with one
woman very long,” he said, and I saw the words were hard for him to
say. I just listened.

“What Julie said…how I made money…” He let
his words trail off. He was struggling with what to say to me. He
didn’t have to tell me anything. I barely knew him.

“It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me,
Branson.”

“No, it’s fine. I want to tell you. I made
porn and sold it online.”

The breath was sucked out from my lungs.
Porn. Why in the world would God want me with a man like this?

“I made a lot of money selling it. I had a
lot of girlfriends who agreed to…let me take pictures and make
videos with them.”

I searched for signs of condemnation or guilt
on his face. There was none. What? Didn’t he feel bad about how
much of a sinner he was?

“I…made a video with Rachel when I slipped
up, and she got pregnant. She wanted nothing to do with Bree, and
she was mad I had gotten her pregnant.” He looked out toward his
little girls for a minute. My heart was hammering.

“She was going to put her up for adoption,
and I fought with her about it. A girl from my work invited me to
church around this time, and that’s when everything flipped for
me.” The twins ran over to us and put dirty rocks in their dad’s
hand.

“Thanks, girls, these are beautiful!” he
said. They bounded away again.

“The only way I can stand before God without
condemnation is believing in the finished work of the cross. I…was
a mess. I made a ton of mistakes, but my kids aren’t going to pay
for the mistakes I made. I can’t return to that lifestyle. Julie
still asks me to…make porn with her again. She’s struggling for
money. I used to make 10,000 a month. Now, I barely make two.” He
looked over at his two girls. I was freaking out. I had to get out
of this friendship or relationship or whatever this was right
now.

“I’m freaking you out, aren’t I?” he said,
and I could tell he was wishing he hadn’t said so much to me.

“Um, a little. I…don’t know what this is,
Branson. God just keeps telling me to hang out with you.”

“Does He now?” He laughed and ran his fingers
through his sandy brown hair. “Because He told me to ask you for
coffee.” We both shook our head with a teasing smile.

Should I tell this guy about my dad? About
what was happening with Jacob? I felt strange talking about it. He
would probably think my dad was a jerk. I didn’t really want that,
but I did want to tell him more about myself.

“I have to tell you something,” I started to
say. I brushed a leaf that was sticking out in front of my
face.

“Okay.”

I can do this. “My dad is the pastor of my
church.”

“Oh,” he said, and I could hear a revelation
running through his mind.

“Yeah, and this…whatever this is between us
he would royally freak out about. He always told me ‘Zoe, you are
going to marry a godly virgin.’ I’ve never even dated a guy. Or
kissed a guy for that matter.”

Branson just listened as we continued
walking. The little girls were playing in the dirty leaves.

“Well, there’s a guy at my church named
Jacob. He’s always liked me, and I think he’s a major creep. My dad
told me that he heard God say that Jacob is the one I’m supposed to
marry. He set us up on a date Friday that was why I couldn’t make
our date,” I explained.

“So, you are supposed to marry this guy?”
Branson asked, and I could read the disappointment on his face.

“No! I haven’t heard God say anything to me.
My dad is pressuring me into it, and he says I’m in rebellion
against God because I don’t want to court Jacob. I don’t know what
to do. He’d completely disown me if he knew I was hanging out with
a guy like you.”

“A guy like me?” Branson’s look got far
away.

“A greasy grace Christian who had a sinful
life.”

“I stopped doing all of that, Zoe. I’m living
for Christ,” Branson said.

“It wouldn’t matter, Branson. My dad wants me
to marry a virgin.” I was ranting. I knew I was, but I couldn’t
help it. I had always thought I would marry a virgin too. A good,
godly, cookie-cutter man. Or did I?

“What are you trying to say?” he asked, and I
could see a lot of regret crossing his expression. I didn’t mean to
rub his past in his face.

“I’m going to follow God’s voice. I don’t
care what it takes.” A mom ran by pushing a stroller. I watched her
go feeling distracted.

“Even if your dad disowns you?” he asked with
surprise.

“Yes. Because, that’s what my dad taught me
to do. Follow the voice of God. I’m not sure why God told my dad I
was supposed to court Jacob, but I can’t, and I won’t,” I said.

After our walk, I headed home thinking about
my rant to Branson. I hope I hadn’t scared him away permanently. It
was going on four o’clock when I strolled into my parents’ house.
My dad was sitting on the couch, and my mother was sitting across
from him, and they were having what looked like a serious
discussion.

“Zoe, good, you’re home. We need to talk,” my
dad said in a non-discussion type of voice. Whenever he uses that
tone I know not to disobey him. My mother stared at me with a look
of disappointment.

“We went to the Whitmens today to discuss
your courtship, and you told your mother you weren’t coming. Was
that right?”

“Yes,” I said and crossed my arms across my
chest. “Dad, you haven’t even given me a chance to really pray and
ask God about this.” I hung my purse up and kicked off my shoes. I
could feel my temper heating up.

“What is there to pray about? I heard the
Lord, and sometimes He uses others to speak to our lives. Weren’t
you listening to a thing I said earlier today?” My dad had that
look of great frustration on his face. Crap.

“Dad…I…” I didn’t know what to say. I could
feel the heat in the room, and I wasn’t sure how to put out this
fire. I was going to get burned no matter what. I told Branson it
didn’t matter what my parents wanted, and that I was going to
follow that still small voice inside of me. But, right now as I
stared at their disappointed faces I was breaking. Could I really
court a man who had made porn for a living just over a year ago? I
mean wasn’t that really, really stupid?

“I know you think that Jacob isn’t the one
for you, but believe me, Zoe, he is your match. Pastor Mike came up
to me after church today to talk to me about Jacob. He said he
heard the Lord say you and he were to be married. How would Pastor
Mike know that unless it was God?” my dad said. He turned toward my
mother who was stacking coasters that were on the coffee table. She
seemed oddly nervous.