Guardian of Justice (4 page)

“We’re talking now.”

“You know what I mean.”

“So what is it you want to talk about?” she asked in a lighter tone.

“You were the one who came to talk about something. I’m curious to hear more about your project.”

“Oh,” she said, obviously taken aback. “Is that what you meant by you couldn’t wait a full week to see me?”

“No, that was in reference to filling out a report on what happened tonight.”

“You certainly know how to take the wind out of a girl’s sails, Officer Brooks.” Now she sounded almost angry. What had he done?

“Dallas,” he said, realizing too late that she had been flirting with him. Much as he’d like to investigate the possibility of a personal relationship, that was out of the question. He stammered over his words. “Miss Matthews…Kira…I didn’t—”

“Obviously not. I don’t know what—” She coughed. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” she stammered in turn. “Yeah, it’s been a long night.”

“Exactly.” Dallas wasn’t sure how this whole conversation had gotten so misconstrued, and why it disappointed him. “Consider yourself fortunate. The sergeant doesn’t usually let anyone leave without filling out the paperwork.”

“Not to worry,” she said in a chastising voice. “I always take care of the paperwork. I’ll get it to you. Stay safe.”

The line went silent, and he didn’t think it was accidental. Dallas paused a few minutes to consider whether or not he should phone her back. The call had ended abruptly. Then again, she knew how to reach him if she needed to. And he didn’t have one doubt that she would never need to.

He pulled his police car out to the street to finish the last couple of hours of his shift. Even the mundane traffic stops couldn’t keep his mind off Kira and the unexpected turn in their conversation. He didn’t know how she’d gotten the impression that he was flirting with her. There was no way…. None whatsoever.

Three years, five months and fifteen days ago, Dallas had turned in his badge and walked away from police work, parched as the Arizona desert. It had been pointless to stay in Phoenix after he and his fiancée had ended their relationship. Odds of a successful marriage were lethal enough in law enforcement alone, but mixed with the diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, they were abysmal. There was no way, after all that, that he’d have given Miss Matthews the impression that he was interested in her.

He and God had argued long and hard before Dallas returned to law enforcement. He had drifted from one job to another, moving from Arizona through New Mexico and finally to Colorado, before he realized he couldn’t run far or fast enough to get the desire to protect and serve out of his blood. He hadn’t chosen his career, it had chosen him. Letting go of his dreams of a marriage and family were far easier than turning away from God’s plan.

So why was it so difficult to keep Kira Matthews from invading his every thought?

SEVEN

Later that week, Kira listened to Dallas’s voice mails, then deleted them. She’d taken a few days off work, blaming the migraine that had hit in the middle of the night. She wasn’t sure if the headache was the root of her problems, or if the root of her problems caused the migraine. No matter which was the case, she’d hurt from her head to her toes.

She had tried to drive to Antelope Springs Police Department three times since the incident, and she just couldn’t do it. How could thirty miles seem as difficult as crossing the Grand Canyon?

She’d felt like an idiot, flirting with Dallas, when he had not been doing the same. She just couldn’t bring herself to face him or answer his calls. She had phoned the precinct to ask if she could fax a statement to them, but that wasn’t allowed. They felt the officer filing the report would want to ask her a few questions. Great.

She had considered asking one of her brothers for his help, but then she’d have to tell him why. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t embarrass her family by telling them she’d lost her composure on a ride-along. They were all brave police officers who would never let her live it down if they found out their little sister was such a chicken.

She knew that until the statement was out of the way, she wasn’t going to be able to put it behind her. And she desperately needed to do just that.

Her peaceful sleep was interrupted by recurring nightmares of the incident. Each scene played out in full, over and over. She couldn’t seem to stop the wheels turning, wondering what might’ve happened if she’d gone into the house alone. If Dallas hadn’t been there…

Dallas, who apparently wasn’t flirting with her.

Dallas, with the massive shoulders, compelling blue eyes and well-hidden compassion. Her face flushed at the memory of his rejection, and she brushed the thought away when the traffic light turned green. Dallas was a red light, unavoidable, but good at testing her patience. She just didn’t understand how she could have been so wrong about him.

Kira’s instincts had served her well up until now. But if she couldn’t stop doubting herself, it wouldn’t be long before her job suffered. She had to find a way to get through this, and soon. Since the incident, she’d been on call only one night. She had prayed all day for a quiet evening and was blessed with answered prayers. She only had a few more nights’ reprieve. Hopefully, that would give her enough time to get over it.

