Grave Endings (30 page)

forty-seven

Tuesday, March 2. 4:45 P.M. Corner of Sunset Boulevard and Vine Street. A 34-year-old man approached
two men and asked for directions to a homeless shelter. The men told the victim to go “south on Vine,”
and then followed him as he began walking. They
then attacked the victim, grabbed his crutches, and
beat him with them. The suspects are males in their
early twenties.
(Hollywood)

A FOOL MAY MAKE TWO TRIPS WHERE A WISE MAN MAKES none, but I would have made a third trip to watch Jason's face when they arrested him early Monday morning.

“Maybe in the movies,” Connors told me, “but that's not how it works in real life. I could compromise the case by having you there, and suppose you got hurt?”

Connors told me Jason didn't seem bothered that the police had the tape. I think he'd more or less expected that it would surface, and not end up in his hands. But he turned white as flour when they told him Iris Strand was alive and willing to testify, and he didn't look much better when Connors said the police were examining Horton's Mercedes. According to the complaining witness, Connors told him when they were in the interrogation room at the station before the attorney arrived, That's the car you used to transport her. It's a good thing for us your daddy's a frugal man. Not so good for you.

Did you know it's almost impossible to get blood-stains out completely, Jason? You could use solvents and bleach, but there's this product called Luminol. You spray something with Luminol, and blood that's years old will fluoresce in the dark. I wonder whose blood they'll find in your daddy's Mercedes. What do you think?

The next morning Horton and the attorney joined Jason. A night in jail will take the starch out of most people. Jason was subdued and glassy-eyed. Connors thinks he realized this was something his father couldn't fix. I wondered at what point Horton would stop covering up for his son. Maybe that point wasn't rape. Maybe that point was two murders.

Connors told them that with the tape and Iris's testimony, they had Jason on the rape. They also had him on Aggie's murder. They had found her blood in the Mercedes, as well as on the shirt Randy had kept for insurance. Jason's blood had been on that, too.

The attorney, whom you've probably seen on
Larry
King Live,
asked Connors what kind of deal he could give them. If he tells us about Aggie and gives us the weapon, if he cops to Randy, Connors said, maybe the D.A. will take the death penalty off the table, but I can't promise.

I didn't kill Randy, Jason said, sitting up straight as though he had just woken up with a start from a nightmare. The words
death penalty
will do that. Let's hear what they have to offer, son, Horton told him. I didn't kill him, Jason repeated. I can tell you about Aggie, I didn't mean for that to happen, I was stoned, but no way am I going to take the rap for Randy.

Come on, Jason, Connors said. We know you killed Aggie, we know you killed Randy. You tell me what happened and I'll go to the D.A. right now and talk to her about dropping the death penalty. Maybe they'll give you concurrent terms, Horton said. Is that on the table? he asked Connors. That would be a good deal, Jason, I think you should take it if they offer it.

“That's when it got interesting,” Connors told me.

Jason glared at his father. You want me to cut my losses, Dad, is that what you're saying? Or maybe you'd like to cut
your
losses? Shut up, Jason. Maybe we'll diversify, Dad. I told you to shut up, Jason, you're making things worse for yourself. I'm going to cut
my
losses, Dad. I'll cop to Aggie, and you do the same for Randy. Ask him about Jim, Jason said to Connors. Ask him whose idea it was to trash Trina's apartment. Ask Trina how it is that Jim phoned when I was with her. Ask my dad why he told me to say I was with him the night Randy died. Ask him how much he paid Doreen to spy on Randy, how much he paid her to move out of town.

I talked to Connors this morning. He's having a hard time proving what is spite and what is truth, though we both believe that Horton killed Randy. Jason says he told his father Randy was to blame for his drug addiction, and maybe that's what drove Horton that night, though he won't admit to anything. He has his own high-profile attorney, one whose face you've also seen on
Larry King.
But Connors is smart. He has a lead on Doreen, and Jason does have an alibi for the night Randy was killed, although he wasn't keen on his wife's finding out her name.

Jason says he never intended to kill Aggie. He followed her to reason with her after she turned down an offer from Horton, much like the one he made me.
I'll
pay these women, I'll write a check to any institution
you want.
Jason was stoned that night, and when Aggie wouldn't talk to him, he became enraged and before he knew it, she was in his car, the knife was in his hands, and she was dead.

Horton's Mercedes, by the way, is a black SUV. Horton claims he was working late in his office the night I was on Arroyo Seco, and that Jason had borrowed his car all day.

