Guardian (9 page)

The idea hurt worse than she’d expected. Glaring, he stood and stalked towards her. He grabbed her shoulders when she went to whirl away, forcing her to look up at him. “That has got to be the most insulting thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Really?” She didn’t struggle, didn’t move an inch. “I’m sure I’ll do better next time.”

The look that crossed his face was one part amusement, one part fury. “You plan to make a habit of insulting me?”

“Why not? There’s a certain satisfaction in it.”

His face lowered towards hers and she couldn’t make herself dodge him even if he hadn’t been holding her still. His lips brushed over her cheeks, her lowered eyelids. “You’ll have to stick around for that,” he whispered seconds before his mouth closed over hers.
 

And she was so screwed. She couldn’t stand to be separated from him again, but she also refused to give up the woman she’d become. He’d mentioned compromise days ago, but he was already back to his old ways, trying to get her to move inside the compound and quit her job. She could fight him, but it was exhausting. He was so…much. His personality was so overwhelming. Demanding. Would he be able to help himself? The sex was awesome, though. Couldn’t it just be about that? He broke the kiss and stared down at her.
 

“What’s wrong? I feel your pain, baby.”

“It’s nothing.” She tried to tug him back down to meet her lips. Not only did he resist, he let her go and stepped away. Frustration burned in her stomach.
 

“I know when you’re lying to me.” He took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Damn it. Of course he did. And right now she didn’t know what she wanted much less what she needed. She wrenched free from his grip. She needed to think.

“I’m going on a run. I’ll stay in the compound,” she added snidely.

He didn’t protest when she stalked out. She already had her running shoes on and stopped just long enough to pull her mp3 player out of her purse. She clipped it to her waist and stuck the buds in her ears. She didn’t count on him following, but he kept his distance so she didn’t bitch. Much. Or out loud. And then a perfect, evil thought occurred to her.
 

Grinning, cranking up the volume on her mp3 player, she headed for the longest trail inside the fences. She wondered if he’d kept running after she left. He’d always hated it. She, however, loved to run and in the last few years she’d taken up marathons. For the first few miles, he kept up easily, but it wasn’t long before she heard him struggling.
 

She slowed to a walk and veered off the path, heading towards the stream and little watering hole that was a hot make-out spot when she was a teenager. She supposed it still might be, so she hit mute on the mp3 player and paused outside the clearing, cocking her head to the side and listening. It was silent and empty, but not abandoned. In the years she’d been gone, someone had brought in a picnic table and a couple of lounge chairs. She stretched out on one, not looking at Zach when he took the other.
 

“Feel better?” he asked drily.
 

The hell of it was she didn’t.
 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” There was a hint of exasperation in his voice. She sighed.
 

“Why are you doing this, Zach? Trying so hard to get me back?”

He gave her a shrewd look. “I don’t think so. You know why I want you back, baby. I show you every night. What’s really wrong?”

“Do I know why you want me back? I’m not so sure. Sex? That’s easy. You can get that anywhere.”

“You can’t be serious. This is not about getting laid.”

“Nice bonus, though, huh?” she asked sarcastically.
 

He stood and paced. “Okay, wait. We’ll deal with that in a minute. That isn’t what upset you so much you tried to run me into the ground.”

She shrugged, but kept a cautious eye on him. “I had a moment. Sue me.”
 

“What do I have to do to get you to talk to me, damn it? You have to admit I’ve been trying.” He was angry and she was glad since it sparked her own ire.
 

“For how long, Zach? How long are you going to try? When are you going to revert to true form?”
 

She stood, ready to leave and find someplace she could be alone. He grabbed her hand before she could go. The look on his face was unbelieving and hurt. She almost softened, but she knew Elect males. Any sign of weakness and they took full advantage. She tried to tug free.
 

“Oh no, baby. You aren’t going anywhere until you talk to me.”
 

Whether she liked it or not, she did owe him an explanation of some sort, didn’t she?
 

“So talk,” she countered, feeling belligerent now. “When does the reversion to the real Zach happen?”

“You’re afraid.”
 

“No, I’m not,” she scoffed. “I’m just pissed off in advance.”
 

“You don’t think I’ve learned anything over the last three years?” He sounded…what was that? Careful? Curious? She wasn’t sure.
 

She turned around to face him. Damn, the man didn’t have a right to look so good. Didn’t have the right to make her heart race and pussy clench. “I think you can’t help it. I think you are what you are. Elect.”

His jaw clenched. “I can’t help what I am. You’ve always known that. Since we were kids, Mallory.” He stalked closer but he didn’t touch her. “It wasn’t a problem before.”

“Of course it wasn’t,” she hissed. “Because I let you take over. I was so—” She cut that off. She was just making it worse, giving him ammunition. Like he needed more. She was at the edge of the clearing when he spoke again.
 

“Your parents mated young, didn’t they? Your mom is hell on wheels, but was she always like that? She was sixteen when she met your dad and she’s human. I think she grew into it.”
 

“Unlike me.” She’d always wondered if that made her a tiny bit inferior in his mind.
 

“Our son,” he said softly, “was Elect.”

He didn’t understand how that cut.
 

“But I’m not. A daughter…”

“Don’t you dare.” He glared. She could practically see the steam from his ears. “Our child is
our
child, Elect or human. I don’t care about that.”

“So why did you leave?” she asked, and even she could hear the confusion and misery in her voice. She felt small. Weak and alone.
 

