Gravitate (26 page)

A strong wind was stirring up the snowflakes lying on the paving, giving a
misty edge to the ground.
I found a little wall, wiped the snow off the top of it with my bare hands and sat down, pressing my cold, wet hands to my face to try to remove the crimson blush
ing that I knew would be there.
I regretted not bringing my coat out with me – it was freezing, but I wasn’t yet ready to return to the theatre.

“Claudia?”

I removed my hands from my face and saw my coat being held in
front of me,
Sofia
dangling it.
I gratefully took it
and wrapped it around myself.
She motioned to the wall next to me and I nodded.  She bru
shed the snow off and sat down.
She held out a tissue to me and I
realised I’d been crying again.
If I carried on like this I was going to end up drowning everyone around me.

“Thanks,” I choked out.
“Are we needed inside?”

“Not yet, she’s call
ed a break.
Y
ou’re safe for a few minutes.”
Her eyes tried to make contact with mine, but I just stared up at the clouds.

“Cool.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Be
n told me about the guy, Marty.
You told me you were just
friends. Why?”
She di
dn’t sound upset, just curious.
I faced her.

“We were worried about what people would think.” It was the truth, I just didn’t mention that the people we were worried about were angels.

“Because of the age difference?
He was only a few years older than you.”

“He
was living with me.
We didn’t want people to think he was taking advantage of me.” I hoped she would leave it at that.

“And now he’s gone.”

“Yes. He had to.
I think it makes it worse that I know he wanted to stay with m
e, but he really had no choice.
It would be easier if I could hate him.”

“But you still love him.”
It was a statement, an observation, not a question.

“With all my heart.”

“Was it worth it?” She sounded genuinely concerned for me and I was even more d
etermined to try to play Cupid.
She was a nice girl and she deserved a nice guy.

“Love is always worth it.
Anyw
ay, enough of my teenage angst. What do you think of Ben?”
I acted a smile and, even though I knew she could see through my mask, she kindly accompanied me on my change of subject.

“He’s gorgeous!
Such a swe
et man, he’s worried about you.
He sent me
out to bring you your jacket.”
Her eyes sparkled as she talked about him.

“I think he fancies you.
You’d make a great couple.” I didn’t have the energy for subtlety.

“You do?”
Sofia
sounded pleased.

“D
efinitely. Should we head back inside?
Do I look like I’ve been crying?”

“Babe, you’ve looked like
you’ve been crying all morning.
Everyone just thinks you’re either still in shock from the stage light, or you’ve
really got in character today.
They either feel sorry for you or insanely jealous of your method acting.” She had such a lovely way of speaking the tr
uth without making me feel bad.
I tried my hardest to manage a smile for her.

“I think I’m taking suffering for my art a little bit too seriously, then.”

I was needed on stage for the rest of the rehearsa
l, which at least kept me busy.
Every few minutes, I would glance up at Ben and Sofia, and g
et a feeling of accomplishment. It was a good match.

Donna called an early finish to the rehearsal, as the s
now was starting to fall again.
It was getting dark and she felt everyone should head for home while they would still be able to get there.

“Listen, people.
It’s beginning to snow and the last thing I want is to be stuck here with you lot.” Donna’s statement was met with agreement from the rest of us – we didn’t wan
t to be stuck with her, either.
“The weather forecast predicts further snow overnight, so I will can
cel tomorrow’s rehearsal now.”
My heart sank – no rehearsal meant I would be in the house on my own, with no d
istraction from my loneliness.

“Claudia, Ben and I were thinking of going to the pub for a quick dr
ink, did you want to join us?”
Sofia
, a
lways so friendly, was asking.
I shook my head.

“You guys go, and have fun.
I’ve got a headache, I’m just goin
g to go home and get some rest. Text me later, though.”
I gave them both a hug and trudged home, alone, in the snow.

The house was silent and cold.
I turned on every light, put the centr
al heating on and lit the fire.
I couldn’t
get warm.
Without bothering to eat, I laid
on the sofa in the living room.
Whilst staring at the fire, I wished with all my being to speak to M
arty and drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 18

I could hear him.
His voice sounded as beautiful as ever, but
it sounded shocked, surprised.

“Claudia? Is that you?”

I tried to speak back to him,
but I couldn’t find my voice.
My eyes glanced around, s
ure he was in the room with me. Nothing.
Just a dream.

I ached for him.
Even just to talk to him would bri
ng me so much comfort.
I longed
to find out how he was coping.
I allowed myself the merest hint of a smile, as I imagined telling him ab
out my matchmaking activities.

I had an overwhelm
ing urge to try to contact him.
When he’d told me that angels could contact each other by forcing themselves to faint, I doubt he ever thought I would actua
lly try to see him in that way. I wanted to try. I knew it was a long shot.
Even if I managed to get to the clo
uds, I might not even find him.
The possibility of see
ing George no longer scared me. Not trying scared me more.
Wh
at was the worst they could do? Send me back here again?
Then I’d lost nothing.

