Grumpy Old Rock Star: and Other Wondrous Stories (24 page)

This was the Brazilian equivalent of playing at Old Trafford.

He explained that the match would have to be played close to midnight as otherwise the heat would simply be too much for us Brits. With that, he made his way out. I could hardly believe it, bearing in mind that I was just thrilled to meet the man himself. The day before, they asked us if there was anything we’d like and we said it would be really nice if could get a team strip. No problem. Then I asked if we could go to the ground in a proper team coach, which again they said was no problem. Come the evening of the match, we were half pissed by the time the coach arrived, having a fantastic time.

I figured that, playing so late at night and being a bunch of British rock-and-rollers versus a team made up of the media, it would be a quiet bit of fun, like one of those games played behind closed doors.

On our team coach was a man called Roberto from El Globo. As the coach weaved its way through the thronging crowds of Rio, I chatted with him and asked him why there were so many people out late at night. The place was swarming.

‘Oh, they are going to a football match.’

These Brazilians, eh? They love their bloody football.

‘Really? Brilliant, who’s playing?’

‘Why, you are, Rick.’

The coach pulled up at the stadium and there were 30,000 people there, a capacity sell-out.

At eleven o’clock at night.

It was nuts.

Then we caught sight of the numerous TV crews who were all covering the game live from pretty much every angle. By now, nothing surprised me.

We went out there and had an amazing time. The press had some really useful players – I think some of them had even played professionally at a high level with the glittering Brazilian leagues.
We had a couple of tasty players too – one guy called Toby had even had a trial for Carlisle (or maybe he had been on trial in Carlisle, it was one way or the other anyway).

We lost 4–2 but I never actually got to hear the final whistle. With about ten minutes to go, a Jeep suddenly roared onto the middle of the pitch. Then these huge security men leapt out and grabbed me, lifted me off the ground and virtually threw me into the back, at which point the Jeep thundered off the grass and drove off out of the stadium.

‘What on earth is going on?’ I asked, not unreasonably.

‘We’ve just had a kidnap threat against you.’

I was safely back in the hotel in what seemed like minutes. Kidnap or no kidnap, I didn’t care, I’d had the time of my life.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, we did get paid.

Well, only a little bit, but no one was counting.

Mervyn Conn would have been proud.

EPILOGUE

Remember Igor, my friend from Russian security who helped me smuggle two illegal military uniforms and $2,000 out of Russia? Well, fifteen years later I was at Heathrow Airport when I saw a man in a queue whom I swore I knew. I caught his eye and he walked over with a huge grin on his face.

It was Igor.

After we’d said hello, I asked, ‘What on earth are you doing here?’

‘Well, my country is changed now, the Wall has come down and everything is different. My job is no longer existing, so I work in senior position for government airline to seek out new airports to operate from and to look for new routes that might be possible for Russian people.’

‘Fantastic, Igor, what a job!’ I enthused. ‘What sort of places are you researching?’

‘I just back from Bermuda and now I fly to Barbados. No good for airline, but for me, is good,’ he said with a smile. ‘And you? What have you been doing?’

‘Oh, crikey, well . . .’

My mind filled with thoughts of Paraguay, Deal-a-Day, Portugal,
heart attacks, cars, breeze-blocks, Snow White, Rupert the Bear, Funky Fat Fred, vintage champagne, Peter Sellers, my nan and Che Guevara . . .

‘Oh, all sorts, Igor, all sorts.’

We chatted for a few more minutes and then Igor’s expression turned a little serious.

‘Rick, can I ask you a question?’

‘Anything, Igor.’

‘Did you know how much trouble you could have been in over those uniforms?’

‘Yes, I did. Thank you again for all that.’

‘And do you still have the uniforms, Rick?’

‘Yes, I most certainly do.’

He explained that, ironically, since the Wall had come down and so many military jobs had become obsolete, the uniforms were now freely available at markets all over Russia.

‘Is ten a penny now, Rick.’

I laughed and said, ‘Igor, can I ask
you
a question?’

‘Anything, Rick.’

‘Do you still have the vinyl records I sent?’

‘Of course, of course.’

‘Even The Yes?’

‘Even The Yes. The vinyl, they came to me very fast and I thank you, Rick.’

‘Well, since CDs came in, they’re ten a penny too.’

Is good.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

It is actually impossible to name everybody who has contributed to my life in one way or another, and therefore in turn have contributed to many of the adventures I relate in this book, but a few do deserve a special mention, as without them I may well have walked through completely different doors in the music and entertainment industry.

Firstly, two men, (both sadly no longer with us). Oscar Beuselinck was the greatest showbiz lawyer you could possibly wish for and he certainly influenced and helped me greately as indeed did David Moss, who was my accountant for fifteen years up until the mid-eighties. David fought valiantly throughout this period to inject some financial sense into my head, but eventually admitted defeat!

Brian ‘Deal-a-Day’ Lane, was the epitome of rock ‘n’ roll management and I could quite easily write a book on him alone, but he probaby wouldn’t be happy with some of the chapters!

Jerry Moss and the brothers Ahmet and Nessui Ertegun were the greatest bossesof A&M records and WEA respectively and the likes of which will never be seen again.

