Gracie (33 page)

‘Soon, I’ll see you all soon,’ Sean said but as Gracie watched the exchange she caught him giving his mother a warning look.

‘We have to go if you don’t want to miss your train,’ Johnnie Riordan said as he picked up their cases. ‘Are you coming to the station, Sean? There’s room if you wish.’

‘No. I have to speak to Gracie.’

Again, Gracie caught a look between mother and son.

As the car pulled away Gracie stayed inside but she watched Sean wave at his mother and then come back in.

‘I need to talk to you. Can we go up to the flat and talk in private?’

Gracie thought Sean was going to explode with embarrassment when he saw Jeanette in the sitting room of the upstairs flat bouncing Fay up and down on her knee.

‘Ooh hello, lover boy …’ Jeanette laughed, eyeing him up and down slowly.

‘Shut up …’

‘Oh sorreee, I thought maybe you were here for the third McCabe sister. You know, all for one and one for all …’

‘I wouldn’t touch you with a bargepole …’ Sean flushed bright scarlet as he looked the other way.

‘Oh, I bet you would given half a chance, Romeo, but we’re never going to find that out, are we?’ Jeanette smirked at him, enjoying his discomfort for a few moments before turning to her sister.

‘Do you want me to stay or can I take Fay to the park in her beautiful shiny new pram? I feel so important pushing that round, like a la-di-dah nanny. I could wear my new nurse’s uniform and really look the part …’

‘It’s fabulous, isn’t it? The Wheatons really pushed the boat out with that! But yes, you take her to the park – but no uniform! Sean wants to talk to me.’

‘I bet he does. Is the lovely Jennifer on the premises? I could go and make small talk with twinnie on the way, show her the baby she didn’t manage to do away with …’ Jeannie continued, needling Sean.

‘Shut up. Haven’t you made her life miserable enough, you nasty cow? Anyway she’s not there, she doesn’t want anything to do with any of you. Accusing her of stealing the baby? How low can you all go?’

‘But she did,’ Jeanette said, ‘and you know she did really, don’t you?’

‘She said she didn’t and I believe her. There was no reason for her to do it and no one has proved anything; it’s just your nasty minds, all of you.’

Jeanette looked at Sean open-mouthed and then started laughing. ‘She’s really got you, hasn’t she? Well, give it time and you’ll learn, you daft old lump of lard!’

As Jeanette got herself and Fay ready Ruby noticed that Sean didn’t even glance at his daughter. Not once.

‘Shall we go and sit on the balcony?’ Sean asked.

‘What? You are joking, aren’t you? Just like the old days, sit and have a chat and watch the world go by?’ she laughed dryly and shook her head. ‘Not a chance, mister, just say what you have to say.’

Sean sat down on the sofa but Gracie remained standing.

‘I’m going back to Ireland, just as soon as I can. I can’t be working in a café much longer, I want to be a real chef again and I’ve been offered a job in a restaurant in the city. Mam told me about it …’

‘I guessed that from something your mother said and then the strange looks. What has the lovely Jennifer got to say about that?’

Sean paused for a moment before replying, and then the words tumbled out all at once. ‘She’s coming with me. If you want to divorce me then I’ll take all the blame. I’ll not deny what happened with Jennifer and I won’t mention your secret. You know, about St Angela’s, and neither will she, she’s promised.’

Gracie stared at the man who was her husband but who now seemed like a stranger. Everything that had happened seemed far removed, and now she found it hard to remember what it was like to be with him, to be pregnant and treated so badly.

She had taken all the blame for their relationship souring, but now she could look back and see that it would all have gone wrong anyway. Jennifer would have seen to that.

‘So despite what she did to Fay, your daughter, you’re going to go to Ireland and take her with you? You’re turning your back on your daughter? I’m so ashamed of you, Sean Donnelly,’ Gracie said sadly.

‘She didn’t do anything to Fay, you know that and we’re going to Ireland together because it’s what my mother wants …’

‘No it isn’t,’ she interrupted. ‘Not ten minutes ago your mother was trying to persuade me to go with you, she’s disgusted with Jennifer. And you for that matter.’

Sean looked at his wife for a few moments before continuing.

