Greater Than Rubies, a Novella inspired by the Jewel Trilogy (20 page)

Then his eyes changed. They turned from light blue, glassy, red-rimmed to chocolate dark. The putrid odor of his breath changed to faint peppermint. In the kind of transition that only makes sense in a dream, he wore white trousers and a white top, making his skin seem darker, his teeth whiter. Abruptly, his laughter no longer fell on her ears sounding sinister and selfish, but rather joyous and selfless. They laughed and danced on the grass while butterflies fluttered around them.

The river became the warm Atlantic Ocean and sea water surrounded her feet, making her toes sink into the warm sand. Tony’s eyes grew serious and his lips touched hers. The weight of the engagement ring felt like a kettle bell on her finger.

Lost in each other, they fell onto the blanket that suddenly appeared on the sand at their feet. His mouth felt gentle, loving, glorious. Her hands moved in lazy patterns across his back, feeling the hard muscles, loving his strength. He raised his head and smiled down at her, and she saw the need inside her reflected in his eyes.

“You know what I want, Robin.” Tony said.

“Tony, I can’t,” She whispered.

Tony stared at her, his jaw set. “You named your price and I paid it. You know what I want.”

“Tony,” she begged. “Tony, no.”

“I always get what I want.”

Robin clawed her way out of the nightmare, bolting into a sitting position on the bed. Her whole body quaked in the aftermath. Her hands trembled and her breath came in quick shaky gasps. Sweat poured over her body, and she lifted the damp tendrils of her bangs to wipe her forehead.

She drew her legs up and rested her forehead against her knees. Her breathing slowly returned to normal. Her hands slowly stopped shaking, and the sweat cooled on her body. She stayed where she sat, waiting for the effects of the dream to fade away. She didn’t want to carry the cobwebs of the nightmare out of the room with her and in to the presence of her sisters.

OBIN
clutched the bag in her hand a little tighter as the elevator came to a stop. She stepped out into the lobby of Tony’s executive offices. The receptionist was speaking into her headset, so she just lifted her hand in a greeting and walked to Tony’s office.

Her stomach twisted itself into painful knots, and she could barely breathe. As she got closer to the double doors leading to his outer office, she felt like they lay suddenly farther away. A cold sweat broke out on her upper lip.

She’d dressed carefully this morning, choosing a long navy blue pencil skirt and gray cashmere sweater. Now she wished she’d worn something cooler, or maybe layers so she could shed some heat. Thankfully, she’d thought to pin her hair up, so at least that wasn’t suffocating her.

She noticed the tremble in her hand as she opened the door and stepped into Margaret’s office.

Margaret stood as Robin entered.” Hello, Robin. Mr. Viscolli will be happy to see you,” she said, moving around her desk to open the large door leading to Tony’s inner sanctuary.

Not for long
, she thought, but merely smiled and put a shaking hand to her stomach.

Tony stood next to his desk, sorting papers. His suit jacket was draped on the chair behind him. He wore a white shirt with a blue and black striped tie. When he looked up, he had a distracted frown on his face, but when his eyes met Robin’s, his features immediately relaxed and he smiled.

“
Cara mia
,” he said, setting the stack of papers down and coming around his desk. “What an unexpected pleasure. Nothing could have surprised or pleased me more.”

Robin did not hear Margaret shut the door behind her. Her heart started pounding and nausea churned in her gut. As Tony walked forward, she had to resist the urge to step backward. When he was just a few feet away from her, he did not step any closer, nor did he reach out to her.

“What happened?” he asked, his eyes searching her face.

Robin gripped the twine handle of the bag so tightly that she was surprised it didn’t cut her skin. “Can we sit?” She gestured at the leather sofa.

“Yes. Of course. Are you ill? What’s wrong?” Tony put a hand on her elbow as they moved to the sitting area. Robin fought the urge to lean into him and let him make everything okay. When she was with him, it seemed like it would definitely always be okay. But in her heart, she knew that was a false sense of security.

He sat on the couch, and she perched on the edge of the couch, turning her body toward him. With a shaking hand, she wiped the sweat off of her lip. “I –” Her breath hiccupped, but she forced forward and refused to give in to tears. If she cried, he would put his arms around her, and she would lose all strength to go forward with this.

He reached for her hand, sandwiching it between both of his. “Your hands are freezing,” he said, concerned.