Bubbie G says no one has a monopoly on regret.

I haven't talked to Bramer and probably won't. My guess is that he has had many sleepless nights over the past six years about Iris and Aggie and the things he didn't want to think about when Aggie was killed.

I imagine that Sue Ann, despite what she told me, wonders how much she is to blame for the way Randy turned out. And Alice may have a twinge or two about the advice she gave, though I suspect she wishes there were thousands of miles, not fifteen, between San Marino and Culver City. I don't plan to tell Roland Creeley about his ex-wife, and Connors doesn't see why it would come up. I doubt that Sue Ann will suddenly develop an interest in meeting her grown-up daughter, or that Trina will decide that she'd like to meet her mother, though you never know. Trina's back in her apartment, with a new lock on her door.

I wish everything could be fixed that easily.

Jason's arraignment is tomorrow morning. Connors asked if I was going to be there, but I told him I'd pass.

I'm getting married.

forty-eight

Wednesday, March 3. 7:15 P.M. 100 block of South La
Peer Drive. A woman reported that unknown suspects threw several glasses over her bushes, nearly hitting her.
(Wilshire)

I HAD TO SEND MY DAD BACK TO MY APARTMENT TO PICK up the gold cuff links I would give Zack after the ceremony, in the private room where we would break our fast and share our first kiss, not necessarily in that order. Mindy thinks Zack is giving me pearl earrings because he asked her if I had a pair.

And the plate my mother had picked up at the 99 Cents Store wouldn't break. My mother and Sandy, Zack's mother, had slammed it repeatedly, with growing frustration, against the corner of a table in the room where our fathers and two witnesses had just signed the betrothal agreement.

“Raul brought a hammer, tied with a bow,” my mother said when she resumed her seat next to me on the elevated platform in the reception hall.

The breaking of the plate, like the breaking of the glass under the chuppa, is a reminder of our grief over the destruction of both Holy Temples, a reminder that even the happiest occasions have echoes of sadness. Early Tuesday morning, my parents and I visited the graves of Zeidie Irving and my father's parents and invited their souls to the wedding. I placed a pebble on Aggie's headstone, just a few rows away from Zeidie's, and invited her soul, too. And inside the white leather-bound book of psalms I now held on my lap was a small sheet of paper with the handwritten names of individuals who needed prayers. People who were ill, others who yearned for children or mates. A bride's prayers, I have been told, have a unique potency.

I was surrounded by family. My mother, my sisters and sister-in-law, Bubbie G. My mother-in-law, Zack's aunts and mine. My nieces sat cross-legged at our feet, their tulle gowns mushrooming around them. The room was crowded with guests, most of whom had come up to wish us mazel tov before helping themselves to hors d'oeuvres. Ron was there, too, with a statuesque blonde. I saw Isaac, proud in his new suede yarmulke. And the Lashers.

I have come to accept that I will never know why Aggie didn't confide in me. Maybe, as Connors said, I had put her on a pedestal. Maybe six years ago she didn't want to complicate my fragile return to Orthodox observance. Maybe she knew I would have tried to talk her out of doing what she felt was right.

The photographer and videographer were busy capturing memories that Zack and I would enjoy long after the evening was over. I was compiling my own. The swelling of my heart as I saw Zack, escorted by our fathers and a jubilant entourage of men and boys. His whispered “I love you” and the tender look in his eyes before he lowered my veil. My father's tears, and mine, as he placed his hands on my head and blessed me. The sweet strains of “Adon Olam” as Zack's parents walked him down the aisle to the outdoor chuppa and helped him slip on his white
kittel.

It was a day of joy and solemnity, a day of atonement for both of us. New beginnings. Earlier today I had recited the Yom Kippur confession. Last night I submerged myself in the rainwaters of the
mikvah,
the ritual bath. Now I was under the chuppa, a symbol of the home Zack and I would build. His family's heirloom white satin
tallit,
luminous against the darkening sky, billowed above us. Guided by my mother and Sandy, I walked around Zack seven times, forming the walls that would complete our home, the same number of circuits, I realized, that I had made as I wound my red thread around Rachel's Tomb.

We stood side by side, suddenly shy, sobered by the import of the moment as the rabbi, Zack's mentor, who had flown in from Israel, recited two blessings over a silver goblet filled with wine. Zack took a sip of the wine, and my mother lifted my veil so that I could take a sip, too. Then Zack placed a simple gold ring on the index finger of my right hand and recited the blessing in Hebrew.

