Grendel's Game (43 page)

“Yes. I think so. In his own twisted way, Grendel was brilliant. As I said when all this began, what a terrible waste of human life and ability.

“Walther, you have to stop punishing yourself. You have to forgive yourself. Don't let Grendel win.”

T
wo months later, Ekman was again in Norlander's office. They were seated in armchairs facing each other.

“How are you feeling, Walther?”

“Better. I'm not over the grief of losing Erick: I never will be. But the guilt of killing Grendel has lessened.”

“It was self-defense. That's what the board found. You have nothing to reproach yourself about.”

“It's something I have to deal with.”

“But you can deal with it, and will stay on the force,” Norlander said. It was a statement, not a question.

“Yes,” replied Ekman. “I need to get back to work. Retirement isn't all it's made out to be.”

Acknowledgments

M
any people's kindnesses and efforts have come together to make this book a reality. My sincere gratitude and thanks are owed: To my friend, Howard Owen, for taking time from his own prizewinning fiction and distinguished journalism career to read the manuscript, suggest changes, and recommend it to his publishers; to Martin and Judith Shepard, copublishers of The Permanent Press, who enthusiastically endorsed this late career effort and improved it with their thoughtful suggestions; to Chris Knopf, their associate publisher, for his perceptive comments; to Barbara Anderson, the most understanding of copy editors, for gently pointing out where improvements were needed; to Lon Kirschner, for his striking cover that conveys Grendel's murderous cruelty with graphic immediacy; and to all the others at The Permanent Press, and its literary agents, who have worked diligently to bring the book before the public; lastly, with affection, to my sister, Barbara, my daughter, Alicia, and my wife, Suzanne, who read the book in early drafts and offered many helpful insights.

And finally, my thanks to you, kind reader, for traveling with Walther Ekman on his troubled quest.

Erik Mauritzson