“Tony,” she whispered, “I can’t marry you.”

She kept eye contact, despite a desire to look away. She watched the emotions play across his face, watched as concern mixed with confusion and a little bit of panic. “I don’t understand. What are you saying?”

“I’ve been so stressed about it. I can’t be Mrs. Viscolli. I can’t do the cars and the trips and the jewelry. I can’t plan a wedding that has a governor and three senators attending. I can’t be that person. It’s not me. I’m just a bartender who didn’t even graduate from high school.” She could hear the frantic tone of her own voice. “That reporter, he knew the truth about me. Everyone will know the truth about who I really am.”

Understanding replaced the panic in his eyes. “Robin, if we go into this together, we can do or be anything. They are just people, just names. God loves them equally to the beggar on the street.”

“They expect a certain class, certain knowledge and understanding. I don’t have that. Your world has rules and expectations I don’t even know about. I can’t – “

“I love you. God made me for you and you for me. Nothing else should matter.”

Swallowing the tears that burned the back of her eyes she said, “I love you, too. Passionately and forever. But that doesn’t fix it. I know I will be inadequate as your wife. You deserve someone better suited to that role. You deserve the best.”

He lifted her hands and pressed a kiss against her wrist. She knew he could feel the skittering of her pulse. “You are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. You can learn, just like I learned, how to maneuver through certain crowds, how to handle yourself.”

“I don’t want to learn,” she said, barely above a whisper.

He released her hand and framed her face, tiling her head toward his and searching her eyes. “What else? Something else. What is it?”

Panic crowded her brain, cutting off her breathing, taking away her ability to think straight. Heart pounding, she pushed his hands away and stood, rubbing her palms on her hips. “I don’t – ”

Tony stood with her. Despite the heels on her boots, he felt taller than her. “
Spiegare
,” he said, anger seeping into his voice. “Don’t just flip some excuse at me and expect me to fall for it. You explain. Whatever it is, I can fix it. We can fix it. You must tell me what it is.”

Wrapping her arms around herself, she cleared her throat. “I had a bridal shower last night.”

Tony gave a barely imperceptible nod. “I know.”

“I got this set of –” Robin waved her hand in the air. “– wedding night … things. Silk, lace.”

He slipped his hands into his pockets, but she saw him ball them into fists. “Go on.”

“It suddenly occurred to me what marrying you would mean. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t intellectually know before. But it never really hit me before.”

“What it would mean?” He frowned. “You mean sex?”

“The thought –” Defeated, she slumped down into a chair, gripping her hands in her lap. “My mom had some boyfriends who – “

Tony knelt at her feet and put his hands on top of hers. “You told me that before, remember?”

“I hinted, I know. But I haven’t told you. I haven’t told you about the horror, the pain, the disgusting –” she swallowed, trying to keep from getting sick. “The humiliation. You can’t know what it was like. Not being strong enough, not being smart enough. Just enduring.”

She ripped her hands away from his and pushed to her feet. The bag sat on the table in front of the couch. “I can’t marry you. I can’t be some billionaire’s wife, and I can’t be who you need me to be in the bedroom. Marrying me, despite how much I long to be yours forever, would be horribly unfair for you.” She pointed at the bag. “That has the jewels you’ve given me, the sapphire necklace and the ruby heart. It also has the car keys in it.” Slipping off her sapphire engagement ring, she set it on the table next to the bag. “I wish I were different. I wish I could wipe my memory like Sarah and just not remember anything. But, I can’t. I’m not going to tie you to me. You deserve so much better than a broken bride.”

He hadn’t moved from his spot on the floor next to the chair. He did not reach out to her nor try to stop her as she walked across the office and out the door. No tears fell as she waved good-bye to Margaret.

The ride down the elevator took just as long as the ride up but felt like decades. She halfway expected security to meet her at the bottom and escort her back to Tony’s office, but she reached the lobby without incident and walked through, not even seeing the people whom she knew who greeted her.

She held the tears in check until she found herself seated in the subway and, as the train pulled away, the first sob nearly ripped her in two.

ONY
felt trapped. He didn’t know how long he knelt next to that chair. He didn’t know how long it took for him to start breathing again, for the fist that clutched his chest so painfully to release its grip long enough to let him inhale and exhale.