Grave Vengeance (15 page)

“No, but you would have suffered.” He reached out and cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing her skin. A look of such longing and frustration crossed his face, but then he blinked, and the emotions vanished. “Go to sleep, Gwenya. You need your strength.”

He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. His broad chest expanded when he took a deep breath before letting it out with a jaw-popping yawn.

Gwen nestled against him, using the crook of his shoulder like a pillow. His arm curled around her, hugging her closer, pressing her against his bare flesh.

Good Lord, was he naked? She knew he wasn’t wearing a shirt, but hadn’t considered what was going on below the waist. Casually, she slipped her hand a little lower beneath the covers until her fingers brushed over a band of elastic.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Nothing, just getting comfortable.” She felt relieved to know he wasn’t completely nude, but now she couldn’t help but wonder what kind of underwear he was wearing.

She closed her eyes and tried to relax, but it was impossible to sleep when her body hummed with so much restless energy. This was getting pathetic. Here she was, lusting over the man who’d killed her. But the swell of emotions was too strong to ignore. It was crazy, but she felt a connection with him that she’d never experienced with another guy. Odds were, even if he felt the same way, he’d rather die than admit it. Considering their history, why would he act any differently?

“Dmitri?”

He grunted. “What?”

“Will you promise not to laugh if I ask you something?”

One of his eyes cracked open. “No.”

“No, you won’t laugh, or no, you won’t promise?”

“I never promise blindly.”

“Oh, come on, it’s just one little question. You don’t even have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Dmitri groaned. “You’re not going to give up until I promise not to laugh, are you?”

“I wouldn’t count on it if I were you.”

With a groan, he scrubbed a hand across his mouth. “Fine. I promise not to laugh at whatever you want to ask me. Now spit it out so I can get some sleep.”

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Great. Now that he’d finally sworn not to laugh, she was at a loss for words to express her feelings. She dragged a hand through her hair while she struggled to form a coherent sentence.

“Do you think that just maybe . . . I don’t know, for a little while . . . we could set aside who we were and be who we are?”

“A truce?” She’d been around him long enough to recognize the skepticism in his tone.

“I thought we already had a truce.”

“For now. Then what do you really want?”

“To forget. About the Bureau, and the KGB, and everything else that happened between us when we were human.”

The lines of his brow dipped into a V. “That’s asking a lot.”

“I know. But it’s only for a little while. How about until we leave this cabin?”

She waited for him to answer, her nerves fraying with every tick of the clock. Ignoring the sound of the storm rattling the windows, she focused on the rhythm of his slow, steady breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

“Well?”

“I’m thinking.” In. Out. In. Out. Just when she thought she’d crack from the tension, he whipped back the covers and got up. “Be right back. The fire’s almost out.”

Gwen let out a frustrated sigh. “I take it the answer’s no?”

He didn’t reply. Crouching in front of the fireplace, he tossed more logs in the hearth and stoked the embers until the flames roared back to life. The light of the fire brightened the room and cast an orange glow over his chiseled body. She drank in the sight of him like a woman dying of thirst. Broad shoulders. Sculpted thighs. Arms corded with muscles.

Black boxer briefs.

Oh. My. God.
She could bounce a quarter off that ass. Her body flooded with so much heat it was a wonder the covers didn’t combust.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t tear her gaze away. Besides, why should she? Heavily muscled without being bulky, his body belonged on a billboard.

Dmitri leaned the poker against the bricks and stopped short when he turned toward her. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing. What’s wrong?” He stepped toward her, and it was everything she could do not to check out his package.

She shook her head while she forced her gaze not to wander. No way would she admit to mentally lusting over the way he filled out a pair of underwear. “Just tired, is all.” She lifted the covers, and the cool air sent shivers across her skin. “Lie down, you must be exhausted.”

Dmitri stopped dead in his tracks. His gaze poured over the length of her body, and it was her turn to ask, “What?” Glancing down, she noticed her own state of undress and flipped the covers back down. “You took off my pants?”

“And two of your shirts.” An unrepentant smile warmed his mouth. “I knew you’d get bent if I stripped you naked, but you needed to get out of those wet clothes.”

Gwen pressed her lips together. Leave it to Dmitri to come up with a reasonable explanation for undressing her while she was unconscious. He was right, of course. Leaving her wrapped in cold, wet clothing would have hindered her body’s recovery. That said, she wasn’t about to strip off what little she still wore.

Settling down behind her, Dmitri slipped beneath the covers. He scooted a few inches closer, his chest pressed against her back. It felt so good to be warm, to be held, that she fought against the drag of exhaustion because she wanted to enjoy every last minute of it.

“I’ll answer your question if you answer one of mine,” he murmured a short time later, his breath warm against her hair.

She considered his offer for a few moments before answering. “Fair enough. What do you want to know?”