As she pulled into the parking lot of her condominium, she anxiously looked around for anyone lurking nearby. Kira turned into her garage, a feature she’d agreed to in order to keep her brothers from pestering her about security. She waited until the garage door was all the way to the ground before getting out of the car.

She’d never been so thankful for the added security of the private entry than she had been since the police car she’d been sitting in was attacked right outside someone’s home. She’d gone into situations like that at night dozens of times. She couldn’t let her head keep playing tug-of-war with her emotions like this.

By the time she unloaded her groceries and locked herself inside her condo, she was mentally exhausted. Kira dropped the mail on the table, noticing the envelope from Family Finders. That meant they hadn’t found her brother yet. She ripped it open and unfolded the latest computer generated report. It had jumped from two pages to five. She felt her heart race as she read through the new information. “Jimmie Driscoe—arrested for domestic disturbance, charges dropped; employment verification—Livingston Motors, four months, fired, failed drug test; arrested for possession of drugs, in drug rehab—” and the list went on.

She flipped to the last page to verify that they hadn’t made contact with him yet, then tossed the report into her mail basket on the table. She closed her eyes and recited one of her favorite Bible verses: “‘When you pass through deep waters I will be with you. Your troubles will not overwhelm you…. Will not overwhelm you.’” She repeated, and took a deep breath.

“God help me get some sleep tonight,” she whispered as she started the microwave to heat her dinner. “I feel like that guy is out there, waiting to seek revenge against me for shutting down his business.” She thought back to the interview with Betsy earlier this morning. It still made Kira angry. How could a mother chop and bag cocaine for sale, then turn and feed her daughter bread sliced on the same cutting board? The kids had also been with their mom on numerous occasions when she’d distributed the drugs.

Shirley had sobbed throughout the family group meeting when she realized she wouldn’t get her children back. This was her third drug arrest. And this time she was going to be in prison for a long time on trafficking charges. None of the family had proved to be suitable guardians, and Kira was forced, earlier than usual, to discuss giving the children up for adoption as Shirley’s best option. Kira wondered if the woman would ever get control over her drug problems.

She filled a glass of water and set it next to her chair by the gas fireplace. She was getting ready to grab her dinner from the microwave when a knock on the door scared her out of her skin. She gave a small yelp, right before whoever it was knocked a second time. Kira ran to her purse and grabbed her Mace, then looked through the peephole, to find her mother standing there. Kira felt relief wash through her.

“Hi,” she said as she opened the door. Suddenly, she remembered the Mace, hid it behind her and backed away from the door, hoping to find somewhere to put it before her mother saw it.

Her mom looked at Kira, seeming to know immediately that something was wrong. “Hi,” she said, with a cautious glance around the condo. “So, what’s wrong?”

Saying “nothing” would be too obvious. Kira wanted to deny the accusation, but knew it was useless. “Bad week, why?” She walked past the kitchen, sliding the Mace around her body to keep it out of sight.

Her mom followed her into the cluttered living room, where Kira sat down and stuffed the container under the chair cushion. “Yesterday was Garrett’s birthday. You didn’t show up for dinner. Tonight was the concert at church, and you were going to meet us there. Are you okay?”

Brushing the hair from her face, Kira felt a stab of guilt. “I wasn’t feeling well, but I can’t believe I forgot…” She and Garrett were only months apart in age, which had created a bit of tension when they were kids. He’d been the baby until they had adopted her, just a week before his birthday. A little sister wasn’t exactly on the top of his birthday wish list, then or now. Not only had he gotten a sister, she’d bumped him out of his baby of the family role. It took earning her master’s degree to figure out why his reaction to that really wasn’t anything he could have controlled. “Is Garrett upset with me?”

Her mother hesitated, obviously caught off guard by Kira’s direct question. “Well, he didn’t say so….”

Kira finished the sentence. “But he thinks it was intentional. It wasn’t. I had a bad experience the other night on a call, and I’m not dealing with it very well.” She hoped that was enough to keep her mom from asking any questions. “I’ll call him and explain.”

The concern on her mother’s face deepened. “What happened? Why didn’t you phone and tell us?”

Kira hesitated. She didn’t need to worry her parents, and if her dad heard about what had happened, he’d become her constant bodyguard. That wouldn’t help. She should have been prepared, and that bothered her. “I responded to a call, and the boyfriend showed up and got upset.”

