Groupie/Rock Star Bundle (24 page)

I remembered feeding him fresh strawberries
before – watching his full lips surround the ripe, red fruit had
been one of the most erotic things I’d ever seen. It involved my
two favorite things: Vanni and food.

I ate half before I threw out the rest in
disgust. What was wrong with me? I was acting like a love-starved
fool. I pulled on my sneakers and headed out into the exciting
city.

As always I found my way to Central Park. My
pace was brisk as I disappeared further into the green oasis. I
wandered through The Mall. I sat near the fountain. I even leaned
on one of the bridges watching people drift by in small
boats.

Everywhere I looked were lovers in
love. It was spring, and clearly the bug had bitten everyone in the
city who had a pulse. Dogs even walked in pairs.

When I saw a beautiful young Asian couple in
their wedding attire getting their portraits done in the park, I
knew I had to leave. I loved Central Park like no other place in
the world, but it was no longer a place I wanted to experience
alone. I wanted to walk out there in the open with Vanni. I wanted
him to hold my hand as we strolled down the sidewalk, or kiss me
under a canopy of trees. I wanted him to row me out into the middle
of the water and sing me my songs.

There was no denying it anymore. I wanted it
all.

Even though I knew it couldn’t
possibly help my mood I decided to pay for a hansom cab ride around
the park. Sitting there alone I thought back to Vanni’s birthday,
when he kissed me for the first time. I wanted to close my eyes and
go back to that moment, and as I sat there for long minutes pining
for the past I could almost feel those arms around me… that kiss on
my mouth.

He had tattooed himself underneath
my flesh and onto my soul.

I suppose it was that connection that made me
casually look back into the park, and that was where I saw them.
Vanni walked with Kat, with his arm around her shoulders, smiling
down at her with that smirk that I always thought was
mine.

My heart stopped for a moment. He bent to
whisper something in her ear and she laughed, which drew the
attention of some passersby. These were fans apparently because I
could see them squeal and react that they had run into Giovanni
Carnevale in the middle of the park. Just before the horse had
pulled the cab out of sight I could see that Kat greeted them with
the same kind of gracious accommodation.

Apparently they were fans of her
too.

My throat felt as though it has closed tight
and I could barely swallow, or even breathe. What the hell was
going on? He had chosen to work over spend time with me, which he
couldn’t really control, but what I saw was definitely not work. He
wanted to be with Kat.

He wanted to be with Kat more than
me.

I fought with every fiber of my being not to
cry as I finished the hansom cab ride. I took a regular cab back to
his apartment, where I let myself in with my key.

Did Kat have a key? Was she able to stay in his
apartment with him?

These were questions that suddenly demanded
answers.

I thought briefly about rifling through his
belongings to see if there was any evidence she was more to him
than just a backup dancer, but I couldn’t bring myself to stoop so
low. Instead I sat on the couch, pulled out my phone and sent him a
text. “Coming home for lunch?” I asked, feeling the possessiveness
of the question as I typed it.

He didn’t answer right away, which
only made me antsier. After about five minutes – which felt like
about ten years – I got up and started to pace. Something familiar
caught my eye on his recliner, and as I drew closer I realized it
was the leather-bound book I gave him on Christmas.

It wasn’t prying or snooping to read through
the book, I convinced myself. After all I had given it to him and
he claimed he’d write music for me in it. I had a right to see what
he’d done with the gift I had given him, didn’t I?

I opened and flipped through the
pages, rushing until I reached the songs in the back. These would
be the ones that gave me some insight into what he was currently
thinking or feeling.

“Since the day she found me, I felt her all
around me. I can’t resist the taste of her lips. I can’t wait to
make her mine.”

I felt like I had swallowed a bag full of
marbles. Those words did not feel as though they belonged to me.
Instead it sounded like new love, with someone he had yet to
conquer.

“Never sleep with him,” Jacob had advised, “and
he’ll love you forever.”

As if punctuating that statement my cell phone
rang. It was Vanni.

“Can’t today. Swamped. See you after the
show.”

I felt so hollow I couldn’t even cry. My first
impulse was not to go to the show. But stronger than that was the
simple fact I needed to go to the show. I needed to know if there
was something really going on between Kat and Vanni, or if I had
simply misread what I saw at the park.

And in his journal.

And through his lying, impersonal
text.

If it wasn’t the middle of the day I would have
called Alana, but I knew she had a full schedule thanks to
representing several overseas clients who had been friends of hers
from way back. Her “family” came first, and truthfully I didn’t
want to put her in the awkward position of being thrust in the
middle of her loyalty to her boyfriend and her loyalty to
me.

Besides, she already warned me that
Vanni wasn’t boyfriend material. I knew going into this he had a
wandering eye and a love for the ladies, which was made him so good
at selling his sex god image on stage.

I convinced myself that these were the reasons
that I opted to go to the show rather than the club to hang out
with Iris and Alana, to help them set up the M&G. The real
reason is I needed to more closely examine the relationship that
Kat and Vanni shared onstage. It was an act I knew, but if he
treated Kat with any microscopic difference than he treated
Wenonah, then that would prove to me their relationship was no
longer business only.

Maybe it never had been, I thought
suddenly. All she ever needed to do was make him work for it and he
would have likely been on the hunt from the beginning. She was
certainly attractive enough, and Vanni had already established he
had no particular “type.” He seemed to appreciate women of all
shapes and sizes.