On the Grumpy side of things, I really must acknowledge my
great friend Stuart Pebble, who was the genius behind the
Grumpy Old Men
television series.

I could probably fill this book with names of people that perhaps I should have acknowledged, but if I listed them all, then it wouldn’t leave any room for the stories that many of them played their part in, and so, if you are somebody reading this that feels they should be included in the acknowledgements . . . then I acknowledge you!

ILLUSTRATION CREDITS

Section 1

Rick at the Festival Hall, 1974 © Mirrorpix

The Strawbs, 1970 © Michael Ochs Archives/Gettyimages

Rick portrait © GEMS/Redferns

English rock ensemble © GEMS/Redferns

Yes, 1976 (top left) © GAB Archives/Redferns

NME
front cover, 1974 courtesy
New Musical Express

King Arthur on Ice
concerts © Jonathan Player/Rex Features

Lisztomania
© The Ronald Grant Archive

Lisztomania
© Everett Collection/Rex Features

Rick and horse © Michael Putland/Retna

The cast of
King Arthur on Ice
© Mirrorpix

Rick in No Earthly Connection cape © Andrew Putler/Redferns

Section 2

Rick playing chess © Neal Preston/Corbis

At the keyboards: top © Ian Dickson/Redferns, middle © Adam Pensotti/Rex Features, bottom © Fin Costello/Redferns

Rick and Eric Sykes © Jules Annan/Retna

Rick on a tractor © Keith Butler/Rex Features

Yes © Fotex Agentur GMBH/Redferns

Sydney Entertainment Centre © Bob King/Redferns

Rick in a submarine © David Corio

Yes, 2004 © Mick Hutson/Redferns

Photographs not listed are from the author’s personal collection.

While every effort has been made to trace the owners of copyright material reproduced herein, the publishers would like to apologise for any omissions and will be pleased to incorporate missing acknowledgements in any future editions.

INDEX

1984
(
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

A

A&M Records (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
), (
V
), (
VI
), (
VII
)

AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) (
I
)

Abbey Road Studios, London (
I
)

AC/DC (
I
)

Albert (engineer) (
I
)

Aldershot (
I
)

‘Alex’ (tour manager) (
I
), (
II
)

America

and Cuba (
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

ice hockey stadiums (
I
)

Journey
in (
I
)

King Arthur
in (
I
), (
II
)

outside elevators (
I
)

rehab clinics (
I
)

Yes shows (
I
), (
II
)

Anchorage, Alaska (
I
), (
II
)

Anderson, Jon

onstage curry (
I
)

sunbathing (
I
)

and vegetarianism (
I
)

visits Rick in hospital (
I
)

Angles, Bob (
I
)

apartheid (
I
)

Appleton, Mike (
I
)

Argentina (
I
)

Armstrong, Louis (
I
)

Asunción airport, Paraguay (
I
)

Atlantic Blues (
I
), (
II
)

Australian tours (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
)

B

Babson, Monty (
I
), (
II
)

Baez, Joan (
I
)

Barnet FC (
I
)

Barry the Perv (tour manager) (
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

‘Battle, The’ (
I
)

BBC (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
), (
V
)

BBC1 (
I
)

BBC2 (
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

Radio (
I
) (
II
), (
III
)

Beatles, The (
I
), (
II
)

Belfast,
HMS (
I
)

Beresford, Terry (
I
)

Berlin Wall (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
), (
V
)

Big Ian (
I
)

Biggs, Ronnie (
I
)

Blue Movie (film)
(
I
)

Boosey & Hawkes (
I
)

Bowie, David (
I
), (
II
)

Bradford, Lady (
I
)

Bradford, Richard Bridgeman, 7th Earl of (
I
)

Braga, Riki (
I
), (
II
)

Brazil (
I
), (
II
)

breeze-block stories (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
)

Brent Council, London (
I
)

Brentford Football Club (
I
)

Bristow cartoons (
I
)

British Airways (
I
)

Brown, Arthur (
I
), (
II
)

Bruford, Bill (
I
), (
II
)

Burdfield, Tony (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
), (
V
)

C

Camberley, Surrey (
I
)

Camberley Town Football Club (
I
)

cars

Ford Anglia (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
), (
V
), (
VI
)

Ford Consul Classic Capri (
I
)

Ford Mustang (
I
)

Rolls-Royce (
I
), (
II
)

Standard Ensign (
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

Vauxhall Victor Super Estate (
I
)

Castro, Fidel (
I
)

‘Catherine Howard’ (
I
)

‘Catherine Parr’ (
I
)

champagne, vintage (
I
), (
II
)

Champagne region, France (
I
)

Chandon, Count Frederick de (
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

Chicago (
I
)

Children in Need (
I
)

Chopin, Fryderyk François (
I
), (
II
)

Christian, Dave (
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

Civil Defence Hall, Northolt Park, Greater London (
I
), (
II
)

Clair Brothers (
I
)

Clapton, Eric (
I
), (
II
)

Clemence, Ray (
I
)

Closer to the Edge
(
I
)

Cold War (
I
), (
II
), (
III
)

Concorde Quartet (
I
)

Conn, Mervyn (
I
), (
II
), (
III
), (
IV
)