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” her mom said as she pushed the ottoman closer.

Kira shook her head.

“I wish you’d have chosen any profession but social work. It’s so dangerous for you to go into homes alone….” her mom said as she sat down.

Kira felt the temptation to let herself relax and tell her mom everything. “I wasn’t alone,” she said, unable to go on. She was about to cry. But she didn’t want her family to know how foolish she’d been. “The police were there, too. I’m fine. A little wobbly, but I’m going to be okay. I’m just tired.”

Kira had spent a lot of time lately thinking about the struggles she’d gone through when Ted and Grace Matthews adopted her. She hadn’t wanted their comfort. Hadn’t trusted them. It had taken months for her to believe this family was hers for good. She didn’t want three bossy big brothers. She wanted her own little brother. And in those days, the Matthews trio sure didn’t act like they wanted a little sister. She’d even thought it was their fault that her brother, Jimmie, had been taken away from her. For years she’d blamed them. In her five-year-old mind, they didn’t want a sister, but they didn’t needanother brother. They already had three boys; why would they want a fourth?

“Why didn’t you call us? That’s what family is for, Kira.” Mom brushed the unruly curls from Kira’s face.

She simply shrugged, not trusting herself to speak. Why, after all these years, was she still afraid of doing something wrong and being sent away? It was ridiculous. She wasn’t a five-year-old anymore.

She glanced over to the letter from Family Finders. It had been years since she’d first told her mother that she wanted to find Jimmie. Though Grace claimed to understand, she couldn’t hide her disappointment. Kira tried to reassure her mother that it had nothing to do with her love for her family. She had always felt guilty that she had let Jimmie down.

Kira pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, her mind drifting back to Betsy and Cody and what they were likely feeling tonight.

Her mom watched silently, then perked up. “It’s been a long time since you’ve slept over at home. Maybe this would be a good time. Let us pamper you for a few days. Catch up on your sleep, enjoy that new jetted tub your dad put in for me. It just melts those aches away,” she cooed, as if the tub were filled with chocolate.

A chuckle escaped, and Kira felt the idea taking hold. After a few days of sleep, I’ll be back to myself,she thought. Her mom always seemed to know when Kira needed a safety net to fall into. She didn’t want to slink back home, but it felt like this might be just what she needed. Even though her parents lived less than five miles away, there was nothing quite as comforting as being home.

Kira nodded. “Maybe it would.” It would be a lot more challenging to keep the truth quiet there, but she wasn’t sleeping at all here. Every noise startled her awake. Knowing that her dad would be there to ward off Mickey, should he appear, would be a huge comfort. If that didn’t allow her to rest, nothing would.

“Why don’t we pack a bag now?” Mom glanced around the apartment, forcing Kira to realize it was getting more and more difficult to think of anything but the incident. Her laundry was tossed over the furniture, dishes were piled in the sink and even the groceries she’d just bought were on the counters instead of in the cupboard. She’d been a neat freak all her life, keeping all of her belongings in one place, just in case…. It wasn’t any surprise that her mom was concerned.

“You can stay as long as you want,” Mom told her.

“Maybe a day or two?” Kira’s mind wandered to the hot tub, the pillow-top bed, and her daddy to protect her. “If you’re sure it’s okay…”

Mom let out a gasp of exasperation. “Kira Danae! You’re always welcome. You don’t need an invitation.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll go.” Her birth mom couldn’t have understood her any better than her adopted mother, Kira silently admitted. “I’ll go pack a bag.” She grabbed her mail basket and rushed up the stairs before her mom noticed anything.

Kira knew her doubts were foolish, but she couldn’t seem to control any of her emotions this week. Though she hadn’t gone to the office, she’d talked to Cody and Betsy’s foster mom twice since they’d moved in. It wasn’t going well at all. Tomorrow she needed to meet with them again.

Mom had always said that she and Kira were more alike than blood could provide. God had blessed Kira so much when he’d delivered her, six years late maybe, to the Matthewses’ home. And despite the sometimes strained feelings with her brothers through the years, she knew they loved her as much as they could have any sister.

But sometimes she needed to remind herself that sibling struggles had nothing to do with her being adopted and not being wanted. The adoption had no more to do with their relationship than their different race or skin color. They were as close and irritating as blood relatives, so why was it still instinctive to worry that if she made them mad, they’d send her away?

“Thanks, God. You always seem to know when I need my family most.”