Guarded Hearts (4 page)

Mandy reaches for the passenger door, but Kylie coughs. “Excuse me, but I always ride in the front, so move along, sister.” Mandy looks at me, but I just shrug. It’s too early in the morning to argue.

“So, Olivia, remember we still need to pick a DJ for the party,” she says while looking at her phone. She has a list for everything, and it drives me crazy. I know what I need, I have my own list. Our joint fraternity is hosting their annual meet and greets for the new football players that made the university’s team. Which is why I have no idea why it is our responsibility to fucking do everything?

“I know, I had Jennifer send me a two minute video of all the contenders yesterday to my email,” I reply. “I’ll check them out this evening after dinner. Then I’ll pick the top three and we can decide on Wednesday.”

“Hey, maybe you should include DJ Nix. I know he would love the exposure and a few extra bucks,” Mandy suggests.

“Sorry, are you on the committee to issue suggestions? Besides, this is a party, not a honky tonk hillbilly dance.” Kylie smirks.

“Put those nails back, kitty. Remember that I’m from Texas, too. Just have him send a video. I’ll look at it, but remember the committee has the last say so I can’t guarantee anything,” I intervene, looking at Mandy through the rearview mirror with a smile.

“He’s not country. His sound is great. He makes the greatest mash-ups, mixing old song with new songs. I’ll let Nix know so he can record a piece for you. Thanks, Livi.”

“We also need to go shopping for cute outfits. I want something new. Most of the school will be there and I want to look fucking hot. It must be great to already have a date and not have to search for one. It’s so great you have Brett, Olivia.”

Ah yes, boring Brett, our starting quarterback, but he is such a jock. I have been seeing him on and off since last year. Kat introduced us during Homecoming last year when I became a sister. She told me we would be the perfect couple, with my bronze coloring and his golden blonde looks, saying we are a striking couple. With that statement I was in awe. I never realized what came with being a couple. What he would expect and would he accept what I was not willing to give. Yes, I am in college where everything goes, but I have goals that I want to meet before I’m tied down with emotions.

“I’m still not sure if we are a couple still, Kylie. He hasn’t called me all summer.”

Parking in my spot, I step out of my car. I hug and wish Kylie a great day and start walking towards Pacific Hall. And because I was still thinking about Brett, it doesn’t surprise me when he materializes in front of me as I make it to the door.

“
Hola
, my beautiful Latin flower,” he says with his dimply smile. He is super hot, with clear sparkling blue eyes that match his beach blonde hair and washboard abs, and yet I feel nothing for him. Sometimes I think that my mother really did suck every emotion from me during all those years. I just can’t seem to feel anything towards him. There is no spark, no warmth, nothing period. I get chills every time he touches me, but it’s not the good kind. There have been times that I have flinched at his touch, and when he would take notice it would piss him off so he would go looking for other girls. So I know he has booty calls since I am not sleeping with him which bothers the rest of the sisters. I know they are looking out for me, but I can care less. If it wasn’t for the expectation for us to be together since he is a member of our joint fraternity, I would kick him in the balls or injure his throwing hand with my heels. He drives me insane. I have to make sure my role is complete, and that is why I also don’t throw him to the curb, but I know his time by my side is coming to an end. Because as much as I want to fit in, I don’t want to be charged with murdering his dumb ass. I don’t know what his plans are yet, and I have him for my first class so I guess I’ll find out.

“Hi, baby,’’ I say cheerfully, hugging him. Even Mandy does a double take. She knows how I feel about him and gets after me every time we are alone, always telling me to dump his ass. She will argue that nobody cares if he gets hurt, which she doubts the he is capable of having any feelings, and that there are tons of other guys that I can date. She doesn’t understand that if I am going to date anyone and suffer then I will do it from the top of the food chain. For now he serves a purpose.

“So how was your summer, babe? Did you miss me like I missed you?” he asks into my neck, kissing it as we walk to class. Mandy steps over and begins to walk behind us. This shit right here is what pisses me off. I haven’t seen or heard from him in two months and he just walks up and puts his hands and lips on me like it was just yesterday that we were together, but I have played this game all last year, so I brush it off and giggle.

“Yes, of course, Brett. You know you are not easily forgotten.” I hear Mandy gag. I am so busy fighting Brett’s hand that I didn’t see a guy stop in front of me until I bumped into him. I stumble, which brings Brett out of my neck to see what happened.

“Hey, watch it, loser. What, too much weed kill your brains cells?” Brett asks as he shoves the guy out of the way. Brett thinks that just because he’s a football star everyone will take his shit. I think the guy is going to say something because I can see his jaw clench, his body go rigid, and his hand make a fist. I am waiting for him to turn around swinging, but he doesn’t, he just moves out of our way.