He paused long enough to yawn. “Was there anyone special?”

The question threw her off balance. “What, you mean back then?”

“Yeah.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just curious. You know a lot more about my life than I do about yours.”

Gwen stared straight at the fireplace, not sure if she should answer. All these years, he’d never bothered to ask. Maybe it was because he hadn’t thought to ask, but it was probably because he hadn’t cared. Either way, the effect remained the same.

“Yes,” she said at last. She closed her eyes, and an image from the past emerged from the recesses of her mind. Short brown hair. Piercing green eyes. A smile that made her as giddy as a schoolgirl. The particulars were fuzzy after so many years, but the memory still carried enough weight to make her heart squeeze tight in her chest. “But he never loved me back.”

“He was a fool.” The bite in his words was unexpected.

“He was my handler.”

At first, she’d been naïve enough to think he actually cared. He’d said the right words. Did the right things. But as time marched on she came to realize that she was nothing more to him than an asset to be manipulated. The truth hurt more than if he’d put a bullet between her eyes. Still, a part of her continued to pine for his affections up until the day she’d met her mortal death.

Dmitri’s hand lightly squeezed her hip. “Do you honestly think you could have performed your duties if you believed he truly loved you?”

Probably not. Seducing men for secrets had been difficult enough without the hazards of emotional involvement. She couldn’t imagine doing what she did while in a loving, committed relationship.

Curiosity got the better of her. “How did you handle it with Elena?”

He didn’t respond right away. Maybe he didn’t want to answer the question, or he was thinking it through in his head. “It was easy at first,” he finally said, “because we were strangers. But as I got to know her, I grew to love her, and it got harder and harder to ignore. Every time she came home reeking of another man, it damn near drove me insane. To complain would have been considered treason, so I kept my thoughts to myself.” The bitterness in his voice was nearly palpable. “Trust me when I say you were better off without the attachment.”

She understood the sentiment. To live with the knowledge that your lover was with another and you couldn’t do a damn thing about it; she couldn’t imagine the torment. But still . . .

“At least you knew what it was like to be loved.” Jesus, she sounded pathetic, but she couldn’t deny the way she felt. She only knew what it was like to want and be wanted. Anything deeper escaped her in life, and she never bothered searching for it as a reaper. What was the point when everything came with an expiration date?

Silence stretched between them, and Gwen began to wonder if he’d fallen asleep.

“Are you familiar with the saying about it being better to have loved and lost?” he asked a few minutes later.

“Yes.”

“It’s bullshit. You don’t want to know that kind of pain.”

Knowing what he’d been through, she understood his attitude. He’d suffered betrayal of the worst kind, and in a way he’d never recovered. He still carried the hatred, the hurt, the mistrust, and she yearned for a way to heal his wounded heart.

His breathing slowed to match hers, the tension uncoiling in his large body. “Yes,” he murmured against her hair, his voice sluggish and rough.

“Yes, what?”

“The answer to your question.”

With her mind dulled from fatigue and exposure, she’d almost forgotten the question. To be honest, she’d expected him to refuse her request to set aside their past while they took refuge inside the cabin. But now that he’d agreed, a tiny seed of hope took root in her soul. Maybe, just maybe, they could heal the wounds that divided them.

Dmitri’s arm around her waist tightened, nestling her so close she felt the beat of his heart against her back. “Get some sleep, Gwenya. We’ll discuss what that means in the morning.”

D
mitri’s breath fogged the air as he completed a check of the perimeter. A light snow fell from the sky, while his boots crunched through the foot already on the ground. He searched the area for signs of trouble, but so far the only tracks he’d found belonged to rabbits and deer.

He’d woken around dawn with his arms around Gwen and indecent thoughts filling his head. But mixed with the lust were feelings of true affection, and that rocked his sense of equilibrium. Needing space to think things over, he’d quietly dressed and slipped outside.

Funny how the nightmares retreated whenever Gwen slept beside him. Something about her soothed his soul and quelled the rage burning inside him. It was unexpected, and for the life of him, he couldn’t explain it. But the more time he spent with her, the less he wanted their assignment to come to an end.

Perhaps Gwen was right, and it was time to set their hostilities aside. He didn’t know if it was entirely possible, but the idea was starting to grow on him.

A gust of wind chilled his back as the cabin came into view. From the distance, it looked like something out of a painting. A layer of snow covered the roof, while a steady stream of smoke rose from the chimney. Gwen was probably still asleep by the fire, all soft and warm beneath the blankets. The urge to go inside and curl up beside her crept into his mind, but years of conditioning snapped into place and banished the thought.

For years, he’d shuttered his heart out of necessity and design to ensure he’d never make the same mistake twice. The strategy had served him well, so why bother changing course?