I knew Marty was depending on me to try to move on, but I just coul
dn’t resist trying to see him.
I knew he
’d forgive me anything.
I knew if the situation were reversed, he’d move heaven and earth to be able to spend time with me.

I recalled all the things Marty had done to try to avoid me fainting – making sure I ate regularly seemed to
be key.
I hadn’t eaten a morsel for hours, so that part of the plan
was already in place.
I remembered seeing a programme on the telly, years ago, where some girl was in hospital being fitted for a back brace and they had to train her to be able to stand for half an hour without fainting – the first time they’d tried it she passed out after
standing still for ten minutes.
I
formulated a plan in my head.
I threw another newspaper
on the fire to make it blaze.
I pulled the seat cushions off of the sofas and the chairs in the room, placing them in a circle on the floor, then placed the rest of the cushions around those, so that most of the f
loor was covered with cushions.
I’d rather not hurt myself, if I could avoid it, but I was willing
to risk anything to see Marty.
It was
like a mission, now.
I stood in the middle of the cushions, completely still, and waited.

It took all my energy not to transf
er my weight from foot to foot.
It was getting hotter in the room and
I could feel my cheeks burning.
I was thirsty and I felt sick i
n my stomach from not eating.
My muscles started to ache and the desire to sit down was strong, but my wish to see Marty was stronger.

The crackle of the fire started to sound muffled, and white circles of brightness clouded m
y vision.
I resisted the urge to celebrate, knowing that if I moved in the slightest, I could s
top myself from passing out.
The white circles in my vision gave way to a red glo
w and then, finally, darkness.
The first part of my plan had worked.

I held my breath, involuntari
ly, and felt myself lifting up.
I didn’t know how I’d managed to leave my
body, but I was overjoyed.
I remembered how Marty and I had rocketed skywards, going thro
ugh the ceiling, and looked up.
I saw the light fitting in the centre of the ceiling and ignored the natural concerns I had about hurting myself by crashing into it. I wouldn’t fee
l a thing – I didn’t last time.
I melted into the ceiling and continued through the floor of th
e room above – my dad’s study.
I passed the rows of books on shelves and continued through the next ceiling, into my bedroom and then out through the roof.

I kept looking up, watching the clo
uds in the dark skies above me.
I couldn’t feel the cold, but I could see the snow falling, almost
like a blizzard, all around me.
I couldn’t see any stars because the cloud cover was too all-encompassing. I fixed my eyes on the clouds, sure that, somewhere up there, Marty was waiting for me.

I arrived in the clouds.
I remembered what Marty had said about walking up here feel
ing the same as being on Earth.
I put
my feet down and looked around.
At first, I
didn’t see anyone.
Through the mist of the drifting cloud, I s
aw a figure walking towards me.
I could tell, i
nstantly, that it wasn’t Marty.
My heart raced, thundering in my chest.

The figure came nearer and I c
ould tell it was a male angel.
I hadn’t
met him before.
He had a slender, muscular figure, dark hair and looked like he
was in his late teens, like me.
He gave me a warm smile as he approached me.

“Hello.
Are you lost?” he aske
d me, sounding friendly enough.
I figured I had nothing to fear from him and he might even try to help me – he wasn’t one of the Dominion, after all, so perhaps he didn’t know who I was.

“I’m trying to find Marty.” I sounded flustered.

“Claudia.” He said it simply, like my name was a fact, a response to a question neither of us had asked.

“You know my name?”

“I know everything. I’m Alfie.”
The name came back to me – he was the angel that Marty had confided
in when he first had a problem.
Marty trusted him, so
I felt I could trust him, too.

“Can you take me to Mart
y?” I pleaded with him.
I felt a pain in my forehead and touched my hand to the point of the ache.

“I don’t think we have time – I think you’re about to fall b
ack down.”
He said it kindly, but I felt like
my stomach had been ripped out.
My time up here was running out.

“Is he OK?” It was all I really cared about, at this moment.

“No.  He’s trying to be.
He misses you, too.”

I bit my lip, trying not to cry, not knowing if it was even possibly to cry up here.

“Tell him I miss him.
Tell him I love him.”

A
lfie smiled. “He knows. Goodbye, Claudia.
It was nice to finally meet you.”

I
felt myself slipping, falling.
It wasn’t a smooth descent, like the tim
e I left the clouds with Marty.
This felt like I was tumbling, out of control, picking up speed as I f
ell.
The Earth was approachin
g at a rapid, frightening rate.
I could see the roof of my house, which appeared to be rising up to hit me, I smacked through it, amazed to feel no pain, slamming through the two internal ceilings, and arriving back in my body.