I touched my hair, which had been platinum
since our relationship had become intimate. Had I become too
boring? Was he tired of the same old thing?

I knew how to fix that.

With Iris’s help I found a salon to help me
regain some of Andy back.

By the time I got to the concert that night no
one I knew would recognize me, but I had never felt more myself
since this whole crazy affair started.

I stayed in the balcony, paid seats this time.
Vanni wasn’t expecting me to be there, he thought that I was going
to help Alana and Iris. None of my friends knew I’d be going to the
concert instead until right before the concert started. Hopefully
if he didn’t think I was watching he’d indulge more freely with
Kat.

It was crazy to think this way. He’d made me no
commitments, and as far as the public was concerned he was a free
agent. And precious few knew in our personal lives knew we were
involved, including members of his own band.

It was quite simply never
discussed.

So really he was free to pursue her
just as she was free to respond back.

Everyone was free to do what they
wanted.

Even me.

So why did I suddenly feel so restricted?
Perhaps because what I really wanted involved something impossible
for me to have. This was not a white picket fence kind of life, and
I had the misfortune of falling in love with a butterfly that would
have been crushed if I tried to hold onto him too
tightly.

Though I watched his behavior closely I didn’t
notice any real change from the night before. He sang my song again
to the front row and again I saw the same fan from the night
before. This time she copped a feel when he walked past, and he
laughed it off with a playful wag of the finger.

Since I knew how expensive the V.I.P. tickets
were, I was frankly surprised to see her there a second night. This
concerned me because she was clearly not willing to respect his
personal space, and she knew she’d have access to him if she was in
the front row. If she could afford to do this more than once she
obviously had the means to pursue him, which immediately raised a
flag on my radar.

I made it a point to keep an eye on
her when we reached the club that night.

That she ignored everyone around her and kept
her eyes and focus on Vanni only reinforced my initial
concerns.

“Andy! Oh my God!”

I swung around to see Alana gaping at my new
makeover. I had long, dark, burgundy tresses thanks to some very
expensive extensions, and I was wearing a much more daring corset
top, studded skirt with thigh high lace stockings and platform
pumps. My makeup too was dark and brought the whole Goth motif
together. All I needed were fangs and I’d be a vampire.

“I love it!” she squealed as she threw her arms
around me.

“I felt like I needed a change,” I
said.

“This is a big change!” she
exclaimed happily, tucked her arm in mine and we wandered over to a
quiet corner.

“You see that girl over there?” I indicated to
the fan I had been watching.

Alana slightly rolled her eyes. “Oh yes. We see
her everywhere.”

“I noticed she was here last night. She tried
to kiss Vanni when he was in the front row.”

“Iain told me about her about a month ago.
Apparently she showed up in Seattle for the first show, but has
really gone into overdrive the last couple of months. She’s been to
Sacramento, Reno, and Las Vegas. The last one was Salt Lake City.
Front row, every show. I really don’t know where she gets the
money.”

“Is she always so handsy?”

Alana shook her head. “I think she’s getting
more brazen each time. I keep telling Vanni to stop going down into
the audience. He’s really asking for trouble when he makes it seem
he’s falling in love with each girl.”

Was he ever, I thought to
myself.

“Iris told him. Iain told him. Even Yael told
him to take his head out of his ass.” We laughed. Then she grew
serious. “I just don’t think he can bear the thought of alienating
anyone. So he tries to be everything for everyone.”

I glanced across the room just in time to see
him enter the room. Was that it, then? Was he so afraid we’d all
abandon him like his dad that he had to be the perfect boy for
everyone?

I watched the fan make her way
immediately to him once he entered. He gave her a hug, and she held
on a few seconds longer after he made it clear he needed to go. She
reached up on her tiptoes and aimed for a kiss on his cheek but he
averted his head quickly. It landed somewhere around his
collarbone.

He moved on through the crowd of fans, each one
more adoring than the last. He seemed so happy surrounded by their
adoration. Sated. Complete. Maybe this was why he couldn’t be
honest about our relationship. Without their thinking they could be
with him, and his encouraging that with the way he performed, he
thought maybe they wouldn’t love him as much.

And it became all too clear to me he needed
that. This wasn’t a job. It was about filling a deep hole within.
This was why he got so much out of the personal interaction of the
fans and the others in the band kept a low profile.

They wanted to make music.

He needed to be a star.

I turned back to Alana. “I’ll talk
to him,” I said.

She just laughed. “You do that.”

We hadn’t really ever come out and
said what was going on behind closed doors, and suddenly I wanted
to. “Maybe he’ll listen to me,” I offered, hinting that the
relationship that Vanni and I shared was far deeper and emotionally
connected than anyone else. Even members of the band.

Alana grew serious. “Andy,” she started but
then seemed to think better of it. “Be careful,” she finally said.
“Vanni has always had a hard time seeing past his own nose, and his
instant stardom hasn’t helped that much.”

She looked so troubled I had to ask. “Is
something wrong?”

She sighed and placed the juice drink she’d
been nursing back onto the bar. “The band is experiencing… growing
pains,” she explained delicately. “Not everyone is as happy about
things as Vanni.”

I set my own drink down and waited.

She took a quick glance around then
turned back to me. “Iain is really not happy about Jasper. Ever
since this whole Lourdes speculation stirred back up he’s been
running the boys ragged. Yael is about to rip his own hair out and
Felix wants to bail for the West Coast. They’ve asked me to talk to
Athena about helping them release from their contract. They want
out.”