Because you’re tired of being alone?
That wasn’t entirely true. He’d enjoyed his fair share of women. But he never let any of them get too close, and if they tried, he cut them loose.

Still, there were times when the loneliness gnawed at him, and he longed for the intimate connection. Like now. His time with Gwen had awakened a need that clawed him with shocking ferocity.

Of course, he’d always had a weakness for strong women, and Gwen fit the description to a T. She was a complex blend of hard and soft, and he struggled to reconcile the ruthless agent with the woman who slept by his side every night to quiet his nightmares. But there was something else about her that touched his soul, an intangible quality he couldn’t explain or ignore, no matter how hard he tried.

By sheer force of will, he cleared thoughts of Gwen from his mind as he strode toward the small shed behind the cabin. He’d spotted it earlier that morning, but hadn’t had time to check it out. He used Gwen’s picks to open the padlock and then tugged the weathered door open. Inside, there was wood stacked against the far wall from floor to ceiling. Two fishing rods, a tackle box, and a bucket were stashed in the corner by the door, along with an axe and a small assortment of tools.

The nearby lake hadn’t frozen over yet. If it stayed that way for a while longer, he’d put the fishing gear to use. His mouth watered at the prospect. He’d skipped breakfast in his rush to leave the cabin without waking Gwen. Not that he wanted another damn apple, but it certainly beat going hungry.

First things first. He scooped up an armful of wood and closed the door with his boot. Once he ensured his Gwenya was warm, he’d focus on satisfying his appetite.

 

Gwen woke to the sound of a crackling fire and no sign of Dmitri.

Daylight filtered through the curtains and brightened the room. After rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she checked out her surroundings and wondered where Dmitri had gone. She strained to listen for signs of his presence, but heard nothing except the crackle of the fire.

With a yawn, she rolled onto her back and stretched. Weariness still dragged on her muscles, and the tips of her fingers felt a little tingly, but she felt a world better than she had the day before. She had Dmitri to thank for that. If not for him, she’d be facedown in the snow. Or worse, Edwin might have found her, alone and defenseless.

She grabbed her clothes and dressed under the warmth of the blankets before getting up off the floor. Since her shoes were still soggy, she padded barefoot to the front window and pulled back the gauzy beige curtain. Outside, flurries fell from the sky, adding to the foot or more that already blanketed the ground. From where she stood, it looked so peaceful and picturesque it almost made her forget about freezing the day before.

Turning away, she padded to the kitchen and rifled through the cabinets above the stove. There wasn’t much in the way of supplies. A half dozen cans of condensed chicken noodle soup and two boxes of granola bars. One five-pound bag of brown rice, a bottle of olive oil that was almost empty, a small selection of spices, and a half-full jar of instant coffee. But she also found an unopened box of chocolate Pop-Tarts, and her stomach grumbled at the sight.

The front door opened and Dmitri appeared, carrying a bundle of split wood. He was dressed in his jeans and long-sleeve shirt, and the tips of his ears and nose were red from the cold. The black frame of stubble around his mouth made his lips seem more vivid than usual. His scowl vanished the instant his deep blue eyes met hers.

“How are you feeling?” He spoke with a genuine concern in his voice that touched her deep inside.

“Better. Tired. You?”

“About the same.” His eyes softened, filled with emotions she couldn’t quite identify. He turned his head to the side and coughed before setting the wood by the fireplace. Hands free, he brushed the snow from his hair. “I found the main breaker for the power this morning. The electricity should be working now.”

“Oh, that’s great!” She flipped the nearby switch and the kitchen lights flickered to life. “Does this place come with a heater?” So far, she hadn’t seen a thermostat, but maybe she’d just missed it.

Dmitri shook his head. “No, but there’s plenty of wood in the shed out back.” He gestured toward the open cabinet door. “Find anything good in there?”

“Not much, but it’s better than nothing.” Stomach gurgling, she held out the box of Pop-Tarts. “Ever had these?”

“No, what are they?”

She smiled. “Oh, you’re going to love them.” She tore open the top flap and tossed him one of the foil packets before grabbing one for herself.

After tearing the foil, Dmitri held the pastry up to his nose and sniffed. “Junk food?”

She rolled her eyes. “Just try it.”

With obvious reluctance, he bit into the pastry. His expression remained unchanged while he chewed and swallowed.

“Well, what do you think?” she asked before biting into her own.

“It’s very . . . sweet.” He took another bite, which told her that he didn’t totally hate it. “Not what I’m accustomed to eating first thing in the morning.”

No, from what she’d seen he was the kind of guy who washed down a pound of bacon with a gallon of coffee, two sugars, no cream.

“Sorry I don’t have anything healthier for breakfast, but I figured this was better than apples.”

“At this point, anything would be better than apples.” His lips curved up in a smile that melted her insides. “This is good, Gwen. Thank you.”