“Tell her you’re sorry, you stupid fucker,” Brett yells. He is starting to make a scene, and all I want is to get to class. People that are busy walking to class now seem to slow down to see if there is going to be a fight. Sometimes I feel like I’m still in high school.

“Nothing happened, baby. Come on, it was my fault. I was distracted by your kisses. You know I don’t like to be late,” I intervene again, playing at his male ego, which is the safest choice at the moment. First Mandy with Kylie and now Brett and this guy; I feel like the teacher on duty at the playground.

I start to drag Brett into the room, leading him by the arm. I turn around to see if I can catch the guy’s face, since all I saw was his back the entire time, but once again I am treated with his back. He has turned around and is now talking to Mandy and she is smiling up at him. I pause, because Mandy didn’t have friends aside from me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, but when I am befriending everyone, she does the opposite. I don’t think she knows anyone from school. We have been sharing classes since last year. He must be a customer from her job or something.

He must be talking about us, because she looks at me over his shoulder and she gives me a frown. He moves towards the row of seats behind us, towards the top. I am still not able to see him clearly.

I generally sit in the front row because I need to pay attention and have the Professors see me and hear me when I participate in class discussions, because I want them to remember me so I can later ask for a recommendation.

As the professor comes in and starts with the lecture of what he expects from us this semester and what we will need, I start to analyze the feelings that I did not want to think about in the last few minutes, because I didn’t know what to make of them. When my fingers had touched his back to keep me from falling flat on my face, I had felt all my blood rush towards my fingertips. That five second brush sent an explosion through my being; because I felt my internal axis shift. Why is he so different from the hundreds of college guys I have met in the last year? I glance over my shoulder once again to see him, and his head is bowed down over his desk and I see an earphone in his ear.

Great, another loser that doesn’t care about learning.

I
t’s the first day of my third year of college and already the day seems endless. My first class is about to start and I can already predict the lecture we are about to receive. How we are expected to make sure all our assignments are turned in on time, no late work. It’s the same thing over and over again about how this class will change your life. As I enter Pacific Hall I start thinking about Sky, his three year anniversary is coming up quick with only four more months to go. As the years have gone by, I always think that this will be the year that the guilt will lessen, that the hurt will become bearable, but no luck. His death still tears my heart apart. Losing him has been the hardest, most painful thing I have ever lived through.

I start to go into class, but I stop at the door to take a breath to clear my head. I don’t notice there are people rushing to get into class too, until I feel the hand of the person behind me brush my back to keep from stumbling into me. The hand is gone now, but I felt more in that second that I have ever felt in my whole life. My blood starts to warm up, and I clench my fist to keep all the sensations within my body. I don’t want the warmth to leave it.

“Hey, watch it, loser. What, too much weed killed your brains cells?” I hear someone say behind me. I move out of the way, because I don’t want this stupid jerk to take away the shattering experience of what is going on inside my body.

“Tell her you’re sorry, you stupid fucker,” the asshole continues. I am rendered speechless. If it would have been any other time, that jerk off would have been on the floor by now.

Then I hear a voice, one I didn’t realize I have been waiting to hear.

“Nothing happened, baby. Come on, it is my fault. I was distracted by your kisses. You know I don’t like to be late,” she says. It is the most beautiful sound I have heard in a long time. Can I turn around and face her? Can I see the person that gave me the only moment of warmth in three years? I am debating this when I feel a touch again. The feeling is wrong; I feel nothing. Did I imagine it? I turn around just as the couple passes through the door.

“Hey, Nix. I didn’t know you came to school here.” I recognize Mandy from the club I work at, where I’m the resident DJ at the moment.

“Yeah, it’s my third year. I thought you were a sophomore, so why are you in this class?” I ask as I run my hand through my hair, a sign of my unease if you knew me, but nobody knows me. Not since Sky.

“Yeah, well, it is my luck to be friends with the school’s Valedictorian back in high school. She made me take all the Pre-AP classes that got us a head start in college. Sorry about Brett, he is a jerk, but he is Livi’s boy-whatever for now, so I have to deal with him,” she says. Livi, that’s her name.
Cute
.

“Well, since you are one of the smartest girls in class then I better sit near you,” I joke. I turn and see Livi looking in her book bag, her back is to me as I walk into class and go sit in the back, my usual spot. I hate that I can’t see her face, so I will be wondering what she looks like all day. The professor starts his boring speech. I can’t wait for the day to be over.