‘… and it’s what Jennifer wants, a new life away from here, and I think it’s what you want as well if you’re honest. Fay is
your
baby, not mine. I’m not saying I’m not the father, I’m not saying that, but you really don’t want me in her life …’ his voice faded off.

‘If I’m honest, what I want would be for none of this to have happened. I would want you and I to still be in our flat, with both our twins alive. I’d want Jeanette and Jennifer to be sisterly again and I’d want my mother not to be so crucified with the pain you and Jennifer have caused her.’

‘We don’t often get what we truly want,’ Sean said sadly. ‘And I know that whatever you say, you didn’t truly want me, not really. We weren’t wrong for each other, we just weren’t right enough. We got there out of habit – we courted, we got engaged, we wed, without really thinking about it too deeply.’

‘And Fay?’

‘I’ll come and see her.’

‘But you can’t be her father, living in a different country.’

‘Families survived years apart during the war …’

‘All right, Sean, you carry on telling yourself you’re doing nothing wrong. You’ve spent too much time with Jennifer; she doesn’t know right from wrong either.’

Gracie shook her head in despair. She wanted to cry but instead she started laughing.

‘You are an idiot, Sean. Do you really think she loves you? Honestly!’

‘She does love me and I love her. I can’t help it and I know you don’t want to hear it but I’m so in love with her it hurts …’ his voice tailed off as he saw the expression on Gracie’s face. ‘I’m sorry. Look, I want to ask you something, out of curiosity. What happened to the baby you had at St Angela’s? Do you know anything of it?’

‘No, nothing, and I never will. The baby was a boy and was adopted from the hospital and that is all I know. I went to live-in at the Palace and that’s when we first met. It was 1946, such a long time ago.’ She met his gaze and stared. ‘You need to be careful, Sean, or you’ll end up not knowing anything about your daughter. How sad would that be?’

‘I wish you’d told me …’

‘I wish you’d told me you were in love with my sister instead of blaming me – but we could keep on talking rubbish like this forever and I don’t want to, so if there’s nothing else?’

Sean stood up. ‘I won’t be back then …’

‘If that’s how you feel, then goodbye.’

Gracie didn’t look at him as he left and he didn’t look round. He just walked away.

As the door closed Gracie stood stock-still with her arms folded and her eyes dry.

She wanted to be angry but wasn’t sure why anymore.

She went out onto the balcony and wasn’t surprised to see Jennifer standing on the nearby corner waiting, watching until Sean emerged.

He walked towards her and Gracie could almost feel his excitement as he held his hands out and she ran into his arms. She stepped back to make sure Jennifer couldn’t see her if she looked up, she didn’t want to give her the satisfaction, but Gracie found she still couldn’t look away. She watched them kiss and then walk off hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder.

As she watched them disappear out of sight, she thought back to the night of the engagement, when she and Sean had walked along that same route, holding hands. She had been so excited to be engaged, so happy to have a ring on her finger, but now she could see that was what was wrong.

It had been the engagement and the wedding which she had focused on, without giving enough thought to the marriage or the man. Ruby had tried to warn her but Gracie had been too in love with the idea of being married and having legitimate babies to replace the one that had been taken from her.

For the first time, Gracie removed her wedding and engagement ring. She looked at them in the palm of her hand and thought for a moment about making a grand gesture and throwing them into the sea, but she couldn’t. One day she would give them to Fay because despite everything, and whether he ever saw her again or not, Sean would always be her father.

Gracie went back indoors and went through to her bedroom where she kept her jewellery box and carefully put them into one of the compartments. As she started to close the lid she caught sight of the gold signet ring that Edward had given her that day at the beach. She took it out and slid it onto her finger as if she expected it to fit this time but it didn’t.

Edward Woodfield.

The reason why she was so wrong to go ahead with her wedding to Sean Donnelly. The man who she had seen that very morning and the man who had once again sent prickles down her spine in a way her husband never had.

Sean was her second best and she could see, with the benefit of hindsight, that she was second best for him. They had loved each other but they weren’t
in
love and they should never have gone through with it.

But then she wouldn’t have Fay, the light of her life.

She put the ring back and went into the sitting room.