Averting her gaze, she finished her breakfast and tossed the wrapper in the tiny trash can near the sink. “How is it outside?”

“Cold. Miserable.” Dmitri rubbed the back of his neck. “It hasn’t stopped snowing since yesterday, and there could be another foot on the ground by tomorrow morning.”

Which meant they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Good thing he’d brought in an extra load of wood for the fireplace.

“Any chance this place has a hot water heater?” she asked.

Dmitri nodded. “I haven’t turned it on yet. Once I do, it’ll take a few hours before the water’s hot enough to use.”

She’d kill for a shower and a clean change of clothes. After so many days without either, she felt grungy and disgusting. Her deodorant had crapped out a long time ago, and she didn’t even want to think about what her hair looked like.

Dmitri swallowed the last bite of his pastry and handed her the wrapper. “I better check the pipes to make sure they haven’t frozen. Don’t turn anything on until I give the all clear.”

“I can help.”

He shook his head. “No, stay here and sit by the fire.”

Yeah, like that was going to happen. The last thing she needed was an overprotective Russian treating her like she was fragile. “Relax, Red. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Anger heated his eyes. “You were barely breathing when I brought you here.” He bridged the distance between them, so close she could see the pulse pounding in his throat. Beyond the anger, she found something else in his eyes. Concern? No, something deeper, more dangerous. “You scared the shit out of me. Don’t ever do that again.”

Gwen swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. It touched her to know he worried about her welfare. “I didn’t know you cared,” she said, the words coming out just above a whisper.

“Neither did I.” And he didn’t look happy about it. Before she could say anything, he cupped the nape of her neck, drawing her closer, and crushed her lips beneath his.

The kiss was nothing playful. He devoured her mouth with a passion and intensity that turned her bones to jelly. He tasted like the chocolate pastry he’d been eating and his own intoxicating flavor. Every thought in her head evaporated, while a rush of heat flashed between her legs.

A low growl rumbled in his throat right before he took the kiss deeper, darker. His tongue swept inside her mouth and did amazing things, and she couldn’t help but imagine how it would feel in other places. A hot, heavy ache pulsed in her core, right along with a throbbing desire to be filled. She wanted more. Wanted
him
. She kissed him back just as passionately, running her hands over his shoulders and into his thick black hair.

But instead of more, he tore his mouth away, gasping for air, his chest heaving with each labored inhale. Eyes wide, he touched a hand to his mouth as if stunned by his own actions.

Seconds ticked by while he watched her, as if trying to decide what to say. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then turned away and stalked out the door.

 

The drilling beak of a woodpecker filled the morning air as Dmitri stood by the lake. It was freezing outside, and he fought back a shudder, refusing to give in to the elements until he’d finally caught something to eat. He held the fishing rod perfectly still, hoping for a nibble on the line. An hour and a half had already passed, and he was well past the point of impatient. As he waited, his mind wandered, eventually fixating on what happened with Gwen.

What the fuck was he thinking, kissing her like that?

He hadn’t been thinking, and that was the problem. In a moment of weakness, he’d acted on instinct, and if he hadn’t come to his senses, God only knew how things would have progressed.

A few scenarios sprang to mind, and every muscle in his body tightened. He took a deep breath and pushed it out slowly, willing his body to relax.

It wasn’t the physical attraction that frightened him. What scared him was the emotional connection that grew stronger with each passing day. The last woman he’d felt this intensely about was Elena, and look how badly that ended. Only a masochist would go back for seconds.

And yet, a part of him clung to the memory of how Gwen had responded to his kiss. That little whimper, her fingers in his hair, and he’d only tapped the surface of her passion. He could only imagine how she’d act if he got her naked, her body damp with sweat from exertion.

No
. He wasn’t ready to take that kind of chance again, and he doubted he ever would be. The risk far outweighed the reward. Elena’s betrayal had resulted in the loss of his humanity. Another would shatter his soul.

A tug on the line provided a welcome distraction. At last, something had taken the bait. He kept the line tight as he slowly reeled it in. When the fish got close enough, he jerked it out of the water and set it on the snow-covered shoreline.

Brown and spotted, the fish was probably some kind of trout. From tip to tail, it measured a little over a foot, large enough to feed them both. He removed the hook, killed and cleaned the fish, set it in the bucket, and packed it with fresh snow.

Should he try for another? The thought of more time in the cold sent a shiver across his back. Temperatures were dropping again, while the snow had increased in volume. Like it or not, he needed to return to the cabin. Sooner or later, he’d have to deal with Gwen, so he might as well get it over with. He’d simply apologize for acting inappropriately and promise never to let it happen again.

The question was, would she believe him or see straight through his bullshit? There was only one way to find out. With steel in his spine and lead in his gut, he collected his gear and started toward the cabin.