We were married.

We gazed at each other while the rabbi of my parents' shul read the
ketubah
in its original Aramaic and handed it to me. Seven more blessings, more wine. Now my mother-in-law raised my veil. Then Noah and Judah sang, “If I Forget Thee, Jerusalem.” Zack stomped on the glass someone had placed under his foot, and everyone yelled, “Mazel tov!” as the band burst into song.

Zack took my hand. He held it tight as we walked down from the chuppa and made our way through a throng of family and friends who showered us with kisses and beamed their joy.

I wished Aggie were here.

Edie asked me yesterday if I feel better knowing why. I told her I do. I will never get over Aggie's death, but I take some comfort knowing she wasn't mugged for a locket and the contents of her wallet.

But if I could, I would rewind the video of her life and make some edits. I would cut the scenes where she meets Randy and Horton, and probably the scenes with Iris, too. I would stop her from walking up the stairs to Jason's room.

The truth is, I'm not sure Aggie would want those edits. The rabbi at her funeral said she was like Rachel, and maybe he was right. Rachel, who stole Laban's idols to wean him from his idolatry, and hid them in her tent before moving them to her camel's saddlebags when he came searching. Rachel, who didn't tell her husband what she'd done, and died in childbirth because Jacob had sworn to a furious Laban that whoever had stolen his idols would die.

If Rachel hadn't stolen the idols, if she had told Jacob. If Aggie hadn't urged Iris to go to the police, if she hadn't stolen the tapes . . .

If Jason Horton hadn't been the man he was . . .

Not
God's
plan, my father had said.
Man's
plan.

I think now that God watched Aggie as she walked from her car on that July night.

I think He turned His head away, because He couldn't bear to see what He knew would happen.

I think He cried.

Glossary of Hebrew and Yiddish Words and Phrases

Adar (noun, a'-dar, or a-dar'). The Jewish month in which Purim falls, known for celebration.

“Adon Olam” (noun, a-don' o-lam'). A daily prayer, often sung. Literally, “Master of the Universe.”

Amidah (noun, a-mi'-dah). A daily prayer composed of eighteen blessings. aufruf (noun, auf'-ruf). The calling up of the groom to the Torah, usually on the Sabbath before the wedding.

ayin harah (noun, a'-yin ha'-rah). Evil eye.

Az me laigt arein kadoches, nemt men arois a krenk (Yiddish proverb, az me laigt a'-rein ka-do'-ches, nemt men a-rois' a krenk). If you invest in a fever, you'll realize a disease.

Baruch Dayan ha'emet (phrase, ba-ruch' da-yan' ha-e-met'). Blessed be God, the Righteous Judge. Recited when one hears that a person has died.

bashert (noun or adjective, ba-shert'). Destiny, or destined.

Bedeken (noun, ba-deck'-en). Ritual before the wedding ceremony during which the groom lowers the bride's veil.

bentch gomel (verb, bentsch go'-mel). To recite a prayer of gratitude in synagogue after surviving a dangerous journey, illness, or accident.

bima (noun, bi'-ma). Elevated platform on which the Torah scroll is placed for the reading.

bli ayin hara (bli a'-yin ha'-ra). A phrase to ward off the evil eye.

bubbie (noun, bub'-bee). Grandmother. Also, bubbeh,
babi, babbi.

challa (noun, chal'-la or chal-la'). Braided loaf of bread. Plural is challot (chal-lot') or challas (chal'-las).

chesed (noun, che'-sed). [Acts of] loving-kindness.

Chevra Kadisha (noun, chev'-ra ka-di'-sha). A community organization that prepares a body for burial.

chossen (noun, chos'-sen). Groom. Also, chattan (chattan').

chuppa (noun, chup'-pa). Wedding canopy.

davened (verb, past tense, da'-vened). Prayed.

gleyzele (noun, diminutive, gle'-ze-le). A small glass.

greeneh (noun, green'-eh). Newcomer, immigrant. (Colloquial).

Halevai (phrase, ha-le-vai'). I wish that it were so.

hamantaschen (noun, ha'-man-ta'-schen). Traditional Purim three-cornered cookies filled with poppy seeds, prune butter, or apricots. Literally, Haman's pockets.

Hashem (noun, Ha-shem'). God.