Gracie curled up on the familiar sofa and turned it all over in her head until she was brought out of her trance by Jeanette arriving back. She had Fay in her arms and quickly put her in her crib.

‘She is getting a bit heavy to lug up and down those stairs, let’s hope they sort the basement out for you a bit sharpish.’

Jeanette looked around.

‘I see he’s gone then …’

‘Yes, he’s gone. He and Jennifer are off to Ireland. Seems like it’s the real thing between them. Or so he says. Anyway they’re going and I suppose one of us should tell Mum and Dad; I’m sure Jennifer won’t. Mum will be devastated all over again, regardless of everything she’s done and how far she’s fallen.’

‘You seem happy enough with it, don’t you still want to kill Jennifer just a little bit?’ Jeanette asked with a grin.

‘No, I’m past that now. They’re welcome to each other. I feel sad that it all ended like this but better now than in five, ten or whatever years …’

‘So shall we go out and celebrate tonight? Ruby won’t mind babysitting Fay,’ Jeannie said.

‘Nice idea but it’s too soon and anyway, I need to work my fingers to the bone for a while to pay Rubes back for everything she’s done for me. I’ve disrupted her life and her business a treat!’ Gracie paused. ‘What a year this has been, eh?’

‘It has but now you can look ahead to the future and you know what? I think we’re all going to be okay.’

‘I hope so,’ Gracie said, looking at her daughter. ‘I really hope so.’

Gracie and Ruby were sitting side by side on the balcony looking out over the water, passing Leonora Wheaton’s binoculars back and forth. It had become a bit of a ritual but it was especially poignant at that moment. It was the last night that Gracie and Ruby would be in the flat together. The house next door was nearly ready to open as an annexe to the Thamesview, and Gracie and Fay were going to move into the tiny basement flat there. Meanwhile, Ruby would stay in the top flat alone and get it redecorated before she and Johnnie married.

Although Gracie was looking forward to moving to the more accessible flat, she was also nervous about being on her own with Fay for the first time.

‘I can see how Aunt Leonora got hooked on this ship-watching obsession. I could easily be the same, it’s strangely hypnotic,’ Ruby laughed. ‘God, she used to spend hours out here in all weathers trying to guess which ships were going to where from Tilbury.’

‘She’d have loved to have gone somewhere on a liner. It’s such a shame she never did, a bit of a lesson there for us. You know, life’s too short!’ Gracie said, looking out across the estuary.

‘It’s a shame Edward’s ship sailed from Liverpool, we could have waved as he went past …’

‘Who knows?’ Ruby said. ‘Next time you might be on one of them, sailing away to Africa! Have you heard from him yet?’

‘No, he said the post is erratic but he should be settled back in by now. He seemed to think the warmth would be good for his injuries from the accident. That was a bad crash. I often think he could have been dead and I would never have known. Never ever. I’d just have thought he was still in Africa.’

‘Be thankful he’s alive and kicking then! Even if he is several thousand miles away.

‘Three years is a long time to be away, it’s a pity you couldn’t have sorted this out before he went …’ Ruby added, holding her hand out for her turn with the binoculars.

‘I know, but the timing was all wrong again, so I’ll take my chances and hope for the best. Whatever will be will be, and I have Fay so I won’t be alone.’ Gracie smiled at her friend. ‘Anyway, you’ve waited long enough for Johnnie and now it’s all working out for you.’

‘I suppose, but we’ve always been in the same country. Africa is so far away, how did you resist?’

‘It was hard but it was the right thing to do for Fay. The dream was wonderful but real life is different and I have to consider Fay. It would have been wrong for me to take her across the world, what with her being so fragile. He offered to stay, you know. He said he’d get a job in England, but how could I stop him being where he wanted to be?’

‘Maybe next time he goes you’ll be able to go with him. Do you think there’s a future for the pair of you?’

‘I don’t know. He’s the right one, I know that, but he’s the right one at the wrong time. Not only do I have a child who might have long-term problems, I can never have any more children. If Edward wants children then …’

Gracie’s voice faded as she thought about the implications, as she had over and over again. She could see it being the one single thing that would prevent them having a future together.

‘He’s the eldest son, his family are going to expect him to produce an heir; they’re not going to want him wed to a sterile divorcee, are they?’