“Because I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t save you, or me, that pain. And…I didn’t know how to face you.” He paused. “I failed you and our baby. I have to live with that.”

She was stunned. “Wow. You are a dumbass, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You couldn’t have done anything, Zach. You know how this goes. Human mother. Elect father.” She shook her head. “Sometimes it comes together, like with my brothers and me, and sometimes it doesn’t. Is that really why you didn’t fight for us?”

“You’re wrong. That’s
my
failure,” he said quietly. “I failed you. Our child.”

“You think you could have stopped it?” She didn’t think so.
 

“No.” He shook his head. “Intellectually, I know nothing I could have done would make a difference. Emotionally, I know I should have been paying more attention.”

She finally realized he was still guilt-ridden. How had she not seen that before? They were a couple of idiots. “You couldn’t have done anything, Zach. Neither could I. It just…happened.”

He nodded and took a deep breath. “I know that now, but it doesn’t change the fact I wasted a hell of a lot of years trying to save you, us, from another loss.”

She couldn’t meet his gaze. She knew the risks. “That would likely happen again.”

“Would it? And that brings up another question,” he said awkwardly. If she hadn’t witnessed his show of discomfort, she’d never have believed it.
 

“What?”

“Birth control.”

She went cold. There was just no other way to describe it. She was safe, but no protection was perfect, was it? The idea of going through that kind of loss again was terrifying. She held a hand up and backed up a step.

“Don’t you even think about touching me,” she snapped. “I won’t go through that again. I won’t be…the weak link again. Human mothers don’t work out always, right?” she ended bitterly.

He was silent a long time and she refused to speak. “You’re wrong, as it turns out. I’ve been studying the DNA a long time. I think I can fix it.”

She felt like she’d taken a blow to the chest. “You think? You’d experiment with
our
child?”
 

“No! Do you really believe that crap?”

“I don’t know what to believe.” She took in a long breath that
hurt
. “I do know that the one person I counted on, the one person I thought was on my side…wasn’t.”

Her emotional pain was going to do the one thing nothing else had ever managed. Eviscerate him. He had no idea how to fix this, either. His instinct was to pull her into his arms and hold her until she believed him. But she held herself stiff with a major back off vibe.
 

Oh, fuck it. He couldn’t leave her alone and hurting.
 

She didn’t retreat when he approached and wrapped his arms around her, but it was several minutes before she began to relax and soften against him. He breathed a sigh of relief.
 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “If I could go back and change things, I would, baby.”

She kept her face pressed to his chest. He felt her tears dampening his shirt.
 

“You’re asking the impossible from me, Zach. I don’t see where we can go from here.”

“Forward. We go forward. You move back here, inside the compound, and we start again.”

She stiffened in his arms, then tried to pull away.
 

“Now what?” He couldn’t keep a tinge of exasperation from his voice.

“Things are going to be different. I’m not the timid little mouse you mated.”

“I can live with that.” He wanted to shout in elation. She wasn’t saying no.
 

She snorted. “Really? You say that now, but how long will it last?”

They’d already been down this road and he knew there was only one way she’d believe him. “Nothing I say is going to convince you. I’ve already tried that. The only thing that’s going to reassure you, baby, is to live with me and see it happen.”

She leaned back to stare up at him. Her expression was a mix of fear and hope. She didn’t really believe he could change, but she wanted to. He’d be damned if he was going to let her down again. It seemed like forever before she gave him a slight, reluctant nod.
 

“That’s a yes? You’ll give me a chance?”

“I guess I will. Don’t fuck it up.”

He laughed. “I can’t promise that, baby. We both know I will and I’m sure you’ll put me back in my place.”

“Definitely.”
 

Her lips curved in a half-smile, sexy and inviting, that made him want to strip her where she stood and do wicked things. Years ago she would have been scandalized if he suggested making love outside, especially in such a popular spot. He wondered what she’d say now. She was different. Bold. Gutsy. Only one way to find out.
 

It was full dark. The oppressively hot day had become a warm, balmy night. Perfect for skinny-dipping. He toed off his shoes and socks, then ripped his shirt over his head. Her eyes widened and she bit her bottom lip as she looked him over.
 

“What are you doing?”

He unsnapped his jeans, pushed them down with his underwear and stepped out of them. “It’s a nice night. Thought I’d enjoy the pool.” He winked and waded into the water. When it was waist-high, he turned and looked at her. “You should join me.”

“I could,” she teased, toying with the edge of her shirt. “But what’s in it for me?”

He smiled. She was playing with him. It had been years since he’d felt so good. “Come and see.” He paused, poured all the desire and love he felt into his next words. “I can make you scream, baby.”

He watched her tremble, watched her eyes darken. When she reached for the hem of her shirt, he held his breath. She was bathed in the moon’s glow, a temptress that threatened to stop his heart as she slowly undressed. Finally, she stepped into the water and moved to him. He’d meant to go slow, but he didn’t have the self-restraint. He yanked her close and crushed her lips under his.
 

She was completely with him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and impaled herself on him. He gripped her hips and held her still.
 

“Birth control,” he reminded her in a whisper.
 

“Covered. Those shots are so convenient,” she whispered, pausing to tug his lower lip between her teeth. Her inner muscles clenched around his cock. “What are you waiting for?”
 

He had to grit his teeth against giving in to her unspoken demand. He felt her need. Her desperation. She wanted to be taken hard and fast. She wanted a quick, satisfying joining. Satisfying, yes, but he refused to give her quick. Not when he still felt her pain and bewilderment and anger buried under the lust.