Hashem feirt der velt (Yiddish saying). God rules the world.

kenehoreh (ke-ne-hor'-eh). A frequently used phrase that is an elision of keyn ayin horeh (kān a'-yin ho'reh). Let there be no evil eye. Also,
kenayn-e-horeh
(ke-nain'-e-hor'-eh).

kiddush (noun, kid'-dush or kid-dush'). A prayer recited over wine at the beginning of a Sabbath or holiday meal. Also used to refer to refreshments served after synagogue services on the Sabbath or other Jewish holidays.

kittel (noun, kit'-tel). A white ceremonial robe worn by married males on Yom Kippur and Passover. Males are also buried in it. YIVO spelling is
kitl.
Plural:
kitlen,
or colloquially,
kittels.

kugel (noun, ku'-gel). A puddinglike dish, usually made of vegetables (like potatoes or onions) or noodles.

loshon horah (noun, lo'-shen ho'reh). Slander, gossip. Also, lashon harah (la-shon' ha-rah').

maksim (adjective, mak-sim'). Enchanting.

mazel (noun, ma'-zel). Luck; often used in a phrase,
mazel tov,
wishing one good luck or congratulations at a celebration or happy occasion. Alternate spelling: mazal (ma-zal') tov.

mechitza (noun, me-chi'-tza). Partition used in a synagogue or hall to separate men and women.

Mishpatim (noun, mish-pat'-im; mish-pat-im'). Literally, laws. A portion of the Torah.

mitzvah (noun, mitz'-vah or mitz-vah'). Positive commandment. Plural, mitzvot (mitz-vot'); colloquial plural, mitzvos (mitz'-vos).

naches (noun, na'-ches). Proud pleasure, special joy, as in one's child's accomplishments.

nachon (adjective, na-chon'). Correct.

nehedar (adjective, ne-he-dar'). Gorgeous, marvelous, superb.

onen (noun, o'-nen). Term used to describe someone who has just learned of a close relative's death. He or she retains this status until the funeral, and during this period does not perform any religious commandments, e.g., praying, reciting blessings.

Pesach (noun, pe'-sach). Passover.

Rachel mevaka al baneha (phrase, ra-chel' me-va-ka' al ba-ne'-ha). Rachel is weeping over her children. From Jeremiah 3:15.

seder (noun, se'-der). Feast held on the eve of the first day of Passover commemorating the Exodus from Egypt. Plural,
sedorim,
or colloquially,
seders.
Orthodox Jews living outside of Israel observe a second seder on the eve of the second day of Passover.

Shabbat (noun, Shab-bat'). Sabbath.

Shabbat Kallah (noun, shab-bat' kal-lah'). The last Sabbath before a bride's wedding; a festive day on which the bride's friends and family come to her house to celebrate with her. Variation, Shabbos Kalleh (shab'bes kal'-leh).

Shabbos (noun, shab'-bes). Sabbath; also, Shabbat.

sheitel (noun, shei'-tel). Wig.

sheitel macher (noun, shei'-tel ma'-cher). Wig maker, or stylist.

shidduch (noun, shid'-duch). Arranged match between a man and a woman.

shiva (noun, shiv'-a or shiv-a'). Literally, seven. The seven days of mourning for a deceased relative.

shul (noun). Synagogue.

siddur (noun, sid-dur' or sid'-dur). Prayer book.

simcha (noun, sim'-cha, sim-cha'). Joy, or happy occasion, e.g., a birth, bar mitzvah, wedding. Also,
sim
cheh (sim'-cheh).

tallit (noun, tal-lit'). Prayer shawl. Variation is tallis (tal'-lis).

tefillin (noun, te-fil'-lin; te-fil-lin'). Phylacteries; black boxes containing verses from the Scriptures that males use in daily prayer.

teshuvah (noun, te-shu'-vah or te-shu-vah'). Repentance.

Torah (noun, to'-rah or to-rah'). The Bible; also, the parchment scroll itself.

yarmulke (noun, yar'-mul-ke). Skullcap. The Hebrew is kippah (kee'-pah or kee-pah').

yeshiva (noun, ye-shi'-va or ye-shi-va'). A school of Jewish study.

Yom Kippur (noun, yom kip'-pur or yom ki-pur'). Jewish Day of Atonement.

Za nisht kayn k'nacker (phrase, za nisht kayn k'-nock'er). Don't be a big shot (show-off, know-it-all).

zeidie (noun, zā'-die). Grandfather; also, zeidi, zeide,
zeideh, zaydie.

zemirot (noun, ze-mi-rot'; plural of ze'-mer). Songs usually sung during Sabbath or holiday meals.